ITT we are at a cocktail party

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > ITT we are at a cocktail party

«‹›3 »

Speleothing: May 6, 2008; Spare batteries are pretty key.

Hey, do you want to see my new drink shaker? It's penguin-shaped. And I got this amazing cheese at the deli yesterday.

_{All the cocktail parties I've ever been to have been full of really nice older democrats looking to show off recipes}

# ? Mar 7, 2015 01:24

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 24, 2024 20:02

Jisei: Dec 22, 2004; A tiny bundle of supressed instincts held together by spit and caffeine.

"Oh, that bowl of rose petals on the sideboard isn't decorative. They're edible! You should really try one."

# ? Mar 7, 2015 01:34

Serak: Jun 18, 2000; Approaching Midnight.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0ISF95axZQ

# ? Mar 7, 2015 01:37

Mr. Creakle: Apr 27, 2007; Protecting your virginity

I'm so white

# ? Mar 7, 2015 01:39

Rocks: Dec 30, 2011

I know you have ice cubes, they're just not the right kind though

# ? Mar 7, 2015 01:59

Hometown Slime Queen: Oct 26, 2004; the GOAT

Hello we are the only black couple at the party.

# ? Mar 7, 2015 02:02

Fat-Lip-Sum-41.mp3: Nov 15, 2003

QUEEN CAUCUS posted:

Hello we are the only black couple at the party.

OH, i dont believe we've met! its SO nice to MEET YOU!

# ? Mar 7, 2015 02:04

Cosmik Slop: Oct 9, 2007; What's a hole doing in my TARDIS?

The game, gentlemen, is Russian Roulette.

# ? Mar 7, 2015 02:07

Literal Carehaver: Oct 20, 2014; by Cowcaster

*shits on the floor*

HEIL HITLER

*sits on the poop*

*starts jacking off*

OH GOD HEIL HITLER!!

*salutes with free arm while jacking*

# ? Mar 7, 2015 02:10

EngineerSean: Feb 9, 2004; by zen death robot

shipwrek posted:

*wasn't invited because he's new money.

true story

# ? Mar 7, 2015 02:19

Adventure Pigeon: Nov 8, 2005; I am a master storyteller.

*discreetly moves from group to group, offering hors d'oeuvres on a platter*

*feels quietly satisfied every time someone takes one on account of the miniscule amount of poo in every dish*

*exchanges knowing smiles with the other caterers whenever they make eye contact*

# ? Mar 7, 2015 02:24

Rocks: Dec 30, 2011

LegoPirateNinja posted:

OH, i dont believe we've met! its SO nice to MEET YOU!

You're wife is such a beautiful creature

# ? Mar 7, 2015 03:12

Smashurbanipal: Sep 12, 2009; ASK ME ABOUT BEING A SHITTY POSTER

*awkwardly hits on host's daughter who is home on a 2 week suspension from Gunnery*

# ? Mar 7, 2015 05:45

Gentleman Baller: Oct 13, 2013

*brainlessly regurgitates words about art learned from other people talking about art*

"You must come to this art auction I'm attending in the fall. I think it's important to support the arts."

# ? Mar 7, 2015 07:27

Bluemillion: Aug 18, 2008; I got your dispensers
right here

Yo, why do I keep overhearing my name at this cocktail party? It's like, these yayhoos are chattin' up a storm but I only notice them when they say my name.

# ? Mar 7, 2015 08:38

toggle: Nov 7, 2005

so what do you do?

# ? Mar 7, 2015 08:41

Not_Rainbow_Horse: Nov 11, 2013

toggle posted:

so what do you do?

murders and executions, mostly

# ? Mar 7, 2015 08:43

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Rocks posted:

*brings weed, doesn't smoke it because there's no one else to share it with because all of wife's friends are uptight and boring*

(Literally me)

That's exactly WHEN you ditch out to the porch and start smoking weed jfc

# ? Mar 7, 2015 12:09

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Anyway, I'm the guy that shows up dressed nicely and slowly become more slovenly with every drink I have, which is A LOT, and by about halfway through the evening my wife and I are quietly fighting JUST close enough that people are able to listen, then when she goes back to the party trying not to cry her friends ask her if everythings okay :ohdear:

while I mutter to myself about how much of a loving bitch she is while trying to stand up straight.

Where's my loving tie...

# ? Mar 7, 2015 12:12

Smashurbanipal: Sep 12, 2009; ASK ME ABOUT BEING A SHITTY POSTER

Not_Rainbow_Horse posted:

murders and executions, mostly

Oh, mergers and acquisitions?

# ? Mar 7, 2015 13:23

Rush Limbo: Sep 5, 2005; its with a full house

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THNPmhBl-8I

# ? Mar 7, 2015 15:13

Lil Bit O Vitriol: Jan 10, 2010

QUEEN CAUCUS posted:

One of the Atkinson's daughters is wearing the same dress, I am -not- going to look old and fat by standing next to her. We have to leave.

*Fails to muster the courage to stand up to overbearing wife*

...Heh, ok honey... whatever makes you happy!

# ? Mar 7, 2015 15:23

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

Chris Christie posted:

"I think we should raise marginal income tax rates again. We Democrats are SUCH good people. We really CARE about the poor!!!"

-Pretended not to see homeless guy on street on the way to cocktail party
-Donates less than 1% of income to charity
-Primarily earns income via capital gains & is barely impacted by marginal income tax rates

# ? Mar 7, 2015 15:25

thathonkey: Jul 17, 2012

Chris Christie posted:

"I think we should raise marginal income tax rates again. We Democrats are SUCH good people. We really CARE about the poor!!!"

-Pretended not to see homeless guy on street on the way to cocktail party
-Donates less than 1% of income to charity
-Primarily earns income via capital gains & is barely impacted by marginal income tax rates

# ? Mar 7, 2015 15:26