Great businesss idea. Do not steal!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Great businesss idea. Do not steal!

BigBallChunkyTime: Nov 25, 2011; Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.; Illegal Hen

I was driving the other day and while deep in thought at a stoplight, I had the idea for the perfect business:

The Sit 'n poo poo.

It will be a chain of pay-to-use public toilets, but these toilets will be really, really nice. Climate controlled, ample reading material, pleasant smelling (even when you're omitting the foulest of odors, you disgusting swine), a wide selection of the finest of rear end-wiping paper, and even a TV so you don't miss any of the game or your favorite show.

I am convinced that this will be the next huge idea and will surely put me in the next Forbes 500. Mark Zuckerburg will be my personal butler. I'll be that rich.

Don't steal my idea. Share your own.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:32

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 01:11

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Little Negro children who will clip and file youir fingernails while you're stopped at red lights

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:37

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

SitNshit.com registered

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:39

Three Olives: Apr 10, 2005; What if Hitler invented the BMW i3 Subcompact Electric car?

Uber except with prostitutes.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:40

reignofevil: Nov 7, 2008

You know how annoying it is when poo poo comes with like three different bar codes and you can't figure out which one your lovely store actually uses so you can scan and actually buy the stupid product? (I know lol retail problems)

Well it is covered with those barcodes because somewhere between manufacturing and shipping somebody had to scan it into a computer system and nobody shares.

So what if we coded the barcodes... by shape? Hear me out.

Barcodes that are used by manufacturers? Triangles.

Barcodes used by the shipping corporation to get the product to the store? Circles.

Barcodes used by retail locations for the actual price of the lovely product? Rectangles; like always.

And you can't even tell me it won't work because I have personally scanned a barcode in the shape of a moustache; worked fine.

NOBODY STEAL THIS IT IS MY IDEA

Now all of you guys have to help me make the Universal Rewards Card

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:41

super macho dude: Aug 9, 2014

Downs By Law

My private security firm employing all down syndromes. They would be adorable in their little outfits, and coupled with their gorilla strength and highly inquisitive nature, my all downs security force will make the streets safe again.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:44

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

reignofevil posted:

You know how annoying it is when poo poo comes with like three different bar codes and you can't figure out which one your lovely store actually uses so you can scan and actually buy the stupid product? (I know lol retail problems)

Well it is covered with those barcodes because somewhere between manufacturing and shipping somebody had to scan it into a computer system and nobody shares.

So what if we coded the barcodes... by shape? Hear me out.

Barcodes that are used by manufacturers? Triangles.

Barcodes used by the shipping corporation to get the product to the store? Circles.

Barcodes used by retail locations for the actual price of the lovely product? Rectangles; like always.

And you can't even tell me it won't work because I have personally scanned a barcode in the shape of a moustache; worked fine.

NOBODY STEAL THIS IT IS MY IDEA

Now all of you guys have to help me make the Universal Rewards Card

This... Is actually a great idea

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:44

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Three Olives posted:

Uber except with prostitutes.

Prostitution is illegal so you'd need to disguise it as Uber with Hugs

300 dollars for a hug? Yes sounds reasonable, please come down to this motel

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:45

spud: Aug 27, 2003; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Retail Slave posted:

I was driving the other day and while deep in thought at a stoplight, I had the idea for the perfect business:

The Sit 'n poo poo.

It will be a chain of pay-to-use public toilets, but these toilets will be really, really nice. Climate controlled, ample reading material, pleasant smelling (even when you're omitting the foulest of odors, you disgusting swine), a wide selection of the finest of rear end-wiping paper, and even a TV so you don't miss any of the game or your favorite show.

I am convinced that this will be the next huge idea and will surely put me in the next Forbes 500. Mark Zuckerburg will be my personal butler. I'll be that rich.

Don't steal my idea. Share your own.

This is why you are a retail slave. Keep it up.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:47

West SAAB Story: Mar 13, 2014; by Athanatos
(and can't post for 252 days!)

bring back saab :colbert:

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:50

Cyril Sneer: Aug 8, 2004; Life would be simple in the forest except for Cyril Sneer. And his life would be simple except for The Raccoons.

The shawaruitto: It's shawarma and a burrito!

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:50

Bro Nerd Alpha: Aug 27, 2012; going on pussy patrol

super macho dude posted:

Downs By Law

My private security firm employing all down syndromes. They would be adorable in their little outfits, and coupled with their gorilla strength and highly inquisitive nature, my all downs security force will make the streets safe again.

Until someone trades them a box of crayons or ice cream for the keys to the warehouse they are guarding.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:51

Sponge Baathist: Jan 30, 2010; by FactsAreUseless

A gorilla robot that reuses its exhaust

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:51

Trebek: Mar 7, 2002; College Slice

A bag of skittles that is all red.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:52

Sponge Baathist: Jan 30, 2010; by FactsAreUseless

The poo poo'n'Spin: a teacup ride at the bemusement park instead of teacups it's an outhouse and sometimes it gets flipped over by rowdy youths.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:53

super macho dude: Aug 9, 2014

Bro Nerd Alpha posted:

Until someone trades them a box of crayons or ice cream for the keys to the warehouse they are guarding.

We have a 58% success rate. What more do you want from them? They're handicapable, you monster.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:56

1gnoirents: Jun 28, 2014; hello

Don Tacorleone posted:

This... Is actually a great idea

since barcodes require bars of varying widths, shapes that dont allow bars wont work. such as a triangle , most of the bars wouldnt exist for the majority of the shape

you could set new standards (kind of like q codes) but barcodes are universal so, anyways good luck

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:57

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

a rodeo where the animals ride the humans

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:01

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

What if you had a Q code only for porn?

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:06

reignofevil: Nov 7, 2008

1gnoirents posted:

since barcodes require bars of varying widths, shapes that dont allow bars wont work. such as a triangle , most of the bars wouldnt exist for the majority of the shape

you could set new standards (kind of like q codes) but barcodes are universal so, anyways good luck

I think I see what you are saying; what shapes would be available then? Circles pentagons and hexagons?

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:14

Mexican Deathgasm: Aug 17, 2010; Ramrod XTreme

FuzzButts Inc.

Pay $20, you get 15 minutes in a room with 10-15 adorable puppies and/or kittens that were locally rescued. You can pay extra for addons like cat nip or treats. There is a waiting room where you can buy beer and wine and hang out with the house cats/dogs. You have to sign a waiver before you get to roll around with the babies that says if you hurt one of them then your genitals will be removed through your nose. Put the business in the middle of a downtown core near where all the stressed out people work.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:31

Phil Niekro: Jun 4, 2005

a video game where you can go anywhere and do anything

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:35

Edmund Sparkler: Jul 4, 2003; For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are peris

1gnoirents posted:

since barcodes require bars of varying widths, shapes that dont allow bars wont work. such as a triangle , most of the bars wouldnt exist for the majority of the shape

you could set new standards (kind of like q codes) but barcodes are universal so, anyways good luck

You would just do something like this. Real easy.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:36

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Mexican Deathgasm posted:

FuzzButts Inc.

Pay $20, you get 15 minutes in a room with 10-15 adorable puppies and/or kittens that were locally rescued. You can pay extra for addons like cat nip or treats. There is a waiting room where you can buy beer and wine and hang out with the house cats/dogs. You have to sign a waiver before you get to roll around with the babies that says if you hurt one of them then your genitals will be removed through your nose. Put the business in the middle of a downtown core near where all the stressed out people work.

One of of my friends actually works for a small business that essentially does this as a delivery. You buy x animals for y hours and someone shows up at your kids birthday party or whatever with a couple tubs of cuddly critters.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:37

reignofevil: Nov 7, 2008

FIRST TIME posted:

You would just do something like this. Real easy.

This is pretty much what I had in mind.

Also the guy who said an entire bag of red skittles is a poster after my own heart.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:37

Rambling Robot: Sep 13, 2011; Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL

The poo poo'n Post.

A porta potty with a screen and keyboard that is connected to The Internet and the Internet forum SomethingAwful.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:37

Cole: Nov 24, 2004; DUNSON'D

1gnoirents posted:

since barcodes require bars of varying widths, shapes that dont allow bars wont work. such as a triangle , most of the bars wouldnt exist for the majority of the shape

you could set new standards (kind of like q codes) but barcodes are universal so, anyways good luck

GBS: where even the dumbest ideas get mocked so people can get a burn

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:38

Edmund Sparkler: Jul 4, 2003; For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are peris

Barcode chat: They should at least get rid of those stupid really tiny barcodes, especially when they're behind really shiny clamshell plastic packaging. Those things loving suck.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:42

Libelous Slander: May 1, 2009; ... you're just creepy ...

FIRST TIME posted:

Barcode chat: They should at least get rid of those stupid really tiny barcodes, especially when they're behind really shiny clamshell plastic packaging. Those things loving suck.

yeah if the surface area is at a premium i wish they'd just use QR codes

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:57

root of all eval: Dec 28, 2002

Anyone that has been to a music festival has encountered a Sit n' poo poo. Totally worth the cash.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:59

Edmund Sparkler: Jul 4, 2003; For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are peris

BossRighteous posted:

Anyone that has been to a music festival has encountered a Sit n' poo poo. Totally worth the cash.

Are they all nice and fancy like the OP's description though?

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:00

root of all eval: Dec 28, 2002

FIRST TIME posted:

Are they all nice and fancy like the OP's description though?

They are clean and climate controlled and smell nice. BYOR

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:02

Edmund Sparkler: Jul 4, 2003; For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are peris

BossRighteous posted:

They are clean and climate controlled and smell nice. BYOR

noice

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:04

JakeP: Apr 27, 2003; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Lipstick Apathy

Someone should make a camp that turns straight people gay

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:10

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

What if instead of barcodes we used poo poo smears coded by DNA, and they could be scanned by some sort of DNA tracker

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:11

BadLlama: Jan 13, 2006

How do I invest in you op?

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:13

Tsinava: Nov 15, 2009; by Ralp

i have one for a drive thru automated grocery store where you order your groceries on an app beforehand dont steal

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:15

Tsinava: Nov 15, 2009; by Ralp

actually steal it. someone please make that happen. i hate grocery stores. i don't care about the retail job sector. someone should have put it out of it's misery long ago.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:17

Apthous: Nov 2, 2014; by XyloJW

I'm going to cause problems for people and then get them to pay me money to fix the problems that I caused.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:18

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 01:11

BadLlama: Jan 13, 2006

I just want to be able to pay my restaurant bill via an app on my phone rather than wait for these subhuman retard waiters to give me my loving check.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:25

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Great businesss idea. Do not steal!

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