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FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

Post your favorite jokes, japes, jests, and general jocularity in this thread.

I'll start:

A kobold walks into a bar, and he says "Excuse me, can you please stop hiring adventurers to come murder my people," so some adventurers murder him.

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FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

Three kobolds are walking in the woods one day, and one of them sees a magical wishing well. He walks up to the wishing well and wishes for money, and a traveling adventurer wanders up and cuts off his head.

The second kobold wishes for health, and a traveling adventurer wanders up and cuts off his head.

The third kobold doesn't wish for anything, but says to the well "Better nate than lever!"

NinjaDebugger
Apr 22, 2008


We're not going to write your list of 100 hilarious jokes for you, FAU.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

NinjaDebugger posted:

We're not going to write your list of 100 hilarious jokes for you, FAU.
Hell, I'd settle for seeing you write just one.

Mormon Star Wars
Aug 13, 2005
It's a minotaur race...

What do you do if you see a space man?

you park in it, man!

Plutonis
Mar 25, 2011

A Toreador, a Lasombra and a Ventrue enter in a bar...


They all die because the place was rigged with bombs by a Hunter.

Plutonis
Mar 25, 2011

What you call an Ork that walks in one leg?

You don't call it anything, you heretic piece of poo poo, you shoot it to death.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

In the grimdark future... there are only jokes, haha!

Plutonis
Mar 25, 2011

Perhaps I was a bit hyperbolic in my last post about this, but I stick by the essence of my argument with a slight modification: It seems that in RPGs, either the "realists" are very poor game designers, or the medium of RPGs itself cannot convey the "real" very well.

First of all, no RPG is meant to be a pure simulation. It's meant in its first function to be a game. This is why, shockingly, the best designer of vehicle rules for an RPG is NOT an aerospace engineer. The aerospace engineer might know more about vehicles than anyone else on earth, but in reality the best writer for vehicle rules would be a GOOD GAME DESIGNER.

And also shockingly, "experts" in their given subject are often too obsessed with said subject to maintain perspective as to what makes good game design. That is to say, if he is an expert in computer hacking, he is likely to make "computer hacking rules" so loving complex that players will have to spend twenty-five minutes and read seven distinct tables of results to complete the action for "my PC turns on his computer".

Now, that means that generally speaking, the concept of game playabilty trumps "realism" every time, EVEN among fans of realistic RPGs. And I stick to my guns in saying that most people who claim they want "realism" in their RPGs really mean that what they want is complex rules that are internally consistent and playable, that help them visualize or complement their experience of the game, and only then within the specific parameters of what interests them.

That's the other thing: people who want what they call "realism" are usually only interested in certain facets of their game being "real". No one who plays RPGs wants absolute realism. They might want enough rules on vehicle construction and combat to fit an entire 200-page manual, but they sure as hell don't want a 200 page manual of complex rules on cooking or going to the bathroom.

Which gets us back to 'simulation'. Most RPGs are emulations. I don't disagree with that at all, on the contrary, I think there's no such thing as an RPG that isn't an emulation. The thing is, almost every RPG is either an emulation of a literary or fantasy genre (fantasy in the sense of an unreal psychological fantasy, not swords&sorcery type fantasy); NOT an emulation of actual reality. So even in an RPG like Shadowrun, you want combat rules to be "simulations" of what you think of in your head when you think "cool cyberpunk battles with high-tech guns blazing all over the place", not what would be a real firefight.

Even in historical setting RPGs, the most arguably "realistic" of all, you are still looking for emulation of a fantasy, not emulation of historical fact. You are looking, when you run a campaign based entirely on the historical Roman Empire, to do "I Claudius" with scheming senatorial politics, or legionaries conquering Gaul; not to be a Roman peasant dying at 28 from dysentery.

So even games where the emphasis APPEARS to be on realism is really only looking to be an accurate simulation of CERTAIN memes that make the particular fantasy emulation you want to achieve work. You might want really detailed "realistic" information on psychology and mental illness if you're running Call of Cthulhu; whereas if you're running a game set in the wild west you probably only need a moderately detailed set of rules for psychology, if any. So what you're talking about is DETAIL, not realism.

In fact, this is often one of the things that fucks up RPGs, either on the level of the system itself or on how people run it. If you are doing an RPG about post-apocalyptic road warriors a lá Mad Max, you probably WANT to have really detailed vehicle combat rules. On the other hand, if you're doing an rpg about a modern-day occult conspiracy, having 200 pages of vehicle design&combat rules will probably get in the way, be a needless waste of space, and kill your game's "feel" if you try to actually implement those rules.

Even in situations where it might be appropriate to have detail, you don't want "realism" that kills the fun. I remember with no fondness whatsoever my first and only experience of "actual play" with Rolemaster. It was a game of "Spacemaster" (I think that's what the sci-fi rolemaster rules were called?) with a DM who was a great believer in the "realism" of the rolemaster system and an absolute stickler to those rules. We spent nearly two hours making characters for the game, started out on a spaceship going to some planet. The DM made a bunch of rolls cross-referencing the near-endless book of tables, informed us that the starship we were in hit a meteor, and we all died. End of game.

Was it realistic? I'm not sure. Was it complex? Very. Did it totally suck donkey balls? Yes.

On the other hand, nothing would gently caress up a game about futuristic Giant Robot pilots than having a one-die-roll resolution system for all Mecha piloting and combat. If you have dedicated as many pages to swordfights and swordfighting maneuvers as you have to gunfights in your wild west game, you better have a drat good reason for doing so. In other words, the areas of simulation you choose to apply a lot of detail to are the areas that the game is expected to emphasize in play.

Again, Shadowrun contains an excellent example of this. Why are Riggers important in the world of Shadowrun? Because there are sophisticated rules dedicated to Rigging. If Shadowrun had never had sophisticated rules on Rigging, it could still have existed as a game, you just wouldn't have anyone playing Riggers and it would be assumed that vehicle piloting was not an important aspect of the Shadowrun setting/game.

What you choose to make detailed in an RPG determines what will be important in that RPG.

So there is NO RPG out there that attempts to be truly "realistic" or a real "simulation" of real life. "REALITY: The RPG" would in fact be a gigantic manual with thousands of pages where the rules were EQUALLY SOPHISTICATED for every aspect of your PC's existence, from reading a book to going to the bathroom to cooking noodles, to driving a car, to getting in a knifefight. That would be "realism". That would also be boring and unplayable as all gently caress.

Fortunately, no one really wants that. What one wants is DETAIL, where and when detail is appropriate. It makes sense that most RPGs dedicate one or more entire chapters to combat, while dedicating no more than a few lines if any to cooking. Because most people want to play a game where there will be a genuine expectation of conflict, but not a genuine expectation of an Iron Chef competition in every adventure. If someone wanted to make "Iron Chef: The Cookery" RPG, then you would expect that RPG to have an entire chapter or more dedicated to cooking, and only a couple of lines if any dedicated to combat rules.

RPGPundit took a firmer grip on the steering wheel as the RV ran up on the stone. Shouting to Sammy as he pulled the steering wheel, “BETTER NATE THAN LEVER,” he ran over the snake.

Plutonis
Mar 25, 2011

Not gonna lie on retrospect I should have used Galtse but it wasn't thematic enough.

UnCO3
Feb 11, 2010

Ye gods!

College Slice

TheLovablePlutonis posted:

Not gonna lie on retrospect I should have used Galtse but it wasn't thematic enough.
Well, better late than never

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

Let's talk about music. I don't like music.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

FactsAreUseless posted:

Let's talk about music. I don't like music.
Well this explains the poo poo you listen to!

black potus
Jul 13, 2006
dungeons and dragons 4e is a joke .//

thespaceinvader
Mar 30, 2011

The slightest touch from a Gol-Shogeg will result in Instant Death!

black potus posted:

dungeons and dragons 4e is a joke .//

Hilariously good fun? Yup :v:

Dr. Lunchables
Dec 27, 2012

IRL DEBUFFED KOBOLD



FactsAreUseless posted:

Well this explains the poo poo you listen to!

you post worse than id o

Dr. Lunchables
Dec 27, 2012

IRL DEBUFFED KOBOLD



hey who got the imp zone thread gassed?

Bedlamdan
Apr 25, 2008

Lord Frisk posted:

hey who got the imp zone thread gassed?

:awesomelon:

I promised not to post in the other one, feel free to enjoy that one instead

Dr. Lunchables
Dec 27, 2012

IRL DEBUFFED KOBOLD



naa, that thread was poo poo.

PleasingFungus
Oct 10, 2012
idiot asshole bitch who should fuck off
Use Rope

palecur
Nov 3, 2002

not too simple and not too kind
Fallen Rib
A better question is why any thread in the Imp Zone isn't gassed yet

Dr. Lunchables
Dec 27, 2012

IRL DEBUFFED KOBOLD



Why gas a thread in imp zone? It's not like they can be poo poo up.

Plutonis
Mar 25, 2011

Cool, the drunkposter and the guy who only post on Games and GBS are talking about what is a good thread or not.

Countblanc
Apr 20, 2005

Help a hero out!

TheLovablePlutonis posted:

Cool, the drunkposter and the guy who only post on Games and GBS are talking about what is a good thread or not.

Haha I didn't know I had already posted twice in this thread

Dr. Lunchables
Dec 27, 2012

IRL DEBUFFED KOBOLD



TheLovablePlutonis posted:

Cool, the drunkposter and the guy who only post on Games and GBS are talking about what is a good thread or not.

oh no, I poo poo up a poo poo thread? someone call god, this is an emergency.

UnCO3
Feb 11, 2010

Ye gods!

College Slice
No, you have to Use Chair first.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."

Lord Frisk posted:

oh no, I poo poo up a poo poo thread? someone call god, this is an emergency.

Well, let's be honest here. When Plutonis is calling you out for making GBS threads up a thread you might soon be investigated for fuckin' warcrimes or something.

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

NinjaDebugger posted:

We're not going to write your list of 100 hilarious jokes for you, Dagon.

moths
Aug 25, 2004

I would also still appreciate some danger.



Knock knock
Who's there?
Mike
Mike who?
Ask your DM!

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011


I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!!!

Why did the halfling cross the dungeon?

Because he rolled a 17 on his agility check.

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Lord Frisk posted:

you post worse than id o

you should take the dimensional gate to gbs, thanks

Ronwayne
Nov 20, 2007

That warm and fuzzy feeling.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Post your favorite jokes, japes, jests, and general jocularity in this thread.

I'll start:

A kobold walks into a bar, and he says "Excuse me, can you please stop hiring adventurers to come murder my people," so some adventurers murder him.

and that's kobold's name was Trayvon.

Wait, am I in the wrong D&D again?

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Ronwayne posted:

and that's kobold's name was Trayvon.

Wait, am I in the wrong D&D again?

:frogout:

Plutonis
Mar 25, 2011

Ronwayne posted:

and that's kobold's name was Trayvon.

Wait, am I in the wrong D&D again?

:bravo:

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

... I don't get it.

Rockopolis
Dec 21, 2012

I MAKE FUN OF QUEER STORYGAMES BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY LIFE THAN MAKE OTHER PEOPLE CRY

I can't understand these kinds of games, and not getting it bugs me almost as much as me being weird
He who buggers a fire burns his penis. Save for half damage.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

Ah, hm, "buggers," yes, a real word.

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.
What's a vampire's least favorite exercise program?

CrossFit.

Kai Tave
Jul 2, 2012
Fallen Rib
What do you call a Beholder without any eyes?

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Kai Tave
Jul 2, 2012
Fallen Rib
Free XP!

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