ITT we're a christian rock band

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > ITT we're a christian rock band

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

We don't like to be called a Christian band.

But we are Christians in a band...

*albums immediately pulled from Christian bookstores*

# ? Apr 13, 2015 11:36

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 01:03

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trhh6EOLSkc

# ? Apr 13, 2015 11:40

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

is 5-10 years behind on current trends

# ? Apr 13, 2015 14:48

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

And Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
is alwayyyys
in Heaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaven!

# ? Apr 13, 2015 14:49

a shiny rock: Nov 13, 2009

Cowman posted:

*fights cops*
*steals gun and shoots cops leg*
*is shot dead*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEnuSVQe8E4

Band is called Matthew 24 Now and they're all a big family

lol

# ? Apr 13, 2015 15:07

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

*target demographic is aunts*

# ? Apr 13, 2015 15:10

ghlbtsk: Apr 19, 2005; these bath mats
are
GORGEOUS

A misanthrope posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trhh6EOLSkc

Someone actually aspired to be Brokencyde.

# ? Apr 13, 2015 16:31

ghlbtsk: Apr 19, 2005; these bath mats
are
GORGEOUS

Cowman posted:

*fights cops*
*steals gun and shoots cops leg*
*is shot dead*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEnuSVQe8E4

Band is called Matthew 24 Now and they're all a big family

*understands the meaning of the individual words "get", "down", "on", "the" and "ground", just not in that order*

# ? Apr 13, 2015 16:33

rakovsky maybe: Nov 4, 2008

Cowman posted:

*fights cops*
*steals gun and shoots cops leg*
*is shot dead*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEnuSVQe8E4

Band is called Matthew 24 Now and they're all a big family

wow these people are lucky to be white, only one of them is dead.

# ? Apr 13, 2015 16:43

Rush Limbo: Sep 5, 2005; its with a full house

There's only been one good Christian rock band:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7ecl6Hm0Mk

# ? Apr 13, 2015 16:43

poverty goat: Feb 15, 2004

speaking of christian rock bands lets check in on our old friend Scott Strapp, the lead singer of christian rock band Creed

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/scott-stapp-threatened-kill-president-obama-claims-singers-wife-911-call-20141212

quote:

UPDATE: The Secret Service told People that they are looking into threats allegedly made by Scott Stapp against President Barack Obama. "We are aware and we'll take appropriate action," Secret Service spokesperson Nicole Mainor told the outlet.

In late November, days after revealing that he's "penniless" and living in a Holiday Inn, Creed frontman Scott Stapp was placed in a temporary, involuntary psychiatric hold following a request from his estranged wife, Jaclyn Stapp. Now, according to TMZ, Jaclyn and her sister attempted to place the singer in psychiatric care a second time following his initial release, after Stapp claimed to be a CIA agent tasked with the assassination of President Obama.

In a 911 call obtained by TMZ � and available to stream below � the sisters describe Stapp as being "off the drugs" and riding shirtless on a bicycle around his neighborhood, carrying two backpacks containing numerous (reportedly 400-600) CIA documents and assorted tools (including a screwdriver, wrench and a hard drive). They describe Stapp's previous stints in rehab and his attempts to "self-medicate" paranoid schizophrenia. "I love him, and I want to see him get better," Jaclyn says at the end of the clip. "But I just need law enforcement�s help. That�s the only way he�s gonna stop � when he hits his rock bottom."

TMZ reports that Stapp was not committed following the incident, with police determining that he "did not show enough signs of mental instability to warrant a psych hold." The singer reportedly placed his own 911 call after police were dispatched, claiming his wife had stolen his truck; he also told authorities Jaclyn had "pilfered" $6 million from him.

In a previously released 15-minute Facebook video posted last month, Stapp claimed to be clean and sober, despite conflicting allegations from Jaclyn in recently filed divorce papers.

According to TMZ, after Stapp posted the rambling confessional, Jaclyn filed legal documents to have her husband committed for 60 days in order for the singer to receive help. Jaclyn's divorce petition alleged that the Creed frontman had been "doing so much amphetamines, crystal meth and steroids that he has become a paranoid shell who has threatened to kill himself and harm his family."

TMZ revealed additional troubling details, writing that Stapp called the dean of his son's school on November 10th, alerting them that the school was being targeted by ISIS. Stapp also allegedly threatened to kill both himself and his Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor. Jaclyn claimed that her husband had started pawning his possessions to fuel a drug habit including the use of "steroids, weed, cocaine, PCP, Special K, Crystal meth, and various [prescription] drugs."

After his video testimonial went viral, Stapp removed the clip and issued a Christian-themed statement in its place. "I'm going to step back and let God control everything from here on," he wrote. "I should have continued to do that before I allowed my hurt, frustration, and emotions take control and post those videos. All I can say is that the truth will set you (me) free, and I'm holding on to Jeremiah 29:11 and Isaiah 44:8. This is a test of faith, and I will NEVER give up or lose my faith. No matter what. This will be my last statement until after justice is served. Love to you all my friends."

# ? Apr 13, 2015 17:26

OMG JC a Bomb!: Jul 13, 2004; We are the Invisible Spatula. We are the Grilluminati. We eat before and after dinner. We eat forever. And eventually... eventually we will lead them into the dining room.

Cowman posted:

*fights cops*
*steals gun and shoots cops leg*
*is shot dead*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEnuSVQe8E4

Band is called Matthew 24 Now and they're all a big family

Methew 24

# ? Apr 13, 2015 17:29

thoughts and prayers: Apr 22, 2013; Love heals all wounds. We hope you continually carry love in your heart. Today and always, may loving memories bring you peace, comfort, and strength. We sympathize with the family of (Name). We shall never forget you in our prayers and thoughts. I am at a loss for words during this sorrowful time.

*found Jesus, lost talent*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtvDc8wpLo4

# ? Apr 13, 2015 17:32

immolationsex: Sep 16, 2002; ASK ME ABOUT HOW I ENJOY RUINING STEAK LIKE A GODDAMN BARBARIAN

* looks up Corpse Vomit lyrics in tour bus just to look at them*
* tells self doesnt know why *
* half-asses practce sessions from now on *

# ? Apr 13, 2015 17:53

Mahuum Aqoha: Jan 15, 2004; SHEPARD!
Do it for the universe!; Fun Shoe

*hires ~~undercover cop~~ hit man to murder wife*

*magically finds Jesus again while in prison*

# ? Apr 13, 2015 18:01

Vince MechMahon: Jan 1, 2008

Ddraig posted:

There's only been one good Christian rock band:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7ecl6Hm0Mk

This is a lie, because Stryper suck.

# ? Apr 13, 2015 18:04

Alec Bald Snatch: Sep 12, 2012; by exmarx

gets tired of performing in front of church coffee houses and tbn audiences

puts on some makeup and a wonderbra and rakes in the dough

# ? Apr 13, 2015 18:06

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

That was a pretty funny episode of southpark

# ? Apr 13, 2015 18:21

Rush Limbo: Sep 5, 2005; its with a full house

TheJoker138 posted:

This is a lie, because Stryper suck.

Note I said Good Christian band.

Name any Christian band that is better. I dare you.

# ? Apr 13, 2015 18:25

Vince MechMahon: Jan 1, 2008

Ddraig posted:

Note I said Good Christian band.

Name any Christian band that is better. I dare you.

There are none. But Stryper is also not good. There are exactly zero good Christian bands.

# ? Apr 13, 2015 18:29

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

Cowman posted:

*fights cops*
*steals gun and shoots cops leg*
*is shot dead*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEnuSVQe8E4

Band is called Matthew 24 Now and they're all a big family

loll

# ? Apr 13, 2015 18:30

budgieinspector: Mar 24, 2006; According to my research,
these would appear to be
Budgerigars.

Ddraig posted:

Note I said Good Christian band.

Name any Christian band that is better. I dare you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPLSib2GtnU

# ? Apr 13, 2015 18:31

Bonzo: Mar 11, 2004; Just like Mama used to make it!

Ddraig posted:

There's only been one good Christian rock band:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7ecl6Hm0Mk

You posted the wrong Bride video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGhUo8d9_Ic

I had a gently caress buddy about 15 years ago who was a preacher's daughter and she found this CD in a box of junk I throwing out. She starting playing this song and gave me a blowjob.

# ? Apr 13, 2015 18:36

Sponge Baathist: Jan 30, 2010; by FactsAreUseless

# ? Apr 13, 2015 18:44

ferroque: Oct 27, 2007

there's some decent christian hardcore out there

# ? Apr 13, 2015 18:45

shiksa: Nov 9, 2009; i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle

budgieinspector posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPLSib2GtnU

dr faustus in the music thread loves these guys, even though they're really bad

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ccNIjWcAnA

# ? Apr 13, 2015 19:26

shiksa: Nov 9, 2009; i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle

Ferroque posted:

there's some decent christian hardcore out there

i can tell you mean underoath, right
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eX7Lly8yTI

being a teenager in the bible belt in 2005 sucked balls

# ? Apr 13, 2015 19:29

Tsinava: Nov 15, 2009; by Ralp

*makes millions of dollars and does drugs and fucks hot chicks and dude because hes young and so ull of testosterone he cant stop loving and he also practices witchcraft because he is a Christian Mystic*

# ? Apr 13, 2015 19:47

thoughts and prayers: Apr 22, 2013; Love heals all wounds. We hope you continually carry love in your heart. Today and always, may loving memories bring you peace, comfort, and strength. We sympathize with the family of (Name). We shall never forget you in our prayers and thoughts. I am at a loss for words during this sorrowful time.

shiksa posted:

dr faustus in the music thread loves these guys, even though they're really bad

[video type="youtube"]9ccNIjW
cAnA[/video]

There is one band 'better' than Stryper lol

I use that term in the way sharting is better than having surgery on an anal cyst the size of a grapefruit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TU97IpTGCt0

(sweet 80's sounds)

# ? Apr 14, 2015 00:05

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

snorts massive amounts of cocaine. calls it the holy spirit

# ? Apr 14, 2015 01:09

Howard Beale: Feb 22, 2001; It's like this, Peanut

if we put a rap in the middle of our song we'll definitely convert more souls

# ? Apr 14, 2015 02:00

Idiot Kicker: Jun 13, 2007

creed was way better when they got rid of Scott Stapp and brought in Myles Kennedy and changed their name

# ? Apr 14, 2015 02:37

Jonny 290: May 5, 2005; [ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

living sacrifice was talented and i get the impression they were at least honest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwQZO9dEjfQ

this was like 95 tho

# ? Apr 14, 2015 03:07

Shimrra Jamaane: Aug 10, 2007; Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RfU5r63AXY&t=1038s

# ? Apr 14, 2015 03:22

Automatic Slim: Jul 1, 2007

ITT we're Christian Rock band that tries to crossover to mainstream success and gets laughed at as sell outs
by non-Christians and pilloried as traitors by their fans.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Against_the_Law