Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Swizzbutt
Jul 12, 2014

diabeetz posted:

got your back



:eyepop:

holy moly this dude has like 3 of my dicks in one amazing one

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Maniac Pahis
Nov 3, 2010

by Ralp

Killed a Girl in 96 posted:

I had a real normal childhood -- little league, training wheels, nintendo. My parents were happy and as an only child I recieved as much attention as I wanted. Things were great, and I was loving life. Until my Dad got a peak at my 11+ inches. I had always thought my huge cock was normal size -- I mean, what did I have to compare it too? My parents hadn't seen my cock since they bathed me when I was maybe 8 or 9 -- that is, until I fell in Lake George during our annual family vacation. After I fell in, Dad pulled me out and took the motorboat back to the cabin and tossed me some fresh clothes to change into out in the front lawn so I wouldn't track water all trough the house and damage the floors. I stripped down outside and changed into the dry clothes, and when I looked up I noticed the cabin window drapes mysteriously draw to an abrupt close. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but that would mark the first time my Dad saw my 11+ inches.

Things were okay for a while. I found it odd that my Dad would often enter the bathroom while I was bathing and pull aside the shower curtain and ask me some banal question that, really, could have waited till later, but I still was very much oblivious to the fact that my 11+ inches was so much bigger than Dad's meager 5 1/2.

At dinner one night Dad threw his plate of lemon herb chicken on the floor and pointed at me with his fork, screaming: "You think you're better than me, hotshot!" And I was just plain confused. My huge cock was the only cock I had ever seen, and thus I felt it was completely normal. Well, I went to the gym with Dad one day when I was 16, and I noticed something odd in the changing room -- my 11+ inches was way bigger than these guys meager cocks. I guess I felt cool, but I really didn't think much of it.

Soon Mom got wind of my huge cock. I could feel her staring at the prominent bulge in my shorts as I walked around the house, practically drooling over my 11+ inches. One day she came into the bathroom while I was showering -- and she was naked. She opened up the shower curtain and her eyes never rose up to my face. I had been masturbating so my huge cock was at it's full 11+ inches. She said: "I'm so sorry honey, I didn't realize anybody was in here"

I said: "Uh, you didn't hear the water running?"
She didn't answer, but instead asked: "Would you like me to leave and come back later?"
I was like: "Um, yeah."

By this time, I started to understand: my parents were jealous of my huge, 11+ inch cock. Mom was jealous Dad's cock was only a meager 5 1/2 inches, and Dad wad jealous that he didn't have a huge cock like his son. Soon, my folks wouldn't even hardly talk to me. I'd ask a question like: "Where is the newspaper?" and they'd be like, "Why don't you ask your huge cock

I feel like you may be paraphrasing a family guy episode or something

Blue Train
Jun 17, 2012

there was an episode that was similar yea

Scat Cat
Mar 13, 2008

Jesus Christ posted:

I just moved to a new place and the toilet's water level is too high so whenever I take a poo poo my dick ends up swimming unless I hold it up a bit. At my last place, the water level was alright but the bowl seemed like it was designed for an Asian clientele and my dick would touch the front of the basin unless I held it up.

I genuinely fear what I may have contracted by the vast number of toilets my knobend has made contact with in some form or fashion.

That's why you squat on the toilet, you rookie. I figured this out when I was like 5. Is yr big dick new to you?

fakeaccount
Jun 22, 2012

by FactsAreUseless

Jesus Christ posted:

I just moved to a new place and the toilet's water level is too high so whenever I take a poo poo my dick ends up swimming unless I hold it up a bit. At my last place, the water level was alright but the bowl seemed like it was designed for an Asian clientele and my dick would touch the front of the basin unless I held it up.

I genuinely fear what I may have contracted by the vast number of toilets my knobend has made contact with in some form or fashion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vmPwZT-9zY

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot
more big black dicks please

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
I have to be careful when I turn around cause I might knock a small child unconscious

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Suck it OP, I got 99 problems but a big dick aint one.

P.S. I'm so lonely

Dave_Indeed
Feb 22, 2004

by FactsAreUseless
Most pants are unable to conceal the monster dong raging beneath the fabric, and I know everyone knows. Sometimes I realize a chick just took in a good eye full of penis and I get a boner and cry.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
Hey, lady, my eyes are up here

ghost host
Apr 17, 2010

ain't got no cash
ain't go no style

mdm posted:

more big black dicks please

Arkanomen
May 6, 2007

All he wants is a hug
Getting a boner before sexytimes but then it gets up under the waist band and you can't get your pants off w/o bending your monster dong.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Swizzbutt posted:

:eyepop:

holy moly this dude has like 3 of my dicks in one amazing one

It starts at the midpoint, that can easily be a mediocre 7 incher.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
Every time I want to take a dick pick I need to do a panoramic shot

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014


Ramrod XTreme

Mixodorian posted:

I legit have erectile dysfunction and no sensation in my penis. I also pierced my frenulum.

this man is living a nightmare

Swizzbutt
Jul 12, 2014

I wish I was a woman

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations


e: paging naem to thread :dong:


thanks ~Salmiakki~

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

I gave that hot, slutty 18 year-old too many orgasms today and had to come from a blowjob but even then she couldn't get her mouth down all the way :smith: truly my life is the deepest of all hells.

nonazis
Oct 13, 2014

The ants. They're everywhere, man. Big fuckers.
I'm in that awkward point where normal condoms are too tight, but large condoms are too big. It's a problem.

Android Apocalypse
Apr 28, 2009

The future is
AUTOMATED
and you are
OBSOLETE

Illegal Hen
It's dangerous for me to get an erection when operating heavy machinery because I sometimes faint from the loss of blood to my brain.

Rambling Robot
Sep 13, 2011
Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL

diabeetz posted:

got your back




that's a nice bathroom.

ElectricSheep
Jan 14, 2006

she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

dave franco with the peen envy face

Contribution: when you sit to poo poo and your dick touches the inside front of the bowl

ghost host
Apr 17, 2010

ain't got no cash
ain't go no style

Rambling Robot posted:

that's a nice bathroom.

Soulja Boy's net worth is estimated to be $25 million.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Android Bicyclist posted:

It's dangerous for me to get an erection when operating heavy machinery because I sometimes faint from the loss of blood to my brain.

But srs I do get drowsy when I get a boner. I remember it was super awkward back in high school because hot girls would make me get boners and then I would fall asleep during class as a result.

INCHI DICKARI
Aug 23, 2006

by FactsAreUseless

Mixodorian posted:

I legit have erectile dysfunction and no sensation in my penis. I also pierced my frenulum.

i used to have a 4 bar jacobs ladder till i accidentally tore one out, been meaning to get it redone some day

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

My friend started whining about his tiny dick so I had to lie and tell him how my big dick often prevents me from getting casual sex from hot women again

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

My tinder pic--

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8ClOk4hzMg

psyopmonkey2
Mar 10, 2015

by Ralp
:iamafag:

Ramsus
Sep 14, 2002

by Hand Knit
Honestly I don't wear sweat pants or mesh shorts because my ween sticks way out. I have a massive cock profile. It's not crazy long or anything, just my dick and balls stick out a lot.

Lee Harvey Oswald
Mar 17, 2007

by exmarx
irish curse is a bitch

Demon Of The Fall
May 1, 2004

Nap Ghost
My big huge dick has never given me anything but grief

Neptr
Mar 1, 2011
I only date tall girls

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Neptr posted:

I only date tall girls

They start out as short girls though

poverty goat
Feb 15, 2004



mdm posted:

more big black dicks please

OMFG FURRY
Jul 10, 2006

[snarky comment]

Ramsus posted:

Honestly I don't wear sweat pants or mesh shorts because my ween sticks way out. I have a massive cock profile. It's not crazy long or anything, just my dick and balls stick out a lot.

tfw you are in yoga class and do wheel pose and can feel the instructor burning holes in your shorts w/ her stare

1gnoirents
Jun 28, 2014

hello :)
for real im happy with my dick (except its a grower) . like legitimately totally fine with its length, girth, performance, etc

but I wish i had big balls. like big saggy balls. :(

Savage For The Winjun
Jun 27, 2008


realtalk sometimes i dont fit inside girls or when i do get inside its too painful to do anything

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Twilight Matrix posted:

realtalk sometimes i dont fit inside girls or when i do get inside its too painful to do anything

Buffalo Bill spotted.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations
it's annoying when he gets stuck inside me and we try a screwdriver and a coathanger and finally say gently caress it and call Pop-A-Cock

  • Locked thread