what is the coolest crime?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > what is the coolest crime?

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Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Also battery

# ? Apr 5, 2015 19:56

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:19

Raku: Nov 7, 2012; Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Roll Tide

Illegal Possession of a Firearm... With the intent to distribute anime.

# ? Apr 5, 2015 20:02

basement jihadist: Oct 3, 2002

rape in mouth

# ? Apr 5, 2015 20:12

Spazzle: Jul 5, 2003

You are tall and grizzled. You are wearing sunglasses and a leather trenchcoat.

You are standing across the street from a megacorp headquarters building. 100 stories of assholes chewing up the poor for minimal profit. The CEO avoids throngs of the press and climbs inside a 40 foot luxury car.

Sighing deeply, you turn around and put a cigarette in your mouth. You pull out a silver lighter. The lighter has a skull on one side with two machine guns crossed under it, and a burning salmon jumping over the top trailing flames that spell "mom".

You light your cigarette. The car simultaneously explodes.

# ? Apr 5, 2015 20:16

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

having a tiny hole in your house so birds can find their way into the attic but can't get back out

# ? Apr 5, 2015 20:23

Fergus Mac Roich: Nov 5, 2008; Soiled Meat

Gatekeeper posted:

having a tiny hole in your house so birds can find their way into the attic but can't get back out

you got an icemaker for a heart man

# ? Apr 5, 2015 20:26

Crash_N_Burn: Apr 19, 2014

Gatekeeper posted:

having a tiny hole in your house so birds can find their way into the attic but can't get back out

have you no soul

# ? Apr 5, 2015 20:27

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

Gatekeeper posted:

having a tiny hole in your house so birds can find their way into the attic but can't get back out

Hope you enjoy your stay at The Hague you sick gently caress.

# ? Apr 5, 2015 20:32

Scrotum Modem: Sep 12, 2014

The coolest crime would be to go to one of those south Asian island countries where they cane you for littering and take the wettest, messiest diarrhea dump on a public street in broad daylight.

that would be fuckin hardcore man

# ? Apr 5, 2015 21:01

roomforthetuna: Mar 22, 2005; I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

Suicide.

# ? Apr 5, 2015 21:03

Bishop: Aug 15, 2000

Crimes against humanity

# ? Apr 5, 2015 23:17

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

If you can date rape a girl and can cum right when she screams "rape!" It doesn't count, and in fact SHE can get a citation.

Lots of cool crimes to be aware of on the books.

Source:

http://novelspot.net/node/1581

# ? Apr 5, 2015 23:33

Flavahbeast: Jul 21, 2001

aLL OF THEM

# ? Apr 5, 2015 23:33

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Phlairdon posted:

Fraud on such a massive scale it crashes the global economy.

Thread is about crime, not best banking practices allowed by regulation written by bank lobbyists.

# ? Apr 6, 2015 03:31

Blue Raider: Sep 2, 2006

either inciting a riot or the forementioned art theft

# ? Apr 6, 2015 03:44

Lufiron: Nov 24, 2005

A real professional car thief aka booster

- work in a team environment
- learn really useful problem solving skills like how to hotwire modern cars and completely disassemble them in a few hours
- make a poo poo ton of money
- repurpose old salvaged vehicles by using its chassis and, more importantly, it's clean title
- tools of the trade are just.. tools (super useful for other stuff as well)
- never get caught

# ? Apr 6, 2015 03:45

Harald: Jul 10, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

Spazzle posted:

You are tall and grizzled. You are wearing sunglasses and a leather trenchcoat.

You are standing across the street from a megacorp headquarters building. 100 stories of assholes chewing up the poor for minimal profit. The CEO avoids throngs of the press and climbs inside a 40 foot luxury car.

Sighing deeply, you turn around and put a cigarette in your mouth. You pull out a silver lighter. The lighter has a skull on one side with two machine guns crossed under it, and a burning salmon jumping over the top trailing flames that spell "mom".

You light your cigarette. The car simultaneously explodes.

that's not even a crime, really.

# ? Apr 6, 2015 03:45

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Enfield posted:

pooping in the urinal

Upper decking.

That splash is quite invigorating.

# ? Apr 6, 2015 03:46

Harald: Jul 10, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

# ? Apr 6, 2015 03:47

I.C.: Jun 10, 2008

Whoever said thoughtcrime earlier. I'm not naming names.

# ? Apr 6, 2015 03:51

George Rouncewell: Jul 20, 2007; You think that's illegal? Heh, watch this.

Not_Rainbow_Horse posted:

what about prison rape? that seems pretty cool if you're the pitcher.

I think raping someone by being the catcher is way harder and possibly misunderstanding some core concepts

# ? Apr 6, 2015 04:24

swampland: Oct 16, 2007; Dear Mr Cave, if you do not release the bats we will be forced to take legal action

Diamond theft :cool:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkTHtWX7CCY

# ? Apr 6, 2015 04:25

roomforthetuna: Mar 22, 2005; I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

A long con against insurance companies, wherein you start by earning a genuine dental or medical qualification then rent an office building and hire someone with appropriate qualifications to pretend to be your receptionist etc. then you provide medical care to the clients your pretend receptionist signs up, and bill the insurance companies ridiculous amounts of money for that care. It's the perfect crime.

# ? Apr 6, 2015 04:58

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

roomforthetuna posted:

A long con against insurance companies, wherein you start by earning a genuine dental or medical qualification then rent an office building and hire someone with appropriate qualifications to pretend to be your receptionist etc. then you provide medical care to the clients your pretend receptionist signs up, and bill the insurance companies ridiculous amounts of money for that care. It's the perfect crime.

It is perfect, and frequently used, but is it cold?

OH YES IT IS

There's plenty more where that came from, but these are the most heinous IMO

# ? Apr 6, 2015 07:32

AbbadonOfHell: Jul 16, 2004; You know I would try to think of something funny to put here but ill just pass on that and threaten people with a + 2 board with a nail in it.

Art thief who drives a Killdozer that can
go 20 mph over the speed limit.

# ? Apr 6, 2015 08:41

RonMexicosPitbull: Feb 28, 2012; by Ralp

Going 3-4 mph over the speed limit and intentionally driving past a cop is the biggest rush and coolest crime imo.

# ? Apr 6, 2015 08:45

eSports Chaebol: Feb 22, 2005; Yeah, actually, gamers in the house forever,

TEAYCHES posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUz9xCTOPRw

does anyone have the 9/11 version of this bookmarked

my friend,

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLK6u5Wa-6gIjevAwyEpD7Q7hRVv2-LY2K

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIHvZMwK-Uw

# ? Apr 6, 2015 08:45

Sponge Baathist: Jan 30, 2010; by FactsAreUseless

replacing 1 kilo of coke your moving in your trunk with a brick of anthrax

# ? Apr 6, 2015 09:04

Rogue AI Goddess: May 10, 2012; I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees.
That was a joke... unless..?

We had a thought experiment once in the law school where we tried to think of actions that are illegal, yet are not generally considered immoral by average members of society.

'Smuggling' was the most popular answer by far, with 'copyright infringement' a distant second.

# ? Apr 6, 2015 10:55