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a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:
jesus take the wheel!

*jesus drives van into a canal*

:lol:

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Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.
Weren't praying hard enough.

WINNINGHARD
Oct 4, 2014

i believe in christ's love.

LP0 ON FIRE
Jan 25, 2006

beep boop
It's Jesus, the driving god
The god that drives a car
He drives around
All over the town
It's Jesus the driving God

JESUS, LOOK OUT!

FedEx Mercury
Jan 7, 2004

Me bad posting? That's unpossible!
Lipstick Apathy
It wasn't a WBC van, unfortunately.

Noblesse Obliged
Apr 7, 2012

was a case of distracted driving.

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:

Noblesse Obliged posted:

was a case of distracted driving.



*kim answers*

*jesus just breaths heavily, not saying anything*

ghlbtsk
Apr 19, 2005

these bath mats
are
GORGEOUS

Noblesse Obliged posted:

was a case of distracted driving.



What are you wearing?

ditty bout my clitty
May 28, 2011

by FactsAreUseless
Fun Shoe

Noblesse Obliged posted:

was a case of distracted driving.



Her boyfriend was hispanic.

LP0 ON FIRE
Jan 25, 2006

beep boop

Noblesse Obliged posted:

was a case of distracted driving.



A case of distracted driving in the 80's? That phone is huge.

a mysterious cloak
Apr 5, 2003

Leave me alone, dad, I'm with my friends!


This thread rules.

lilljonas
May 6, 2007

We got crabs? We got crabs!
If Jesus is so great, how come Christians die?

You never see a Jewish die, just sayin' they're on to something.

Whiskey Sours
Jan 25, 2014

Weather proof.

lilljonas posted:

If Jesus is so great, how come Christians die?

You never see a Jewish die, just sayin' they're on to something.

The Holocaust only killed off the weakest Jews, the ones who survived are stronger due to natural selection. Thanks a lot Hitler.

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:

lilljonas posted:

If Jesus is so great, how come Christians die?

You never see a Jewish die, just sayin' they're on to something.

if jesus is so great, how come all non-christians are still alive?

lilljonas
May 6, 2007

We got crabs? We got crabs!

Whiskey Sours posted:

The Holocaust only killed off the weakest Jews, the ones who survived are stronger due to natural selection. Thanks a lot Hitler.

:chanpop:
The real ubermenschen?!

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

they're in heaven so it's okay. the real suckers are the survivors. they're in the material world with broken bones, incredible pain and permanent scars. lol!

also devastating medical bills

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:

Mr. Pumroy posted:

they're in heaven so it's okay. the real suckers are the survivors. they're in the material world with broken bones, incredible pain and permanent scars. lol!

also devastating medical bills

they were sinners who touched themselves. even the 4 year old. ESPECIALLY the 4 year old.

china bot
Sep 7, 2014

you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX
Plaster Town Cop

Nostratic posted:

This thread rules.

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:

Nostratic posted:

This thread rules.

:respek:

Ape Fist
Feb 23, 2007

Nowadays, you can do anything that you want; anal, oral, fisting, but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.
Mash my fanny with your holy bollocks o' LORD.

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:

Ape Fist posted:

Mash my fanny with your holy bollocks o' LORD.

currently pulling on my cock in the most godly manner possible

Ape Fist
Feb 23, 2007

Nowadays, you can do anything that you want; anal, oral, fisting, but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.
I'm a randy handy slag for Christ's mad wicked todger, get in my son.

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:

Ape Fist posted:

I'm a randy handy slag for Christ's mad wicked todger, get in my son.

:eyepop: goddam talk about christ's love

old beast lunatic
Nov 3, 2004

by Hand Knit
I'm in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Its very gay.

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

gay-ry on my son

im pooping!
Nov 17, 2006


some lady in oklahoma was on the news and the building she was in was hit by a tornado and she and a bunch of kids survived when she got them into a tornado shelter and when she was being interviewed she said god saved them

literally everyone in my house started yelling at the tv about how stupid that sounded

FoolyCharged
Oct 11, 2012

Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

Jesus take the wheel!

Wait poo poo, we can't steer! Jesus, bring back th...!

Lord Frankenstyle
Dec 3, 2005

Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "I was building a Tornado shelter, bitch."

old beast lunatic
Nov 3, 2004

by Hand Knit
I'd rather have other dead celebrities take the wheel. Paul Walker maybe?

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:
jesus took the wheel but was drunk as gently caress

Yaos
Feb 22, 2003

She is a cat of significant gravy.
I hope this happened in that dumbass state that made it legal to drive big rear end vans without a license and the driver did not have a license.

Noblesse Obliged
Apr 7, 2012

A misanthrope posted:

jesus took the wheel but was drunk as gently caress

his blood is wine. no wonder

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
Jesus doesn't even know how to drive, in fact most modern technology would probably frighten him. No wonder they loving crashed.

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

lol when jesus returns i'm going to show him my smart phone

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

jesus was a stone-aged caveman , ignorant of the ways of the world, but it's hard to say that his heart wasnt in the right place

old beast lunatic
Nov 3, 2004

by Hand Knit

Mr. Pumroy posted:

lol when jesus returns i'm going to show him my smart phone

I'm going to get jesus really stoned and we're going to co-op borderlands.

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:

Noblesse Obliged posted:

his blood is wine. no wonder

whould you get a buzz suckin his god dick?

Kuato posted:

Jesus doesn't even know how to drive, in fact most modern technology would probably frighten him. No wonder they loving crashed.

lol this brings up some funny imagery in my mind

a mysterious cloak
Apr 5, 2003

Leave me alone, dad, I'm with my friends!



The Renaissance masterpiece "Copping a feel of Christ"

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
god helps those that help themselves

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Redmanred
Aug 29, 2005

My hometown japan
:japan:
Jesus wasn't much of a co-pilot

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