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and he goes up to the teller. He says, "I want to apply for a loan." The teller tells the frog that he doesn't do loans and that the frog needs to go talk to their loan officer, Patricia Wack. So the frog hops over to the desk and into a chair and says, "Hello, Ms. Wack. I'd like to apply for a loan." She looks at the frog incredulously but thinks to herself, "Why not? I've given loans to black people, so what the hell?" Pat Wack says to the frog, "Well, first of all, it's Mrs. Wack, but I can help you apply for a loan. We'll just need to fill out some forms. What's you're name?" The frog says, "My name is Kermit." At this point Mrs. Wack is thinking to herself, "Oh boy, this has got to be a joke. A talking frog wants a loan, and now he says his name is Kermit? Give me a break!" Well the frog can tell what's going on, because he's heard this before and he says, "I know what you're thinking, and no, I'm not THAT Kermit the frog. That's my uncle. His sister is my mom. She was married to my father, Mick Jagger, for a while and they had me." "Well, OK Kermit." says Mrs. Wack. "Do you have a business plan?" "Yes, I've had it faxed over from my lawyer's office. It should have arrived at your office this morning." "Very good then," says Mrs. Wack. "Do you have any collateral?" The frog opens the paper bag and pulls out a small ceramic Eiffel Tower. He puts it on the desk and says, "All I have is this." Well Mrs. Wack is getting really flustered because this is so loving stupid. She has no idea what the hell do do with a little statue as collateral. People usually put up property or cash or something, not some little figurine. She has no idea how to even proceed so she picks up the little Eiffel Tower, looks at it and says, "I need to go ask my manager about this." She goes to the bank manager and starts to tell the story. When she gets to the part about collateral, she produces the ceramic tchotchke and says, "What the heck is this? How can I use this as collateral?" The manager looks at her and says, "It's a knick-nack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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Mar 27, 2015 18:53
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I don't get it. What does the frog need the loan for??
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Mar 27, 2015 18:55
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BigBoss posted:"Why not? I've given loans to black people, so what the hell?"
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Mar 27, 2015 18:55
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a hole-y ghost posted:I don't get it. What does the frog need the loan for?? A charcuterie restaurant He's a little behind the times.
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Mar 27, 2015 18:57
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A psychotherapists' secretary buzzes him on the phone and says "Sir, a new patient is here and he claims to be invisible." 'Tell him I can't see him now.'
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Mar 27, 2015 19:00
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a hole-y ghost posted:I don't get it. What does the frog need the loan for?? did you not read the part about his lawyer faxing over his business proposal?
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Mar 27, 2015 19:00
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Voted one
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Mar 27, 2015 19:01
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This thread is way too good to not be stickied. I'm already making a short list of people I'm gonna probate.
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Mar 27, 2015 19:50
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BigBoss posted:I'm already making a short list of people I'm gonna probate. It's a list lost, Big Boss, give the goons a break. They don't know how much is at stake.
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Mar 27, 2015 20:05
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YeahSo! posted:It's a list lost, Big Boss, give the goons a break. They don't know how much is at stake. They'll know. They'll all know...
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Mar 27, 2015 22:07
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Mar 27, 2015 22:08
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Mar 27, 2015 22:26
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BigBoss posted:and he goes up to the teller. He says, "I want to apply for a loan." lol
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Mar 27, 2015 22:28
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William Tells' heirs were actually quite good at ten pin. It was going to be in the latest biography, but the librarian misplaced the documents. Its kind of sad. If they can't find it we'll never know for who the Tells bowled.
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Mar 27, 2015 22:51
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I dont think frogs can talk.
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Mar 27, 2015 22:55
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A man walks into a psychiatrists office. He says "Doc.. doc, you gotta help me!" "Ok," sighs the doctor, "whats your problem?" The man shakes his head, and looks down to his feet. "Well, I keep having this recurring dream, Doc.." The doctor looks up at the patient, "Oh? Go on." "Yeah, Doc... I keep having this dream. First, I'm a wigwam. Then, I'm a tepee. I'm a wigwam again. Then, I'm a tepee.", explains the bewildered guy. "Oh, thats simple.", explains the doctor with a wry smirk, "You're too tents."
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Mar 27, 2015 22:58
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So... Lil johnny had heard rumors that Grandpa knew some really cool magic tricks. One day lil johnny got up the nerve to ask his grandpa about those tricks. "Well, ill show you a very secret trick, but you have to meet me by the wood pile", said grandpa. Being the stalwart little man that Johnny was, he hot footed it over to the wood pile. "Pull down your pants lil johnny, im going to stick my finger up your butt", said grandpa as he was leaned over in an awkward position. The pleats of his slacks looked different today. Little johnny, the stalwart little man, did as his grandpa asked and pulled down his trousers. Then johnny felt two hands on his shoulders. Grandpa whispered in johnny's ear, "Its magic". The sun set that day and johnny cried when he went to bed that night. I actually just typed that poo poo out. gently caress you, pay me.
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Mar 27, 2015 23:03
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hey hey hey this isnt trannydreams.txt this is dadjokes.txt
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Mar 27, 2015 23:05
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West SAAB Story posted:hey hey hey this isnt trannydreams.txt this is dadjokes.txt That was a dad joke. You jerk. 
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Mar 27, 2015 23:07
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your dad makes incest/sodomy jokes? that 'splains some things.
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Mar 27, 2015 23:08
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Who was Mrs. Wack's husband? Was it also Mick Jagger? Is that why she was so angry?
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Mar 27, 2015 23:08
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West SAAB Story posted:your dad makes incest/sodomy jokes? that 'splains some things. 
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Mar 27, 2015 23:14
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i like norm macdonald too but i dont know if i'd ever type his longest jokes out as threads
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Mar 27, 2015 23:15
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What is a Mexican hairdressers fav pizza place? Little Caesars! U should make a scissor cutting gesture While u say the punchline go share it with a loved one today
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Mar 27, 2015 23:17
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shitpost!shitpost!
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Mar 27, 2015 23:18
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West SAAB Story posted:shitpost!shitpost! Some posters here have loved ones give them a chance to tell it
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Mar 27, 2015 23:19
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social vegan posted:Some posters here have loved ones give them a chance to tell it i like the new av
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Mar 27, 2015 23:22
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West SAAB Story posted:i like the new av Oh u flirt
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Mar 27, 2015 23:24
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social vegan posted:Oh u flirt gotta webcam? 
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Mar 27, 2015 23:25
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lol
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Mar 27, 2015 23:55
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what him name, OP
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Mar 27, 2015 23:58
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DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:what him name, OP Can you loving read? Him Name Kermit Green Frog idiot.
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Mar 28, 2015 00:04
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Biggu Bossu
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Mar 28, 2015 00:05
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voted 1
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Mar 28, 2015 00:14
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Modern Day Hercules posted:Can you loving read? Him Name Kermit Green Frog idiot. um it's probably actually Kermit Jagger, as his father is Mick Jagger the question was rhetorical and meant to evoke the autistic boy who had lost his frog, and subsequently promised to find his frog, along with whoever took his frog
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Mar 28, 2015 00:36
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long-winded jokes that end with a pun or similar wordplay are the worst
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Mar 28, 2015 00:37
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DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:um it's probably actually Kermit Jagger, as his father is Mick Jagger The frog's a bastard and he has his mother's last name. There's a thousand children of Mick Jagger and they're all bastards.
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Mar 28, 2015 00:38
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frogbastard the australian frog that had a gbs cult of personality around its lovely pirate frog skull comics
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Mar 28, 2015 00:40
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I'm emotionally invested in the frog now. Can you tell us what happens next? 
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Mar 28, 2015 00:42
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bad froggger!
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Mar 28, 2015 00:51
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