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RonMexicosPitbull
Feb 28, 2012

by Ralp

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

In sense that smaller amounts produce an intense orgasmic high

Just invest in a fleshlite. Its cheaper and you'll remember things that happen to you

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Darude - Adam Sandstorm
Aug 16, 2012

Send me the 150 dollars first so that I can make sure that you don't reneg on your guarantee.

fuck off Batman
Oct 14, 2013

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!


This is weird because I have $100 worth of pickles that I need to sell ASAP.

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

I kicked most of my addictions, leaving only cigs and beer to a lesser extent.
Yeah, you kicked them so hard you still smell of biperiden vomit :lol:

Also the bad news is that euro=dollar atm so those 100 euros are $100. Doesn't matter though as a junkie you'll get rid of those in a couple of days anyway.

Palpek fucked around with this message at 12:14 on Apr 2, 2015

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004

A peckish little mouse!
Op I say go with this pickle deal. I'll explain why.

First, you're in a real pickle.
Second, It's what you deserve.
Third, eat the pickles, smashmouth

A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:

Zombie Boat posted:

Op I say go with this pickle deal. I'll explain why.

Yeah let me get the jack and roll up a pallet of pickles into the studio :jerkbag:

I don't even like pickles all that much. A few slices in the burger are okay, but pigging out on a gallon jar of pickles? Nuoh my god.

Lux Saturnine
Oct 29, 2011
Fatbeard eat the pickles. It's your only hope.

A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:

Lux Saturnine posted:

Fatbeard eat the pickles. It's your only hope.

Come to think of it, another reason why I don't like pickles is that we had a pickle disaster in the warehouse where I used to work a few years back. The operator of a reach truck hosed up while hoisting up a pallet of pickles and the whole thing came tumbling down from like 50ft up in the air. Hundreds of pickle jars were broken and there were pickles everywhere, and the pallet itself was reduced to a mound of glass shards, pickles and funky pickle water. Nobody had the first idea what to do with the drat thing so it just sorta sat there in the warehouse for a week or so, by the time the whole thing worked up a horrible moldy pickle stink.

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
why not just clean it up. i mean a pallet of pickles is a lot but not some insurmountable obstacle

A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:

Ocean Book posted:

why not just clean it up. i mean a pallet of pickles is a lot but not some insurmountable obstacle

Writing off a whole pallet of pickles in a warehouse involves investigation and a lot of red tape. I'm not sure why the whole thing took so long but the stuff got moldy and then, and only then we got to throw it out. Guess who manned the shovel!

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
ah that sucks and is stupid. must have been some badass mold to grow on pickles though.

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004

A peckish little mouse!
Apicklelypse

Sigma-X
Jun 17, 2005

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Yeah let me get the jack and roll up a pallet of pickles into the studio :jerkbag:

I don't even like pickles all that much. A few slices in the burger are okay, but pigging out on a gallon jar of pickles? Nuoh my god.

Sounds more like you don't like a 50% guaranteed ROI

Arnold of Soissons
Mar 4, 2011

by XyloJW
OP make a pareon or a gofundme and get some e.n weirdos to pledge for you to make a pickle eating vid series

Street Horrrsing
Mar 24, 2010

Godwalker of The Grateful Prisoner



That did not happen, at all, in the slightest

EMILY BLUNTS
Jan 1, 2005

Street Horrrsing posted:

That did not happen, at all, in the slightest

the part where he asked the tenant for money, you mean

Sigma-X
Jun 17, 2005
I will paypal you $15 if you post a video of yourself and the apartment, wherein you say today's date, your somethingawful name, walk us through and show us the entirety of the apartment, list all of the drugs you have done in the last 3 months (including alcohol) and provide us with an explanation of the worst outcome of each drug usage and whether or not you felt it was a good idea in hindsight. The video walkthrough of the apartment must be at least 60 seconds long and the description of your drug usage must last at least 120 seconds (so go into some detail don't just say you drank a beer and puked it was bad).

Old Man Pants
Nov 22, 2010

Strippers are people too!

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

we had a pickle disaster in the warehouse

This is one of my favorite sentences that I've ever read.

Zombie Boat posted:

Apicklelypse

This too

Milkshake Stranger
Feb 8, 2010

Zombie Boat posted:

Apicklelypse

Go to your room

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004

A peckish little mouse!
apicklelypse now,
apicklelypse forever.

The Bramble
Mar 16, 2004

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Come to think of it, another reason why I don't like pickles is that we had a pickle disaster in the warehouse where I used to work a few years back.

Rename this guy to Pickle Disaster or else Moldy Pickle Smell. Mods, please.

flick my Mr. Bean
Nov 18, 2014

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Come to think of it, another reason why I don't like pickles is that we had a pickle disaster in the warehouse where I used to work a few years back. The operator of a reach truck hosed up while hoisting up a pallet of pickles and the whole thing came tumbling down from like 50ft up in the air. Hundreds of pickle jars were broken and there were pickles everywhere, and the pallet itself was reduced to a mound of glass shards, pickles and funky pickle water. Nobody had the first idea what to do with the drat thing so it just sorta sat there in the warehouse for a week or so, by the time the whole thing worked up a horrible moldy pickle stink.

lmao a pickle disaster

Winning
Nov 16, 2011
I used to feel bad for you man, but you are still doing idiotic things and not making your tenants pay rent...

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
I applaud the OP for providing free housing.

A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:
Update: I got the money!
I managed to sell a video card I didn't really need and I got the other half of rent for March from the tenant this afternoon. Things clicked together all of a sudden - now I have $450 at my disposal, and it's getting even better: the other kid is going to pay his rent any day now, and I'm also expecting around $800 in tax returns. The "problematic" tenant is going to pay the rent for April in the following few days, maybe he'll have to borrow money from his mom once again, who knows.

The essence of the problem with the tenant is that his boss isn't paying him out - getting a job in Croatia is easy enough, but actually getting paid for your work is a black art. The guy just got his paycheck for January (!!!) and he's telling me that the owner of the cafe where he's working is currently being sued by the state attorney for tax evasion, and that the case is probably going to get thrown out of court eventually due to the expiration/state of limitations.

If you're working in Croatia and not getting paid, there is literally noone you can complain to. Well, except maybe the state attorney, but the only thing you'll accomplish is that you'll get yourself fired and you'll never get to see the money your employer owes you. The juridical system is glacially slow and employers are very well aware of this, so the abuse of the system (and workers) is rampant.

Hot Dog Day #82
Jul 5, 2003

Soiled Meat
Op I don't say this often but you gotta find Jesus.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Update: I got the money!
I managed to sell a video card I didn't really need and I got the other half of rent for March from the tenant this afternoon. Things clicked together all of a sudden - now I have $450 at my disposal, and it's getting even better: the other kid is going to pay his rent any day now, and I'm also expecting around $800 in tax returns. The "problematic" tenant is going to pay the rent for April in the following few days, maybe he'll have to borrow money from his mom once again, who knows.

The essence of the problem with the tenant is that his boss isn't paying him out - getting a job in Croatia is easy enough, but actually getting paid for your work is a black art. The guy just got his paycheck for January (!!!) and he's telling me that the owner of the cafe where he's working is currently being sued by the state attorney for tax evasion, and that the case is probably going to get thrown out of court eventually due to the expiration/state of limitations.

If you're working in Croatia and not getting paid, there is literally noone you can complain to. Well, except maybe the state attorney, but the only thing you'll accomplish is that you'll get yourself fired and you'll never get to see the money your employer owes you. The juridical system is glacially slow and employers are very well aware of this, so the abuse of the system (and workers) is rampant.

how much is that in heroin? Your going to blow all of that again aren't you?

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Update: I got the money!
I managed to sell a video card I didn't really need and I got the other half of rent for March from the tenant this afternoon. Things clicked together all of a sudden - now I have $450 at my disposal, and it's getting even better: the other kid is going to pay his rent any day now, and I'm also expecting around $800 in tax returns. The "problematic" tenant is going to pay the rent for April in the following few days, maybe he'll have to borrow money from his mom once again, who knows.

The essence of the problem with the tenant is that his boss isn't paying him out - getting a job in Croatia is easy enough, but actually getting paid for your work is a black art. The guy just got his paycheck for January (!!!) and he's telling me that the owner of the cafe where he's working is currently being sued by the state attorney for tax evasion, and that the case is probably going to get thrown out of court eventually due to the expiration/state of limitations.

If you're working in Croatia and not getting paid, there is literally noone you can complain to. Well, except maybe the state attorney, but the only thing you'll accomplish is that you'll get yourself fired and you'll never get to see the money your employer owes you. The juridical system is glacially slow and employers are very well aware of this, so the abuse of the system (and workers) is rampant.

organize a revolt

DOMDOM
Apr 28, 2007

Fun Shoe

Sigma-X posted:

I will paypal you $15 if you post a video of yourself and the apartment, wherein you say today's date, your somethingawful name, walk us through and show us the entirety of the apartment, list all of the drugs you have done in the last 3 months (including alcohol) and provide us with an explanation of the worst outcome of each drug usage and whether or not you felt it was a good idea in hindsight. The video walkthrough of the apartment must be at least 60 seconds long and the description of your drug usage must last at least 120 seconds (so go into some detail don't just say you drank a beer and puked it was bad).

me too

you should start a kickstarter

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum
op this might be too late to help, but if you follow this guy around your problems might be solved

A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:
I'm fuckin' done with deliriants. What happened last week taught me a big lesson and I won't do Biperiden anymore.

Before I delve into the disaster last week, let it be known that I managed to overpay the electricity - the bill was issued on a rough estimate of my consumption - noone had read out the meter during the past six months and I greatly reduced the consumption by getting rid of my gaming rig. As it turned out, now the power company owes me $100.

This is not the point of this post, however. I'm one of that guys who has a spectacularly bad track record with drugs yet continues to use them. I attribute this to my persistent inability to take my very own advice and also being a loving idiot. Biperiden almost got me killed last week and the fact that I wrecked my poo poo completely and utterly is only a tip of the iceberg.

So what happened? I procured a box of Biperiden and did a week-long binge. The subtle gotcha with this drug is that you're not supposed to redose after you stop being noticeably high, or else you're going to OD and push yourself into the delirium. This is, like, the first thing I would say to people trying this drug, I tried it time and time again yet I managed to completely ignore my own advice (chalk this up to my general stupidity.)

So I managed to OD and lose my mind in the process. The concept of time is extremely blurred so I'm going to make a bulleted list of the stupid poo poo I've done:

-Attempted (and failed) to brew coffee several times. I don't know what I did with it but it tasted terrible and was translucent. Soap coffee, again??

-At one point, I gave up on coffee and decided to cook dinner instead. I mistook a chair for a pot (!!!!!), put it on the stove with legs sticking up in the air and set it on fire. (!!!!) I remember being confused with the shape of my "pot", because it looked like a chair. I realized that yes, I must have happened upon a really strange looking pot so I just dumped rice over it while it was on fire and retreated to the living room to watch anime. At one point my animes became really difficult to see and I wondered why this happened, I soon realized that it was because the apartment was full of smoke. I rushed to the kitchen and put the fire out - I don't rememeber how I did it but I didn't use the extinguisher. The chair was a goner and there are still bits of soot and burnt upholstery stuck to the stove.

-The next thing I know, the kitchen is loving flooded. Being a master of multitasking, I was doing laundry while cooking the chair. I reckon that I must have lowered the draining hose to the floor for reasons unknown and the place flooded. I remember angrily mopping the floor for 30 minutes while not realizing that the washing machine is constantly feeding water to the floor.

-The salt shaker and some other tidbits went MIA. I found the salt shaker this afternoon... in the toolbox. Also there was a cigarette in the shoe cabinet - it was like finding a present from a drunk Santa! (yeah I smoked it with gusto)

-I remember thinking how the corner store manager was cool for letting me trade 26 empty beer bottles for a single full one. It didn't dawn on me, until much much later, that this meant that I had consumed at least 52 liters of beer during the past week. I have no idea how much is that in imperial gallons, but it's definitely "too much". My car had a gas tank that could contain less fluid.

At this point, things went from bad to worse. I left my apartment and went to the clinic for some incomprehensible reason. I have absolutely no recollection of the events that unfolded, but I was apparently tasered and kicked out at some point. I seem to have stolen someone's umbrella and dropped my wallet, jacket and a hat before returning home. When I got sober I rightfully freaked out about losing my wallet and I got all of my credit cards suspended. It wasn't until today that the security called me and told me that they found my wallet - they got the phone number from my psychiatrist and I'm going to receive a helluva pranging for that. Not that I don't deserve it, but heck.
Now I have all of my cards blocked but at least I have my ID. I'm glad I got the wallet back because it's brand new and made out of quality leather, it cost me fifty bucks... my dingy old bucket hat is gone forever though.

Also now I know that my wristwatch is piss-proof. I found it in the toilet bowl and I mistook it for a turd which just wouldn't flush. The watch is still working.

In all, gently caress gently caress gently caress. 3/10 probably wouldn't do it again.

Mr. 47
Jul 8, 2008

Well, I guess I'll just go fuck myself, then.
Doesn't a lot of porn come out of Eastern Europe these days? Maybe you could get paid to bang hot Czech girls or something.

Veskit
Mar 2, 2005

I love capitalism!! DM me for the best investing advice!
I love druggies because they have an experience like this and will still rate it a solid 3 out of 10

DicktheCat
Feb 15, 2011

Veskit posted:

I love druggies because they have an experience like this and will still rate it a solid 3 out of 10

Seriously. What's wrong with them?

kedo
Nov 27, 2007

I take back everything I've said. I'm now very happy you can't edit posts in E/N.


A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

being a loving idiot.

Hit the nail on the head, buddy.

reagan
Apr 29, 2008

by Lowtax

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

I'm fuckin' done with deliriants. What happened last week taught me a big lesson and I won't do Biperiden anymore.

Before I delve into the disaster last week, let it be known that I managed to overpay the electricity - the bill was issued on a rough estimate of my consumption - noone had read out the meter during the past six months and I greatly reduced the consumption by getting rid of my gaming rig. As it turned out, now the power company owes me $100.

This is not the point of this post, however. I'm one of that guys who has a spectacularly bad track record with drugs yet continues to use them. I attribute this to my persistent inability to take my very own advice and also being a loving idiot. Biperiden almost got me killed last week and the fact that I wrecked my poo poo completely and utterly is only a tip of the iceberg.

So what happened? I procured a box of Biperiden and did a week-long binge. The subtle gotcha with this drug is that you're not supposed to redose after you stop being noticeably high, or else you're going to OD and push yourself into the delirium. This is, like, the first thing I would say to people trying this drug, I tried it time and time again yet I managed to completely ignore my own advice (chalk this up to my general stupidity.)

So I managed to OD and lose my mind in the process. The concept of time is extremely blurred so I'm going to make a bulleted list of the stupid poo poo I've done:

-Attempted (and failed) to brew coffee several times. I don't know what I did with it but it tasted terrible and was translucent. Soap coffee, again??

-At one point, I gave up on coffee and decided to cook dinner instead. I mistook a chair for a pot (!!!!!), put it on the stove with legs sticking up in the air and set it on fire. (!!!!) I remember being confused with the shape of my "pot", because it looked like a chair. I realized that yes, I must have happened upon a really strange looking pot so I just dumped rice over it while it was on fire and retreated to the living room to watch anime. At one point my animes became really difficult to see and I wondered why this happened, I soon realized that it was because the apartment was full of smoke. I rushed to the kitchen and put the fire out - I don't rememeber how I did it but I didn't use the extinguisher. The chair was a goner and there are still bits of soot and burnt upholstery stuck to the stove.

-The next thing I know, the kitchen is loving flooded. Being a master of multitasking, I was doing laundry while cooking the chair. I reckon that I must have lowered the draining hose to the floor for reasons unknown and the place flooded. I remember angrily mopping the floor for 30 minutes while not realizing that the washing machine is constantly feeding water to the floor.

-The salt shaker and some other tidbits went MIA. I found the salt shaker this afternoon... in the toolbox. Also there was a cigarette in the shoe cabinet - it was like finding a present from a drunk Santa! (yeah I smoked it with gusto)

-I remember thinking how the corner store manager was cool for letting me trade 26 empty beer bottles for a single full one. It didn't dawn on me, until much much later, that this meant that I had consumed at least 52 liters of beer during the past week. I have no idea how much is that in imperial gallons, but it's definitely "too much". My car had a gas tank that could contain less fluid.

At this point, things went from bad to worse. I left my apartment and went to the clinic for some incomprehensible reason. I have absolutely no recollection of the events that unfolded, but I was apparently tasered and kicked out at some point. I seem to have stolen someone's umbrella and dropped my wallet, jacket and a hat before returning home. When I got sober I rightfully freaked out about losing my wallet and I got all of my credit cards suspended. It wasn't until today that the security called me and told me that they found my wallet - they got the phone number from my psychiatrist and I'm going to receive a helluva pranging for that. Not that I don't deserve it, but heck.
Now I have all of my cards blocked but at least I have my ID. I'm glad I got the wallet back because it's brand new and made out of quality leather, it cost me fifty bucks... my dingy old bucket hat is gone forever though.

Also now I know that my wristwatch is piss-proof. I found it in the toilet bowl and I mistook it for a turd which just wouldn't flush. The watch is still working.

In all, gently caress gently caress gently caress. 3/10 probably wouldn't do it again.

You are pathetic.

Fived.

Sigma-X
Jun 17, 2005

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

I'm fuckin' done with deliriants. What happened last week taught me a big lesson and I won't do Biperiden anymore.

Before I delve into the disaster last week, let it be known that I managed to overpay the electricity - the bill was issued on a rough estimate of my consumption - noone had read out the meter during the past six months and I greatly reduced the consumption by getting rid of my gaming rig. As it turned out, now the power company owes me $100.

This is not the point of this post, however. I'm one of that guys who has a spectacularly bad track record with drugs yet continues to use them. I attribute this to my persistent inability to take my very own advice and also being a loving idiot. Biperiden almost got me killed last week and the fact that I wrecked my poo poo completely and utterly is only a tip of the iceberg.

So what happened? I procured a box of Biperiden and did a week-long binge. The subtle gotcha with this drug is that you're not supposed to redose after you stop being noticeably high, or else you're going to OD and push yourself into the delirium. This is, like, the first thing I would say to people trying this drug, I tried it time and time again yet I managed to completely ignore my own advice (chalk this up to my general stupidity.)

So I managed to OD and lose my mind in the process. The concept of time is extremely blurred so I'm going to make a bulleted list of the stupid poo poo I've done:

-Attempted (and failed) to brew coffee several times. I don't know what I did with it but it tasted terrible and was translucent. Soap coffee, again??

-At one point, I gave up on coffee and decided to cook dinner instead. I mistook a chair for a pot (!!!!!), put it on the stove with legs sticking up in the air and set it on fire. (!!!!) I remember being confused with the shape of my "pot", because it looked like a chair. I realized that yes, I must have happened upon a really strange looking pot so I just dumped rice over it while it was on fire and retreated to the living room to watch anime. At one point my animes became really difficult to see and I wondered why this happened, I soon realized that it was because the apartment was full of smoke. I rushed to the kitchen and put the fire out - I don't rememeber how I did it but I didn't use the extinguisher. The chair was a goner and there are still bits of soot and burnt upholstery stuck to the stove.

-The next thing I know, the kitchen is loving flooded. Being a master of multitasking, I was doing laundry while cooking the chair. I reckon that I must have lowered the draining hose to the floor for reasons unknown and the place flooded. I remember angrily mopping the floor for 30 minutes while not realizing that the washing machine is constantly feeding water to the floor.

-The salt shaker and some other tidbits went MIA. I found the salt shaker this afternoon... in the toolbox. Also there was a cigarette in the shoe cabinet - it was like finding a present from a drunk Santa! (yeah I smoked it with gusto)

-I remember thinking how the corner store manager was cool for letting me trade 26 empty beer bottles for a single full one. It didn't dawn on me, until much much later, that this meant that I had consumed at least 52 liters of beer during the past week. I have no idea how much is that in imperial gallons, but it's definitely "too much". My car had a gas tank that could contain less fluid.

At this point, things went from bad to worse. I left my apartment and went to the clinic for some incomprehensible reason. I have absolutely no recollection of the events that unfolded, but I was apparently tasered and kicked out at some point. I seem to have stolen someone's umbrella and dropped my wallet, jacket and a hat before returning home. When I got sober I rightfully freaked out about losing my wallet and I got all of my credit cards suspended. It wasn't until today that the security called me and told me that they found my wallet - they got the phone number from my psychiatrist and I'm going to receive a helluva pranging for that. Not that I don't deserve it, but heck.
Now I have all of my cards blocked but at least I have my ID. I'm glad I got the wallet back because it's brand new and made out of quality leather, it cost me fifty bucks... my dingy old bucket hat is gone forever though.

Also now I know that my wristwatch is piss-proof. I found it in the toilet bowl and I mistook it for a turd which just wouldn't flush. The watch is still working.

In all, gently caress gently caress gently caress. 3/10 probably wouldn't do it again.

Please do more drugs and also please show us photos of the stove because that's hilarious

Colin Mockery
Jun 24, 2007
Rawr



So, what would it take to rate a 0-2?

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007

how about driving for Uber?

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Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo
What'd the chair taste like?

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