|
 "Umm... Zero." "What now?" "Can I go find a bush? I need to pee."  I cannot help feel I somehow brought this upon myself... Welcome to Drakengard! 3! The fourth game in the Drakengard/NIER series and prequel to the whole lot. Confused yet? Well, if you're here you are probably familiar with the franchise. But if not, I've got some you covered with Drakengard! NIER Drakengard! 2! All that said, this is a prequel and while I'll be making frequent references to its predecessor, you'll be able to follow along with this trainwreck's plot fairly easily with no prior experience. Do be warned I will spoil the poo poo out of previous games in the series since this is part four of a series I've been literally covering for half a decade.  Despite the closure of our friends at Cavia not long after the release of NIER, not even the underworld of unemployment could keep Sith Lord Taro Yoko down. Via arcane arts spoke of in hushed tones as well as Square-Enix being bad with money, Drakengard 3 was developed by Access Games with Taro Yoko once more directing. It saw a release in the west on May 20th of 2014. Access Games may be a developer name familiar to some. Isn't that right, Zach? Yes. The fine folks that made Deadly Premonition developed Drakengard 3. And much like Deadly Premonition, it looks and runs like hot steaming garbage. Drakengard 3 is not a good video game. If I post any gameplay videos and it looks like a chugging slideshow, don't panic! That's just how the game runs. Before we get started, a couple things about Drakengard 3. First up, this game is less than a year old.  USE SPOILER TAGS FOR SPOILERY MATERIAL AHEAD OF THE LP This includes any supplementary materials from outside the game. I've got like a gig folder of extra junk. I'll get to it, calm yourself pal!Secondly: Drakengard 3 gets pretty vulgar with its banter and likes to talk about sex and assorted lewd conversational talking points. Like a lot. A LOT. So with that in mind: DON'T GET CREEPY! Like I made a banner and everything. You don't even have to read this paragraph!  See! Boom. Simple stuff. With that said, let's begin... The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 01:02 on Aug 22, 2015 |
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:20
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 06:10 |
|
|
Episode I: In Which There is Somehow a Drakengard 3.jpg) I received a text message from my friend while at work a good while back. It just said "Drakengard! 3!" It was a mystifying statement that left me with an unsettling, suffocating feeling of dread for the rest of the day. Why would a trusted friend send such a dubious message? I mean, that's just crazy talk. Cavia was long dead, consumed by the cutthroat games industry and its soul trapped in a prison which only produces more NIER soundtracks. Seriously there's like six of them now. Taro Yoko had no doubt long been cast into the abyss like the beginning of Soul Reaver. That's what they do with Japanese businessmen when their company goes under, right? Regardless, I returned home later that day, greeted my family, rested... relaxed... booted up my computer to dick around online a bit and see what was ha--SON OF A BITCH!! NOWE! HOW?! WHY?! And here we are today... Drakengard! 3! Somehow! I guess... we should get started... Music: Voidscape .jpg) We open with a narration on the backstory of Drakengard 3's world. Now you may notice the three in the title indicating by all rights this ought to be a sequel of some sorts. Or at least set further ahead in the overall series timeline, but perhaps not at the very latest, if we're following say spacey Fast and the Furious sequel rules. But nope. Drakengard 3 is a prequel set long before the original game or... that other one we don't speak of in polite company... .jpg) And by prequel I mean it basically has basically gently caress all to do with the rest of the series or its characters and will just be doing its own thing initially. We will get back into Drakengard ~*~LORE~*~ territory a bit more as the game progresses. But if you are fresh on board, for some insane reason, you're not missing anything just jumping in at the deep end of the pool for this outing. .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) So long ago five goddesses began holding sick concerts which placated the population into an endless lull of social networking discussing each goddess's new album in an endless cycle of white noise nonsense. Which was preferable to the endless war economy. Eventually, this unfiltered deluge of information would be sorted and controlled by The Patr--wait I'm mixing up batshit storylines. .jpg) Hey. Yo! Wait up, Yuna! I've seen you somewhere... singing giant winged goddess... Gangly misshapen arms and a long white dress... Goddess... Goddess...? Goddess!   Furiae! You lousy retro hipster. You and your copying old otherworldly gods and wanting to bang your brother. Tsk-tsk. The moral standards of this world bottoms out eventually. .jpg) So "Intoner". Get used to that word getting thrown around a lot. It's a fancy term for magic singing girl. Well... it's less singing and more hellish shrieking that performs assorted magical feats. This will be explored in full at another time. .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) Caim would hate this world. .jpg) But you know what Caim would enjoy in order to break up this tedious little history lesson exposition dump? .jpg) You only get one guess! Place your bets now! .jpg) .jpg) Survey says: MURDER! .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) Welp. Two minutes in and the narrator is already dead. RIP Verdelet with hair. Maybe in another life you'll be able to conduct your heinous racism and crush the poor beneath your boot with reckless abandon like a true fantasy Republican. .jpg) Despite our newly deceased narrator's story time singing the praises of the Intoners' tranquil harmony across the land, that whole yarn may not be what it seems. This inconsistency will have to be postponed for now. Mostly due to the fact there are far more pressing issues. Such as... .jpg) .jpg) The room exploding. .jpg) .jpg) Where does Drakengard Europe get all its iron from to make all the full plate armor, shields, and weapons for the thousands upon thousands of infantry red-shirts roaming about the land? .jpg) .jpg)  Hey, Rick? What is it now, Dave? Is your armor chaffing? My armor is chaffing. Are you going commando in that suit again?! N-no...? Goddammit, Dave. How many times do I have to t--Music: Thundervalor - Battleground .jpg) .jpg) GREAT SCOTT!.jpg) .jpg) EWW! I've got Dave all over me. Oh god... Oh GAWD. I got Dave juice in my mouth. *hack* It's in my mouth guys. Oh god I'm gonna be sick..jpg) .jpg) Meet the protagonist of our new adventure: Zero. Zero is an anime lady of very... particular tastes. We'll learn those as the game progresses. First we're going to learn her favorite two colors. If the hair and outfit haven't tipped you off, Zero likes white. Yes, I know white is not actually a color. Shut up you. I know your snarky type. Anyway Zero likes white... .jpg) ...and RED! .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) A shame this game is set in the distant past. I can tell Zero and Caim would have gotten along swimmingly. You know wading through fountains of blood. Also the social interaction kind probably as well. .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) Remember how Drakengard 2 had a friendly training exercise, a bossy older sister type childhood friend introduced and no murder for the first half hour? Drakengard 3 is making up the body count for that war crime of a video game. .jpg) ...Okay maybe it's overcompensating a little bit in the kill count department. .jpg) Meanwhile, after seeing an entire battalion of their comrades massacred single-handedly by the world's most violent Vocaloid, another troop of infantrymen decides to try out that whole cannon thing a second time. Maybe the first round of soldiers just missed. It could have been a fluke! You never know with this newfangled technology. .jpg) .jpg) .jpg) Jackson? Jordan? Keaton? Myers? Corleone? F. Stoppe? DRAGON! Who the hell is 'Michael Dra'--ah poo poo....jpg) .jpg) .jpg) Well it wouldn't be much of a Drakengard game if there wasn't our protagonist wasn't a dragoon with a dragon. We've already done a Red dragon and Legna kind of double-dipped as a black and blue dragon. So now we're going to make Zero's white motif complete with Michael the White Dragon. .jpg) .jpg) Yeah it's Michael the Dragon. You got a problem with this being Mike the Dragon? The last dragon was just "Angel" spelled backwards. I think this name is an improvement. .jpg) .jpg) So let us begin the adventures of Zero the Intoner and Michael the Dragon in a little bit of the old ultra-violence with a touch of aggressive fratricide, shall we?   Video: Drakengard 3 Intro Trailer Warning: Sort of spoilery at points.  Video: Drakengard 3 Opening  Narrator Concept Art (RIP) The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 18:44 on Jun 6, 2015 |
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:20
|
|
|
I'm strapped in, my tray table's up, and my seat back is upright. Let's do this.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:27
|
|
|
Oh man, this should be something.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:28
|
|
|
I purposely made sure to not get spoiled on the game just for this.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:32
|
|
|
I am ready for this! I'll probably be claiming otherwise by the third update, though.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:33
|
|
|
I've been waiting since release, avoiding almost everything about the game. Good to see my faith rewarded.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:33
|
|
|
Loving this poo poo already  Wondering how this game can top the batshit crazy of Drakengard 1, but it seems to be on the right track.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:34
|
|
|
This is gonna be good.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:35
|
|
|
Oh God, here we go. I only know one thing about what we're in for, and that's it. Well, I mean, we're in for crazy too, but that hardly counts. Either way, this is gonna be great, I can't wait. Godspeed, TDI.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:35
|
|
|
I saw you preparing this on twitter for the past week and still excited to see it happened. Also glad you took up my suggestion on the "no creepy rule", which I love the banner you made for it.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:37
|
|
|
I've managed to go pretty much unspoiled to now. This is the first I've heard of "Intoners". I'm just going to mentally substitute "Reyvateil" until/unless that eventually no longer works.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:38
|
|
|
I would say I am ready, but no-one is ever really ready for Cavia.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:38
|
|
|
Oh boy! I'm excited!The Dark Id posted:Drakengard 3 was developed by Access Games with Taro Yoko once more directing. Square-Enix had to know what they were getting into with that combination.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:42
|
|
|
I foolishly watched and spoiled myself to some things. Thankfully, the game is
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:45
|
|
|
I am beyond ready for this.
|
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:45
|
|
|
Oh gently caress yes I'm at ground zero of the Drakengard 3 thread. I've tried to read about it but I have no idea what the gently caress, so I'm ready as ever for this.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:45
|
|
|
I'm ready for the kind of hosed up shenanigans Drakengard is known for!
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:48
|
|
|
This game existing feels like someone hosed with the timeline and now we have something we shouldn't. It's certainly... something, at least, so you can at least be glad it exists on some level.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:50
|
|
|
IT LIVES! Let the madness begin! All shall bask in the glorious insanity!
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:50
|
|
|
Thank goodness Drakengard's official Ambassador to the West is here to take us on another joyful ride. 
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:51
|
|
|
The promised time is at hand! He hath returned to us with more bountiful stupid than ever. And he shall loveth this poo poo.
nine-gear crow fucked around with this message at 02:07 on Mar 4, 2015 |
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:51
|
|
|
Oh boy. I seem to have repressed memories of the D1 and D2 LPs. I need a refresher on the insanity. I suppose I should re-read the archived LPs.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:52
|
|
|
I unfortunately know a few spoilers, but their very outta context so getting to see what the hell is up with this game is gonna be awesome and probably confusing.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:54
|
|
|
I'll have a big actual gameplay update tomorrow. I spent most of the last full day pounding away at technical crap so I can get a decent workflow going for this nonsense. Though in reality I just want to go play episode 2 of Insomniac Claire Redfield and Dad Barry Burton's stupid adventures.
The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 02:08 on Mar 4, 2015 |
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:55
|
|
|
The opening seems like a parody of Wind Waker's opening, it's bizarrely similar until BLARGH.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:55
|
|
|
Holy poo poo, I literally finished rereading the Drakengard 1 and 2 (...and Xenogears and Chrono Cross but obviously those are less repevant) LPs the other day and was like "man, it's a(n understandable) shame real life kicked Dark Id in the nuts" but here you are! Looking forward to the tsunami of  !
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:56
|
|
|
I was going to put some kind of witty comment, but  . Looking forward to see how far the rabbit trail goes.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 01:58
|
|
|
Slayer0 posted:Oh gently caress yes I'm at ground zero of the Drakengard 3 thread. I've tried to read about it but I have no idea what the gently caress, so I'm ready as ever for this. Nice. This LP is already what I've dreamed of and more.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 02:01
|
|
|
I will defer to one Arnold Schwarzenegger for my current opinion on things: Let's do this crazy thing.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 02:01
|
|
|
Having seen parts of Drakengard 3 already, I--well-- I just-- You know what? No comment.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 02:02
|
|
|
Accordion Man posted:I purposely made sure to not get spoiled on the game just for this. Same here, and already loving this poo poo 
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 02:04
|
|
|
I played through the whole thing at launch. This is the only game I've ever pre-ordered. I did it all for the soundtrack. I'm not disappointed.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 02:05
|
|
|
I've been waiting for this since the day I heard there was going to be a Drakengard 3, I'm so beyond ready for this. Let's see how far down the rabbit hole this one goes
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 02:05
|
|
|
Micheal the dragon seems pretty cool. Although his teeth are weird.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 02:07
|
|
|
NinetySevenA posted:Micheal the dragon seems pretty cool. Although his teeth are weird. He's the best, but let's not get into that now.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 02:08
|
|
|
I am so happy right now. Don't know a thing about this game, glad to get the proper treatment for it.
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 02:09
|
|
|
Yes 
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 02:13
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 06:10 |
|
|
This look special - will be following!
|
|
#
?
Mar 4, 2015 02:16
|
|