Post in here whenever you've had sex

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Post in here whenever you've had sex

Azraelle: Jan 13, 2008

Thread rules:

* Post in here whenever you've had sex
* Feel free to share as much or as little detail as you want
* Don't brag. No one likes a braggart. Yeah we get it, you're some kind of mutant that can keep pounding on a woman's genitals for 10-12 minutes without dripping everywhere, and your semen smells like fresh roses, woh-loving-hoo, no one cares. God, we get it, it''s okay to be proud of your sexual exploits, just don't post endlessly about how you could probably make a great career in porn with your circumcised penis or inward vulva. Keep it cool and modest, okay.
* Don't snitch. We know that there are people that post about having sex in other threads. That's fine and all, but you don't have to link it here. If you see a good sex post, just make a post asking them to share in this thread too, or PM them.
* Don't shame: There are a lot of guilt, disgust and horror associated with sex as it is without us making it worse. If you think someone is doing sex wrong, try to keep it civil.
* Please read the wording, notice the past tense please. If you feel like telling anyone if you're going to have sex or that you're having sex, make your own thread. Don't bring that poo poo here, no one cares.

Alright, so with all that out of the way, let's start this thread, and remember to have fun!

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:03

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 16, 2024 09:08

Azraelle: Jan 13, 2008

I just had sex

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:03

West SAAB Story: Mar 13, 2014; by Athanatos
(and can't post for 260 days!)

~~:firstfap:~~

:secondfap:

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:03

memy: Oct 15, 2011; by exmarx

I just had sex with my right hand

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:04

the great deceiver: Sep 23, 2003; why the feds worried bout me clockin on this corner/
when there's politicians out here gettin popped in arizona

i talked to a girl and made eye contact today does that count as sex OP?

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:09

David Copperfield: Mar 14, 2004; im david copperfield

negative 1000 posts

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:10

West SAAB Story: Mar 13, 2014; by Athanatos
(and can't post for 260 days!)

the great deceiver posted:

i talked to a girl and made eye contact today does that count as sex OP?

at the same time?

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:11

Azraelle: Jan 13, 2008

the great deceiver posted:

i talked to a girl and made eye contact today does that count as sex OP?

Ummm, I have to think about that, I didn't say anything about that in the thread rules. Maybe a sex expert could weigh in on the issue?

e: asked my room mate, and I think he said "Surt enough, u folky homie" (he's black-american). I think we're in the clear here.

Azraelle fucked around with this message at 01:17 on Apr 9, 2015

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:11

Vin BioEthanol: Jan 18, 2002; by Ralp

past count too?

I turned 12 in 89, so pretty much 1.5x every day since then and conservatively estimating I'll keep that upevery day going forward until about 2089 I'd guess

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:14

somethingawful bf: Jun 17, 2005

hey

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:15

Swizzbutt: Jul 12, 2014

Vin BioEthanol posted:

past count too?

I turned 12 in 89, so pretty much 1.5x every day since then and conservatively estimating I'll keep that upevery day going forward until about 2089 I'd guess

Do you really know your sex count lol

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:15

let it mellow: Jun 1, 2000; Dinosaur Gum

op the fact you exist proves I had sex

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:17

casual beep: Mar 28, 2015; What am I gonna run around like some teeny bopper somewhere for someone elses money? I make the money man, I roll the nickels. The game is mine. I deal the cards

I had sex this morning with a consenting human female

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:18

Vin BioEthanol: Jan 18, 2002; by Ralp

Swizzbutt posted:

Do you really know your sex count lol

I ran a formula on my excel sheet to arrive at the (rounded) 1.5 a day

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:18

casual beep: Mar 28, 2015; What am I gonna run around like some teeny bopper somewhere for someone elses money? I make the money man, I roll the nickels. The game is mine. I deal the cards

A consenting adult human female

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:19

West SAAB Story: Mar 13, 2014; by Athanatos
(and can't post for 260 days!)

casual beep posted:

consenting human female

well at least one of those three words is correct

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:19

EugeneJ: Feb 5, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

casual beep posted:

I had sex this morning with a consenting human female

How's your sister doing

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:20

Swizzbutt: Jul 12, 2014

Vin BioEthanol posted:

I ran a formula on my excel sheet to arrive at the (rounded) 1.5 a day

god bless microsoft

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:20

Gentwise: Sep 12, 2003; Gentwise Bankfourthe, Esquire.

casual beep posted:

I had sex this morning with a consenting human female

fuckin square

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:20

West SAAB Story: Mar 13, 2014; by Athanatos
(and can't post for 260 days!)

Gentwise posted:

fuckin square

no he claims human this time

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:20

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

this thread is the phantom zone

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:22

Azraelle: Jan 13, 2008

Vin BioEthanol posted:

past count too?

I turned 12 in 89, so pretty much 1.5x every day since then and conservatively estimating I'll keep that upevery day going forward until about 2089 I'd guess

Hmm, I think maybe mention one sex at a time starting with the nearest. But we're starved for content here, so sure. Just don't make stuff up!

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:22

Fergus Mac Roich: Nov 5, 2008; Soiled Meat

i've actually had sex before, so if anyone has any questions please feel free to ask.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:23

UnfortunateSexFart: May 18, 2008; ð» ððð« ð·ððð·
ð ð ð ð« ð®ð ð¾ð ð ð¡ððð

im about to celebrate my fifth wedding anniversary, so its been about 10 years

# ? Apr 9, 2015 01:24

BigBoss: Jan 26, 2012; by Lowtax

Fergus Mac Roich posted:

i've actually had sex before, so if anyone has any questions please feel free to ask.

what's it like?

# ? Apr 9, 2015 02:01

IzzyFnStradlin: Jun 19, 2004; I've said it before, and I'll say it again: this sovereign citizen stuff might be closer to the truth than we are willing to admit.

i had sex three days ago, does that count?

# ? Apr 9, 2015 02:02

somethingawful bf: Jun 17, 2005

hey

# ? Apr 9, 2015 02:09

ferroque: Oct 27, 2007

-reserved-

# ? Apr 9, 2015 02:27

West SAAB Story: Mar 13, 2014; by Athanatos
(and can't post for 260 days!)

Ferroque posted:

-reserved-

Goons,

I have some sad news. Ferroque died last night trying to suck his own penis. In lieu of flowers or gifts, please teach your fatties proper yoga techniques.

Thank you,
Family

_{Ferroque? More like Fair Broke.}

# ? Apr 9, 2015 02:28