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Beltfed posted:Yo Britcops! Are you mentally retarded? Do you have 'smash niggers' tattooed on your forehead? Are you missing a limb or have a triple digit BMI? If you answered no to all of the above, then you'll probably make Inspector. Seriously though, none of it is tough, depending on what force you are going for: Take your time answering questions on paper and in the interview Act in an assertive and confident manner but not aggressive or impulsive in the role play If your arithmetic is poo poo answer the questions you are sure about and leave the rest till last The written exam may very well take the form of writing a statement, check your grammar, spelling, syntax and for bonus points Day, Date, Time, Place, When, Where, Who, How, Why and for the love of god make sure it makes sense. The devil is in the detail, a statement that reads like a Dr Seuss story will probably get you failed. If it's the MET you are joining, for fucks sake check the list of things you need to bring *especially* the photo ID and passport photos, they will literally turn you away at the gate of Empress house without them and that's one of your two applications down the drain. Dress smart, polish your shoes, cut your finger nails, keep your hair neat and try to sound like a really clean living person in the interview. Also during the piss test stare the adjudicating officer right in the eye as you piss and even though they say only fill the cup up half way, top it off so he get's a bit on his wrist as he tries to pour it in to the test tube. edit: Can't hurt your chances to put your sexuality down as 'Homosexual' it may or may not help with meeting positive discrimination criteria. I'm not saying lie, but if you've ever got a lobb on watching Conan the Barbarian, then why not. Bernard McFacknutah fucked around with this message at 20:53 on Apr 1, 2015 |
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Apr 1, 2015 20:48
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beanieson posted:Bernard is actually a 14yo Korean girl who's been catfishing us the whole time I'm a wheelchair bound sex offender posting from inside a prison.
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Apr 1, 2015 21:08
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Vahakyla posted:Hey British bobbies, does the British regular police training teach how to handle firearms in any way? I know of course that it doesn't teach to use a firearm offensively, but is there anykind of instruction for disabling, unloading and securing one, if found on a scene perhaps? Or is it just left to be for Armed Officers? We get about 6 hours on practical ways of how to deal with a suspect with a gun. Every single technique is very closely followed by the caveat "But you are probably still going to get shot, and if they want to kill you they almost certainly will" They teach you some techniques of very questionable value like grabbing the gun and pulling it in to your stomach where the vests have the best protection etc. In reality you try to cave their head in with a baton. A gun, just like a knife, if they want to hurt you and they know how to use it, you're hosed without a taser or gun. They teach you how to unload a gun, how to make safe but the standard procedure is to leave it alone so firearms units can secure it for forensics. I don't think police should be routinely armed in the UK but at the same time if someone pulls a gun or knife on me I'm going to use maximum force and only stop when one of us can't hurt the other one. A few weeks ago I was involved in an incident where two colleagues were stabbed, one of them seriously in the head. The assailant intended to kill police officers and said as much, he was stabbing for vital organs and when he couldn't puncture the stab proof vests he went for the face. There was absolutely no chance of reasoning with him, distracting him or otherwise neutralizing him. If I, or any of my colleagues, had a gun he would have been shot. It was pure luck he didn't kill someone and I challenge anyone to explain to me how he could have been dealt with non-violent action.
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Apr 5, 2015 17:42
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Pin sergeant. Join a territorial force. Nearest resource for 30 minutes is terrifying. Do you switch to local channels when you attend a call in case you need immediate assistance?
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Apr 5, 2015 17:49
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USMC503 posted:How many of you guys have done event security? I was asked to carry a girl who suffered from some motor neuron disease on to stage, she was in a wheelchair but I propped her on to me shoulder and the crowd were pretty fond of seeing a copper on his knee letting someone give a speech. I've never been offered a sexual favor but I was on a cordon one night and a girl asked for my number. She was a 3/10 so I replied with my shoulder number, she voiced some significant dis-satisfaction with my answer so I said "Madame, if you would like my phone number then may I suggest 101 or 999 in an emergency" She was still rather upset so we reconciled our differences by me placing her under arrest for drunk and disorderly.
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Apr 6, 2015 00:07
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Kiryen posted:So did this get you into her pants? Don't leave us hanging; that's rude. Okay okay, I placed her under arrest for drunk and disorderly, then the romance really happened. I escorted her to custody, as a gentleman would. In custody I relayed the details of the offense to the custody sergeant. Detention was approved. I then completed my paperwork, returned home, and left my missus looking like an over-stuffed eclair.
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Apr 6, 2015 00:30
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GlyphGryph posted:Question not related to the shooting or guns at all - Is it common in your departments for police to 'dip into' illicit goods confiscated from criminals? It shows up a lot on TV, and obviously it happens since I've seen articles about officers fired because of it, but I'm wondering if its anywhere near as common (in at least some major jurisdictions) as media tends to imply. Beyond that, is drug use in general common among police officers? It seems like many of the stress factors of the job would make that likely. The only time I hear about it is when someone gets caught, which is occasionally. My Father finished his career working in anti- corruption and he said they used to run honeypot traps all the time using smartwatered goods and money that officers would fail.
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Apr 8, 2015 20:47
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I think we can all agree that now is the time to install flak cannons on the White house roof.
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Apr 16, 2015 11:13
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lesson 101, how to square away a serious sexual assault with a 50 word report.
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Apr 23, 2015 11:32
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Shooting Blanks posted:"she was drunk in Shoreditch" I live in Shoreditch. This is true. It's pretty difficult to spend any amount of time in the Alibi or 333 and not watch some airhead art student getting fingered by some beta male hipster in jeans so tight he might as well be wearing a full body condom.
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Apr 23, 2015 12:57
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Rad Lieutenant posted:Quick question, do you count Jews as white people? Under some British laws...no. For the purposes of racially aggravated offenses Sikhs and Jews are a entirely separate race. In England and Wales at least. Northern Ireland probably have anti-sectarian legislation that only refers to real religions like Protestantism and not pretend ones like Roman popery. Scotland probably have some laws that actually make sense.
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May 2, 2015 16:20
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Some of the most despicable criminals I've ever met have been firemen. Thieving seems to come naturally to them
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May 3, 2015 14:57
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Pretending to be unconscious? Jam your thumb in to their mandibular nerve, they will move quicker than poo poo through a goose.
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May 7, 2015 11:10
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Foxes having sex and keeping council estate residents awake. We asked the foxes to quieten down. They refused.
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May 8, 2015 18:41
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Yes, and we always try and catch people doing it, but sadly it's usually just people smoking weed in their car. So we nick them for unfit to drive. 3 times I've gotten all excited hoping that the car with steamed up windows was a couple loving, and 3 times it's been people hotboxing their budget class hatchbacks.
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May 8, 2015 20:41
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Usually done in parks and carparks in a semi-secluded location. People will gently caress in cars while others stand around and masturbate/participate. We get the occasional 999 call from dogwalkers saying "I've just seen some unattractive chubby middle-aged woman having a train run on her by a bunch of fat mouthbreathing perverts" it's a sex crime so good loving luck if we actually arrest you and it's been near a park used by kids.
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May 9, 2015 12:35
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A ticket for 14 over on a freeway? You live in a fascist police state. That's the most brutal thing I've seen American cops do in months. gently caress the police
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May 12, 2015 18:14
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I got offered a blowjob in return for being released. This was off a male prisoner who had been arrested for glassing his girlfriend in a pub. I took great pleasure in writing it up and reading my notes in court while his family sat in the gallery. "Yes, that's correct, Mr XYZ twice offered me fellatio in return for his release. He gave me no reason to believe that his offer was not sincere"
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May 27, 2015 17:54
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Consent is such a turn off. I gave it a miss.
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May 27, 2015 21:35
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Not mine but a colleagues. Call comes in that a man is on a rooftop with an RPG, caller says he was in the army for 8 years and knows his poo poo. Normal police are taken off the street because our batons can't reliably deflect anti-tank weapons and super special police arrive to deal with him. Guns are pointed at suspect, RPG found to be a piece of steel scaffolding he was stealing. 'Soldier' turned out to be a frontiersman.
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Jun 11, 2015 15:45
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deratomicdog posted:For once I want to respond to a call reporting 50-100 people fighting and actually find 50-100 people fighting. Come and work in London. This is a semi-regular occurrence in most drinking districts.
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Jun 11, 2015 17:27
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GunForumMeme posted:wtf is a drinking district? Nothing official, just the old town high streets before London grew in to one giant disgusting cancer. Places like Shoreditch, Islington, Soho etc. Croydon is probably the worst where every other building on a street is a pub, club or winebar where you can just as easily finger some single mother as you can fight her chav brother pissing his welfare up the wall. It's an unusual night when running battles don't happen at least once.
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Jun 11, 2015 20:49
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Cmdr. Shepard posted:No I just live in Illinois. I loving hate Illinois Nazis 
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Jun 18, 2015 12:19
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Use ridged cuffs and then drive him about with your left hand on the grip of the cuffs and your right hand gripping his pathetic sparrow arm with your thumb pressed in to the ulnar nerve. If he is being particularly tetchy then right hand goes to the back of the neck and you start fingering his mandibular nerve like the first time you got your hand down a girls kecks. Never understood why Americops don't seem to use rigid cuffs, they are loving fantastic and you can apply mind-blowing amounts of pain without lasting injury or outwardly obvious aggression.
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Jun 19, 2015 11:40
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Branis posted:how are we gonna fit a pair of rigid cuffs on our belt with all the rest of the poo poo we carry? Plus until recently we could just kill people that got ornery with us, now people scream about goddamn civil rights when we do that. Don't carry a gun?
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Jun 19, 2015 16:13
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Cmdr. Shepard posted:Why are you applying pain to a handcuffed subject? That's one of the few ways Americops get punished / suspended / paid vacation. Spitting, kicking, biting, headbutting, taking Her Majesties name in vain. We don't usually carry leg restraints (and the velcro ones we do have are utter poo poo) so even a suspect in a rear stack can cause a fair amount of grief. I'm not advocating hurting suspects for the sake of it, no matter how much of a shitbag they are but a bit of joint pressure/ nerve pressure compliance is better than me kicking their legs to pieces.
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Jun 22, 2015 14:55
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Branis posted:Who would win in a fight, Prince William or Prince Harry? Harry, he's a proper man, William comes across as a bit of a patsy. Harry has been slotting mudmen in Afghanistan for the last 10 years while William has been opening tranny rehabilitation units and flying helicopters (with trannies) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...art-family.html Harry is also a firecrotch and thus slightly mental. Branis posted:When Willy ascends the throne does she become queen as well then? Hows all this poo poo work? Also how is Elizabeth still alive, shes like 90 years old and moves faster than my grandma. Does she eat the souls of irish babies? Is that how the troubles started? She becomes Princess consort which is just a ceremonial title that can't be inherited although her oldest son George will (probably) inherit the throne. Elizabeth is a decent head of state and by most peoples measure a respectable person who doesn't over-step the line between ceremony and politics. I get that a lot of people are unhappy that our head of state isn't elected, but I'd wager that her approval ratings are higher than almost any democratically elected head of state. Charles is a different kettle of fish though....
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Jun 22, 2015 21:22
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Well, Charles becomes King first so his wife Camilla is first up to the block. Technically she can become Queen (although all the Daily Mail readers would go mental because 'Diana') but the powers that be have announced that from now on the spouse of the Regent is styled as consort and not queen/king.
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Jun 22, 2015 21:39
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Not much changes, the anthem changes, some regiments have new ceremonial heads. We get a whacking great coronation and a day off work (and a state funeral for the first time since Churchill) and a few bits like that but people worry that Charles will try and influence politics like he has already.
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Jun 22, 2015 21:51
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Whip Slagcheek posted:Lol if you think Elizabeth will die before Charles. I loving hope you are right. I can't stand the bloke.
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Jun 22, 2015 22:09
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Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:how about you weirdos just tell the british to gently caress off already? Are you telling me that Richard Nixon, Barack HUSSEIN Obummer or George Bush Jr have given you a more respectable head of state? You fucks should have remained crown subjects and kept what little dignity you had before a bunch of tax evaders threw our Chai in to Boston harbour.
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Jun 23, 2015 10:20
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Larry Parrish posted:What kind of a dick just drives by and records that poor cop instead of giving him a hand. Another cop gently caress, beaten
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Jul 1, 2015 11:13
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I want to Police Bogans
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Jul 2, 2015 16:44
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Reign Of Pain posted:Hey Bernard, look at 2:45 and 3:00 and tell me if this is that mandibular pressure point you been talkin' 'bout Right place but wrong way to apply pressure. You drive your thumb in at a right angle to the jaw line. Test it on your wife to ensure effectiveness. Before my handcuffing exam my poor girlfriend was getting cuffed and restrained repeatedly in the least sexual way possible. The poor thing already has to put up with me being blackout drunk on Whisky all the time and generally being a bit of a oval office. What the gently caress is that thing he's strapped in to? We'd have a riot if we had some sort of torture/rape chair like that.
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Jul 5, 2015 12:44
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Skoll posted:He was just helping a drunk man with his dentures. Did you buy that title and profile picture? If so please tell me more about yourself
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Jul 5, 2015 12:54
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Hezzy posted:what the heck What the gently caress did I just watch. You can just tell those two loving bellends are a pair of Surrey born wankers called Sebastian.
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Jul 6, 2015 20:57
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Cop gay. So What posted:When you guys arrest someone, do you not also charge them? I've never heard of an arrest without charge, what kind of bizarro world do you guys live in? You can only hold someone for so long before they have to be charged or released so is this just a semantics thing? There are so many answers to this, usually no, we arrest under suspicion of an offense having been committed so it can be investigated and a charge may follow later. We can also arrest to prevent an offense, prevent an obstruction, arrest for bizarre reasons like breach of the peace (which you can go to prison for but never get charged for etc etc.
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Jul 6, 2015 23:36
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EXTREME INSERTION posted:Do the dogs ever do embarassing things, like stopping in the middle of a chase to take a dump or something? Our police dogs are trained on people wearing surplus police uniforms so they loving love biting us. We also keep them hooked on Heroin and Crack cocaine so they are more diligent in sniffing it out.
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Jul 17, 2015 17:04
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EXTREME INSERTION posted:Do the dogs usually bite and hold the person down, or do they actually inflict a lot of damage with the bites? Can you control how hard they bite or is it sort of an all or nothing thing? From what I've seen they require a fair bit of shouting and a bit of pulling to let go. I'm told that if they believe that their handler is in danger they won't stop biting. I've only seen a GP dog bite 3 times and the first one was a dumb police officer who ignored commands to stay 6 foot away from the dogs as they barked at the EDL (racist fuckwits who cause loads of grief with dumb protests) and she got her coveralls ripped and buttock needing stitches.
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Jul 17, 2015 17:22
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In my book dogs make the finest police officers, and anyone who assaults one deserves the Rodney King treatment x 1000 All police officers should work with a canine partner
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Jul 17, 2015 19:56
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