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Azure Jules With pig gold and pig other gold in hand, Jules trucks up towards the stupid whizzard tower and spots a zipline across. On one hand, taking a zipline with a sword sounds pretty rad. On the other hand that sounds like a cool way to just cut the zipline and fall into the canyon, or jump at the zipline and miss the stupidly small hitbox to attach to it, so gently caress the zipline. It's a canyon and that means it's not bottomless, so Jules starts pulling out her collection of cheap booze (this poo poo never sells anyways so it's more useful for distractions) and starts dropping it into the canyon bottle by bottle, until eventually the canyon's half flooded with booze and she has a broken bottle bridge to cross. Her inventory about seven hundred pounds lighter, Jules prances across the bottle bridge like a graceful gold-toting swan. Gonna bust out my cool power to just dump garbage into the canyon and skip across instead of risking the zipline.
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Apr 3, 2015 16:27
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Ettin posted:Richard Maximus (Xelkelvos) To ride bareback upon something strange without protection is ill advised as the potential for injury or ailment is very high. However, Richard is not new to riding strange, so he knows the risks of bareback riding and how to mitigate them. With the landsharkbunny under his command, Richard casts his decision on direction. Using an old sailor's trick, he licks finger and sticks it into the air to determine the path."West!" And with that decided, Richard steers Priapus west and to places unknown.
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Apr 3, 2015 16:38
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Ettin posted:Wyrlack (gnarlyhotep) "drat that's a big tree", Wyrlack whispers to himself before saying aloud "Hello Wisdom Tree! May your roots be long and your branches be strong! I have recently come into possession of a book of libertarian summoning. I would like to call forth a creature to help me in my quest, but I am afraid that it will be a RonPaulian abomination. What manner of creature do you in your great wisdom suggest that I bring hither?" While he's waiting for the tree's reply, he looks around to see if there are any of those elves nearby to talk to.
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Apr 3, 2015 17:25
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Ettin posted:Ryan Arrr (John Dough) I search for any hats in Old Town just to have a few spares. Also other supplies like food I guess, then head west.
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Apr 3, 2015 17:59
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Ettin posted:Thag Bonecrusherson (Tendales) Thag Thag spends a few moments observing the religious ritual being performed. Thag may be a lapsed animecatholic, but he's somewhat awestruck at meeting an ACTUAL magical girl pope; so much so that he's moved to do something selfless for these poor backwater mushroom people. He hands out a stack of autographed trading cards of himself, along with the last of his stash of foam clubball pucks. Pleased with himself for a good deed done, Thag barely remembers to punch a couple question blocks on the way to the south.
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Apr 3, 2015 19:09
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Ettin posted:Meruru (ningyou) Meruru will go south! Ningyou fucked around with this message at 19:17 on Apr 3, 2015 |
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Apr 3, 2015 19:09
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Mimi Before shelly shows up Mimi makes her rounds around the pits being all sneaky like and choking out the odd Pugbear by using a rag that she rubbed the poo poo out of the leftovers of a Beggin’ Strips® bag with to seal in that flavor. Pugbears get hit with a whiff of that proprietary blend of herbs and spices and next thing you know they are laid out for a good 5 minutes or so daydreaming about having the 'itis. Swinging by one of the slave cubicles to see where a malnourished nerd is trying to fix goblin computers. "Hey, wanna blow this joint and maybe tell me about how the hell you ended up here over a few smokes? Ya? Ok lets go." Around the time shelly shows up. Mimi shouts back ""Sheeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttt, lets go to the Wizard Tower then. Come show me what I'm jumping!" Coming out from the slave cubicles to head back to goblinville, she sees what Shelly's been up to. "Wow, you knocked them all out and had them fall down on top of eachother? Cool!"
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Apr 3, 2015 19:15
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Bryn of Tanna Sword of Plant Racism +2 Sack of Vegepygmy Crap Dank Vegepygmy Weed Cute as Heck Drow Armor Thraebreena's Magebook Deets Hat Seed How will I deal with this moral choice? Alexander may have been great but Bryn's even greater, so watch as she cuts right through this Gordian Knot of suburban politics. No, not literally. Though that is an option if things go sideways. Bryn listens to all the candidates give their speeches describing their various platforms and even manages not to completely tune it out. Once the last one's stepped off the stage to scattered applause by the Dram in the audience (distinguishable due to their stupid choice of headware), Bryn shakes her head and takes the stage herself to the confusion of everyone there. "Aight, forget all this poo poo. Dram suck, I don't know what the gently caress public welfare is...you're pretty cool though," she says pointing to Alystin Waeglossz, "but what you guys needs is some bold new leadership an' poo poo, and that's why I'm running for governor of wherever this is, right fuckin' now." One of the drow in the audience politely points out the Bryn isn't, technically speaking, a drow and as such may not be eligible to run for governor of a drow ward. "I'm not a drow," Bryn agrees, stepping behind the curtains on stage for a moment, re-emerging clad in the cute as heck drow armor she got from Thraebreena, "but I rock the hell out of this armor." And she totally does. Even the crowd agrees. "My fellow dungeon peeps," she says, stepping up to the podium. "For too long you've had to deal with a whole bunch of bullshit! Seriously, the vegepygmies back that way are total fuckin' dicks, I mean have you even met those guys? Right now, at this very moment, there's a pretty cool drow just stuck in some tower all day making sure a bunch of rear end in a top hat mushrooms stay put and that's terrible! Is that what you want for your daughters? Or your sons? The ones you care about, I mean. No! Of course it ain't That's why I say just collapse the bridge and gently caress'em. It's quick, it's simple, and I've already looted the place and they don't got poo poo, so killing'em all's kinda too much effort." "And Theodore Quigley!," she goes on, swept up in political fervor. "Wait, hang on, that's the wizard right?" Red Dave nods. "Right, Theodore Quigley! What the hell is his deal?! Why is he so boring?! Does he do this poo poo all the time? 'Cause if so, it's high time someone taught that fat nerd a lesson, and if elected I promise to hunt that motherfucker down and end his days, or at the very least steal a whole bunch of his stuff before I go!" Violence and theft are campaign platforms you can believe in. "I dunno about the goblins. Are they dicks too? Then gently caress'em, whatever." One of the Dram near the stage raises his hand to ask a question, Bryn pointedly ignores him. Another drow has a question which she fields instead...what about welfare? Municipal projects? Public works? Bryn shrugs. "I dunno, probably let you guys figure it out or something. You really want one person always up in everyone's business trying to run things for everyone?" Red Dave discreetly decides against bringing up that this basically describes most politicians, besides which the people in the crowd are starting to eat this up. Even the Dram are muttering excitedly about something called "Libertarianism." "And that's why you should elect me, Bryn of Tanna, as your governor! A vote for me is a vote for all that poo poo I just said! Peace out!" Bryn struts off stage to a hit single from acclaimed fantasy rapper Kanye Westeros, election in the bag. I am totally rad enough to be elected governor of drow town, hail to the chief.
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Apr 3, 2015 21:05
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Jimothy Jones Inventory: Adamantime Galive-something (equipped), Sweet Drow Armor (equipped), An Entire Bucket of Chicken, An Extremely Choice Hat (equipped) There's probably some unique and/or interesting encounter that the dungeon master spent a long time coming up with but Jimothy Jones has decided the zoo is boring, so he takes his cotton candy and trudges off North to the Chasm of Unspeakable Deepness or whatever it's called.
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Apr 3, 2015 22:05
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Krag (kingcom) The protest march steamrolls Fluggo for you! While the kobolds settle down to argue about how best to take over this section of dungeon, Krag loots the fat kobold's lair and finds an amazing item: the Amulet of the Abbott, which lets you downgrade one red room into a blue room. You can head east, back to the kobold sweatshop and east from there, or backtrack and explore goblin lands! . . . Lionel Landingham III (Roach Warehouse) The sphinx stares at you, then sighs and steps off the cliff. Well! From here you can risk death in the sweet wizard tower, or you can try to ride the zipline. It looks like it goes into drow lands, but you're not sure how safe it is—if you've got a way to stop yourself slamming at high speed into whatever's at the other end, now's the time to try it! . . . Sir Plus of Parts (DigitalRaven) The ghosts are impressed with your dancing talents, and let you through to.... B4: CASTLE DRAVENLOFT You find yourself in an ancient, spooky castle out of somebody's Gothic nightmares. It's all really spooky, until you find a young wizard with obviously fake vampire teeth roaming the grounds. When you encounter him, he claims he was a powerful vampire dragon in a previous life and begins to regale you with the tale of his ancient vampire dragon kingdom. When you don't believe him, he pulls out a gun and goes after you!  RED ROOM! Can you defeat a wizard with a gun, or will you be gunned down instead?. . . Wo Mi This strange flying ship is full of technology you've never seen before. It even has the next Nintendo console! The ship's creators aren't missing, but their creations remain: robots, wandering the halls and throwing out intruders. Most of the robots are luchadores. You're not sure why these guys had a thing for luchadores, but there they are. If you want to get further in, you're going to have to get past them... . . . Glutton (Bushmeister)  C3: 100'x100' ROOM[/b] You are in a 100x100 room. It contains 100 5x5 flabby orcs guarding 100 treasure chests peering suspiciously at you. Not gonna lie, this room seems kind of ridiculous. . . . Azure Jules (sentrygun) Sure, why not!  A3: DRAM SLUMS This isn't really part of drow lands, it's just a huge mostly-flat area on the edge of the canyon. The dram live in the slums here; the drow have a barricade set up so they can control when the dram get to leave. Azure Jules is in the middle of a pile of greasy neckbeards griping to themselves about ethics in drow breastplates and trading bitcoin with each other. Every so often a group of drow with mancatchers passes through on the backs of huge scorpions, picks up a bunch of dram they need for menial labour, and rides off again. If she makes it through, it looks like she can take a detour towards the center of the mountain from here. . . . Richard Maximus (Xelkelvos) H1: CRASH SITE This enormous cavern has a massive hole in the ceiling. Dim light filters through and shines dramatically on a flipping spaceship, which has smashed into Goon Mountain and come to rest here. A few strange metallic creatures still prowl the perimeter, but you should be able to deal with them. . . . Wyrlack (gnarlyhotep) "NO PROBLEM, MY MAN," the Wisdom Tree says. "THERE ARE PLENTY OF LIBERTARIANS WHO SEEM KIND OF OKAY. YOU COULD GET JESSE VENTURA TO BEAT A DUDE UP OR HAVE GARY OLDMAN PLAY ONE OF HIS CHARACTERS, MAYBE. YOU COULD GET SOMEONE ELSE TO PRETEND TO BE LIBERTARIAN AND SUMMON THEM, THAT PROBABLY COUNTS." Wyrlack sees a bunch of different elves here to get some of the Tree's wisdom. Besides the usual high elves getting high and highest elves getting snooty, there are some fungus elves and a Vulcan talking to the Tree while his phaser recharges. . . . Ryan Arrr (John Dough) You find a nice little hat shop run by a young sorceress named Mez'alauesstra Cho. Though she's distracted by a copy of Dark Souls she downloaded for some reason, she makes time to sell you some excellent hats before you head to...  D2: THE COOL WARD This is where the drow go to chill out and relax. There are drow walking their huge scorpions through scorpion parks, drow chilling out by pools of cold cave water like it's a beach, and riding rollercoasters at a drow amusement park if they're kids. Ryan appears to have entered in the middle of a cave beach volleyball tournament, which is like regular volleyball only they use tiny rubbery beholders. It's cool though, beholders are jerks. . . . Thag Bonecrusherson (Tendales) and Meruru (ningyou) The both of you make your own way south:  E3: RAD AS HELL FOREST This forest is full of rad elves. Rad elves live in the forest because they are born to be wild. Some of them pull up to you, lower their shades and ask if you'd like a lift. You can head south from here to the elf citadel or east into E4. . . . Shelly (Mr. Fowl) and Mimi (Viva Miriya) Shelly frees the slaves! One of them is strong enough to accompany her: Jem Facepuncher, an orc barbarian who was banished from her tribe for studying magic and bothering to groom her incredible 80s hair. She flies into a rage when people suggest that the second Star Wars trilogy was good. The rest of the freed slaves follow Shelly and Mimi back to the... G3: THE GOBLIN HOLE The tower and the cat piss shop are still here. The gnomes are here too, only this time they claim they've switched to a rules-light system you can pick up easily. Oh no! . . . Bryn of Tanna (Kai Tave) and Sir Aurinkoinen (Siivola) Bryn of Tannais is elected Governor of the Other Ward after the other drow agree that she does look pretty fabulous in drow armour. Problem solved! Alystin Waeglossz even volunteers to be your assistant because you You can restock on basic supplies like food and smartphone battery power before you decide whether to head north or west. . . . Jimothy Jones (GruntyThrst) D4: VENTI CANYON There was a bridge leading across the canyon to the mountain's center here, but the draw are busy repairing it. Also here is Pillti Dubshuts the gnome. Gnomes are good at capitalising on opportunities like this, and this one's set up a stall offering transport across the canyon and into the tunnel on the far side with his 100% Definitely Accurate Catapult. Despite the fact that most drow aren't sorceresses (who can fly across the canyon under their own power), nobody is taking Pillti up on his offer. RED ROOM! Can you get across this canyon without falling to a hilarious death?
Ettin fucked around with this message at 01:15 on Apr 6, 2015 |
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Apr 5, 2015 10:04
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 Krag heads east from the kobold sweatshop eager to find more krags to hack.
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Apr 5, 2015 10:09
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Ettin posted:Glutton (Bushmeister)  : "A BLOO BLOO MY DOCTOR WARNED ME THAT I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER!"With sriracha flying everywhere, I descend upon the hapless orcs as their suspicious glances turn to disgust, fear or an anonymous ask to Dungnlr. I stuff my voracious maw with flesh to cover up my inability to deal with life's tougher moments and throw nutritional balance to the wind like an avenging storm. There are no calories counted, only wasted. I eat goddamn everything Bushmeister fucked around with this message at 15:54 on Apr 6, 2015 |
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Apr 5, 2015 10:47
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Ettin posted:Ryan Arrr (John Dough) Ryan Arr dons his choicest hat and sunglasses, strips down to his shorts, and does his best Top Gun beach volleyball scene impression. When drow-man and drow-woman alike are suitably impressed, he grabs the beholder and takes out his club. "Nobody move or the beholder gets it! There's two things I need: a way out of this dump, and information on anyone with a choicer hat than mine. You have five seconds."
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Apr 5, 2015 11:50
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Wo Mi Decentsword Kickin' rad motorcycle Meandering through the spacecraft, I stop to inspect some of the technology. "My uncle works at Nintendo," I mutter, running my hand over some sort of powered glove. I spot the luchadroids coming toward me, intent on suplexing me out of the ship. "Please," I drawl confidently as I heft my decentsword, "after what I've just faced, everything else is child's play." Luchadroids: 2d6+1 10
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Apr 5, 2015 15:31
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Shelly with JEM FACEPUNCHER and MIMI "ALRIGHT," Shelly gets into a huddle with Jem and Mimi. "I'VE GOT A PLAN TO GET ACROSS THE GAP TO THAT NERD AND AWAY FROM THESE NERDS. WE HAVE THE SLAVES FORM, LIKE, A HUMAN/ORC/ELF/WHATEVER PYRAMID AND THEN WE TOPPLE IT. THEN IT BECOMES A WHATEVER BRIDGE AND WE CROSS IT. SOUND GOOD?"
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Apr 5, 2015 19:06
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Azure Jules Bitcoins? Azure's down for that. She starts just turning nerds into ribbons along the path to cut into the center of the mountain, and given the thick miasma of grease and the dram's opinions on women, it could probably be said she is yet again literally 'making bacon'. Nobody should eat this bacon. She also snatches up all the bitcoins that inevitably tumble out of them, whatever those are. Just gonna go Cuttin' Some Fools: 2d6 12.
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Apr 5, 2015 19:13
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Sir Aurinkoinen and Red Dave "I knew you had it in you!" Aurinkoinen beams at Bryn's success, and then promptly starts stuffing his face with sparkling wine and spider canapés or whatever the gently caress they serve at elections around these parts. Unexpected benefits of hanging out with rad people. After he gets his iPod recharged, he and Red Dave pack up and head to the unexplored (NPCs don't count) lands in the north. It'd be super cool if Bryn could come as well, but Aurinkoinen totally gets that she might be busy with Mayor stuff now.
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Apr 5, 2015 19:31
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Bryn of Tanna feat. Sir Aurinkoinen Sword of Plant Racism +2 Sack of Vegepygmy Crap Dank Vegepygmy Weed Cute as Heck Drow Armor Thraebreena's Magebook Deets Hat Seed Governorship of the Other Ward Alystin Waeglossz And Bryn's elected governor. Like there was ever any doubt. There's a party afterwards. Bryn's first gubernatorial decree is to tap some loving kegs and that's exactly what happens. She vaguely remembers making a speech of some sort afterwards but honestly it's kind of a blur. Did she order someone's execution? Who can say. The next day (or whenever, dungeon time is all hosed up) it's a slightly hung over Bryn that oversees the restocking of supplies as they prepare to venture further into the dungeon. Someone's cleaned the Dram blood off her armor which was thoughtful of them. Alystin Waeglossz keeps a running itinerary going to which Bryn nods and half listens to. Really, the key notes here are "find this stupid wizard" and "kill this stupid wizard," either followed or preceded by "steal this stupid wizard's stuff." The rest is what delegation's for. She probably should have been making a map or something while she was going. Well, whatever. Sir Aurinkoinen and Red Dave say they're headed to the north, and that sounds like a good plan to her. Something about getting to the center of this place. That's where wizards liked to hang out, right? North it is.
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Apr 5, 2015 19:45
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Ettin posted:
Thag Hell yeah, this is more like it. Of course Thag accepts a lift in the rad elves' sweet ride. Let's go south, probably about twice as fast as is safe.
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Apr 5, 2015 21:45
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Mr. Fowl posted:Shelly Mimi "I was gonna say punch a pugbear with a rope attached to me and use it as a counterweight to like fling me across but that works too! Can we incorporate punching a pugbear in this too?"
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Apr 5, 2015 22:28
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Ettin posted:
"Look Priapus, a ship! Maybe we can fly our asses out of here out back to a goddamn proper place. I'll need a crew to actually run the thing though." Richard spies the metallic creatures on the perimeter. If they were any sort of Men, they'd probably make a great impromptu crew, but without any sort of indication, it would just be a waste of good posing and flexing. Instead, he hails them as diplomatically as he can, "Oi you tin fucks! Is this your ship? Me and me pet need outta this hole and we was wonderin' if you could let us in so we could take it." Let's try some Man on metal diplomacy: 2d6 10
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Apr 5, 2015 22:37
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Ettin posted:Wyrlack (gnarlyhotep) I like the idea of having Jesse "The Body" Ventura along to beat up bullies for my frail rear end. Wyrlack will set about the summoning process, which I assume requires some Bitcoins and maybe some Ayn Rand chants. He's also intrigued with the Vulcan, didn't know they hung out in fantasy settings. After finishing the summoning he's going to go over and say "Live long and prosper, pointy!" and see if he can get the background deets on this guy.
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Apr 6, 2015 01:34
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Viva Miriya posted:Mimi Shelly featuring JEM FACEPUNCHER and MIMI Shelly considers the proposal for a moment. "WHAT IF, NOW HEAR ME OUT HERE, WE PUT YOU AND A PUGBEAR RIGHT HERE." She points down at the edge of the chasm. "WE TIE A ROPE AROUND YOU TWO. AND THEN I PUNCH THE PUGBEAR--SO YOUR GUTS DON'T TURN TO GOO AND SHOOT OUT YOUR EYES--AND LAUNCH YOU BOTH OVER THE CHASM." She makes an arcing motion with her heavily-scarred hand, whistling. "BOOM! BRIDGE. BUT SINCE WE DON'T HAVE ROPE, WE HAVE THE SLAVES FORM, LIKE, A HUMAN LADDER ON THE GROUND, AND THE LEAD ONE HOLDS ONTO THE PUGBEAR. STILL WORKS."
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Apr 6, 2015 01:54
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Mimi "This is a dungeon there's rope somewhere. How do you think these goblins get people to sit down for their games?"
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Apr 6, 2015 02:29
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Ettin posted:Sir Plus of Parts (DigitalRaven)  ...a vampire dragon otherkin wizard with a gun. I hadn't thought of that. "Listen, what's happened to you is quite clearly a tragedy." He hopefully thinks I'm starting to believe him about his ancient kingdom, I'm more meaning his complete disassociation from reality. "But you're in just the right place. Have you seen what's nearby? The armies of the dead just ready for an ancient vampire dragon wizard to take command of them. See, like these sweet, musical, decomposing things! They've probably been dead for aeons; I bet they remember what it was like back then" A couple of zombudgies land on my shoulders at just the right moment. They remember what it was like way back when, and it was nothing like this imbecile thinks it was. They laugh at this idiot. It sounds like beautiful birdsong. A gholdfish swims around my head for some reason. It's probably laughing, but how would we tell, it's a loving fish? "You don't even have to go to the door, I bet you could summon something right here, a wizard of your power." As I'm talking I'm taking the occasional step forward. It's all distraction. As soon as I get close enough?  Because seriously, gently caress this guy. Putting a vampire dragon wizard out of my misery: 2d6 5
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Apr 6, 2015 10:14
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Lionel Landingham IIIquote:The sphinx stares at you, then sighs and steps off the cliff. Risk death? Pish-posh, that tower is the most civilised place Lionel has scene on this whole blasted trip. Maybe that portly fellow from earlier will be in there, and maybe he'll teach Lionel how to tap his shoes together and say "there's no place like home." To the sweet wizard tower!
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Apr 6, 2015 17:14
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Jimothy Jones Inventory: Adamantime Galive-something (equipped), Sweet Drow Armor (equipped), An Entire Bucket of Chicken, An Extremely Choice Hat (equipped) Jimothy Jones is somewhat reluctant to utilize Pillti Dubshuts' 100% Definitely Accurate Catapult, mostly because he has no idea what a catapult is. However, he is left with no choice after inquiring around and failing to locate any giants who specialize in hurling enormous firebombs over vast distances, giant crows, or bat demons. After climbing into the bucket as instructed, he is rudely and unceremoniously launched across the chasm before he is doneTalking about Dark Souls to Pillti Dubshuts. "I still think it would be safer for an enormous humanoid to throw me rather than this mechanical contraption of yours. Why, during my tour of duty at SEN'S FORTRESS I saw the Giants there fling massive firebombs clear *whompf* across the fortressssssss Utilizing the 100% Definitely Accurate Catapult with a Catapult Go!: 2d6 10
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Apr 7, 2015 23:17
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Krag (kingcom) K3: DUNGEON FACTORY This huge factory complex produces dungeon rooms and corridors, then teleports them to dungeons where they're needed. The Factory is fulfilling an order right now, so the place is a mess of moving panels, crushers, acid disposal vats, conveyor belts leading to incinerators, and other ridiculously dangerous setups. There is no way Krag is going to get through this without some stupid platforming action. . . . Glutton (Bushmeister) You eat a shitton of orcs and treasure chests until you feel better! Signs in this room point you to the other rooms around here: the magic item shop Bloodbath and Beyond, and a Hardware Store run by some kind of wizard. . . . Ryan Arrr (John Dough) They have replacement beholders, but some of the drow ladies are impressed by Ryan's moxie, so he gets directions. Assuming he's not here to loot the Temple of Lolth he can head north to get out of here, and possibly find the choice hat guy. He didn't come this way, so he's probably headed north already! . . . Wo Mi (MaliciousOnion) You defeat the luchadroids and claim your prize: a Power Glove! You can use it to shoot powerful laser beams for a +1d6 bonus to one roll. From here you can try to penetrate the ship's Control Room or leave the ship and head South. . . . Shelly (Mr. Fowl) and Mimi (Viva Miriya) While you debate how this is going to work, several goblins from the Goblin Hole head to the Wizard Tower via the easily accessible tunnel and leave with new dice bags. . . . Richard Maximus (Xelkelvos) The creatures let you inside. This ship might not fly again after smashing itself into the mountain but at least you can get some loot! H1: A FLIPPING SPACESHIP This strange flying ship is full of technology you've never seen before. It even has the next Nintendo console! The ship's creators aren't missing, but their creations remain: robots, wandering the halls and throwing out intruders. Most of the robots were luchadores, but they were defeated recently and now the karate robots have been freed to roam the halls instead. . . . Wyrlack (gnarlyhotep) Jesse Ventura is now hanging out with Wyrlack, and can give him a +1d6 bonus to one roll later! The Vulcan explains that he was hitching a ride on some spaceship to try and get to a Star Wars convention, when it crashed in some distant part of the mountain. He's been getting directions and learned from the Wisdom Tree that there are several exits to Goon Mountain around the central plateau. . . . Sir Plus of Parts (DigitalRaven) Sir Plus of Parts is shot in the face by a vampire dragon wizard otherkin. Oil flies everywhere, and Sir Plus falls to the floor...  You're out! Don't worry, though, you may still get a consolation prize! (Consolation prize offers can go in the DUNGEON DISCUSSION thread.) . . . Lionel Landingham III A2: SWEET WIZARD TOWER The inside of this tower is covered in monitors. In the center of it all sits a chubby wizard, wearing a hat that would have looked classy in Victorian England and a robe in extremely-poorly-chosen dark colours that make the cheeto dust he's brushed off on his stomach incredibly obvious. This is Nofriendo the Premium Black, and you have entered his tower in the middle of one of his Let's Play recordings. You can already tell this LP is going to be bad. He's chosen a super hard spooky game, so it's mostly Nofriendo dying a lot while he alternates between exaggerated frustrated grunts and over-the-top screaming and arm-flailing. When he sees you, he pauses his game to ask if there's anything he can help you with, and what you think of his LPs. Oh no. You're going to have to either lie convincingly or give some honest criticism without Nofriendo losing his poo poo and fireballing you. RED ROOM! Can you deal with... a bad LPer???. . . Jimothy Jones (GruntyThrst) Jimothy actually lands in the corridor on the far side, somehow. Pillti is so grateful that someone actually used his catapult and got his business started, he actually launches some gear he wasn't using after you. You pick up the Banhammer, a magical hammer which lets you reroll one die whenever you're using it to kill something. And then...  X3: A BAD DRAGON The path leads to another chasm. This one stretches off far to the east and west and curves around the Central Plateau—you've made it! There's a bridge this time. On a platform in the middle of the bridge is an immense red dragon, smoking a cigarette. He doesn't look friendly; in fact, he looks pretty rude. He has a symbol tattooed on his head which you are pretty sure is some kind of racist dragon symbol. What do you do?  That's what an exit looks like, by the way.
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Apr 9, 2015 04:59
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Jimothy Jones Inventory: Adamantime Galive-something, Sweet Drow Armor (equipped), An Entire Bucket of Chicken, An Extremely Choice Hat (equipped), Banhammer (equipped) It is said that long ago, in the land of Oolacile, a great Knight one told a passerby that the highest calling of Knighthood is slaying Dragons. On the other hand that's easy to say when you're the size of a small house, have a bow the size of a semi-trailer, and also happen to not be one of the unknown score of knights who have died fighting the things. Also it's sort of genocidal? But as we all know, moral relativity is no match for the One True Alignment Grid and since Jimothy Jones is (or was before he went insane) Lawful Good he obviously has to kill the poo poo out of that dragon. Wielding the mighty Banhammer Jimothy Jones engages the dragon in an epic battle in which he wins and doesn't have to redo the fight like 20 goddamn times gently caress THAT AoE FLAME BULLSHIT KALAMEET YOU GODDAMNED CHEATING SON OF A BITCH Apply hammer to dragon with a Hammer Dragon: 2d6 9. Jimothy Jones chooses not to reroll either dice.
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Apr 9, 2015 06:11
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Thag (Tendales) E3: ELF CITADEL Have you ever wanted to meet eleven different types of elf? Well, now you can, because this citadel is full of them! The Big News in elf land today is that the Elf Queen is planning to announce a new kind of elf! Right now she's listening to submissions from the snow elves, peacock elves, amphibious dragon elves, mean green elves from outer space, valentine elves, and femtoelves. She hasn't made a decision yet, but maybe someone can sway her! . . . Sir Aurinkoinen + Bryn (Siivola and Kai Tave)  A3: LOWER WARD The Lower Ward is where drow industry happens, and the place is thick with smoke from the foundries dotting the land. The dram here are mostly performing dangerous, menial asks while drow in cute overalls and other cool-if-a-little-steampunk outfits do the cool work. You can move and shop freely, but the smog, crowds and ever-present sharp and hot metal things are going to be a problem if you want to get through here without any health issues... . . . Azure Jules (sentrygun) A3: SOME JERK WIZARD You can see the Central Plateau from here, but first you have to cross the chasm. The bridge is long and precarious—it looks like someone fought a war on this thing, and there are huge chunks missing. You manage to climb across to a pillar island rising out of the chasm. The inside of the pillar is home to another one of Theodore's wizard lieutenants, Adtrow the Swordmancer. To pass through the pillar you have to pass through his lair, and as you fight your way through you encounter Adtrow's study and learn a strange truth: the dram were created by the Red Plague, a magical disease that only affects drow men. Adtrow was trying to help cure it, but since the only books he reads are manga and his only source of knowledge on this topic is a copy of The Manga Guide To The Red Plague, he's accidentally infected himself instead! When he encounters Azure Jules the sight of a woman terrifies him, and he tries to chase her off the pillar with his devastating SWORD MAGICS. RED ROOM! Can you defeat the Swordmancer??
Ettin fucked around with this message at 07:03 on Apr 9, 2015 |
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Apr 9, 2015 06:22
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Ettin posted:Richard Maximus (Xelkelvos)  pictured: artist's rendition of karate robot It is a massacre in the ship. A massacre of manly, masked mechanical men. Richard, still upon Priapus the landsharkbunny, explores the ruined spacecraft. It doesn't look like the ship is functional from here. If given enough time (and maybe some actual knowledge of machines) Richard might have actually figured out what happened to the robo-luchadores. Instead, a cadre of clinking and clanging karate robots begin to roam the halls. "Your karate is no match for my Drunken Mariner style!" Picking up the first metal object he can get his hands on, he fights in the only way a drunken mariner knows best: by swinging madly and wildly at anything and everything in his way: 2d6 12
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Apr 9, 2015 07:08
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Azure Jules Swordmancer? Aw hell yes, carrying around all these swords is taking up way too much space, but if Jules can figure out how this dude mances swords she'll have at least three times as many swords. She sheathes her boring old longsword and digs around in her pockets to pull out two things: like five swords wrapped together because these attack bonuses are clearly additive, and that weird figurine she found in a hog stomach (it's not wolf gold but it's close enough). Jules tosses the figurine behind the anime subforum turned swordwhizzard with no regard for proper forum structure, and it turns into just the most annoying nerd asking for help, but when the swordwhizzard attempts to offer it he just starts screaming at the top of his lungs. While the swordwhizzard is distracted telling the figurine to like, no really seriously just go see a psychologist, Jules hops forward and knocks his head off with her bundle o' sword. Home run! RED ROOM +1d6 from figurine: 3d6 13 Didn't actually need to spend the figurine but I assume it has to be used before the roll so OH WELL red room conquered.
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Apr 9, 2015 07:14
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Shelly featuring JEM FACEPUNCHER and MIMI Shelly stares literal daggers at the goblin nerds, causing them to fall into the chasm. "ALRIGHT: MIMI, JEM, HORDE OF LOYAL SLAVES? LET'S STORM THE WIZARD'S TOWER!"
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Apr 9, 2015 07:18
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Ettin posted:Thag (Tendales) Thag This kind of delicate political negotiation can only be resolved in one way. Celebrity endorsements Thag doesn't really care which faction comes out ahead. I mean, uh, Thag is an unbiased neutral party. He visits each of the groups of would-be elves, and pumps them for as big a payout as possible. Whoever's willing to pony up the most, Thag stands in front of the crowd and announces, "I am Thag Bonecrusherson and these are my favorite elves in the Citadel." And then he strikes a cool pose and does one of those blendzone dances that are technically against the rules. Winning over the crowd: 2d6 5 ... Thag sure hopes they've heard of Clubball here.
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Apr 9, 2015 07:34
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Wo Mi Decentsword Kickin' rad motorcycle Power Glove gently caress, forgot to say I'm going into the control room. MaliciousOnion fucked around with this message at 12:33 on Apr 12, 2015 |
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Apr 9, 2015 07:38
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Ettin posted:Glutton (Bushmeister) : "Oh my, do beg your pardon. My sugar's blood content seems to have gotten abnormally high. How embarrassing."I dab at my blood-caked jowls with a discarded piece of orc, then take a moment to investigate the signpost. : "It occurs to me that this dungeon might be more potent than I first foresaw from that jolly old magician's mirage! Why, it does no good to go in half-cocked! SHOPPING SPREE!"Spirits lifted, I stroll down to Bloodbath & Beyond, hoping for massive savings.
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Apr 9, 2015 07:53
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Krag know this room. Krag is already red. Krag is tripping balls on mushrooms all the time. Krag jumps a lot. Krag born for this room. Krag fords the Platforms http://orokos.com/roll/272870 2d6 = 11 Krag proceeds north.
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Apr 9, 2015 10:00
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Ettin posted:Wyrlack (gnarlyhotep) Wyrlack thanks the Vulcan for the info, gets Jesse to carry him around on his shoulders in celebration and then decides to head south into the previously unexplored area (at least I think it's unexplored).
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Apr 9, 2015 18:49
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Ettin posted:E3: RAD AS HELL FOREST Wee~elll... EVERYONE KNOWS that elves shun technology like cars (even old-tymey garbagetrash jalopies like in Korra or w/e see MERURU KNOWS KORRA OKAY because that's technically within her purview as Anime Pope) ((Also, horses. Elves and horses have History.)) because they are beautiful children of Mother Nature, so Meruru just gives the RAD ELFS a puzzled look for a few moments as they sidle up to her, making VROOM VROOM noises and lowering their shades invitingly, until her face lights up. "Oh, of course!" Meruru scuttles and climbs up one of their backs, arms wrapping around his neck like the sleeves of a modest Anime Pope-approved sweater thrown over his shoulders for a pop of colour. "As our holy founder once said....I would love a piggyback ride, okay~?" And with that, she points in the direction of the Elf Citadel.
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Apr 9, 2015 21:17
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Ettin posted:Ryan Arrr (John Dough) Ryan doesn't hesitate before making his way south to the Temple of Lolth. A hat is a hat, but barbarians are attracted to temples like 80s businessmen are to cocaine.
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Apr 11, 2015 18:55
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