how to feel like i'm putting my punis into a vagina?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > how to feel like i'm putting my punis into a vagina?

GAYS FOR DAYS: Dec 22, 2005; by exmarx

Hi I'm 17 years old and i want to feel what it is it like to put my penis into a girl's p***y but I feel bad to ruin a girl's virginity and so is their another way that i can find things in the house that i can "feel" the sexual pleasure of my penis in to a p***y???

# ? Apr 14, 2015 12:37

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 16:54

Bowlcutbarricade: Dec 27, 2014

# ? Apr 14, 2015 12:39

Laughing Man: Feb 11, 2008; I thought what I’d do was pretend I was one of those deaf mutes, or something...

a mans anus

# ? Apr 14, 2015 12:41

SvenRichter: Apr 5, 2015; Look at my face.

Don't want to ruin a girls virginity, hm? Just ask your mom then...

# ? Apr 14, 2015 12:41

lordoftheT: Feb 2, 2015; Check out this cool dog!

I've heard that a jar of mayonnaise is pretty close so I have been using that. Can anyone with vagina experience confirm?

# ? Apr 14, 2015 12:41

Enfield: May 30, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

very carefully

# ? Apr 14, 2015 12:42

burritolingus: Nov 6, 2007; by Ralp

lordoftheT posted:

I've heard that a jar of mayonnaise is pretty close so I have been using that. Can anyone with vagina experience confirm?

# ? Apr 14, 2015 12:42

Bowlcutbarricade: Dec 27, 2014

OP watch this video :nws:

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8i55O7uTqyA :nws:

[/url]

# ? Apr 14, 2015 12:43

EvilJoven: Mar 18, 2005; NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?; Fun Shoe

Look, everyone. Its the last teenager on SA, ever.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 13:38

EvilJoven: Mar 18, 2005; NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?; Fun Shoe

Bah who am I kidding OP is probably close to 30 and shitposting before work.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 13:39

communism bitch: Apr 24, 2009

GAYS FOR DAYS posted:

Hi I'm 17 years old and i want to feel what it is it like to put my penis into a girl's p***y but I feel bad to ruin a girl's virginity and so is their another way that i can find things in the house that i can "feel" the sexual pleasure of my penis in to a p***y???

op put a tub of butter in the microwave until its hot and then f*uck it right in the butter pussy

# ? Apr 14, 2015 13:40

Bowlcutbarricade: Dec 27, 2014

EvilJoven posted:

Bah who am I kidding OP is probably close to 30 and shitposting before work.

Yeah do you really think teenagers even know what SA is, let alone gives a gently caress about it enough to spend 10 bux on an account?

# ? Apr 14, 2015 13:41

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Aug 15, 2007; Smoke 'em if you gottem!; Dinosaur Gum

Take a brillo pad and a whole liver. Roll the liver up into a roll and put the brillo pad on the outside of the roll and viola! you have a poor man's fleshlight. Now you can wave those virginities good bye!

# ? Apr 14, 2015 13:45

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Fifis. They're a long-standing tradition for institutionalized men and can be made on the cheap with common household supplies.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 13:46

EvilJoven: Mar 18, 2005; NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?; Fun Shoe

Bowlcutbarricade posted:

Yeah do you really think teenagers even know what SA is, let alone gives a gently caress about it enough to spend 10 bux on an account?

I'm p sure new accounts these days are people already well in their 20s who are too old for the chans / gamefaqs / PA and find Reddit insufferable.

SA isn't gonna die though. If Lowtax started charging monthly I'd pay it.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 13:47

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

stick it in ur butt op

# ? Apr 14, 2015 13:48

Flesh Forge: Jan 31, 2011; LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

punis

# ? Apr 14, 2015 13:48

Huge Lady Pleaser: Jun 17, 2005; hello how r u doing im just looking for ppl 2 chill wit relax go out n have funn if ur looking for da same thing hit me up; Nap Ghost

Bowlcutbarricade posted:

OP watch this video [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8i55O7uTqyA[/url]

why

# ? Apr 14, 2015 14:24

Lord Frankenstyle: Dec 3, 2005; Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.

Try a bag of sand.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 14:26

Kuato: Feb 25, 2005; "I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"; Buglord

Just bait without a ninja grip and it should be adequate. The ninja grip method is why most goons don't get aroused by vaginas and switch teams.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 16:55

RaySmuckles: Oct 14, 2009; Grimey Drawer

EvilJoven posted:

If Lowtax started charging monthly I'd pay it.

Jesus, don't give the man ideas.

OP, I recommend just like, touching a pussy. You can touch a pussy with like your hand and not steal away her precious virginity. If no girl will let you touch her pussy, it basically feels like the inside of your cheek, but foldier. This can be accomplished with great flexibility or the use of your younger brother.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 17:20

cthulusnewzulubbq: Jan 26, 2009; I saw something
NASTY
in the woodshed.

gently caress a sexy dog

# ? Apr 14, 2015 17:32

64GB: Apr 8, 2015; ~~Who would need any more than that?!~~

I normally use bengay for lube, it feels amazing. So tingly.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 17:36

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

I use a stuffed lizard my dad got me for Ramadan.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 17:38

Mahnarch: Jan 7, 2008; Landing?
Do, or Do Not.
There is no 'Try'.

Just put your dick in a mouse trap - and then give it your wallet.

It's the same thing.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 18:15

a whole buncha crows: May 8, 2003; WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)

its like warm apple pie

# ? Apr 14, 2015 18:18

Scrotum Modem: Sep 12, 2014

GAYS FOR DAYS posted:

Hi I'm 17 years old and i want to feel what it is it like to put my penis into a girl's p***y but I feel bad to ruin a girl's virginity and so is their another way that i can find things in the house that i can "feel" the sexual pleasure of my penis in to a p***y???

Melon Lover

Step 1: Get a melon and scoop out a hole

Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much, remember, you're making sex toys not digging ditches.

Step 2: Nuke it good

Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil or KY jelly.

Step 3: Ahhhhh!

A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job!

Autofellatio

Step 1: Lube up some PVC pipe

Note, this could be dangerous, proceed with caution: Take a piece of pvc pipe insulation and cut it the right length to fit your dick. It should be tight so no air will leak out.

Step 2: Pump and suck

Start pumping your dick and suck on pipe at the same time until you're really to cum. Or keep going, if you'd like a taste.

Soap Hole

Step 1: Drill a hole

Drill a hole through the center of a bar of soap about the size of your dick. The larger the bar of soap, the better, and better to err on the side of a too-small hole rather than a too-large one..

Step 2: Fill the hole

Get the soap wet and pump away. The edges of the bar of soap feel like a woman's lips squeezing gently down on your cock. When the hole gets a little too big to stimulate your cock, just use it to bathe.

Big Bag Bounce

Step 1: Tape two bags together

Get two very large trash bags and tape them together to make one large bag. It takes a little practice to get the ends taped just right.

Step 2: Fill them with air

inflate the bags with air (vacuum cleaner) and when it gets almost full but not quite, I remove the air supply and tape over the hole.

Step 3: Hop on top

Lube up your cock and get on top of the bags and begin humping.. When you get close to cumming, you can puncture a small hole or maybe a few holes in the bag and "ride" it down. Time it to cum just before you hit bottom.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 18:33