Croatio: A Land of Contrasts

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A SWEATY FATBEARD: Oct 6, 2012; GAY 4 ORGANS

Fuuuck. I'm broke. Spent the last $4 on a pack of cigs which I burned off a few hours ago. Then my friend brought me more cigs which I'm smoking now but I'm out of beer GODDAMNIT.

What happened is that one of my tenants hasn't paid his rent this month (haven't seen this one coming, really) and I ended up having to live on $200 for the past month, the most of which was wisely invested in beer and smokes. Haven't paid any of the utilities and the power company is getting real antsy about my $300 debt for some reason (I'm only about two months late)

So this is the prologue. I need to tell you more stuff tho.

I thought that hey, maybe I could use the ole "get a job you loser" rationale and I went out and got a loving job.

Was supposed to start working a week ago.

However.

I got high as a kite on biperiden the night before (it's a deliriant, think "Ambien the Unholy") and wrecked my poo poo real good. I consumed a heroic amount of pills, lost my mind and started ingesting every chemical in the apartment I could lay my paws upon. I ate all of my antidepressants but ended up chewing them, and, noticing they taste bad, spit them out the apartment window and onto the downstairs people's laundry.

At one point I accidentally some dish soap. This resulted in violent puking and not much later, a foamy poop volcano.

I passed out in a pool of puke at this point. The puke has soaked into the hardwood floor and now the apartment smells like a filthy litterbox containing cat chunks and rotting watermelon. I mopped the floor this afternoon but the whole place still stinks. I may have puked in a mystery location so in the morning imma get on all fours and search for more puke.

Now, what happened is that I poo poo my pants on the day I was supposed to start working (at a paper mill), and the lady from the factory was not impressed when I told her what happened - it was one of those moronically honest moments when you start talking about puke (and soap) to a random stranger.

I had essentially fired myself right on the spot, without even having to leave my place. This is basement dwelling 2.0.

Now I need to find $300 so I won't be disconnected from the Internet due to a profound lack of electricity. Any ideas (preferrably something that doesn't involve a lot of work, such as leaving my room etc.)

# ? Mar 30, 2015 23:23

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 19:18

Who Is Paul Blart: Oct 22, 2010

Lol

# ? Mar 30, 2015 23:31

Aphelion Necrology: Jul 17, 2005; Take care of the dead and the dead will take care of you

Suck a couple dicks.

# ? Mar 30, 2015 23:42

Iseeyouseemeseeyou: Jan 3, 2011

poo poo a couple more pants and it should work out

# ? Mar 30, 2015 23:50

Arkanomen: May 6, 2007; All he wants is a hug

Take more pills I guess. Worked well the last time. Good luck buddy!

# ? Mar 31, 2015 00:02

Hollismason: Jun 30, 2007; Get ready for Price Time, Bitch

You said you didn't want to leave your apartment so I would suggest using Craigslist to say that you are M4M then when they get there explain you will gladly take it up the ole poop shoot for them to pay your electric bill.

This way you don't have to leave your apartment.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 00:02

Milkshake Stranger: Feb 8, 2010

I guess drugs are pretty awesome then.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 00:04

PT6A: Jan 5, 2006; Public school teachers are callous dictators who won't lift a finger to stop children from peeing in my plane

Hood Ornament posted:

Suck a couple dicks.

Hollismason posted:

You said you didn't want to leave your apartment so I would suggest using Craigslist to say that you are M4M then when they get there explain you will gladly take it up the ole poop shoot for them to pay your electric bill.

This way you don't have to leave your apartment.

Be sure to advertise that it smells like poo poo and puke, this might be a turn on for some folks.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 00:16

red polo shirts: Jan 16, 2015

So if someone makes love to your booty, could they leave with a cleaner dick?

# ? Mar 31, 2015 00:26

resting mitch face: Apr 9, 2005; 5) I hear you.

Hood Ornament posted:

Suck a couple dicks.

basically this. if you poo poo your pants and sleep in your own vomit, then giving a few strangers some beejays should be a cinch. hit up grindr or craigslist before you lose your internet.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 00:29

My Rhythmic Crotch: Jan 13, 2011

This is the Croatian goon right?

# ? Mar 31, 2015 00:30

Arnold of Soissons: Mar 4, 2011; by XyloJW

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Fuuuck. I'm broke. Spent the last $4 on a pack of cigs which I burned off a few hours ago. Then my friend brought me more cigs which I'm smoking now but I'm out of beer GODDAMNIT.

What happened is that one of my tenants hasn't paid his rent this month (haven't seen this one coming, really) and I ended up having to live on $200 for the past month, the most of which was wisely invested in beer and smokes. Haven't paid any of the utilities and the power company is getting real antsy about my $300 debt for some reason (I'm only about two months late)

So this is the prologue. I need to tell you more stuff tho.

I thought that hey, maybe I could use the ole "get a job you loser" rationale and I went out and got a loving job.

Was supposed to start working a week ago.

However.

I got high as a kite on biperiden the night before (it's a deliriant, think "Ambien the Unholy") and wrecked my poo poo real good. I consumed a heroic amount of pills, lost my mind and started ingesting every chemical in the apartment I could lay my paws upon. I ate all of my antidepressants but ended up chewing them, and, noticing they taste bad, spit them out the apartment window and onto the downstairs people's laundry.

At one point I accidentally some dish soap. This resulted in violent puking and not much later, a foamy poop volcano.

I passed out in a pool of puke at this point. The puke has soaked into the hardwood floor and now the apartment smells like a filthy litterbox containing cat chunks and rotting watermelon. I mopped the floor this afternoon but the whole place still stinks. I may have puked in a mystery location so in the morning imma get on all fours and search for more puke.

Now, what happened is that I poo poo my pants on the day I was supposed to start working (at a paper mill), and the lady from the factory was not impressed when I told her what happened - it was one of those moronically honest moments when you start talking about puke (and soap) to a random stranger.

I had essentially fired myself right on the spot, without even having to leave my place. This is basement dwelling 2.0.

Now I need to find $300 so I won't be disconnected from the Internet due to a profound lack of electricity. Any ideas (preferrably something that doesn't involve a lot of work, such as leaving my room etc.)

Whats your height and weight or is this a capy paste

# ? Mar 31, 2015 00:39

A SWEATY FATBEARD: Oct 6, 2012; GAY 4 ORGANS

Arnold of Soissons posted:

Whats your height and weight or is this a capy paste

Sadly not a copypasta. I'm off meds though, I think it kinda shows.

I'm one of those freakishly hairy/lanky dweebs. The gay stuff is not realistic as I'd probably have to pay someone to pound my rear end.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 00:48

shovelbum: Oct 21, 2010; Fun Shoe

Can you move in with any of your former tenants?

# ? Mar 31, 2015 01:08

Jihad Me At Hello: Apr 23, 2002; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

I thought it was normally E/N that leaked into GBS, not the other way around.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 01:13

Skutter: Apr 8, 2007; Well you can fuck that sky high!

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Fuuuck. I'm broke. Spent the last $4 on a pack of cigs which I burned off a few hours ago. Then my friend brought me more cigs which I'm smoking now but I'm out of beer GODDAMNIT.

What happened is that one of my tenants hasn't paid his rent this month (haven't seen this one coming, really) and I ended up having to live on $200 for the past month, the most of which was wisely invested in beer and smokes. Haven't paid any of the utilities and the power company is getting real antsy about my $300 debt for some reason (I'm only about two months late)

So this is the prologue. I need to tell you more stuff tho.

I thought that hey, maybe I could use the ole "get a job you loser" rationale and I went out and got a loving job.

Was supposed to start working a week ago.

However.

I got high as a kite on biperiden the night before (it's a deliriant, think "Ambien the Unholy") and wrecked my poo poo real good. I consumed a heroic amount of pills, lost my mind and started ingesting every chemical in the apartment I could lay my paws upon. I ate all of my antidepressants but ended up chewing them, and, noticing they taste bad, spit them out the apartment window and onto the downstairs people's laundry.

At one point I accidentally some dish soap. This resulted in violent puking and not much later, a foamy poop volcano.

I passed out in a pool of puke at this point. The puke has soaked into the hardwood floor and now the apartment smells like a filthy litterbox containing cat chunks and rotting watermelon. I mopped the floor this afternoon but the whole place still stinks. I may have puked in a mystery location so in the morning imma get on all fours and search for more puke.

Now, what happened is that I poo poo my pants on the day I was supposed to start working (at a paper mill), and the lady from the factory was not impressed when I told her what happened - it was one of those moronically honest moments when you start talking about puke (and soap) to a random stranger.

I had essentially fired myself right on the spot, without even having to leave my place. This is basement dwelling 2.0.

Now I need to find $300 so I won't be disconnected from the Internet due to a profound lack of electricity. Any ideas (preferrably something that doesn't involve a lot of work, such as leaving my room etc.)

~*harm reduction*~

Jihad Me At Hello posted:

I thought it was normally E/N that leaked into GBS, not the other way around.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 01:19

Sigma-X: Jun 17, 2005

Hey you should do more drugs and let more tenants never pay you while you live in squalor and untreated mental illness like all the other threads in your post history

# ? Mar 31, 2015 01:43

Millow: Apr 30, 2006; some say he's a rude dude with a crude 'tude

Reddit has a community for lovely losers looking for microloans to pay the bills, /borrow or something, I forgot what it is exactly, you'll have to find it yourself

hth op

Millow fucked around with this message at 01:47 on Mar 31, 2015

# ? Mar 31, 2015 01:45

SYSV Fanfic: Sep 9, 2003; by Pragmatica

Op, PayPal me $10. I have an investment that can generate huge returns. I take 50% of that upfront, but at current rates you could see 100000000% within a week.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 02:01

hepatizon: Oct 27, 2010

Yeah, I wouldn't pay you rent either.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 02:03

Doctor J Off: Dec 28, 2005; There Is

so like if you never even left your place how/why did it even come out that you poo poo your pants? why didn't you clean yourself up and go in instead of volunteering that you poo poo yourself?

# ? Mar 31, 2015 02:10

DOMDOM: Apr 28, 2007; Fun Shoe

it seems like there's something increasing the drag coefficient on the ship, but we can't find the source

# ? Mar 31, 2015 02:15

THE MACHO MAN: Nov 15, 2007; ...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls

I wish I could just not pay my landlord and he'd be like 'drat, I need to suck a few dicks to make ends meet now' rather than evicting me.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 02:25

JewKiller 3000: Nov 28, 2006; by Lowtax

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Now I need to find $300 so I won't be disconnected from the Internet

i'd prefer if you didn't

# ? Mar 31, 2015 02:46

Hummingbirds: Feb 17, 2011

My Rhythmic Crotch posted:

This is the Croatian goon right?

Yeah. For context, this guy had cancer and was addicted to pain medication and also is mentally ill. And he posted a video of his apartment once and afaik it was in a state of squalor. OP if I'm wrong please correct

# ? Mar 31, 2015 02:51

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Pawn some electronics, books, anything you have. Furniture if you need to. It will suck, but you can get it back later once you have another job and start getting your poo poo together. Right now your goal is just to raise $300--scrape together what you can, hang onto it, and then you can blow it all on more pills.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 03:00

Who Is Paul Blart: Oct 22, 2010

Sigma-X posted:

Hey you should do more drugs and let more tenants never pay you while you live in squalor and untreated mental illness like all the other threads in your post history

This but unironocally.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 03:03

A SWEATY FATBEARD: Oct 6, 2012; GAY 4 ORGANS

Hummingbirds posted:

Yeah. For context, this guy had cancer and was addicted to pain medication and also is mentally ill. And he posted a video of his apartment once and afaik it was in a state of squalor. OP if I'm wrong please correct

Correct, but I need to add a few things: the squalid apartment was sold two years ago and I moved into a reasonable studio (where I had a showdown with roaches) and I'm actually a pretty well-behaved, Ulillilliac psych patient (save for an occasional soap chimpout) and I kicked most of my addictions, leaving only cigs and beer to a lesser extent.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 03:04

Bip Roberts: Mar 29, 2005

I mean on a per-crime basis you can probably get away with a few strong-arm robberies and not get arrested. Just, like, don't make a career out of it.

Edit: worst case is you can turn tricks in prison and maybe get some free cigarettes while your at it.

Bip Roberts fucked around with this message at 03:58 on Mar 31, 2015

# ? Mar 31, 2015 03:53

reagan: Apr 29, 2008; by Lowtax

the first step is to stop trying to get high on old Parkinson's meds. jesus christ.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 04:33

ninotoreS: Aug 20, 2009; Thanks for the input, Jeff!

you're white OP

so just go get another job

and maybe you'll have to go without power for a few days, big deal, it's spring

# ? Mar 31, 2015 05:13

my bony fealty: Oct 1, 2008

you are going to die soon if you keep up the substance abuse so why do you even care

just get kicked out, huff solvents, have fun until you die

# ? Mar 31, 2015 05:30

Snatch Duster: Feb 20, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

What do you care if you have power. Its not like you have responsibilities or have to provide shelter for anyone. Might as well become houseless at this point.

All you need apparently is drugs, smokes, and booze. Why waste time and money on housing, heating, and food when you can get that poo poo for free.

Good luck.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 05:34

Blitter: Mar 16, 2011

Copy/Paste this and get money from foolish goons.

A Frog Dog handed to some unsupecting croat on the street by a shivering and vomiting goon, would really internationalize the concept of southern hospitality.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 05:57

I said come in!: Jun 22, 2004

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Fuuuck. I'm broke. Spent the last $4 on a pack of cigs which I burned off a few hours ago. Then my friend brought me more cigs which I'm smoking now but I'm out of beer GODDAMNIT.

What happened is that one of my tenants hasn't paid his rent this month (haven't seen this one coming, really) and I ended up having to live on $200 for the past month, the most of which was wisely invested in beer and smokes. Haven't paid any of the utilities and the power company is getting real antsy about my $300 debt for some reason (I'm only about two months late)

So this is the prologue. I need to tell you more stuff tho.

I thought that hey, maybe I could use the ole "get a job you loser" rationale and I went out and got a loving job.

Was supposed to start working a week ago.

However.

I got high as a kite on biperiden the night before (it's a deliriant, think "Ambien the Unholy") and wrecked my poo poo real good. I consumed a heroic amount of pills, lost my mind and started ingesting every chemical in the apartment I could lay my paws upon. I ate all of my antidepressants but ended up chewing them, and, noticing they taste bad, spit them out the apartment window and onto the downstairs people's laundry.

At one point I accidentally some dish soap. This resulted in violent puking and not much later, a foamy poop volcano.

I passed out in a pool of puke at this point. The puke has soaked into the hardwood floor and now the apartment smells like a filthy litterbox containing cat chunks and rotting watermelon. I mopped the floor this afternoon but the whole place still stinks. I may have puked in a mystery location so in the morning imma get on all fours and search for more puke.

Now, what happened is that I poo poo my pants on the day I was supposed to start working (at a paper mill), and the lady from the factory was not impressed when I told her what happened - it was one of those moronically honest moments when you start talking about puke (and soap) to a random stranger.

I had essentially fired myself right on the spot, without even having to leave my place. This is basement dwelling 2.0.

Now I need to find $300 so I won't be disconnected from the Internet due to a profound lack of electricity. Any ideas (preferrably something that doesn't involve a lot of work, such as leaving my room etc.)

Nah dude, don't worry about the apartment. Your life is a gigantic mess. Pack up your poo poo, leave your apartment and get yourself into rehab.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 07:56

Sigma-X: Jun 17, 2005

Professor Tomtom posted:

This but unironocally.

I was not being ironic either

# ? Mar 31, 2015 08:15

RonMexicosPitbull: Feb 28, 2012; by Ralp

Next level life hack here:

Next time you think about taking large amounts of mindfucking drugs. Don't.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 08:55

Old Man Pants: Nov 22, 2010; Strippers are people too!

THE MACHO MAN posted:

I wish I could just not pay my landlord and he'd be like 'drat, I need to suck a few dicks to make ends meet now' rather than evicting me.

Seriously, Can I move into a place you own OP?

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

an occasional soap chimpout

wait, what?

I said come in! posted:

Nah dude, don't worry about the apartment. Your life is a gigantic mess. Pack up your poo poo, leave your apartment and get yourself into rehab.

Solid advice here.

Honestly, you could probably make 300 a week just being a beggar somewhere.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 14:29

4th Asclepiadean: Feb 18, 2012

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

The gay stuff is not realistic as I'd probably have to pay someone to pound my rear end.

You posted your picture here a few months/a year back. Don't worry, you more than qualify to get paid.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 15:52

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 19:18

Secks Cauldron: Aug 26, 2006; I thought they closed that place down!

Old Man Pants posted:

Seriously, Can I move into a place you own OP?

Are you sure you want to do that? It might be covered in vomit and poo poo.

# ? Mar 31, 2015 17:58

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