I tried shitting on a girl at a subway

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > I tried shitting on a girl at a subway

Tsinava: Nov 15, 2009; by Ralp

I boarded a crowded tram this afternoon and i saw this girl taking up 4 seats because she was sleeping on them and was using some stuffed anime thing as a pillow while wearing a hat with eyes and wolf ears on it. She so viscerally infuriated me and i had really bad diarrhea so i decided to defecate on her.

When i pulled down my pants everyone in the vicinity looked away except one small hispanic child who began taking pictures with her cell phone. i positioned my rear end over the sleeping woman's prostrate legs and as we approached the next station i began straining to defecate as hard as possible. She woke up and said "what the gently caress are you doing" then i immediately spewed poo poo all over her lower body as she helplessly screamed and clutched her kyuubey plushy. I pulled my pants up as fast as possible and ran out of the subway doors as soon as the the train stopped.

This happened 4 days ago in chicago and i havent gotten any tickets or anythig yet so im crossing my fingers. If i do get arrested though it was worth it

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:01

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 03:01

psyopmonkey: Nov 15, 2008; by Lowtax

Quality posting.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:02

DONKEY SALAMI: Jun 28, 2008; donkey? donkey?

This is like combining the fugitive with my fetus

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:04

Giraffe: Dec 12, 2005; Soiled Meat

Literal shitposting.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:04

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

This wouldn't have happened if you had a gun

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:04

Muerte: Jan 22, 2015

Tsinava posted:

some stuffed anime thing as a pillow

screamed and clutched her kyuubey plushy

Hmm, something doesn't add up here.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:05

psyopmonkey: Nov 15, 2008; by Lowtax

VendaGoat posted:

This wouldn't have happened if you had a gun

Dookie Guns ITT

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:05

Tsinava: Nov 15, 2009; by Ralp

I want to let you all know that by "this afternoon" and "4 days ago in chicago" i really mean to say "im schizophrenic and unmedicated"

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:05

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

How's Jesus doing? I haven't heard from that gently caress since he borrowed twenty bucks and a bottle of wine.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:07

DONKEY SALAMI: Jun 28, 2008; donkey? donkey?

Wait si you pooped on yourself in subway?

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:08

Tsinava: Nov 15, 2009; by Ralp

Jesus is doing fin

donkey salami posted:

Wait si you pooped on yourself in subway?

I have pooped on someone in a subway or subwaylike scenario within the last 5 days and im pretty sure it was a woman

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:09

DONKEY SALAMI: Jun 28, 2008; donkey? donkey?

Drunk took some laxatives before bed

No subway

If stick drunk find recycling bins maybe cant hit maul boxes I think

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:28

krustysean: Dec 25, 2014

Op, i still think you aimed too low on this one. Grow a pair and risk a headshot next time.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:31

Kirs: Dec 5, 2014; Apart from drinking, there is absolutely nothing to do here.

Post making GBS threads.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:56

Blackdog420: Sep 10, 2009; born to roam

OP is just a delusional who accidentally poo poo himself. don't fall into his power fantasy.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 08:57

Tsinava: Nov 15, 2009; by Ralp

krustysean posted:

Op, i still think you aimed too low on this one. Grow a pair and risk a headshot next time.

I wanted to be able to look into her eyes as I shat on her.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 09:00

Rapman the Cook: Aug 24, 2013; by Ralp

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDWgsQhbaqU

# ? Mar 28, 2015 09:03

Nude Bog Lurker: Jan 2, 2007; Fun Shoe

poo poo. Piled high. Your anus plumb gave out.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 09:04

chaosbreather: Dec 9, 2001; Wry and wise,
but also very sexual.

finally some realism in posting

# ? Mar 28, 2015 09:09

NurhacisUrn: Jul 18, 2013; All I can think about is your wife and a horse.
We are working on some SERIOUS SHIT in here.

Expert artist's rendition of possible events:

# ? Mar 28, 2015 09:29

texting my ex: Nov 15, 2008; I am no one
I cannot squat
It's in my blood

Tsinava posted:

I boarded a crowded tram this afternoon and i saw this girl taking up 4 seats because she was sleeping on them and was using some stuffed anime thing as a pillow while wearing a hat with eyes and wolf ears on it. She so viscerally infuriated me and i had really bad diarrhea so i decided to defecate on her.

When i pulled down my pants everyone in the vicinity looked away except one small hispanic child who began taking pictures with her cell phone. i positioned my rear end over the sleeping woman's prostrate legs and as we approached the next station i began straining to defecate as hard as possible. She woke up and said "what the gently caress are you doing" then i immediately spewed poo poo all over her lower body as she helplessly screamed and clutched her kyuubey plushy. I pulled my pants up as fast as possible and ran out of the subway doors as soon as the the train stopped.

This happened 4 days ago in chicago and i havent gotten any tickets or anythig yet so im crossing my fingers. If i do get arrested though it was worth it

nice post m8

# ? Mar 28, 2015 09:34

krustysean: Dec 25, 2014

Tsinava posted:

I wanted to be able to look into her eyes as I shat on her.

I thought she was sleeping? ;-) Nice words though Op, 'twas an epic tale. I suspect it was a fantasy, but not all is lost. You could still be a wonderful shithouse poet. Send us a pic of your latest creation if you decide to take up this career.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 10:23

Tsinava: Nov 15, 2009; by Ralp

They don't need to be awake for you to look into their eyes. Sleeping people still have eyes.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 10:26

Tsinava: Nov 15, 2009; by Ralp

I'm pretty sure i poo poo on somebody okayx it wasnt empty space. I poo poo on a real, breathing, screaming person

# ? Mar 28, 2015 10:26

Lawrence Gilchrist: Mar 31, 2010

Guns wouldn't have happened if you had this (making GBS threads)

# ? Mar 28, 2015 10:35

Lawrence Gilchrist: Mar 31, 2010

poo poo is on the tongues and fingers of many a poster this fortnight

# ? Mar 28, 2015 10:36

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

Is it that hard to get your facts straight in a paragraph long story OP? Better hope you never get arrested for this or future making GBS threads adventures.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 10:52

Bowlcutbarricade: Dec 27, 2014

Tsinava posted:

everyone in the vicinity looked away except one small hispanic child who began taking pictures with her cell phone.

So where can I see these pics?

# ? Mar 28, 2015 10:55

Node: May 20, 2001; KICKED IN THE COOTER; Taco Defender

Tsinava posted:

I boarded a crowded tram this afternoon and i saw this girl taking up 4 seats because she was sleeping on them and was using some stuffed anime thing as a pillow while wearing a hat with eyes and wolf ears on it. She so viscerally infuriated me and i had really bad diarrhea so i decided to defecate on her.

When i pulled down my pants everyone in the vicinity looked away except one small hispanic child who began taking pictures with her cell phone. i positioned my rear end over the sleeping woman's prostrate legs and as we approached the next station i began straining to defecate as hard as possible. She woke up and said "what the gently caress are you doing" then i immediately spewed poo poo all over her lower body as she helplessly screamed and clutched her kyuubey plushy. I pulled my pants up as fast as possible and ran out of the subway doors as soon as the the train stopped.

This happened 4 days ago in chicago and i havent gotten any tickets or anythig yet so im crossing my fingers. If i do get arrested though it was worth it

# ? Mar 28, 2015 10:58

Fergus Mac Roich: Nov 5, 2008; Soiled Meat

any hemorrhoids from the straining op?

# ? Mar 28, 2015 11:00

krampster2: Jun 26, 2014

Tsinava posted:

I boarded a crowded tram this afternoon and i saw this girl taking up 4 seats because she was sleeping on them and was using some stuffed anime thing as a pillow while wearing a hat with eyes and wolf ears on it. She so viscerally infuriated me and i had really bad diarrhea so i decided to defecate on her.

realtalk i know an irl girl who has like 500 and something games on steam and is obsessed with anime (she's not my friend) so yeah gamer anime girls are real just fyi for all those goons out there looking for a similar goonette to share their love with you just gotta keep looking and you'll find her out there someday

# ? Mar 28, 2015 11:13

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Tsinava posted:

I want to let you all know that by "this afternoon" and "4 days ago in chicago" i really mean to say "im schizophrenic and unmedicated"

You don't say :wth:

# ? Mar 28, 2015 12:15

satanic splash-back: Jan 28, 2009

krampster2 posted:

realtalk i know an irl girl who has like 500 and something games on steam and is obsessed with anime (she's not my friend) so yeah gamer anime girls are real just fyi for all those goons out there looking for a similar goonette to share their love with you just gotta keep looking and you'll find her out there someday

That's a relief, I was considering offing myself today but I guess I'll keep looking.

# ? Mar 28, 2015 13:17

ArmedZombie: Jun 6, 2004

krampster2 posted:

realtalk i know an irl girl who has like 500 and something games on steam and is obsessed with anime (she's not my friend) so yeah gamer anime girls are real just fyi for all those goons out there looking for a similar goonette to share their love with you just gotta keep looking and you'll find her out there someday

actually rates of autism are much lower in females so only about 20% of you will

# ? Mar 28, 2015 13:34