Sintax posted:

i will find love on these forums

Iron Prince posted:

force users to upload photos, implement a tinder-like dating service thats intergrated directly into the forums

Iron Prince posted:

but only for users w/ plat gently caress you poor folks

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Remember "The Master Plan" which came before it? Where people volunteered for mod challenges, and some guy has to get a "Chumba Wumba" tattoo, and he did it. I know what you're thinking, that's a super-cool band and a sweet tattoo, but you should know that the band is actually "Chumbawamba" and it is spelled wrong in the tattoo.

It was probably the funniest "forums event" ever, thanks abe and garbage day.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

If we did GLITBL again, would you be required to give your gender assigned at birth???

Shimrra Jamaane posted:

IIRC Chumba Wamba guy was the same guy who blew his finger off.

5-HT posted:

whatever happened to two worlds anyway?

Kimmalah posted:

The only thing I clearly remember about that thread was this incredibly awkward photo log of a date where the dude kept trying to "accidentally" feel the girls boob every time they took a picture together.


Permabanned, I think partly because of something to do with Goon Love is the Best Love. Mostly because he was just crazy though.

quote:

TigerMoJo posted:

This is the longest thing I've ever posted on SA or anywhere online...

I don’t really remember when I started talking to Two Worlds but I believe he IMed me first and at the time I had no idea who he was. Some time later, he requested I make that avatar for him and I had to ask why he wanted all of those random characters in the first place. He proceeded to tell me in great detail about the Arielverse, how he has multiple “personas” and that each of those characters represents an individual persona in his mind: The Brute, The Tempest, Mr. C (now dead and with no current replacement), Partyman, The Saint and The Puppetmaster. He also talked about Helldump a lot and how he was the defender of SA (GBS in particular). He also told me about all these weird rules he has for his life like that he could not cuss or cry until he lost his virginity. The weird thing is though, he didn't actually consider that he lost his virginity until the third time that he had sex because he hadn't cummed inside her yet and they hadn't both cummed at the same time.

Anyway, myself and some of the other goons listed as well as others often chat on Skype in the evenings so I invited Two Worlds in and he more or less became part of the group. It didn’t take long to find out that Two Worlds has problems. Lots and lots of problems. You see, he constantly talks about his problems and himself and always wants goony goon advice although he never ever takes it.

He insists on adding people to his Facebook so after much prodding a few finally became Facebook friends. One thing to note about Two Worlds is that EVERYONE trolls him. Not just Helldumpers or goons but people he knows in real life as well. He just kind of drives people to the edge, he has so many insane theories and misguided beliefs that he refuses to change that people he knows just end up insulting him or baiting him to say more ridiculous poo poo. I used to feel bad for him about this but now I know why they do it.

For instance, he believes in the upper world and the under world (Homo Lumen and Homo Cthoni he says). The upper world is full of people who go to Walmart, have 2.5 kids, live in suburban homes, go to church and don't have any secrets at all, they don't have any kinky fetishes and they don't go on the Internet. Then there are the underworlders. This is essentially a laundry list that ranges from goons to channers to child rapists and goth kids. Ariel believes that he is the only person who is between these "two worlds" (yeah, that's where the name comes from) and that he constantly has to balance the forces in his life. If you try to tell him, as many have, that most people who seemingly live normal lives have skeletons in their closet or have some kind of kinky sexual fetish he refuses to believe you and spergs out about it. He also refuses to believe that people "from the Internet" have "real world" problems or lives. Except for him of course, he's a beautiful little unique snow flake.

At first, I took pity on him and I tried to help him. I spent a lot of drat time giving him good advice on things like women, making friends, sex and job searching. It's amazing how completely naiive he is about the most common sense things. After he broke up with his girlfriend, I got onto the subject of sex and he said he didn't use a condom with this lass. He then said "she only slept with 11 guys before me" and "she's infertile" because he thought that that means he also cannot get an STD. I told him he should probably get tested and even looked up directions to a local clinic. He freaked out because the nurses would see him and know what he was coming in for and no one can know that he's had sex. He asked me if he could just get tested for swine flu or something instead.

I told him how normal it is to get tested and told him that in the future he needs to wear condoms to which he had another freak out because the cashier will see him and maybe one of his former students may see him buying small penis condoms. Plus, they'll all know he's having premartial sex, which he believes Upper World people don't do. He, to this day, refuses to buy condoms even when I gave him a link to ones he can buy online. He also claimed that Lutheran women don't have premarital sex so he'll just have sex with Lutheran women from now on. He treats non-lutheran women like chattel, if a girl is non-lutheran he has no problem asking them to make homegrown for his own personal enjoyment. When he's mad at you and you're a female he will threaten to masturbate to your photos, which he saves from Facebook and AwfulYearBook. Yes, this happened to me. One time, a goonette talked dirty to him as a joke and he had to leave the call to go jerk off.

Two Worlds is incredibly socially awkward. He doesn't have any real friends to speak of in Decatur where he currently lives. He says that he has to have balance in his life so when he gets an opportunity to possibly hang out with someone he will often turn it down because they are too nerdy and he feels that he did one nerdy thing that day so now he needs to balance out his upper world and under world by hanging out with a broseph type at a bar. He doesn't really like bros but he wants to be like them so he figures if he hangs out with them he will be more like them.

One time, he was feeling particularly lonely. He wanted our advice on how to set up something at his apartment. He's never had anyone except for his ex-gf at his apartment before. So he turned on his webcam and walked us through his apartment so I could give him tips on what needed to be cleaned up/moved for guests. After this, he wrote up a message to send to some of his nerdy gamer friends on Facebook inviting them over for a party that weekend. I believe this was a Wednesday. In the past, when he tried to call people to hang out he would get very distressed if the call went to voice mail or they said that they were busy. We assured him that this wasn't a big deal. I and another goon looked over his note to his nerd friends and it looked pretty chill. Invited them over to play some games, wii and drink. He kept asking us over and over again if he sounded gay. He is very afraid of sounding gay.

He sent off the message and the response from one of them was that he was busy that weekend but he knew some other people who might want to hang out. To this, Ariel responded that it was "too late" and just killed it right there.

Another time, there was a celebration in his town and he was whining that he had no one to go with but this one girl did express interest. He refused to call her because she was "too goony" (even though I'm pretty sure she's not a goon), possibly watches anime and is the "bad kind of fat." She was less heavy than his last girlfriend and a lot cuter but whatever. Eventually, he invited her to come to his apartment to watch a movie and hang out. She agreed even though they barely know each other. So he tells us that she'll be coming over the next night around 8:30 PM to watch a movie. The goons he was talking to on Skype lightly joke with him that he's going to get some. He spergs out, as usual. He claims he doesn't want to get laid because getting laid turned out so badly last time. Eventually we convince him it might be a possibility. Then he says that he doesn't want to do anything with his penis involved, and that he can show her his magic fingers, claiming she won't be able to walk afterwards. Once he gets her off, he'll simply jerk himself off so she doesn't have to get him off.

Needless to say, it's frustrating when someone asks you for advice then constantly doesn't take it. Then when things don't go his way he calls up crying and sobbing. On top of the crying and sobbing, there is literally no way of making him feel better. He wallows in self-pity. It's like crack for him. I can give him compliments and he says, "I AM NOT A GOOD PERSON DON'T EVER SAY THAT." I can tell him good things about himself and he just turns it around. He goes to the bar and gets drunk by himself on three screwdrivers then comes back and cries some more about how he's going to kill himself via alcohol poisoning. It's probably my own fault but I wasted a lot of time worrying about the little guy and trying to talk him out of "doing something to put himself on the news."

The ultimate thing myself and all the goons who were talking to him tried to help Two Worlds with was getting him to go to a psychiatrist. He went to a therapist a few times (several times he skipped his appointments) and the therapist recommended that he go to a psychiatrist. All he had to do to get medication for his many issues was have a blood test done, so he said. Much like going to get tested for STDs, he flat out refused to do this. I never understood why but he simply would not go. Now, his insurance from his past job has run out and he has no hope of getting it done. Instead, he chooses to believe people who are trolling him's diagnosis of Asperger's, so he is now self-diagnosed aspie.

I guess I should address Two Worlds' past career. There's a lot of rumors on the forums about this I've noticed. He worked as a teacher for one year at a Lutheran high school. He had zero control over his classes and students walked all over him. He couldn't even control a class of two students. As a result, Ariel called Professor Xavier to get the Dream Helm to help with the dementor attacks in his class, but the X-Men were too busy to bring Ariel the Dream Helm because the S.H.I.E.L.D helicarrier was hijacked by terrorists (from his Live Journal). Eventually, the students who actually wanted to learn complained to their parents that nothing was getting done in class and the school had to let him go. He has been unemployed up until this month when he got a job as a delivery boy with Papa John's.

Although he claims to be in between the two worlds of the Internet and the real world, I don't know anyone who has more cross over between lives. Most people probably keep their Something Awful postings and general Internet shenanigans out of conversation with real life friends. Ariel does not do this. He talks about Something Awful on his Twitter and Facebook. He uses Intener memes in real life (I know from talking to one of his real life friends.) He even goatsed everyone on his Facebook once. He talks publically on his Facebook about separating his Lutheran friends/Decatur people from the Internet people on his list like they can't see it. Telling him to remove Internet people from his friend's list is futile. So I told him he could make a separate fake Facebook just for Internet people so that he wouldn't make a gigantic rear end of himself in front of friends and family in real life. Another piece of advice he did not take.

If there's a term for Two Worlds, it would be "Too Much Information." Even when people ask him not to he shares intimate details about things like his girlfriend's vagina (horrid smell and the gaping size) and the kinky things he would do to her involving household objects such as his toothbrush, remote control and cellphone. He would also use the horrid smell of her vagina as the reason he couldn't stay hard, even though he would constantly ask her if he was still hard while he was inside her. He would say these things both during and after he was dating her.

He never ever talks about anyone but himself. If you try to have a conversation about something it somehow gets turned into a conversation either about the Arielverse or his problems. Even when I had conversations with him about things we both mutually liked like comic books it would get turned into something about him. He never asks how I am doing or what's going on in my life but I sure as hell knew every minute detail of his every day happenings whether I wanted to or not. He will blatantly interrupt you mid-sentence and ramble into one of his own problems totally unrelated to any conversation, and will ignore any attempts to move the conversation away from himself.

So after months of this bullshit, everyone just kind of got sick of it, so after he was invited in, we'd turn the conversation back to something that wasn't Two Worlds. One time we tried to turn the conversation to food and he freaked out and said, "IS THAT A MEME?!" He thought we were laughing at him when we weren't and would freak out over weird poo poo like one person in Skype saying, "WWCXD?" (What would Charles Xavier Do?) He yelled at us to shut the gently caress up.

He told one goon that he was being "out of character for this story arc" because he stopped giving him advice. When the goon implored what he meant, Ariel said that he was "breaking the 4th wall" and that Warren Ellis was writing a story about them.

This all came to a head one night when one person in Skype told him he was One World and that if anyone was Two Worlds it was not him. He got really depressed about this. The next day he started raging out on Facebook about us. I sent him a message asking him to just remove me from his friend's list and telling him that I hope he seeks psychological help and is happier some day. That afternoon, I find out he decided to start calling bosses to get back at us for whatever reason.

He called my friend's boss and said that she was harassing him from work, which was totally bogus. So she had to have a conversation with her employer about Ariel Campos. She is a single mom by the way and probably the one person out of the group who was the nicest to him out of everyone.

This all happened very recently and I feel that people need to know this poo poo, that Ariel isn't a poor soul who gets a bad rap on SA but actually a really big jerk who has mental problems but refuses to get help and revels in the attention that people give him; good or bad. I guess that's where the "passive aggressive posts" come from because I didn't want to troll the thread with the drama. I'm sorry to poo poo up your challenge, Ayb.

I think that's about everything. I really didn't want this to be tl;dr but it's kind of impossible with someone like Two Worlds who holds four-hour conversations with you entirely about himself.

Edit: Oh yeah, and his most recent Live Journal about him losing his virginity starts off narrated in the voice of one of his students.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Remember "The Master Plan" which came before it? Where people volunteered for mod challenges, and some guy has to get a "Chumba Wumba" tattoo, and he did it. I know what you're thinking, that's a super-cool band and a sweet tattoo, but you should know that the band is actually "Chumbawamba" and it is spelled wrong in the tattoo.

Breetai posted:

Lil Bit O Vitriol posted:

I said it before in another thread but my favourite part of GLITBL was the Australian girl who sold all her poo poo to move to Norway to be with some goon only to realise that it's very hard to find work in Norway when you don't speak Norwegian. 3 months later the dude had all but kicked her out of his place and the girl had made an E/N thread looking for advice on how to unfuck her life.

88h88 posted:

Didn't that one UK girl go on a date with a goon and was then never heard from again? Did she die of embarrassment or was she murdered?

Absolute Lithops posted:

Best part of the master plan was The Dirty Cowboy

Original:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw2Q9BdcE9U

Goon Remake:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb_IQA9Zbow