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Inevitable
Jul 27, 2007

by Ralp
Hey there guys, do you want great sex? well the secret is that it all comes down to that all important first kiss. You see, women consider a first kiss to be a preview of the quality of sex that they'll get from a guy further on down the road, so if you bungle that, you're going to find yourself locked out of the bone zone. But if you 'nail it'? Well, it won't be the only thing getting nailed. if you know what I mean.

So you definitely want to make a great first impression, but don't worry, just follow these steps and you'll be in in like Flynn in no time at all.

- Start slow and gentle on the lips, push them apart with your own lips and if she's receptive, consider it the go-ahead

- Firm up your tongue as much as possible. The tongue is clearly the analogue to the penis in this scenario, so "flacid" aint going to cut it. Rigid and straight is the way to go.

- Take that rigid tongue of yours and insert it with real manly power. She may pull back from surprise, but it's important that you not let her go.

- Insert and retract the tongue with rhythm, holding her head close to yours. It's possible that the pleasure she's experiencing might result in some audible noises or involuntary movement. Again, this is a good sign. Keep it up!

- As you thrust with your tongue, use the thumb of your free hand to stimulate her nose, aka the face clitoris. Start out gentle, but if she begins to thrash around or anything, it's a sign that you're doing great! Proceed to a firm, circular motion. Don't forget to keep thrusting!

- You have to be careful because if you bring her to full kiss-orgasm there's a good chance that she'll bite you (again, involuntary muscle contractions). So don't go too long before disengaging. She'll likely be a bit unsteady from the incredible preview of sex you just gave her. Subconsciously, she'll expect you to have reached climax yourself, so go ahead and take out a handkerchief and hock a serious loogie into it. This will let her know that although you're concerned with her pleasure, you are not sacrificing your own.

- Again, you just metaphorically hosed her brains out, so she might seem a little confused and start yelling or babbling about the police. This is the time to make your exit (leave her wanting more!) Look her in the eyes and say "Just a preview of what's to come, baby" wink and then leave. I guarantee you that she'll be contacting you within the next 24 hours.

- Final step: Enjoy all the grade-A pussy, my friends.

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gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
dont neglect to wriggle your anus folds you do not want them to remember their first kiss with you when you handed them a dead starfish

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Reporting for shovel mission Sir.
Ask yourself: What are your hands doing?

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Inevitable posted:

- As you thrust with your tongue, use the thumb of your free hand to stimulate her nose, aka the face clitoris.

:golfclap:

Low Desert Punk
Jul 4, 2012

i have absolutely no fucking money
cluh-toris

toggle
Nov 7, 2005

VERY helpful tips, thaksn good thread

old fat bird
Oct 27, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
these techniques are really advanced, I still need practice tricking wild women into my kiss snares before I can move on to stimulating her

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
suction is important but otherwise the op is well in line with my own practice, validated by years of experience

Low Desert Punk
Jul 4, 2012

i have absolutely no fucking money
I didn't see anything about negging, inaccurate post

Hobohemian
Sep 30, 2005

by XyloJW
Your saving "ice tounge" for the advanced techniques right?

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Low Desert Punk posted:

I didn't see anything about negging, inaccurate post

negging is poo poo fellas do when they can't kiss right, so i'm not surprised youre already making GBS threads up this thread with it























because you are a bad kisser, is what i'm saying

Rapman the Cook
Aug 24, 2013

by Ralp
Cut out your tongue out then cut a hole under your chin through to your mouth and push your dick through it to replace your tongue then face jam with women.

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice
do gays prefer to kiss differently? i imagine them being more forthright than ur typical above average hetero kissing man typically would be during an exchange with a female, and perhaps with some strong tongue action as well? please explain.

Rapman the Cook
Aug 24, 2013

by Ralp
Gays kiss with mouths full of dip and beer because they are men.

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Mariana Horchata posted:

do gays prefer to kiss differently? i imagine them being more forthright than ur typical above average hetero kissing man typically would be during an exchange with a female, and perhaps with some strong tongue action as well? please explain.

they dart their tongues in and out like a snake, but the tongues are flaccid and limp and extremely sad

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012

kiss my rear end imo

A CISHET SHITLORD
Sep 10, 2014

LOURDE OF THE SHITS
Pillbug
TS/SCI

kiss girls mouth wit u pennis

toggle
Nov 7, 2005

do not fart when you kiss, i repeat: DO NOT FART WHEN YOU KISS

this is a huge deal breker

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice

Gatekeeper posted:

they dart their tongues in and out like a snake, but the tongues are flaccid and limp and extremely sad

hmm fascinating...

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord
kiss my dick, op

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
Some women will paint their butts to look like their face so they can trick you into kissing rear end. Pay attention to how their breath smells that's the first tell you're talking to an rear end in a top hat

communism bitch
Apr 24, 2009
some women also have detachable butts to escaope from predators. be wary of this and make sure when you grab the butt with one hand that u maintain a firm grip on another part of the body in case the female sheds its butt

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Top Secret: Cut up the inside of your mouth so its bloody when you kiss and she will get your HIV Aids.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Thats the straight equivalent of brutally pozzing a guys neg hole btw.

Wearsyourgodnow
Jul 21, 2009


Everyone knows that saliva is nature's lubricant. For better speed and wind resistance when kissing, wet your tongue and swirl it around your mouth as far as it can reach. Your partner will thank you!

ADVANCED TECHNIQUE: Skip that time-wasting skin care routine! A greasy mouth means that you are always ready to kiss.

Inevitable
Jul 27, 2007

by Ralp
You can also try a finger in the ear. Some girls really go for that, but others get freaked out. Again, the trick is to do it with confidence.

Cake Smashing Boob
Nov 5, 2008

I support black genocide
put a finger in his/her butt

kevin mung
Jul 15, 2013

by Shine
keep your mouth full o f bees.

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice

Wearsyourgodnow posted:

Everyone knows that saliva is nature's lubricant. For better speed and wind resistance when kissing, wet your tongue and swirl it around your mouth as far as it can reach. Your partner will thank you!

ADVANCED TECHNIQUE: Skip that time-wasting skin care routine! A greasy mouth means that you are always ready to kiss.



nice herpes

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
my recommendation is to kiss in a great way

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



hot tip

don't kiss anybody ever don't love ever it's gay it's very gay i'm warning you if they get me this will be my last post don't do it

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice

social vegan posted:

hot tip

don't kiss anybody ever don't love ever it's gay it's very gay i'm warning you if they get me this will be my last post don't do it

and never kiss a hooker, even if ur paying for the "full girlfriend experience" just dont do it

ShaqDiesel
Mar 21, 2013

Wearsyourgodnow posted:

Everyone knows that saliva is nature's lubricant. For better speed and wind resistance when kissing, wet your tongue and swirl it around your mouth as far as it can reach. Your partner will thank you!

ADVANCED TECHNIQUE: Skip that time-wasting skin care routine! A greasy mouth means that you are always ready to kiss.



This subject doesn't seem to have lips in the "conventional" sense.

Salisbury Snape
May 26, 2014
While a grain platform can be used for corn, a specialized corn head is ordinarily used instead.


Only ever kiss the hidden lips.

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

Lord_Ferritos posted:

Only ever kiss the hidden lips.

pussymouth > facemouth

this is kissing 101, pretty much

Inevitable
Jul 27, 2007

by Ralp

Cake Smashing Boob posted:

put a finger in his/her butt

No. Don't be disrespectful or crude.

Captain Candiru
Nov 9, 2006

These hips don't lye
Always massage her head prostate.

you irl
Jan 22, 2014
try to make her gag on your tongue, asphyxiate her with your glossus

West SAAB Story
Mar 13, 2014

by Athanatos

(and can't post for 289 days!)

i kissed the op and it wasnt that good

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Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



always try to push their tongue out of your mouth. make sure the kissing happens on your terms, because otherwise she may vomit eggs into your mouth and impregnate your throat with another man's spawn

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