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les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
This is now the automotive insanity megathread for all your car air cfreshner needs and inquiries.

POlease give reviews of your favourite and least favourite air freshners and give them a rating from 1 - 10 where 1 is mega whiffs and 10 is perfume perfection. Please detail your own chosen criteria for marking those 10 points.

I will provide an example:



Brand: unknown
Scent: vanilla
Rating: 3/10 (Bad Pongz)


Criteria:

- attachment mechanism / design quality
-attachment mechanism / design utility
-Fragrance FAIL
-Sentiments FAIL
-Shape FAIL
-Texture FAIL
-Memories FAIL
-Staying Power [PASS!]
-Blood [FAIL]
-Color [FAIL]
-Price [PASS!]
-Ergonomics[FAIL]


Review:

I'm not quite sure to begin with this travesty of an air freshner. Not only is its texture thick and fuzzy (totally inappropriate for a professional's car) its shape is way too large and round, obscuring vision of both the road and my happy meal toy collection on the dash.

Its scent is awful; supposedly vanilla but really just causes travel sickness (which is coincidentally why i failed it on the 'memories' and 'sentiments' criteria).

After the initial nausea set in, a mild state of impressionability took my body, and it was merely 30 minutes before I was making blood sacrifices in my car with my own blood so i failed it for 'blood' too (i lost 7 pints). Initially the item had a solid, neutral color and i liked this but after getting soaked in blood it became unbearable to look at (remembering the awful shape and texture, please).

Ergonomics on this thing are amazing though, I can hold it squarely in the palm of my hand with my fingerfolds resting comfortably around the edge (... if only it weren't for the awful texture...) but this shape doesn't contribute to its place on the rear-view mirror. I had no trouble holding and catching this between my teeth as i played fetch with my dom. A fail though, since its shape and its ergonomics offer no useful value to my air freshener experience.

This thing just won't stop stinking and driving me to blood rituals. Staying power is a definite pass. I just want it to end.

The price passed because i didn't pay for this air freshener.

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Seat Safety Switch
May 27, 2008

MY RELIGION IS THE SMALL BLOCK V8 AND COMMANDMENTS ONE THROUGH TEN ARE NEVER LIFT.

Pillbug
Sit your five dollar rear end down and let me tell you about a six dollar air freshener.



This poo poo goes in your car and freshens the living poo poo out of the air. A couple years ago, me and a couple of accomplices were driving in the mountains. We had just borrowed a large sum of gold from the mafia and were dressed as soccer players. Eventually our drunken carousing over the celebration of our successful job had gotten out of hand, and the bus ended up teetering over a cliff with the gold just out of reach. But I had a great idea, you see.

By using the Air Sponge I was able to pull enough negative scent energy out of the opposite end of the bus so as to balance out the weight distribution and cause the gold to slide back towards us, rescuing the bus and the gold in one fell swoop. My compatriots cheered and lifted me upon their shoulders, but it was all thanks to Air Sponge.

After that, I was quickly snapped up by the FBI for a most dangerous assignment. We were in the Swiss Alps and I was behind the wheel of a modified Aston Martin DB9, eating a chalupa. Now the thing you have to know about Aston Martins - really any British car - is that chalupa stains never come out of the interior. Or at least that was the conventional belief before Air Sponge.

I pulled up to the Swiss casino and had the valet park my car. Other Aston drivers were stunned at the sheer audacity of my having eating the chalupa in such a primo automobile, and were so distracted by it that I was able to liberate them of their money, girlfriends and briefcases in a few games of high-stakes Baccarat. From there it was a doddle to pump my targets for intelligence and escape unscathed.

I would recommend the Air Sponge primarily for close-range covert work.

Seat Safety Switch fucked around with this message at 22:18 on Apr 16, 2015

LloydDobler
Oct 15, 2005

You shared it with a dick.

Freshen the air? How then will I smell my own *farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt*

Amos Moses
Oct 13, 2012

by Ralp


Holy poo poo goons get on my level

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 2 years!
I find that leaving left over burker king/wendy's in the car makes it smell pretty tasty for a couple days

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations


It does smell pungently of cherries, and I respect the makers of products who deliver on their promises.

MattO
Oct 10, 2003

I knew a kid back in the early 90's who would try to mask the stench from his rancid skate pads with urinal cakes. Seriously. The back of his wagon smelled like a loving rest stop gas station.

Polish
Jul 5, 2007

I touch myself at night

MattO posted:

I knew a kid back in the early 90's who would try to mask the stench from his rancid skate pads with urinal cakes. Seriously. The back of his wagon smelled like a loving rest stop gas station.

Yeah but those new rubbery ones smell awesome. Kid I work with takes the "mango-melon" ones and uses them. Last for a good month or so.

Pryor on Fire
May 14, 2013

they don't know all alien abduction experiences can be explained by people thinking saving private ryan was a documentary

Hahahah air fresheners, they were so cool once. Like there was literally a time where people said "drat poo poo is rank in here, let's add a bunch of synthetic pine chemical to make the air better!"

Archaeologists are going to be really loving confused when they look through our trash in a thousand years.

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe
I spray a shitload of Ozium into my car and leave it overnight if I need to.

This is usually after bringing home In-N-Out because that smell will be there the next morning otherwise.

Laserface
Dec 24, 2004

Its a little known fact but apparently you are suppose to just tear the bag and hang the thing on your mirror while still in the bag and then slowly reveal more of the cardboard over time as the scent wears down.

that way you get the scent for longer and not just a few days of eye-burning fragrance.

Steak Flavored Gum
Apr 26, 2007

ABANDONED HOMEWORLD FOR SALE, CHEAP!!!
Custom desert-marsh conversion in galactic core, 12% oxygen atm., great weather, friendly native life (missing one moon). Great fix-er-upper. Must sell, alien invasion imminent. $3995 or best offer.

Laserface posted:

Its a little known fact but apparently you are suppose to just tear the bag and hang the thing on your mirror while still in the bag and then slowly reveal more of the cardboard over time as the scent wears down.

that way you get the scent for longer and not just a few days of eye-burning fragrance.

Lifehack'd

n0tqu1tesane
May 7, 2003

She was rubbing her ass all over my hands. They don't just do that for everyone.
Grimey Drawer
I like it when the inside of my car smells like the inside of my gun safe.



Of course, I'm anosmic, so I can't really smell anything anyhow.

Mat_Drinks
Nov 18, 2002

mmm this nitromethane gets my supercharger runnin'
Give me GIGA Squash or give me death! :black101:

Kia Soul Enthusias
May 9, 2004

zoom-zoom
Toilet Rascal

Chinatown posted:

I spray a shitload of Ozium into my car and leave it overnight if I need to.

This is usually after bringing home In-N-Out because that smell will be there the next morning otherwise.

Can I spray Ozium into my shoes??

INCHI DICKARI
Aug 23, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
Does anyone make a high quality cocaine scented air freshener because i have t found anythin yet

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Fender Anarchist
May 20, 2009

Fender Anarchist

i hear cocaine smells like cocaine

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
I feel like hnone of you are posting in the spirit of the thread..

mobby_6kl
Aug 9, 2009



Brand: unknown
Scent: cocoa
Rating: 8/10
Review: Easy to hang, and smells so good!

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien

mobby_6kl posted:



Brand: unknown
Scent: cocoa
Rating: 8/10
Review: Easy to hang, and smells so good!

that is a very fine brand, do you have any more info on their range and availability?

case
Mar 27, 2005



BRAND - Sheep Poo Paper™
SCENT - Sort of like cut grass
RATING - Balchder Cymreig!
REVIEW - not bad at all, 7/10

MattD1zzl3
Oct 26, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 4 years!
Its called "dont eat in the car, ever. Vaccum now and than, once a year rent a carpet shampoo thing." Do your car and couch and mattress if its fabric.



Know how it smells? Clean.

REDjackeT
Sep 2, 2009

n0tqu1tesane posted:

I like it when the inside of my car smells like the inside of my gun safe.



Of course, I'm anosmic, so I can't really smell anything anyhow.

I really shouldn't be surprised that this exists. I know how to keep my roommate from stealing my car now.


BRAND - California Scents™
SCENT - "Cherries"
RATING - 2/10
REVIEW - It's overpoweringly almost-sickly-sweet smelling, but they fit nicely in a cup holder due to being in cat food cans. My roommate almost made the mistake of opening one inside and starting a catpocolypse.

Powershift
Nov 23, 2009


case posted:



BRAND - Sheep Poo Paper™
SCENT - Sort of like cut grass
RATING - Balchder Cymreig!
REVIEW - not bad at all, 7/10

drat. paper, wool, lamb and sex. Is there anything a welshman can't do with a sheep?

Seat Safety Switch
May 27, 2008

MY RELIGION IS THE SMALL BLOCK V8 AND COMMANDMENTS ONE THROUGH TEN ARE NEVER LIFT.

Pillbug

mobby_6kl posted:



Brand: unknown
Scent: cocoa
Rating: 8/10
Review: Easy to hang, and smells so good!

Where the gently caress do I buy this?

track day bro!
Feb 17, 2005

#essereFerrari
Grimey Drawer
when i order my oil and filter from opieoils™ they send me a free opieoils™ air freshner

thats my air freshner story

blugu64
Jul 17, 2006

Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?

n0tqu1tesane posted:

I like it when the inside of my car smells like the inside of my gun safe.



Of course, I'm anosmic, so I can't really smell anything anyhow.

somebody make me a wd40 air freshener please and thank you

slurry_curry
Nov 26, 2003
<3mini-moni+animu^_^

blugu64 posted:

somebody make me a wd40 air freshener please and thank you

I swear I have seen one of those before at some autoparts store, but google is failing me. No idea if it was wd40 scented, but it looked like a can of wd40...

Black88GTA
Oct 8, 2009
Potato picture:



Brand $100 dolla bill
Scent Maybe money? I don't know, I think it had been there a while
Rating 1/10
Review This air freshener is supposed to tell people "Hey, this guy has so much money he can just hang it off his mirror because he got it like that" but it instead had the opposite effect and everybody knew I was a broke rear end. It probably did not help that it was hanging in a canary yellow 1977 Coupe DeVille with rust everywhere and a chain holding the rear bumper on. Actually, that may have been how everybody knew I was a broke rear end. Regardless, it didn't even smell like anything because it was prob old as poo poo. 1/10, do not recommend and would not buy again.

McSpatula
Aug 5, 2006
All this talk, and yet not one mention of:



Brand Chemical Guys
Scent Stripper Scent
Rating 69
Review It sure does smell like a stripper, with notes of vanilla, lavender, and a distinct lack of dignity.


:getin:

Mat_Drinks
Nov 18, 2002

mmm this nitromethane gets my supercharger runnin'

les fleurs du mall posted:

I feel like hnone of you are posting in the spirit of the thread..

You're tnhe one not taking tnhis sneriously.

Seriously though all, if you haven't gotten a whiff of GIGA squash it's absolutely the freshest and the best. Kind of citrusy, but without being overly bright like orange or lemon zest. 10/10

West SAAB Story
Mar 13, 2014

by Athanatos

(and can't post for 278 days!)

i freshen my cars with the smell of my unwashed rear end and clothes

Tashan Dorrsett
Apr 10, 2015

by Deplorable exmarx

West SAAB Story posted:

i freshen my cars with the smell of my unwashed rear end and clothes

that seat-foam and dried urine residue scent

Git Mah Belt Son
Apr 26, 2003

Happy Happy Gators

McSpatula posted:

All this talk, and yet not one mention of:



Brand Chemical Guys
Scent Stripper Scent
Rating 69
Review It sure does smell like a stripper, with notes of vanilla, lavender, and a distinct lack of dignity.


:getin:

This stuff unironically smells great though.

Gorson
Aug 29, 2014

McSpatula posted:

All this talk, and yet not one mention of:



Brand Chemical Guys
Scent Stripper Scent
Rating 69
Review It sure does smell like a stripper, with notes of vanilla, lavender, and a distinct lack of dignity.


:getin:

Does it come in Shame?

Wistful of Dollars
Aug 25, 2009

Do you have a smell in your car that's bothering you? Never fear!



Brand: Swedish
Scent: End of the World
Rating: -1 billion or +1 billion, depending on evaluation.
Review: Definitely obliterates the previous bad smell.

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe

Gorson posted:

Does it come in Shame?

most of us have plenty of that already

atomicthumbs
Dec 26, 2010


We're in the business of extending man's senses.
Put a couple drops of cypress oil down your vents and you'll be good to go. You pansies.

atomicthumbs
Dec 26, 2010


We're in the business of extending man's senses.
And if you want a manly car smell instead of a manly coast forest smell you can use differential oil instead

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Olympic Mathlete
Feb 25, 2011

:h:

My go to are these: http://ukdmhatesyou.bigcartel.com/category/air-freshenering-smell-devices



They come in 'apple' or 'vanilla' and neither really smells much like apple or vanilla. Not bad though.


These are my childhood in cars:



I've just been reminded that the above used to come with a pin that you stabbed into the back of the crystal to release the fragrance.

Olympic Mathlete fucked around with this message at 11:55 on Apr 20, 2015

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