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AKA Pseudonym
May 16, 2004

A dashing and sophisticated young man
Doctor Rope
The thing you gotta do is sort all the screws and poo poo into bowls. I always wound using the wrong one somewhere before I started doing it that way.

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EMILY BLUNTS
Jan 1, 2005

many tools can be used to dilate holes but the wrong one will just create more problems

Ghaz
Nov 19, 2004

Hopper posted:

What? "meatballs"? Over here in Germany it says "Köttbollar" to stay with the Swedish theme. I guess Ikea in the US lowered its standards to accommodate people with an intellect so low they can't even assemble ikea furniture properly...

sorry but the very same country has trained me (like all americans) to associate nonsense gibberish umlaut words with disposable lego furniture, and that's just not appetizing

Corn Glizzy
Jun 28, 2007



The Kallax shelving is in every room in my house. I even use them as nightstands, dressers and the entertainment centers in my bedrooms. $65 each

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
there snothing ikea can do that arranging some mudpiles cant do

Hella Paunchy
Jul 25, 2007
More fun than a stick in the eye.
I used to work at IKEA and jesus h christ it's terrible. Sure the benefits are good (because socialist utopia) and there's free coffee but the customers are all entitled assholes and the employees (except for the very small number of cool people) were dead-eyed suburbanites who drank the kool aid because their lives were so vacuous and banal that "a better every day life for the many people" sounded like some higher loving purpose.

The brainwashing was great too. There was an awesome training about Global Responsibility or something that we all had to go through where they showed us all these videos about the different places around the world that the stuff is made. When they get to the children in the textile factories in Bangladesh we're all like "whoa whoa wait a sec child labor???" but they're all "well yeah, technically, but we make them go to school for half the day, and the money they make really helps out their families." War Is Peace, Freedom Is Slavery, Ignorance Is Strength, Child Labor Is Economic Opportunity.

i guess what i'm saying here is that IKEA hates you, too, OP.

Tashan Dorrsett
Apr 10, 2015

by Deplorable exmarx
i bought a huge desk called the "jerker" once. the instruction manual for the assembly of the jerker was amazing. i probably could have gotten a better desk on the free section of craigslist though, but the experience of assembling a jerker was worth it alone.

Kthulhu5000
Jul 25, 2006

by R. Guyovich
i've spent the last two days knee deep in IKEA kits, OP :( .

but in fairness, i've been doing it to crawl up the furniture ladder from "absolute busted garbage cheap poo poo" to "basic bitch decorgasm gear", so i think i can get some motherfucking slack here.

yeah I eat ass
Mar 14, 2005

only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar
I hate ikea because it seems like a lot of people with job situations like mine where they're only living somewhere 2-3 years before going to another job want ikea and only ikea to furnish their apartments. So if you're looking for used furniture, you will always only find ikea for sale, and when you move out, nobody will want to buy anything that isn't ikea. I am trying to sell some of my furniture I bought here and nobody wants it because I got it somewhere else. Honestly the ikea furniture here isn't even that much cheaper than the alternatives. I paid around 1200 CHF for my sofa including delivery, and a comparable one at ikea was 999+delivery fees, and was just cheap foam crap. So why is it the default for non-permanent furniture? Laziness? I don't get it.

NihilismNow
Aug 31, 2003

The Rage posted:

The Kallax shelving is in every room in my house. I even use them as nightstands, dressers and the entertainment centers in my bedrooms. $65 each

Kallax is the inferior version of expedit. Another product Ikea discontinued because they wanted to save a few more cents on wood pulp.

quakster
Jul 21, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

a new study bible!
Feb 2, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly


Use a drill you dickless wonder.

SkyEnzo
Mar 8, 2015

No time for the old in-out, love, I've just come to read the meter.
I was in the same boat last week. I work looking after mentally ill clients and was preparing a room building a bed. Same poo poo. Screw didnt fit. Luckily we had 5 of them in a store room and the next one worked. Made me wonder though. What would it be like if someone built this crap at their own home. Guess it got answered. Thanks!

Lord Frankenstyle
Dec 3, 2005

Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.
It's kinda sad the find out I live in a world where the only tools most people have is the Allen wrench that come in their McFurniture kit.

EMILY BLUNTS
Jan 1, 2005

Frankenstyle posted:

It's kinda sad the find out I live in a world where the only tools most people have is the Allen wrench that come in their McFurniture kit.

if you lose that or need a peg for a bed from 1962, don't worry. There is a counter with spares!

Sylink
Apr 17, 2004

the wood in ikea furniture has more voids than the phantom zone

IzzyFnStradlin
Jun 19, 2004
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: this sovereign citizen stuff might be closer to the truth than we are willing to admit.
anyone who rents their dwelling but owns furniture is a slave, anyway.

until you own your own dwelling, there's really no reason to own furniture - just get furnished apartments.

yeah I eat ass
Mar 14, 2005

only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

anyone who rents their dwelling but owns furniture is a slave, anyway.

until you own your own dwelling, there's really no reason to own furniture - just get furnished apartments.

Sometimes furnished apartments are better, but often you have to pay extra for it - I've seen as high as ~80 dollars extra a month for furnished. I guess if you're only going to be renting for a year or two it'd be cheaper than buying your own, but in the long term I think buying your own furniture wins out. Either way you're paying for the furniture, so I don't see why it matters.

Sylink
Apr 17, 2004

less poo poo to carry on your oxcart on the way to the next slave gig

Mons Hubris
Aug 29, 2004

fanci flup :)


You could also just buy some similarly sized wood screws if you're vehemently opposed to drilling. The nice old man at Home Depot can help you figure out what size you need, tiny bitch.

Dick Fagballzson
Sep 29, 2005

Murphy Brownback posted:

I hate ikea because it seems like a lot of people with job situations like mine where they're only living somewhere 2-3 years before going to another job want ikea and only ikea to furnish their apartments. So if you're looking for used furniture, you will always only find ikea for sale, and when you move out, nobody will want to buy anything that isn't ikea. I am trying to sell some of my furniture I bought here and nobody wants it because I got it somewhere else. Honestly the ikea furniture here isn't even that much cheaper than the alternatives. I paid around 1200 CHF for my sofa including delivery, and a comparable one at ikea was 999+delivery fees, and was just cheap foam crap. So why is it the default for non-permanent furniture? Laziness? I don't get it.

It surprises me that IKEA stuff has a strong second hand market. I thought one of the big selling points was that a lot of their stuff is so cheap it's basically disposable and you won't feel bad about chucking it in the dumpster when you move.

Flavor Truck
Nov 5, 2007

My Love for You is like a Truck
lol at buying overpriced plastic furniture
lol at not doing research on every single purchase you make
lol at not collecting junk furniture from craigslist/the highway
lol at not being a hoarder for fun and profit(?)

GATOS Y VATOS
Aug 22, 2002


How can you hate a store that has a line of furniture that is named "Fartyg"


Farty-G.


I'm giggling just thinking of that name.

Fargin Icehole
Feb 19, 2011

Pet me.
why not just go to walmart and buy a plastic table or some poo poo

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

anyone who rents their dwelling but owns furniture is a slave, anyway.

until you own your own dwelling, there's really no reason to own furniture - just get furnished apartments.

Or you could go to the thrift store like a normal person

What is wrong with you people that you think furniture ownership is for landowners

Have you ever heard of movers?

Edit: we can't all live in halfway houses, Izzy

thathonkey
Jul 17, 2012

Return Of JimmyJars posted:

If you're not putting together ikea furniture with power tools and high strength wood bonding glue u r a basic bitch

Saga
Aug 17, 2009

Wee Tinkle Wand posted:

:eng101: Everything you buy at Ikea is helping line the pockets of a literal Nazi who managed to escape the 40s without getting picked up for it and he uses loopholes with his companies so that basically zero taxes are paid on anything they sell.

This is the one major thing I don't like about Ikea. I presume the foreign subsidiaries at least pay their taxes, so while you may be stiffing the Swedish taxpayer you aren't necessary dicking your own community. But furniture options other than "equip a wood shop and make your own" aren't that great in general. Everything at HAUS OF SOFAS is incredible poo poo made by Chinese semi-indentured labour and picked out of a catalogue by the store management, who are charging you 5-10 times the unit price. You just don't see the terrible quality because you aren't assembling it with an allen key.

And if people like the OP think IKEA's quality is bad, I double dog dare you to buy flatpack from your local warehouse store. I was given a free, unused B&Q bookshelf once. Within a couple days of putting my kid's books on it, every shelf bowed so much they were about a mm from falling off their dowels. I had to break out a 2x4 and basically make knees for them.

Ninja Pangolin posted:

When they get to the children in the textile factories in Bangladesh we're all like "whoa whoa wait a sec child labor???" but they're all "well yeah, technically, but we make them go to school for half the day, and the money they make really helps out their families." War Is Peace, Freedom Is Slavery, Ignorance Is Strength, Child Labor Is Economic Opportunity.

This is actually not (or not only) because IKEA's founder is a "bootstraps" Randian nutjob. It's an approach that many (though obviously not all) development organisations tacitly or openly support.

You have vast numbers of children in the Subcontinent that their state can't support and that parents can't afford to keep, or who don't have parents or guardians at all. This may well be the fault of lovely governments, colonialism and exploitation, and yes, you want to move these societies to a position where kids don't have to do 16 hour shifts in a steel works to feed themselves (or sometimes their siblings), but if you banned child labour outright and somehow enforced that law, you would have a lot of dead kids.

The best possible thing those kids can hope for may well be to work in a non-life-threatening environment for reasonable hours, while earning a subsistence or very basic living wage, and getting an education and a safe place to live. Remember that many poor kids in Bangladesh do dangerous jobs, get no education and have no safe, secure place to live.

FeculentWizardTits
Aug 31, 2001

lol if you don't shop at Room & Board where everything looks like it came from IKEA but costs 10x as much

NihilismNow
Aug 31, 2003

Saga posted:

And if people like the OP think IKEA's quality is bad, I double dog dare you to buy flatpack from your local warehouse store. I was given a free, unused B&Q bookshelf once. Within a couple days of putting my kid's books on it, every shelf bowed so much they were about a mm from falling off their dowels. I had to break out a 2x4 and basically make knees for them.


I buy the furniture of dead old people instead. It is all made from solid heavy oak. You won't ever break it, the surface can be refinished infinitely and it costs about the same as the Ikea equivalent made of cardboard.

Downside is that you can pick up any piece of Ikea furniture by yourself and move it up a stair of load it in a truck. You probably can't do this with a oak bookcase.
If it comes it a flatpack it isn't real furniture.

ghlbtsk
Apr 19, 2005

these bath mats
are
GORGEOUS
HEY CONSUMER
If you can't handle assembling a bedframe, your Hovetrekke home exerbike will be impossible.

Fat-Lip-Sum-41.mp3
Nov 15, 2003
get the hemnes u fuckin scrub

Peztopiary
Mar 16, 2009

by exmarx
Those honeycomb mirrors are pretty bomb though. Ten @ $15 and then you can do whatever pattern you want.

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
Fun Shoe

Pollyanna posted:

this was not tested on children, this was tested on loving mensa assholes. i know children pretty drat well, i post on SA

Have we paged S.M.L. yet?

kecske
Feb 28, 2011

it's round, like always

just smash a bunch of gigantic nails in at haphazard angles

be sure to leave them half exposed to tear off your nutsack as you stumble into bed at 3am

Vorik
Mar 27, 2014

i like to sip on my caramel macchiato while i'm putting together my ikea

Stoic Commie
Aug 29, 2005

by XyloJW

Vorik posted:

i like to sip on my caramel macchiato while i'm putting together my ikea

sounds like a relaxing and wholesome way to spend a sunday afternoon with the one you love

naem
May 29, 2011

Dick Fagballzson posted:

It surprises me that IKEA stuff has a strong second hand market. I thought one of the big selling points was that a lot of their stuff is so cheap it's basically disposable and you won't feel bad about chucking it in the dumpster when you move.

No see they offer fun looking cheap stuff to lure you in and then you spend like $4000 somehow

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DisposableHero
Feb 25, 2005
bah weep granna weep ninny bong
Little known actual fact. Ikea furniture and Ikea meatballs are made of the same substance.

If you've got some old Ikea shelve you don't like any more just cut them down into small pieces, boil them, ball them and you have a something just as edible as from the actual Ikea food court.

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