farting in front of grills/friends/wives

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > farting in front of grills/friends/wives

nastynaven: Mar 27, 2015; by Ralp

i'm still too much of a gentleman to do this. never get comfortable enough. but if the chick is a total stranger or a one night stand, i just frap away.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:20

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 03:10

nastynaven: Mar 27, 2015; by Ralp

oh i forgot you guys have never had girlfriends/wives. wrong forum.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:26

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

zing
successful thread op :thumbsup:

twist ending

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:27

nastynaven: Mar 27, 2015; by Ralp

gary oldmans diary posted:

zing
successful thread op
twist ending

yes. someone here gave me approval. TAKE THAT, DAD!

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:27

givepatajob: Apr 8, 2003; One finds that this is the best of all possible worlds.

If your wife can't outfart you, then you chose wrong.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:29

Literal Carehaver: Oct 20, 2014; by Cowcaster

someday i will have wife i will fart in front of her and she will fart in front of me

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:29

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfJY8E7FXD4

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:29

nonazis: Oct 13, 2014; The ants. They're everywhere, man. Big fuckers.

I also feel like i gotta take shits as quickly as possible, so she thinks I'm just taking a piss. :ninja:

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:31

Cyril Sneer: Aug 8, 2004; Life would be simple in the forest except for Cyril Sneer. And his life would be simple except for The Raccoons.

I do it intentionally as a sign of dominance.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:31

Pauline Kael: Oct 9, 2012; by Shine

Cyril Sneer posted:

I do it intentionally as a sign of dominance.

fo' rildo

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:34

nastynaven: Mar 27, 2015; by Ralp

Cyril Sneer posted:

I do it intentionally as a sign of dominance.

especially during blowjobs.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:37

Sibilant Crisp: Jul 4, 2014

constantly

# ? Mar 29, 2015 17:55

Jose Oquendo: Jun 20, 2004; Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

When driving with your wife, GF, whatever, lock the windows and start letting them rip. Then count how many seconds it takes for her to notice.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 18:21

lorn Wayne: Jan 7, 2006

just used this in another thread but I guess it's appropriate?

tell her you're trying to lose weight and get fit.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 18:23

Mnoba: Jun 24, 2010

despite how funny you might think it might be to fart and act like they are rocket boosters during coitus don't she/he won't be laughing

# ? Mar 29, 2015 18:25

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

Give Pat a Job posted:

If your wife can't outfart you, then you chose wrong.

i can never truly respect a man incapable of outfarting me

# ? Mar 29, 2015 18:26

Obligatory Handle: Feb 27, 2004; by Lowtax

My wife literally farted as I read this thread title.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 18:29

Jose Oquendo: Jun 20, 2004; Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

Mnoba posted:

despite how funny you might think it might be to fart and act like they are rocket boosters during coitus don't she/he won't be laughing

If you're gonna fart during sex it should be when she's blowing you. And since we're not sexist, it's ok for a girl to fart when you're going down on her.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 18:39

Bro Nerd Alpha: Aug 27, 2012; going on pussy patrol

My gf farted once while I was going down on her and we both thought it was the funniest thing. We didn't acknowledge it until after the fact but her reasoning was "we had lasagna and I had 4 glasses of wine, what did you think was going to happen"

# ? Mar 29, 2015 18:52

Chris Christie: Dec 26, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

Not only do I not fart around the Mrs., I also do my business in the guest bathroom.

I'm already a disgusting, hairy, sweaty ape. Why make myself even less sexually appealing with something that is actually within my power to control?

# ? Mar 29, 2015 18:56

Bonzo: Mar 11, 2004; Just like Mama used to make it!

CUPPA CHEESE!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jkmw9oGIDhI

# ? Mar 29, 2015 19:07

Shawn: Feb 6, 2003; I yiffed two people at once and all I got was laughed at.

My wife told me this morning that she was dreaming that she was talking to me and i asked her "What do you want me to do?" and she responded, "Stop farting those smelly farts." then she woke up and realized I ripped one in real life.

You can't control that poo poo in your sleep.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 19:14

Jose Oquendo: Jun 20, 2004; Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

Shawn posted:

My wife told me this morning that she was dreaming that she was talking to me and i asked her "What do you want me to do?" and she responded, "Stop farting those smelly farts." then she woke up and realized I ripped one in real life.

You can't control that poo poo in your sleep.

Hell yeah man. I love when I wake up in the mornings for work and the bedroom smells like the inside of my intestines.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 19:15

Zeroisanumber: Oct 23, 2010; Nap Ghost

Farts are inevitable, and usually funny.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 19:16

a real rude dude: Jan 23, 2005

the smell from a fart is actually because of tiny pieces of poo in the air

# ? Mar 29, 2015 19:19

Zeroisanumber: Oct 23, 2010; Nap Ghost

david... posted:

the smell from a fart is actually because of tiny pieces of poo in the air

The entire world is covered, including you and everything that you touch or eat, by a thin film of bacterial feces.

# ? Mar 29, 2015 19:22

a real rude dude: Jan 23, 2005

why make it worse

# ? Mar 29, 2015 19:24

Twat Nosferatu: Aug 14, 2008

Give Pat a Job posted:

If your wife can't outfart you, then you chose wrong.

Plus I don't fart that much tbh, strict diet mostly.

# ? Mar 30, 2015 15:03

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

just get on all fours and crawl out of the room while meowing. she will never suspect the truth

# ? Mar 30, 2015 15:33

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Serious Frolicking posted:

just get on all fours and crawl out of the room while meowing. she will never suspect the truth

meowing from ur butt

# ? Mar 30, 2015 15:37

ZombieParts: Jul 18, 2009; ASK ME ABOUT VISITING PROSTITUTES IN CHINA AND FEELING NO SHAME. MY FRIEND IS SERIOUSLY THE (PATHETIC) YODA OF PAYING WOMEN TO TOUCH HIS (AND MY) DICK. THEY WOULDN'T DO IT OTHERWISE.

I don't do it and I don't appreciate farty girls at loving all. I had a girlfriend who would mow through a tin of smoked oysters before bed and spend at least 1/2 an hour ripping the nastiest farts on earth. Talk about honeymoon phase being over

# ? Mar 30, 2015 15:39

SopWATh: Jun 1, 2000

It happens, don't squeeze them out though. I mean, I'd like to keep picturing her as a lady and I want her to see me as a gentleman.

# ? Mar 30, 2015 15:53

Chubbs: Feb 13, 2008; In a thousand years, Gandahar was destroyed. A thousand years ago, Gandahar will be saved, and what can't be avoided will be.; Grimey Drawer

Go 1000 years into the future and people will still be laughing at farts. It's p much the funniest thing the body can do.

# ? Mar 30, 2015 15:58

InsanityIsCrazy: Jan 25, 2003; by Lowtax

just blame the dog

# ? Mar 30, 2015 16:07

Un chien andalou: Oct 22, 2008; The pipe is leaking

smelly shits are way more of a turn off than farts tbh

# ? Mar 30, 2015 16:40

Lord Frankenstyle: Dec 3, 2005; Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.

It's okay if it's other peoples wives and girlfriends, while they are blowing you.

Who will they tell?

# ? Mar 30, 2015 16:46

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Chubbs posted:

Go 1000 years into the future and people will still be laughing at farts. It's p much the funniest thing the body can do.

I want to go to one of those primitive villages in the amazon or new guinea or whatever and do the ol' 'fake sneeze fart' to the natives and see if they laugh. bet they would.

# ? Mar 30, 2015 16:51