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That TV show Cops pays royalties, don't they? Or maybe there's some knock-off reality show on Spike or something who will pay us to film us busting heads. Or maybe some direct-to-DVD producer. Pretty sure I saw something like that for sale last time I was at the adult video store. Hey! We could film people we arrest, then make them pay to not be on TV!
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Mar 9, 2015 16:25
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IMJack posted:That TV show Cops pays royalties, don't they? Or maybe there's some knock-off reality show on Spike or something who will pay us to film us busting heads. Or maybe some direct-to-DVD producer. Pretty sure I saw something like that for sale last time I was at the adult video store. Gee, I dunno, George. I can't speak for everyone else, but I have this urge to toss the crying gas at people who use cameras. I just don't like em! Maybe we could just confiscate all the cameras and the ones that are inside phones too, plus and look for some dirty pictures, and have them pay for us not to put those dirty pictures on the Tweeter.
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Mar 9, 2015 16:30
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This idea doesn't really bring in money, but maybe it'll let us keep what we have: What if we just stop paying taxes. Like, when we go to the store, only pay the subtotal. I mean, that makes sense because we'd just be paying ourselves so thus just cuts out the middleman. We could probably stop paying income tax too, what are they going to do? Arrest us?
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Mar 9, 2015 16:42
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IMJack posted:That TV show Cops pays royalties, don't they? Or maybe there's some knock-off reality show on Spike or something who will pay us to film us busting heads. Or maybe some direct-to-DVD producer. Pretty sure I saw something like that for sale last time I was at the adult video store. Monetize bodycam video on youtube. Make sure that police are instructed to yell "WORLDSTAR!" at some point during every charged interaction.
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Mar 9, 2015 16:53
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Shbobdb posted:We already have a strong relationship with Yum! Brands from prisons, so why shouldn't we leverage that into the larger community? Perhaps a work release program to have prisoners work at the Doritos factory or taking orders at Taco Bells? We can pay them pennies an hour and pocket the difference ourselves. We could even have them pick cotton for us, in the proud tradition of their ancestors.
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Mar 9, 2015 19:22
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paranoid randroid posted:Oh, lets just go into loansharking. Lets stop everyone leaving a payday loan place. Confiscate their money because it's probably going to drugs anyway. Then when they can't repay their payday loans, we arrest them for contempt of court and have them work off their debt at $0.50 / hour.
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Mar 9, 2015 19:25
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Bicyclops posted:Gee, I dunno, George. I can't speak for everyone else, but I have this urge to toss the crying gas at people who use cameras. I just don't like em! Maybe we could just confiscate all the cameras and the ones that are inside phones too, plus and look for some dirty pictures, and have them pay for us not to put those dirty pictures on the Tweeter. We can sell the cameras, my cousin owns a business that resells them. I am sure we could get a deal of this. Pat.
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Mar 9, 2015 19:29
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How about this: there is always going to be crime, and we will never have enough funds to completely eradicate crime, why don't we let people buy crime coupons. Pay $1000 and you can drive under influence 5 times. Pay 10k$ and you can do 3 burglaries. 50k for a murder. Leaving your dog's poo on the pavement $20k.
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Mar 9, 2015 21:58
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double nine posted:How about this: there is always going to be crime, and we will never have enough funds to completely eradicate crime, why don't we let people buy crime coupons. Pay $1000 and you can drive under influence 5 times. Pay 10k$ and you can do 3 burglaries. 50k for a murder. Leaving your dog's poo on the pavement $20k. By having them pay us in advance it certainly reduces collections costs. Good thinking Jeff!
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Mar 9, 2015 22:22
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double nine posted:How about this: there is always going to be crime, and we will never have enough funds to completely eradicate crime, why don't we let people buy crime coupons. Pay $1000 and you can drive under influence 5 times. Pay 10k$ and you can do 3 burglaries. 50k for a murder. Leaving your dog's poo on the pavement $20k. I like this one Jeff. Maybe loitering could be 2K, and Also if someone wanted to get away from some pot that we obviously didn't plant they pay us 4K. Crowsbeak fucked around with this message at 22:44 on Mar 9, 2015 |
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Mar 9, 2015 22:28
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Remember that time we fined a guy for bleedin' on us? We oughta expand that. Jeff, I know you wanna new tv in the break room, so how bout we drag one of those boys outta his cell and just put his face through it? Bam, he's buyin us a new tv! Need some new cars, well just defensively run over a jaywalker...now he's payin for the damage we incurred protectin this fair city from his jaywalkin' rear end. Listen boys, just about anything we need could be used to defend ourselves. Geraldine, I know you need a new stenography pad, why don't you come down to the jail with us tomorrow? By the time we're done, some poor sonovabitch is gonna be payin for bleedin all over it! Hell, the way we get to carryin' on, you'll be gettin a whole new outfit!
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Mar 9, 2015 22:33
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Guys, check it out: talent show. Baton twirling, gun twirling, taser twirling. If it can be twirled, we'll do it. $15 tickets for the front row, or $500 to be out of range.
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Mar 10, 2015 00:56
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FactsAreUseless posted:Guys, check it out: talent show. Baton twirling, gun twirling, taser twirling. If it can be twirled, we'll do it. $15 tickets for the front row, or $500 to be out of range. baton twerking? i'm sure we could make that work somehow on that note, i suppose the adult film industry could do with some versimilitude in their effects, participants and sets, there's probably cash to be had there
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Mar 10, 2015 00:58
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Sundae posted:What if, every time we get a 911 call, we break into the home of the nearest elderly black grandma (one who isn't the actual caller, of course) and shoot her? Then we toss one of Bill's stupid pot brownies on the couch, claim she was selling drugs, and confiscate all her assets before her family can sort out the will? Unless... That's it! Confiscate a gas station as evidence when they get robbed. Free gas!
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Mar 10, 2015 00:59
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We could sell sponsorship space on our uniforms. No bigger than three inches across for each logo of course. Tasteful.
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Mar 10, 2015 01:01
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new city motto. Ferguson: Those who arrive, survive
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Mar 10, 2015 01:46
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All you can eat hummus buffet!
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Mar 10, 2015 01:49
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e:nm
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Mar 10, 2015 02:14
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Drive all confiscated weed to Colorado/Washington and sell it. Heard of Bumfights? well next big thing could be Jailfights. Hell, just stop paying the guards and install streaming video cameras. Stop policing certain blocks and do urban wilderness expeditions for rich out-of-towners. Optional hunting licenses?
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Mar 10, 2015 02:29
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double nine posted:How about this: there is always going to be crime, and we will never have enough funds to completely eradicate crime, why don't we let people buy crime coupons. Pay $1000 and you can drive under influence 5 times. Pay 10k$ and you can do 3 burglaries. 50k for a murder. Leaving your dog's poo on the pavement $20k. Only problem with this is that the Vatican might sue us for patent infringement.
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Mar 10, 2015 03:29
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double nine posted:How about this: there is always going to be crime, and we will never have enough funds to completely eradicate crime, why don't we let people buy crime coupons. Pay $1000 and you can drive under influence 5 times. Pay 10k$ and you can do 3 burglaries. 50k for a murder. Leaving your dog's poo on the pavement $20k. I like this idea of crimepons. They're like tampons for crime.
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Mar 10, 2015 03:31
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Maybe we should fine the illegals, since they don't pay taxes. For example, I think the guy who works at the gas station is illegal, or at least his family is. We can just fill up all our cars for free and send him back to Mexico if he complains. Also we should allow vigilantes, since they will work for free. If someone wants to cut out the middleman and take care of their crime problem themselves, why should we stand in the way? Maybe we can sell some kind of license?
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Mar 10, 2015 04:25
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shake down those elitist liberal professors from crumbling socialist institution university of missouri st louis on their way home from work
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Mar 10, 2015 05:02
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What if we trademarked the phrase "stop resisting?"
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Mar 10, 2015 12:33
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FactsAreUseless posted:What if we trademarked the phrase "stop resisting?" I do like shouting that, but we have some others that are unique. How about "Get the gently caress over here!" or "Get the hell out of my face!"
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Mar 10, 2015 13:49
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FactsAreUseless posted:What if we trademarked the phrase "stop resisting?" I don't think that's how trademarks work boss. We would need some kind of design for that. But I think a copyright would do the same thing. But if we do a design, I suggest a crossed taser with a Desert Eagle over a pile of weed. How cool would that be as a flag? We could sell it online on t-shirts and stuff!!
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Mar 10, 2015 13:58
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Confiscate weave.
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Mar 10, 2015 15:40
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FactsAreUseless posted:What if we trademarked the phrase "stop resisting?"
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Mar 10, 2015 16:15
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Mine is "FREEZE! DON'T YOU loving MOVE!"
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Mar 10, 2015 16:21
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paragon1 posted:Mine is "FREEZE! DON'T YOU loving MOVE!" When they move as you frisk them, do you cite them for disobeying a direct order, resisting arrest, interfering in an investigation, and public indecency because the image of a noted criminal being arrested in the area drives down property values.
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Mar 10, 2015 16:56
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paragon1 posted:Mine is "FREEZE! DON'T YOU loving MOVE!" STEP TOWARDS ME! FREEZE! STEP TOWARDS MY VOICE! FREEZE! STOP RESISTING ARREST! MOVE YOUR HANDS! STOP RESISTING ARREST!
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Mar 10, 2015 17:00
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Could we instruct suspects to "wave them like they just don't care?"
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Mar 10, 2015 18:12
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Things worked out pretty well for our Darren, as well as George Zimmerman. What if we just kill African Americans, collect money from a grateful public and then feed that back into the department? It also takes care of our retirement.
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Mar 10, 2015 18:31
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Shbobdb posted:Things worked out pretty well for our Darren, as well as George Zimmerman. What if we just kill African Americans, collect money from a grateful public and then feed that back into the department? It also takes care of our retirement. I think labor laws prevent you from doing the same job as the KKK. At least, quite so openly.
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Mar 10, 2015 18:45
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If we check with Mr. Ayak it should be OK.
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Mar 10, 2015 18:49
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I did a little research and legally we can't just murder our way to wealth. The department would have to be a privatized military company, and apparently we can't do that and still be the municipal power structure. So I'm thinking junta. I know, sounds scary, got the Spanish J in there, but hear me out.
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Mar 10, 2015 18:52
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FactsAreUseless posted:I did a little research and legally we can't just murder our way to wealth. The department would have to be a privatized military company, and apparently we can't do that and still be the municipal power structure. You can, however, ignore your way to wealth, as proven by an aforementioned judge.
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Mar 10, 2015 18:59
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Okay, so my idea is this- we have all these expenses from jailing people, right? So why not just offer cash-and-carry when we arrest 'em- they can pay the fine on the spot and we'll let 'em go. Saves on jail space, saves the judges, saves on lawyers... seems fine to me.
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Mar 10, 2015 19:22
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One of my kids said they just read about this thing called "debtors prison" where if you can't pay your fines, you go to jail, and sometimes keep paying money from there on a meager prison salary. Maybe we just up all the fines on parking so lots of folks are in prison, paying a little money forward to the department?
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Mar 10, 2015 20:02
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Effectronica posted:Okay, so my idea is this- we have all these expenses from jailing people, right? So why not just offer cash-and-carry when we arrest 'em- they can pay the fine on the spot and we'll let 'em go. Saves on jail space, saves the judges, saves on lawyers... seems fine to me. Sounds cool. People could even buy those fast pass scan-able bracelets they have at Disney World in order to speed up the process and they wouldn't have to worry about the danger of getting out their wallet in front of the police.
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Mar 10, 2015 20:16
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