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Ancient Mariner
Jan 14, 2015

by Lowtax
Call me crazy, but my wife of five years left me the other week for a vegan manlet fueled by starbucks and kale. I'm so emotionally drained lately, I don't know what to do.

Usually when I'm stressed out or feeling down I talk to my wife but that's obviously not possible. She was apparently cheating on me for almost a year and finally left me for him. This is awful. He's some sort of graphic designer but I don't know how he can afford his place because I there's no way he could afford it on that level of pay.

Could I hire a PI to look him up? He's got a lot of tattoos so he's pretty identifiable. This is all just so aggravating.

Kate, if you see this, gently caress you.

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Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
Why would you hire a PI?

secondpost
Mar 30, 2015

by Ralp
:secondpost:

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here
You didn't give her what she needed.

THE PENETRATOR
Jul 27, 2014

by Lowtax

lol

Ancient Mariner
Jan 14, 2015

by Lowtax

hey hivemind can you just give me $15 bucks instead of making new accounts?

verily carefree
Apr 5, 2014

you dated her before she was cool. whose the real hipster here

FAROOQ
Aug 20, 2014

by Smythe
I'm sorry you married zoe quinn op.

de_dust
Jan 21, 2009

she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.
good

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

Axeface
Feb 28, 2009

He Who Walks
Behind The Aisles
The kind of woman who would cheat on her husband with a vegan is ultimately not worth dwelling on, and you should use the pain as fuel to excel your limitations and make her regret her foolish decision.

old beast lunatic
Nov 3, 2004

by Hand Knit
The experts over at E/N might disagree but I'd say the first step is kill your famil

Indy
Mar 30, 2005

Hey guys, what's up?
Your ex wife sounds like a lovely person so you are better off without her. Just enjoy being single instead. Make sure to not take her back if she changes her mind (this is important).

West SAAB Story
Mar 13, 2014

by Athanatos

(and can't post for 288 days!)

Axeface posted:

The kind of woman who would cheat on her husband with a vegan is ultimately not worth dwelling on

well she obv isn't into oral

Beige
Sep 13, 2004
I'm surprised most goons can sustain a relationship at all.

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
Hipsters are pretty silly but like, compared to a goon theyre a catch tbh

Your wife just moved up in the world yo

ArmedZombie
Jun 6, 2004

get a good lawyer and gently caress her in the divorce settlement

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.

Ancient Mariner posted:

my wife of five years left me the other week for a vegan manlet fueled by starbucks and kale.

More of a man than you, apparently :lol:

Ancient Mariner
Jan 14, 2015

by Lowtax
Unless I do something quick I'm going to lose the house :(

Really though, what can I do? I'm at my wits ends and can't take it.

Dig through his dumpster? Spy on him? Beat his manlet rear end with his own u-bar lock?

Universally, I'd love it if terrible things happened to him.

Mostly physical.

But really I just want closure.

Axeface
Feb 28, 2009

He Who Walks
Behind The Aisles
i feel like spending all of your emotional energy and time on a battle that you have already lost is definitely the way forward

lawyer up and protect yourself

old beast lunatic
Nov 3, 2004

by Hand Knit
Are you an airline pilot and/or really into Allah?

Hobohemian
Sep 30, 2005

by XyloJW
It would be hilarious if someone got left, and then lost everything in the divorce. Like, how much of a bitch do you gotta be for that to happen?

West SAAB Story
Mar 13, 2014

by Athanatos

(and can't post for 288 days!)

Just hit a thrift shop and buy about $20 worth of vinyl put it on and he'll beat his path (and his meat) to your door

Rime
Nov 2, 2011

by Games Forum
Well, OP, at least he's not an unemployed Warhammer 40k addict and full-time LARP'er, living off his parents in his late twenties. That'd be a real blow to your ego and psychological health, let me tell you.

You can still pretend you're more desirable and secure in life than him, and your soon-to-be-ex wife is just a plain old whore!

:boom:

Darkman Fanpage
Jul 4, 2012
congrats on your cuck

veedubfreak
Apr 2, 2005

by Smythe
Anyone that uses the term "manlet" deserves anything that happens to them.

root of all eval
Dec 28, 2002


fukin lol

Beige
Sep 13, 2004

veedubfreak posted:

Anyone that uses the term "manlet" deserves anything that happens to them.

Alien Sex Manual
Dec 14, 2010

is not a sandwich

Hobohemian posted:

It would be hilarious if someone got left, and then lost everything in the divorce. Like, how much of a bitch do you gotta be for that to happen?

Hopefully as much of a bitch as OP.

Oh Hell No
Oct 10, 2007

I've got the world on a string.


Axeface posted:

The kind of woman who would cheat on her husband with a vegan is ultimately not worth dwelling on, and you should use the pain as fuel to excel your limitations and make her regret her foolish decision.

el B
Jan 30, 2004
holler.
manlet?

lorn Wayne
Jan 7, 2006

:staredog::meowth::pipe:
I'm a PI, i snapped a pic of him mourning your loss:



that'll be 314 bucks please

Raku
Nov 7, 2012

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Roll Tide
She's going to wither away and die now that she's switching to vegan jizz anyway

Nuclearmonkee
Jun 10, 2009


Ancient Mariner posted:

Unless I do something quick I'm going to lose the house :(

Really though, what can I do? I'm at my wits ends and can't take it.

Dig through his dumpster? Spy on him? Beat his manlet rear end with his own u-bar lock?

Universally, I'd love it if terrible things happened to him.

Mostly physical.

But really I just want closure.

e/n is leaking

my advice is to kill your famil

root of all eval
Dec 28, 2002

If my wife left me I would feel betrayed, but also at peace knowing I am a good man, and an elite DOTA player. Love would find me in due course.

root of all eval
Dec 28, 2002

Ancient Mariner posted:

Unless I do something quick I'm going to lose the house :(

Really though, what can I do? I'm at my wits ends and can't take it.

Dig through his dumpster? Spy on him? Beat his manlet rear end with his own u-bar lock?

Universally, I'd love it if terrible things happened to him.

Mostly physical.

But really I just want closure.

In a few states evidence of infidelity can hugely change divorce proceedings. Laywer up dawg.

root beer
Nov 13, 2005

was a caramel macchiato involved :v: ?

didn't actually read and don't actually care, op, just keeping the spirit of dumb tired hipster threads alive

haris pilton
Sep 4, 2014

I love you

Nuclearmonkee
Jun 10, 2009


Titus Sardonicus posted:

was a caramel macchiato involved :v: ?

didn't actually read and don't actually care, op, just keeping the spirit of dumb tired hipster threads alive

grande non fat upside down caramel machiatto to be precise

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root of all eval
Dec 28, 2002

What is kale though?

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