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Share your tips for getting a job so that your fellow unemployed goons can finally move out of their mother's basement. TIP # 1: Get drunk and apply to every job on craigslist that interests you. Being drunk lowers your inhibitions and allows you to apply for jobs that you might not normally apply for. Does the job require a 4 year degree? gently caress it, I graduated high school that's good enough. Does the job require a specialized skill (e.g. welding, plumbing, carpentry, computers)? gently caress it, my dad was a welder, my grandpa was a plumber, and I once installed gentoo on my grandma's PC. Soon enough the phone calls will start rolling in. You'll have a job in no time, trust me.
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Apr 12, 2015 08:08
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| # ? Apr 29, 2024 13:41 |
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print out op and show it at the interview "at least i'm not this guy"
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Apr 12, 2015 08:10
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cradle the balls
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Apr 12, 2015 08:12
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Whoever is interviewing them, suck them off. If they try to fight you, SUCK HARDER. if you don't get a job with this 1 weird trick, then you forgot to work the shaft.
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Apr 12, 2015 08:13
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be related to, or banging a relation of, the boss
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Apr 12, 2015 08:13
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1. Spend 4 years in university to get a degree 2. Graduate and spend 2 years looking for a job that you are qualified for 3.
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Apr 12, 2015 08:16
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Seriously, I can't overstress the importance of mouthfuls of cock on the job hunt. That's how I got every one of my employees.
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Apr 12, 2015 08:18
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pound the pavement "id like to speak to the manager" firm handshake
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Apr 12, 2015 08:18
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huff a lot of paint smash your head into concrete oh wait this is tips forgetting a job right?
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Apr 12, 2015 08:18
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1. Join the military right out of high school 2. Leave the military after 4 years 3. Move directly into $145k a year job in Denver 4. Have full ride scholarship in reserve *just in case*
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Apr 12, 2015 08:19
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have marketable skills
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Apr 12, 2015 08:20
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I'd like to add that when you get a job interview don't show up in jeans and a led zeppelin T-shirt. Get your mom to buy you some slacks, a nice pair of dress shoes, and a button up shirt. Tie is optional. Also, get a haircut and shave your neckbeard.
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Apr 12, 2015 08:23
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be born one or two generations earlier
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Apr 12, 2015 08:27
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katlington posted:be born one or two generations earlier this is only if you want to have one job for your entire life and actually live the American dream* *work 35 years at one place, never get laid off, company has an actual pension plan for family** **this never happens past Reagan
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Apr 12, 2015 08:36
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gnarlyhotep posted:this is only if you want to have one job for your entire life and actually live the American dream* because Reagan hosed America and I will hate him with my dying breath
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Apr 12, 2015 08:38
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Take a length of steel pipe. About 4-5 feet. Dig a hole in the ground. About 1 or two cubic feet. Fill the hole with concrete and place the pipe into the whole vertically. Let the Crete settlle. Pull your new weapon from the ground and go to work.
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Apr 12, 2015 08:39
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Just turn up with youthful energy, brash confidence, and a well-stocked toolbox at any firm's front door.
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Apr 12, 2015 10:24
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know important people and have them like you and then tell them "hey i need a job"
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Apr 12, 2015 10:41
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Do not put "is a moderator of a popular internet website" on your CV or linkedin profile
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Apr 12, 2015 10:45
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Be white
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Apr 12, 2015 10:47
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Quote-Unquote posted:Be white THIS really cant emphasize this enough, be white as all gently caress
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Apr 12, 2015 10:48
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if you are not white and somehow manage to use deception to get a job interview, make sure that as you enter the room you immediately announce to the interviewer that you are half white. it will put them at ease and you may be able to squeak by
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Apr 12, 2015 10:49
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Get the hell off the couch and get a goddamn job
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Apr 12, 2015 11:08
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Have an obvious chip on your shoulder about the fact that the supervising manager is a female Act like certain aspects of the job are beneath you Be really chummy with the employees and spout "insider" gossip about the company Ask about vacation time right off the bat Bring your mommy Put your photograph at the top of your resume Talk extensively about the film script you are writing when the job you are applying for is administrative support to a finance team (All real things I have encountered in interviews; not all one single person though.)
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Apr 12, 2015 16:04
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Real talk: I probably got my job because I flirted heavily with our hiring coordinator throughout the process. It helps when you have someone working for you. I think she was happier about me getting the job than I was.
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Apr 12, 2015 16:16
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Say that you have a bachelor's degree even if you don't, just make sure not to apply to jobs that would actually check or that would expect you to have specific skills related to your imaginary degree.
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Apr 12, 2015 16:22
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Lie on your resume, but like, a reasonable lie, not a bold lie. Add +5 years experience to everything. Make sure not to do this to technologies that have not been around for +5 years.
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Apr 12, 2015 16:29
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Cursed Lumberjack posted:if you are not white and somehow manage to use deception to get a job interview, make sure that as you enter the room you immediately announce to the interviewer that you are half white. it will put them at ease and you may be able to squeak by Be sure to conform to positive stereotypes whites already have so they'll know you're "one of the good ones"
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Apr 12, 2015 16:42
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suck a lot of dicks and get paid ofr it
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Apr 12, 2015 16:50
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Don't act like a loving goofball at inappropriate times.
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Apr 12, 2015 16:52
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serious norman posted:suck a lot of dicks and get paid ofr it
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Apr 12, 2015 17:02
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Get some volunteer experience, but be careful when applying for jobs while volunteering. If you plan to continue volunteering after you get hired, you're a hippie flake who doesn't take REAL work seriously. If you plan to stop volunteering, you're a heartless monster who will abandon homeless people/underprivileged inner-city youth/puppies and kittens for the promise of $12 an hour. (i've gotten turned down for a job at least once because the interviewer thought that me helping out at a public aquarium on Saturday mornings would somehow interfere with a Monday-Friday work schedule) Oh Hell No fucked around with this message at 17:25 on Apr 12, 2015 |
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Apr 12, 2015 17:22
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if your interviewer is a woman, take your penis out bitches love cock
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Apr 12, 2015 17:24
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Apr 12, 2015 17:26
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pick rich parents
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Apr 12, 2015 17:43
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Any tips on moving past soul crushing jobs and getting yourself back on that meat market?
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Apr 12, 2015 17:45
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ask dumbass goons to buy you a hotdog shack
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Apr 12, 2015 17:45
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Don't be afraid to ask if you can sit in on another job applicant's interview, to "learn the ropes". It flags you as a real go-getter, and shows you have the kind of initiative they really need as your future employer. Interact as you sit in on the interviews, ask really tough questions, such as "why should they hire YOU over me?" and "would you be willing to work for me when I'm hired and you're not?"
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Apr 12, 2015 17:48
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Apr 12, 2015 17:55
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True story I once got a CV from a guy that said he had good organisation skills, as displayed by the three dungeons and dragons campaigns he had DMed in the last year. OTOH when I get asked by interviewers about what I like to do outside of work I tell them I enjoy going to wine tasting events even though I'm actually just an alcoholic so I'm not one to talk.
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Apr 12, 2015 17:59
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