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from having xray powers during puberty that would let a supervillain have a clear psychological advantage over him? that would make a good comic/movie "oh baby, I have a thing for older ladies with undiagnosed tumors" "the way your trochanter is angled is just the tits"
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 20:38 |
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# ? Mar 19, 2024 12:43 |
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He would apple pie lava vents.
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 20:40 |
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He'd probably become a masochist. Which would mean a lot of work for the poor hookers.
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 20:42 |
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Hobo By Design posted:from having xray powers during puberty that would let a supervillain have a clear psychological advantage over him? that would make a good comic/movie I'm pretty sure he's already into human women, which is basically bestiality when you're Kryptonian
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 20:46 |
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superman's fetish is literally destroying that pussy
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 20:48 |
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i think being an insanely powerful mangod with no external limiting factors other than his own self-justification would, over time, turn him into a horrifyingly depraved sexual predator
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 20:52 |
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he wants loving the balloons, masturbate the balloons, etc
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 20:53 |
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He would human centipede hundreds and hundreds of women together, then gently caress the end one and watch to see how many explode by his sonic speed cum.
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 20:56 |
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i wanna gently caress superman
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 20:56 |
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i wan thim to poop in my rear end
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 20:57 |
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He can't cum without listening to Kristen bell say "winter boots"
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 20:58 |
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pegged with kryptonite dildo
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 21:00 |
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He fits the profile for a guy who's into extreme CBT.
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 21:00 |
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Do It Once Right posted:He fits the profile for a guy who's into extreme CBT. Extreme cognitive behavioral therapy
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 23:38 |
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well i guess that's one way of looking at it
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 23:49 |
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kryptonite ball clamps
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 23:51 |
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Do It Once Right posted:He fits the profile for a guy who's into extreme CBT. what's the profile for a guy who's into extreme cbt
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 23:52 |
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Alan Moore wrote a script about Shazam being into midget bondage because he could only get off if he was in human form but his human form was a kid or something? I dunno, the whole thing was really hosed.
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 23:53 |
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he is an alien that fucks humans. The human race is his fetish
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 23:53 |
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he probably just likes vanilla sex because he's such a boring vanilla superhero
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 23:55 |
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p sure he would be into kryptonian dudes
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# ? Feb 26, 2015 23:55 |
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Things of the form (*text*) are footnotes in the original text. He's faster than a speeding bullet. He's more powerful than a locomotive. He's able to leap tall buildings at a single bound. Why can't he get a girl? At the ripe old age of thirty-one (*Superman first appeared in Action Comics, June 1938*), Kal-El (alias Superman, alias Clark Kent) is still unmarried. Almost certainly he is still a virgin. This is a serious matter. The species itself is in danger! An unwed Superman is a mobile Superman. Thus it has been alleged that those who chronicle the Man of Steel's adventures are responsible for his condition. But the cartoonists are not to blame. Nor is Superman handicapped by psychological problems. Granted that the poor oaf is not entirely sane. How could he be? He is an orphan, a refugee, and an alien. His homeland no longer exists in any form, save for gigatons upon gigatons of dangerous, prettily colored rocks. As a child and young adult, Kal-El must have been hard put to find an adequate father-figure. What human could control his antisocial behavior? What human would dare try to punish him? His actual, highly social behavior during this period indicates an inhuman self-restraint. What wonder if Superman drifted gradually into schizophrenia? Torn between his human and kryptonian identities, he chose to be both, keeping his split personalities rigidly separate. A psychotic desperation is evident in his defense of his "secret identity." But Superman's sex problems are strictly physiological, and quite real. The purpose of this article is to point out some medical drawbacks to being a kryptonian among human beings, and to suggest possible solutions. The kryptonian humanoid must not be allowed to go the way of the pterodactyl and the passenger pigeon. I What turns on a kryptonian? Superman is an alien, an extraterrestrial. His humanoid frame is doubtless the result of parallel evolution, as the marsupials of Australia resemble their mammalian counterparts. A specific niche in the ecology calls for a certain shape, a certain size, certain capabilities, certain eating habits. Be not deceived by appearances. Superman is no relative to homo sapiens. What arouses Kal-El's mating urge? Did kryptonian women carry some subtle mating cue at appropriate times of the year? Whatever it is, Lois Lane probably didn't have it. We may speculate that she smells wrong, less like a kryptonian woman than like a terrestrial monkey. A mating between Superman and Lois Lane would feel like sodomy-and would be, of course, by church and common law. II Assume a mating between Superman and a human woman designated LL for convenience. Either Superman has gone completely schizo and believes himself to be Clark Kent; or he knows what he's doing, but no longer gives a drat. Thirty-one years is a long time. For Superman it has been even longer. He has X-ray vision; he knows just what he's missing. (*One should not think of Superman as a Peeping Tom. A biological ability must be used. As a child Superman may never have known that things had surfaces, until he learned to suppress his X-ray vision. If millions of people tend shamelessly to wear clothing with no lead in the weave, that is hardly Superman's fault.*) The problem is this. Electroencephalograms taken of men and women during sexual intercourse show that orgasm resembles "a kind of pleasurable epileptic attack." One loses control over one's muscles. Superman has been known to leave his fingerprints in steel and in hardened concrete, accidentally. What would he do to the woman in his arms during what amounts to an epileptic fit? III Consider the driving urge between a man and a woman, the monomaniacal urge to achieve greater and greater penetration. Remember also that we are dealing with kryptonian muscles. Superman would literally crush LL's body in his arms, while simultaneously ripping her open from crotch to sternum, gutting her like a trout. IV Lastly, he'd blow off the top of her head. Ejaculation of semen is entirely involuntary in the human male, and in all other forms of terrestrial life. It would be unreasonable to assume otherwise for a kryptonian. But with kryptonian muscles behind it, Kal-El's semen would emerge with the muzzle velocity of a machine gun bullet. (*One can imagine that the Kent home in Smallville was riddled with holes during Superboy's puberty. And why did Lana Lang never notice that?*) In view of the foregoing, normal sex is impossible between LL and Superman. Artificial insemination may give us better results. V First we must collect the semen. The globules will emerge at transsonic speeds. Superman must first ejaculate, then fly frantically after the stuff to catch it in a test tube. We assume that he is on the Moon, both for privacy and to prevent the semen from exploding into vapor on hitting the air at such speeds. He can catch the semen, of course, before it evaporates in vacuum. He's faster than a speeding bullet. But can he keep it? All known forms of kryptonian life have superpowers. The same must hold true of living kryptonian sperm. We may reasonably assume that kryptonian sperm are vulnerable only to starvation and to green kryptonite; that they can travel with equal ease through water, air, vacuum, glass, brick, boiling steel, solid steel, liquid helium, or the core of a star; and that they are capable of translight velocities. What kind of a test tube will hold such beasties? Kryptonian sperm and their unusual powers will give us further trouble. For the moment we will assume (because we must) that they tend to stay in the seminal fluid, which tends to stay in a simple glass tube. Thus Superman and LL can perform artificial insemination. At least there will be another generation of kryptonians. Or will there? VI A ripened but unfertilized egg leaves LL's ovary, begins its voyage down her Fallopian tube. Some time later, tens of millions of sperm, released from a test tube, begin their own voyage up LL's Fallopian tube. The magic moment approaches... Can human breed with kryptonian? Do we even use the same genetic code? On the face of it, LL could more easily breed with an ear of corn than with Kal-El. But coincidence does happen. If the genes match... One sperm arrives before the others. It penetrates the egg, forms a lump on it's surface, the cell wall now thickens to prevent other sperm From entering. Within the now-fertilized egg, changes take place... And ten million kryptonian sperm arrive slightly late. Were they human sperm, they would be out of luck. But these tiny blind things are more powerful than a locomotive. A thickened cell wall won't stop them. They will *all* enter the egg, obliterating it entirely in an orgy of microscopic gang rape. So much for artificial insemination. But LL's problems are just beginning. VII Within her body there are still tens of millions of frustrated kryptonian sperm. The single egg is now too diffuse to be a target. The sperm scatter. They scatter without regard to what is in their path. They leave curved channels, microscopically small. Presently all will have found their way to the open air. That leaves LL with several million microscopic perforations all leading deep into her abdomen. Most of the channels will intersect one or more loops of intestine. Peritonitis is inevitable. LL becomes desperately ill. Meanwhile, tens of millions of sperm swarm in the air over Metropolis. VIII This is more serious than it looks. Consider: these sperm are virtually indestructible. Within days or weeks they will die for lack of nourishment. Meanwhile they cannot be affected by heat, cold, vacuum, toxins, or anything short of green kryptonite. (*And other forms of kryptonite. For instance, there are chunks of red kryptonite that make giants of kryptonians. Imagine ten million earthworm size spermatozoa swarming over a Metropolis beach, diving to fertilize the beach balls... but I digress.*) There they are, minuscule but dangerous; for each has supernormal powers. Metropolis is shaken by tiny sonic booms. Wormholes, charred by meteoric heat, sprout magically in all kinds of things: plate glass, masonry, antique ceramics, electric mixers, wood, household pets, and citizens. Some of the sperm will crack lightspeed. The Metropolis night comes alive with a network of narrow, eerie blue lines of Cherenkov radiation. And women whom Superman has never met find themselves in a delicate condition. Consider: LL won't get pregnant because there were too many of the blind mindless beasts. But whenever one sperm approaches an unfertilized human egg in its panic flight, it will attack. How close is close enough? A few centimeters? Are sperm attracted by chemical cues? It seems likely. Metropolis had a population of millions; and kryptonian sperm could travel a long and crooked path, billions of miles, before it gives up and dies. Several thousand blessed events seem not unlikely. (*If the pubescent Superboy plays with himself, we have the same problem over Smallville.*) Several thousand lawsuits would follow. Not that Superman can't afford to pay. There's a trick where you squeeze a lump of coal into its allotropic diamond form... IX The above analysis gives us part of the answer. In our experiment in artificial insemination, we must use a single sperm. This presents no difficulty. Superman may use his microscopic vision and a pair of tiny tweezers to pluck a sperm from the swarm. X In its eagerness the single sperm may crash through LL's abdomen at transsonic speeds, wreaking havoc. Is there any way to slow it down? There is. We can expose it to gold kryptonite. Gold kryptonite, we remember, robs a kryptonian of all of his supernormal powers, permanently. Were we to expose Superman himself to gold kryptonite, we would solve all his sex problems, but he would be Clark Kent forever. We may regard this solution as somewhat drastic. But we can expose the test tube of seminal fluid to gold kryptonite, then use standard techniques for artificial insemination. By any of these methods we can get LL pregnant, without killing her. Are we out of the woods yet? XI Though exposed to gold kryptonite, the sperm still carries kryptonian genes. If these are recessive, then LL carries a developing human foetus. There will be no more Supermen; but at least we need not worry about the mother's health. But if some or all of the kryptonian genes are dominant... Can the infant use his X-ray vision before birth? After all, with such a power he can probably see through his own closed eyelids. That would leave LL sterile. If the kid starts using heat vision, things get even worse. But when he starts to kick, it's all over. He will kick his way out into open air, killing himself and his mother. XII Is there a solution? There are several. Each has drawbacks. We can make LL wear a kryptonite (*For our purposes, all forms of kryptonite are available in unlimited quantities. It has been estimated, from the startling tonnage of kryptonite fallen to Earth since the explosion of Krypton, that the planet must have outweighed our entire solar system. Doubtless the "planet" Krypton was a cooling black dwarf star, one of a binary pair, the other member being a red giant.*) belt around her waist. But too little kryptonite may allow the child to damage her, while too much may damage or kill the child. Intermediate amounts may do both! And there is no safe way to experiment. A better solution is to find a host-mother. We have not yet considered the existence of a Supergirl. (*She can't mate with Superman because she's his first cousin. And only a cad would suggest differently.*) She could carry the child without harm. But Supergirl has a secret identity, and her secret identity is no more married than Supergirl herself. If she turned up pregnant, she would probably be thrown out of school. A better solution may be to implant the growing foetus in Superman himself. There are places in a man's abdomen where a foetus could draw adequate nourishment, growing as a parasite, and where it would not cause undue harm to surrounding organs. Presumably Clark Kent can take a leave of absence more easily than Supergirl's schoolgirl alter ego. When the time comes, the child would be removed by Caesarian section. It would have to be removed early, but there would be no problem with incubators as long as it was fed. I leave the problem of cutting through Superman's invulnerable skin as an exercise for the alert reader. The mind boggles at the image of a pregnant Superman cruising the skies of Metropolis. Batman would refuse to be seen with him; strange new jokes would circulate the prisons...and the race of Krypton would be safe at last.
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 00:03 |
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Nckdictator posted:Things of the form (*text*) are footnotes in the original text. same
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 00:19 |
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people always ask that would you have sex with your clone question, but they never ask would you have sex with your bizarro
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 00:22 |
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yeah op a fetish called mass worldwide human extinction
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 00:28 |
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loving on the event horizon
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 00:28 |
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Remember in Conan the Barbarian where they had a bunch of stupid sluts in the snake tower and they had orgies and hot bitches just walking around with they titties out? I'd probably start a cult and do that. Sometimes I'd feed a bitch to the giant snake if she had a smelly pussy or something. Basically what every Elderscrolls game boils down to every loving time.
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 00:29 |
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loving pulsars is the only thing that gets me hot.
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 00:31 |
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Isn't this the plot of Irredeemable?
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 00:48 |
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mr.capps posted:people always ask that would you have sex with your clone question, but they never ask would you have sex with your bizarro Well I ain't picky but he has high standards so no
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 00:49 |
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Pulsars just on the edge of black holes...
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 00:51 |
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 01:19 |
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Zombies' Downfall posted:what's the profile for a guy who's into extreme cbt Issues with abandonment, especially by mother or both parents. Ordinary 9 to 5 white collar job, pays well but is boring or unfulfilling. Fixates on a coworker sexually, but is too meek to make a move on her. It's a shame, because there aren't many dommes out there who have the training and prior experience to crush your balls with heavy construction equipment.
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 01:58 |
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if u watched the latest movie you know superman gets horny making out on the rubble of a city he just destroyed
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 01:58 |
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Zzulu posted:he is an alien that fucks humans. The human race is his fetish yeah this he fucks a whole different species. he's basically a dogfucker who dresses the dogs up first in people clothes.
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 02:02 |
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Superman probably doesn't have any fetishes. Clark Kent on the other hand is a total beta male and probably gets off to seeing hordes of black guys running trains on Lois Lane while she calls him a limp dicked human being.
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 02:18 |
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A Winner is Jew posted:Superman probably doesn't have any fetishes. Should I spoil this guy? Mods?
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 02:25 |
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mr.capps posted:people always ask that would you have sex with your clone question, but they never ask would you have sex with your bizarro
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 02:39 |
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large object insertion
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 02:43 |
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# ? Mar 19, 2024 12:43 |
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would superman superman a ho
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# ? Feb 27, 2015 02:43 |