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*suspends heroes above a giant vat of caramel macchiato* *lead henchman throws vinyl records to decapitate people*
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Apr 14, 2015 14:59
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*fails out of art school and then does absolutely nothing with his life*
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Apr 14, 2015 15:00
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There's no way a record could decapitate someone. Also, that guy with the hat did the decapitation thing way before your henchmen ever did so you're now not cool and original. You should prolly throw yourself into that giant caramel machiatto and save us all from your embarrassment.
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Apr 14, 2015 15:02
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It's an homage, you plebe!
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Apr 14, 2015 15:08
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*releases sharks with fedoras tied to their heads*
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Apr 14, 2015 15:13
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*evil base is a coffee shop built inside the caldera of a volcano*
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Apr 14, 2015 15:19
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I'm "The Human Kitsch". I steal all sorts of rare tacky knicknacks from the collections of people who can't appreciate the ironic novelty of the items as much as me.
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Apr 14, 2015 15:24
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I'm another supervillain with a similar theme. I'm called "Kitschbash" and I like to destroy tacky collectibles because they're all offensively cheap and aesthetically unpleasing to my all Apple products home.
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Apr 14, 2015 15:26
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*ties hero to a conveyor belt that is slowly moving toward a giant coffee grinder*
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Apr 14, 2015 15:50
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*abandons evil plan before it becomes mainstream* *plan continued by the actual villain* *james bond seeks me out in an Argentinian coffee shop to find out vital details, which I am more than happy to divulge because the bad guy is a total sell out* *dies during the meeting from caramel macchiato spiked with hemlock but is pleased with the choice of poison*
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Apr 14, 2015 15:51
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I only work with underground villains like Mole Man and the Morlocks. Which ones? Oh, you've probably not heard of them...
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Apr 14, 2015 16:01
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*explains to the Bond-analogue how caramel machiattos are actually pretty mainstream so we're going to fold him into a batch of of artisan gluten free flatbread dough and bake him instead*
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Apr 14, 2015 16:16
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With my raybeam, I will turn everyone in this entire city into mindless sheeple, motivated only by prime time television, fast food pizza pies, and top 40 radio..... Oh wait, no need for that 
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Apr 14, 2015 16:16
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Apr 14, 2015 16:18
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Orders henchmen only drive fixed wheeled bicycles. All henchmen killed in incredibly short car chase with MI6 agent in Aston Martin.
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Apr 14, 2015 16:26
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My evil plan is to force minorities to move from their homes by slowly converting their neighborhoods into an endless sea of tattoo parlors, knick knacks shops, bars, and artisan gluten-free flatbread/coffee shops, patronized exclusively by white 20-somethings convinced they are showing how accepting they are by living, working, and shopping in the "bad" part of town their parents warned them about. 
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Apr 14, 2015 16:26
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*instead of fluffy white persian cat, has one of those hairless things specially bred for eczema and spastic bowel*
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Apr 14, 2015 16:28
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* Inserts beard comb into recumbent bicycle's spokes while driving past the Sushi Bar *
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Apr 14, 2015 16:32
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*now accepting applications for assistants/lackeys. MUST have sincere steampunk affectation and accessories*
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Apr 14, 2015 16:34
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"Of course its a Death Ray! The only real super villain weapon is the Death Ray! I got it from that scientist you guys probably never heard of that I kidnapped. Its carbon neutral, but whatever."
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Apr 14, 2015 16:40
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**succeeds in making a device that can kill by amplifying and focusing the hiss and pop from a vinyl record**
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Apr 14, 2015 16:42
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* No Mr. Bond, I expect you to check your privilege! *
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Apr 14, 2015 16:48
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*Threatens UN via B&W CRT screen*
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Apr 14, 2015 16:48
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World Conquest has gone mainstream in the supervillain community. My plan is to take control of a local indie band in Cleveland Ohio and force them to make racially homogenized music that I see as radical. Nothing will change.
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Apr 14, 2015 16:54
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caleramaen posted:World Conquest has gone mainstream in the supervillain community. My plan is to take control of a local indie band in Cleveland Ohio and force them to make racially homogenized music that I see as radical. Nothing will change. You're a madman. Kilmers Elbow posted:* No Mr. Bond, I expect you to check your privilege! *
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Apr 14, 2015 16:57
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*twirls mustache*
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Apr 14, 2015 17:21
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*twirls random bit of full beard*
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Apr 14, 2015 17:27
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*henchpersons' bodysuits have flannel pattern*
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Apr 14, 2015 17:47
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*flees from hero in a crowd* *takes off oversized glasses without lenses* *completely blends in, hero has no idea where I am*
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Apr 14, 2015 17:53
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I would explain my entire plan to you but you probably have never heard of me.
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Apr 14, 2015 17:54
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*final confrontation with the hero in a junkyard* *hero defeats me by using a magnet to lift me up by my many face, ear, lip, tongue, and dick piercings*
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Apr 14, 2015 17:56
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The caramel macchiato joke was never funny.
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Apr 14, 2015 18:03
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*Concocts evil plan for the sole purpose of luring secret agents to his base to listen to his monologue about evil plan*
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Apr 14, 2015 18:04
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*henchmen use walkie talkies for communication because our always online culture is destroying us man*
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Apr 14, 2015 18:07
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*sends handwritten letter to the United Nations with my list of demands* *waits 4-6 weeks for a response*
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Apr 14, 2015 18:08
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*inexplicably destroys the USPS* e. aw gently caress
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Apr 14, 2015 18:09
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*blames world leaders not taking him seriously on the fact that they're Baby Boomers*
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Apr 14, 2015 18:10
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*ironically (unironically) listens to depeche mode in old volvo while sipping a caramel cockachino*
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Apr 14, 2015 18:11
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*glitter bombs all the world's monuments and important government buildings*
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Apr 14, 2015 18:11
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 10:35 |
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*Femme fatale bodyguard has side ponytail and wears rainbow stockings*
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Apr 14, 2015 18:15
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