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*walk into creepy white rectangular room with high ceilings, queue up with other lunch patrons next to rack of expensive chocolate bars and south african junk food* employee one: What can we get you today? me: serrano and manchego. employee one:...fine, manchego. fine. *to next employee* man-chee-go. *he slices a baguette down the bias and smears fig chutney on one side* ok. next. *walk to next man* employee two: what are you having? me: I... employee one: *to employee two* man-chee-go employee two: *to me* Manchego? me: yes employee two: oh. me: and serrano. ham. employee two: I see. *ham, cheese & fennel are arranged on the sliced bread. the man sends my food away & will no longer make eye contact with me. I continue down the line.* employee three: *looks like early 90s Thurston Moore, will not make eye contact with me.* here or to go? me: to go. employee three: *shrugs* nuts, fruit or chips? me: nuts? employee three: *shrugs, places small container of almonds in bag, adds sandwich to bag, hands bag to me, shrugs* *move down to cashier. she eyes me accusingly* employee four: what did we get you today? me: manchengo &... uh, I mean manchego and, uh, parma? employee four: *she smiles balefully. I have lost a battle I did not know I was fighting. the battle of knowing ham.* manchego and serrano. me: yes... and can I get a tea? employee four: *a look of disgust spreads over her face* well, what do you want; sweet tea, honest tea, what? me: honest tea? employee four: fine. $13.65, thank you. *she puts her hand out. hand her my card; she swipes it hands it back without presenting a receipt, then walks away without saying another word* *I wander over to the drinks and stand there for 20 seconds, suspicious that this may be a some manner of trap. when I am sure that a black man who dresses ironically like Urkel but also has a full head of untreated, natural hair isn't going to sneak up behind me and ask what I think I'm doing like he just caught me trying to finger a sleeping lady, I pick my drink and leave* It kind of felt like going to an ed debevics for people that want to know what it's like to order food from a very unhappy art collective.
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Feb 23, 2015 21:54
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 04:49 |
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a truely horrifying read
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Feb 23, 2015 21:55
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human interaction wouldnt be so terrifying if you werent autistic sorry about your parents believing the big pharma hype about vaccines
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Feb 23, 2015 21:56
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I hope it was at least tasty
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Feb 23, 2015 21:57
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OP it's probably best if you don't go back there.
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Feb 23, 2015 21:57
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the part where they all hopped on the counter and mimed listlessly playing instruments to a Stars of the Lid song was pretty good though.
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Feb 23, 2015 21:58
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that part where the lady said "honest tea" gave me chills... make u think about what could happen if that happened to you
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Feb 23, 2015 21:58
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sometimes when I belch I have flashbacks about it and throw my wallet at the guy in the cubicle across from me.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:00
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Fart.Bleed.Repeat. posted:I hope it was at least tasty couldn't say. everything tasted like tears because I was crying while I ate it in the stairwell.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:02
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i laughed i cried i didnt actually read the op
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Feb 23, 2015 22:02
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Eat a good sandwich at Xoco instead problem solved
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Feb 23, 2015 22:03
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u should have called the police tbh
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Feb 23, 2015 22:04
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next time get a burg
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Feb 23, 2015 22:06
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try eating at subway and stop ordering twee hipster sandwiches you pretentious gently caress
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Feb 23, 2015 22:07
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this incident has taught me my lesson about trying new things and I will now go back to subsisting on a steady diet of dinty moore beef stew, tuna out of the can, and big gulp cups half full of dr. pepper and half full of rum.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:08
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What the gently caress is manchino
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Feb 23, 2015 22:10
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Why can't you write like a normal loving person? What's so difficult about that?
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Feb 23, 2015 22:10
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mysterious frankie posted:this incident has taught me my lesson about trying new things and I will now go back to subsisting on a steady diet of dinty moore beef stew, tuna out of the can, and big gulp cups half full of dr. pepper and half full of rum.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:10
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Smugworth posted:try eating at subway and stop ordering twee hipster sandwiches you pretentious gently caress last time I tried to order from a subway none of the staff knew what vaporwave is and an elderly mexican employee threw tomato slices at me until I left after I tried to explain it to them.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:12
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What is this story's Origin country?
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Feb 23, 2015 22:12
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mysterious frankie posted:last time I tried to order from a subway none of the staff knew what vaporwave is and an elderly mexican employee threw tomato slices at me until I left after I tried to explain it to them.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:13
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timp posted:What is this story's Origin country? god's own united states, although I bet it's happening all over the world and no one can stop it. Hobohemian posted:Why can't you write like a normal loving person? What's so difficult about that? I think maybe you should show some gratitude and accept the panoply of expressive modes laid out for you, man.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:19
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im creeped out by rectangular rooms too, OP
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Feb 23, 2015 22:20
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What in the gently caress does any of that poo poo mean?
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Feb 23, 2015 22:23
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Someone smugly corrected me once on pronouncing some kind of cheese at Wegman's once but I was hopped up on caffeine and meds and pre workout so I looked him in the eyes and said "WHOFUCKINGCARES GIVEMETHEFUCKINGCHEESE." and he quickly put it in the bag all pissy and I left. Maybe you should change your approach.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:23
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Sounds like an autistic subway
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Feb 23, 2015 22:24
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JebanyPedal posted:Someone smugly corrected me once on pronouncing some kind of cheese at Wegman's once but I was hopped up on caffeine and meds and pre workout so I looked him in the eyes and said "WHOFUCKINGCARES GIVEMETHEFUCKINGCHEESE." and he quickly put it in the bag all pissy and I left.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:26
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is this the sequel to clockwork orange?
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Feb 23, 2015 22:26
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*purses lips, lowers eyebrows* "you mean rock fart" "No."
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Feb 23, 2015 22:27
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do they serve all the sandwiches on pretzel buns or what the gently caress is a bretzel
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Feb 23, 2015 22:27
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Fishy Joe posted:What in the gently caress does any of that poo poo mean? I started to google some of the words and then realized i didn't give a gently caress cause it sounds gay as poo poo
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Feb 23, 2015 22:27
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BigBoss posted:I started to google some of the words and then realized i didn't give a gently caress cause it sounds gay as poo poo
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Feb 23, 2015 22:28
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Fishy Joe posted:What in the gently caress does any of that poo poo mean?
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Feb 23, 2015 22:28
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op, why did you pay 13.25 for a ham and cheese sandwich? you got robbed and made fun of during the theft.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:29
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Fart.Bleed.Repeat. posted:do they serve all the sandwiches on pretzel buns or what the gently caress is a bretzel pretzel baguettes, traditional baguettes or a wecken, which is a roll that doesn't like itself very much but also thinks it might still be better than you.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:30
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a hole-y ghost posted:Hes trying to order a ham and cheese sandwich from hipster central and the employees manage to make Spanish into pretentious white people words. it sounds joyless. that is very sad.
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Feb 23, 2015 22:30
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How much of a tool does one have to be where the drat counter boy starts doggin' you unprovoked?
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Feb 23, 2015 22:31
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one time i took a poop;
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Feb 23, 2015 22:33
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what is south african junk food like? is it just like Runts but all the candies are black?
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Feb 23, 2015 22:33
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 04:49 |
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Hobohemian posted:How much of a tool does one have to be where the drat counter boy starts doggin' you unprovoked?
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Feb 23, 2015 22:33
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