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 Thank you all for being here today. As you all know, we need more money. Right now we have some money, but we should have a lot more money. The problem is that nobody wants to give us any money. We've tried asking the federal government for money, but they said no. We've tried asking the state government for money, but they said no, even though the governor is my second cousin and also my first cousin. So we need to think up some revenue generating ideas. Now, who has the money in Ferguson? Anyone? Joe, you have an idea? ... That's right, Joe. Black people. Now why do black people have all the money? Steve? ... Right, guns with "affirmative action" written on the side, and then they put your money into their welfare cars. So let's start brainstorming some ways to get their money and make it our money! So far, here's what we've got on the whiteboard: - Disguise ourselves as giant welfare checks and when they deposit us into their bank accounts, we take the money and run away. - Hit them so hard all their money falls out and they shout "BARF!" or something. - Now, this one just says 'Confiscate everything,' you want to expand on that, Dave? No? Okay, pretty self-explanatory. - Just straight up burst into their houses and take their stuff because we have tanks and they don't. These are all great, anyone else have something? Remember, no bad ideas in brainstorming!
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Mar 8, 2015 16:20
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Ground floor folks.
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Mar 8, 2015 16:42
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We could fine them every time we arrest them, and then arrest them a whole lot.
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Mar 8, 2015 16:44
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issue golden bullets to criminals
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Mar 8, 2015 16:52
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Stop and frisk, dui check points and speed traps. Automated systems like red light cameras tend to make money but you have to share that with a 3rd party company. Once you find your in with the stop, start tacking it on like they already do. Your name is Michael according to your license? Why did you say Mike? Pay me. The address you provided is different than your ID. Pay me. Where did this baggy with residual crack cocaine come from? Pay me. Drugs are pretty popular and by focusing on the low level users the police can guarantee a continuous revenue stream.
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Mar 8, 2015 16:53
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Don't forget civil forfeiture!
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Mar 8, 2015 16:56
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Two words: bake sale.
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Mar 8, 2015 16:57
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Have all police firearms placed under the ownership of the city and then have the officers rent them every time they go out on patrol. -drat it Steve, we don't need money that badly.
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Mar 8, 2015 16:58
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Kellsterik posted:Two words: bake sale.
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Mar 8, 2015 16:59
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Take the back seats out of the cruisers to save fuel. If we need to carry a suspect in them just have them sit on the floor.
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Mar 8, 2015 17:01
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Better yet, use some of the marijuana from lockup, put it in the brownies, then after they buy them bust them for possession and take the brownies back.
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Mar 8, 2015 17:01
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Sidakafitz posted:Better yet, use some of the marijuana from lockup, put it in the brownies, then after they buy them bust them for possession and take the brownies back.
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Mar 8, 2015 17:04
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Enter a police dog in the Westminster Dog Show. How much prize money do you get out of that, anyway? Anybody know?
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Mar 8, 2015 17:08
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Maybe we could plant pot on a suspect, especially if they look to be doing a bit better than the typical blacks in the community, they can pay, and would the judge doubt us at all? Because can't we than impound their car as likley being involved in a drug deal and sell parts from it. While passing it off as "part of the investigation". Best of all the city will cover the lawsuit.
Crowsbeak fucked around with this message at 17:21 on Mar 8, 2015 |
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Mar 8, 2015 17:17
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pick up black residents by their ankles, and shake them upside down hanging over a bag with a dollar sign on it
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Mar 8, 2015 17:21
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What if, every time we get a 911 call, we break into the home of the nearest elderly black grandma (one who isn't the actual caller, of course) and shoot her? Then we toss one of Bill's stupid pot brownies on the couch, claim she was selling drugs, and confiscate all her assets before her family can sort out the will? I mean, it's complicated and all, but might be a better return than our bake sale. Just saying. Or we could just bring the tanks, I guess. Might as well use them, right?
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Mar 8, 2015 17:24
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Let's rent out the gun range for kid's parties!
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Mar 8, 2015 17:25
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do The Running Man but with black adolescents
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Mar 8, 2015 17:27
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If we find the other half to this treasure map, we could be rolling in doubloons and pieces of eight by this time next week.
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Mar 8, 2015 17:28
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paranoid randroid posted:If we find the other half to this treasure map, we could be rolling in doubloons and pieces of eight by this time next week. I hear Old Man Ferguson buried it in the basement of his old manor house.
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Mar 8, 2015 17:30
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clearly the best approach is to bring neighbouring districts under our protection, for which they will pay a commensurate fee to be given a sort of sub-contracting license on their own blacks in return for giving us a share expanding the market, baby. eventually we'll be far enough removed that nobody even realises where it all goes
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Mar 8, 2015 17:30
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Dave's idea sounds like it might actually work...
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Mar 8, 2015 17:31
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Maybe make opening the door to the interrogation room cost a quarter? …look, it's not my fault if you never have change in your pocket, Roger.
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Mar 8, 2015 17:32
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StandardVC10 posted:Maybe make opening the door to the interrogation room cost a quarter? i feel like you're suggesting that we take money from us to go to us. this would seem to be missing the point, which is to take money from those other people to go to us
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Mar 8, 2015 17:33
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V. Illych L. posted:i feel like you're suggesting that we take money from us to go to us. this would seem to be missing the point, which is to take money from those other people to go to us If the suspects don't have change in their pockets we charge them a fine. How about that?
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Mar 8, 2015 17:36
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now you're talking e. i think we should start billing the inmates for jail time, it seems wrong that they should be able to just mooch off us for food and shelter while they're sleeping off their proscribed beatings
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Mar 8, 2015 17:36
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What if we disguise the police station as a sassy black woman with no job and lots of children? Then we can really bring home the bacon!
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Mar 8, 2015 17:37
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V. Illych L. posted:now you're talking (This already happens btw)
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Mar 8, 2015 17:39
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What if we put out a collection jar and say it's for helping out lost kittens? Everybody likes lost kittens, right?
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Mar 8, 2015 17:39
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computer parts posted:(This already happens btw) haha really holy poo poo
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Mar 8, 2015 17:40
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Sundae posted:What if, every time we get a 911 call, we break into the home of the nearest elderly black grandma (one who isn't the actual caller, of course) and shoot her? Then we toss one of Bill's stupid pot brownies on the couch, claim she was selling drugs, and confiscate all her assets before her family can sort out the will? Now we're talking, some real good ideas here. Really we should trademark this so the NYPD doesn't steal this.
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Mar 8, 2015 17:43
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After we beat a suspect, we make them pay for dry cleaning our uniforms. After all, it's THEIR blood, right?
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Mar 8, 2015 17:44
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skaboomizzy posted:After we beat a suspect, we make them pay for dry cleaning our uniforms. After all, it's THEIR blood, right? I thought we already did that?
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Mar 8, 2015 17:44
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could we claim someone's actual identity as an asset to be claimed in a civil forfeiture action? that would be awesome
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Mar 8, 2015 17:49
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Okay, so, do civil forfeiture laws allow us to charge on credit cards and send the bills to the people we took them from? Then we can arrest them for delinquency in repayment? Also, can we, uh, legally, open a bank?
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Mar 8, 2015 17:55
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Effectronica posted:Also, can we, uh, legally, open a bank? Oh, lets just go into loansharking.
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Mar 8, 2015 17:58
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I've just been reading about this Kickstarter thing, and I'm thinking we could do a project where we kickstart justice, like if people give us enough money we'll arrest way more injustice types at roller skating rinks and paintball arenas and all the various places the unjust likely spend time.
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Mar 8, 2015 17:59
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absolutely, crowdfunding is a huge hit, we can make stretch goals for directing police effort and such like, after 10k we focus x work-hours on a field of your choice (it is always going to be drug crimes)
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Mar 8, 2015 18:01
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FactsAreUseless posted:I've just been reading about this Kickstarter thing, and I'm thinking we could do a project where we kickstart justice, like if people give us enough money we'll arrest way more injustice types at roller skating rinks and paintball arenas and all the various places the unjust likely spend time. Shoot some more black kids, bubba. Stormfronters will run GoFundMe campaigns to give you half a million for each kid shot.
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Mar 8, 2015 18:01
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What if--now, hear me out--we sell city stickers for residents who park on certain "high crime" blocks, and then impound all they benzez and suvs when they don't got they stickers? We could start 'em tomorrow, force 'em to come to the PD to buy them, require 2 forms of ID along with an address matching their city registration.
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Mar 8, 2015 18:03
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