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http://youtu.be/r8x5es9Y8tk Has anyone here ever been to jail (or prison)? If so, please share with the rest of the goons and thrill us with tales of white hot caged heat. I have been to neither, save for a night I spent in a South Carolina small town jail back in my early twenties because I got pulled over for having a one month lapsed expired tag on my car and WHOOPS the fat gently caress redneck cop found a roach in my ashtray. So I got to spend a night in a tiny concrete room all by myself for 8 hours while they tried to figure something out to charge me with. I was free to go after that.  The room smelled like old puke and cold piss, but really, it could have been worse.My dad, on the other hand, spent 7 years in prison: 4 in maximum security, then the remainder in medium and minimum through most of the seventies convicted of trafficking heroin and telephone conspiracy. At the age of 76, he has still kept pretty tight lipped about his experiences in prison but he has on occasion told some to me and my brothers. As a short, squat, quick tempered italian dude, he immediately fell in with his fellow wops on day one, knowing a few personally. One thing ill never forget was when I overheard him telling a friend that once, while in the cafeteria for dinner, a tall skinny black tranny walked up to his table and approached my dad, hitting on him and making lewd comments, basically what dad called "This mooly was trying to bitch me out in front of the crew...". So back in the early seventies, prison canteens still used metal utensils to eat with. Dad looked at the guys he was sitting with, looked at the black queen, and when the guy drew in closer, he took his fork and jammed it into the queens forehead. The poor guy started running around the cafeteria, screaming bloody murder, the fork bobbing up and down on his head like a unicorn horn.
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Feb 23, 2015 00:40
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 08:00 |
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why do people put roaches in their ashtray anyway? throw that poo poo out the window
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Feb 23, 2015 00:45
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http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3676982 this guy went to jail??
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Feb 23, 2015 00:45
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i was in jail for a month. it was really boring and i read this really bad book about an american ninja who has sex. my celly had a cheap radio thing and would play that paper planes song all the time to the point that hearing it today still pisses me off. also i worked up to 90 pushups in a row and the laundry lost my socks. the end
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Feb 23, 2015 00:48
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Whoa that ninja book sounds awesome
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Feb 23, 2015 00:50
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i spent a night in the drunk tank there was a concrete floor, a bench around the walls, and one steel toilet/water fountain/sink combo next to the door. there was a payphone on the wall, alongside a list of bailbondsmen, all of whose business names started with the letter A like "AAA bail bonds" because by law the bail bondsmen are listed alphabetically and people only ever call the ones at the top of the list. the law says they have to keep you for 8 hours or until someone whocan pass a breathalyzer comes to pick you up, and i wasnt about to call my parents and all my friends were drunk so I picked a nice spit on the 68 degree concrete floor (which was almost entirely covered by sleeping drunks) and went to sleep. I was really smashed so I slept pretty well, all things considered, and when I woke up I was the only one left other than a really shifty looking young urban male who didnt seem drunk and didnt want to talk i should only have been there for 8 hours but they were slow because the beltway snipers were there somewhere in the same jail for trial at the time so they had to feed me breakfast, by law. they delivered to me a carton of neon yellow vaguely citrus flavored juice substitute, which was ok under the circumstances, and a "sandwich" in a styrofoam box. I recall reading somewhere that my state prides itself on feeding jail inmates exactly the minimum number of calories allowed under the law for less than $1 a day, and the weird balogna sandwich thing they gave me smelled so vile that it precipitated my hangover heaving into yonder steel toilet. without hte sandwich i could have held it together. i did not eat it thats my jail story. i was there for about 12 hours said and done e: oh, and they took my belt, so I couldn't hang myself poverty goat fucked around with this message at 00:53 on Feb 23, 2015 |
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Feb 23, 2015 00:50
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I have a friend who did 2 years for a federal offense. He took up playing dungeon and dragons and did that the whole time really the best place for D&D imo
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Feb 23, 2015 00:52
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open container posted:why do people put roaches in their ashtray anyway? throw that poo poo out the window I was high as gently caress and didnt think I would get pulled over.
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Feb 23, 2015 00:52
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wanna hear more about that ninja book
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Feb 23, 2015 00:53
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i feel like if i went "inside" (that's what they call it) for any length of time i would just forsake my life outside and become the most bad rear end cold blooded hardcore inmate possible, stab some guy in the eye on day one and be tough as nails
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Feb 23, 2015 00:55
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Sintax posted:I have a friend who did 2 years for a federal offense. He took up playing dungeon and dragons and did that the whole time the former prisoners in the ask/tell threads have told that it's pedophiles that play d&d in the prison i'm not joking
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Feb 23, 2015 00:55
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Hogge Wild posted:the former prisoners in the ask/tell threads have told that it's pedophiles that play d&d in the prison its not like you have to worry about getting raped hanging out with the pedophiles at least
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Feb 23, 2015 00:56
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you irl posted:i feel like if i went "inside" (that's what they call it) for any length of time i would just forsake my life outside and become the most bad rear end cold blooded hardcore inmate possible, stab some guy in the eye on day one and be tough as nails I suspect you are right about the rear end getting stabbed on day one part stabbed with another mans penis iykwim
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Feb 23, 2015 00:57
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I did 5 months and 2 days for posession with intent to distribute. That was bullshit because I was going to smoke all of that poo poo by myself, but lol for mandatory minimums am i rite?!!? poo poo sucked but was OK. I did not get raped or have to suck anyone off or anything like that, but the whole experience was basically gradeschool bullying turned up to 11. It was loving terrifying for me and I cannot imagine doing years of it. I'd probably have hung myself if I was in for 5+ years. edit: it basically becomes all about social manipulation and making friends and etc... I loving hate interacting with these kinds of people, but the choice was be friendly or get beat (possibly raped, though that was not common). Mostly, you just get pushed around and got your poo poo taken. Prison is basically high school, but everyone is loving dumb and bigger than you. Un-l337-Pork fucked around with this message at 01:00 on Feb 23, 2015 |
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Feb 23, 2015 00:57
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the ninja book was about this american guy who was raised in japan, and trains with a japanese dude, and when he goes back to america he has sex with some chick he met on the beach? the japanese guy ends up being the villian. It was really long and i dont remember much about it except there were lots of graphic sex scenes and cliche japanese imagry
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Feb 23, 2015 01:00
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3 days in jail bc getting arrested on a friday is unfortunate dude across the hall from me kept making GBS threads in his hand and smearing it everywhere and throwing it cops made fun of me for this ah well
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Feb 23, 2015 01:01
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Hogge Wild posted:the former prisoners in the ask/tell threads have told that it's pedophiles that play d&d in the prison My buddy lucked out anyway because he is huge and I met one of the guys he played with an he looks pretty much like a marine and tbh I dont think they had that stigma
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Feb 23, 2015 01:02
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they were watching yugioh on the cellblock tv. i probably will die remembering and laughing about that.
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Feb 23, 2015 01:08
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prison is a good opportunity to hang out around the weight pile and get ripped
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Feb 23, 2015 01:20
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e: i mean raped
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Feb 23, 2015 01:21
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