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long story short, mom bit the big one and I inherited all of her stuff. while I was cleaning out the basement last week, I discover the hottest doll I have ever seen in my life. something deep inside screamed out "that sexy doll is coming home with me" and so I buckled the doll into the passenger side of my Kia and drove it home. my wife wasn't happy about the newest edition to the house, but I couldn't be swayed; I was hopelessly infatuated with that tiny little doll. as I told my wife "the heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart wants to have sex with this doll". a little bit after bringing the doll home spooky events started happening. it started small; my wife underwent a bizarre personality change, from a nice lady to a bit of a jerk, as if the doll was possessing her. Then I started finding my car keys were being moved from their normal spot in the little dish by the front door to the toilet, the middle of the back yard, etc. the wife started mysteriously disappearing from bed at night; I find her on the couch in the morning and when I ask her how it happened she remains curiously silent. things reached a head when the mischievous little doll took all of my things, put them in the driveway, and covered them in paint! what a scamp! well, at this point I knew I needed to get a professional involved, as the doll was ruining my home life! I brought in a local psychic to examine the doll; he confirmed that the doll was not only haunted, but was haunted by the ghost of my dead mom! naturally, this bothered me because I definitely want to bang this doll, but do I want to bang it because it's my mom? it's confusing and my wife hasn't been around much lately, so I can't really ask her for help figuring it out, which is why I'm coming to you guys. please do not troll me, as I am already feeling very horny about a doll and confused and it is all putting me on edge.
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Apr 20, 2015 17:47
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Apr 20, 2015 17:51
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what kinda doll we talking here?
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Apr 20, 2015 17:51
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it's one of those vintage madame alexander ones, except with the key difference that it has orbs flying in and out of it, like, nonstop.
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Apr 20, 2015 17:54
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5d for effort
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Apr 20, 2015 17:55
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mysterious frankie posted:it's one of those vintage madame alexander ones, except with the key difference that it has orbs flying in and out of it, like, nonstop. hmm yeah, I'm not really sure how you'd gently caress one of those maybe just jerk off on it and see if that helps
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Apr 20, 2015 17:56
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is this a made for sex doll or did you have to make adjustments
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Apr 20, 2015 17:57
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i only ask because ive voided warranties in the past and its always led to necromancy
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Apr 20, 2015 17:58
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Apr 20, 2015 18:00
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I'm honestly equal parts turned on by, and terrified of, this doll which may house my mother's ghost (still not 100% sure on that. going to get second opinion from a second, more ethnic psychic after I figure out how to get back all the money my prank loving doll took out of the joint checking account I share with my wife). does the fear make it sexier? possibly.
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Apr 20, 2015 18:03
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If you astral project you can meet your mother in the spirit realm and bang her there. Then when you return to your corporeal form she will have moved on, allowing you to enjoy your doll in peace.
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Apr 20, 2015 18:06
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what a hot looking... figurine
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Apr 20, 2015 18:09
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mysterious frankie posted:going to get second opinion from a second, more ethnic psychic that's a common mistake but since you're dealing with a white ghost here you're going to want a white psychic just to avoid false results from ectoracism
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Apr 20, 2015 18:20
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cock hero flux posted:that's a common mistake but since you're dealing with a white ghost here you're going to want a white psychic just to avoid false results from ectoracism It's 2015 and I don't even see color anymore, however I'd like to give a negro psychic a chance to take a whack at this mystery.
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Apr 20, 2015 18:51
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dont put your dick in somethieng made in china unltess its not a DOLL!!!:!!!:!:!:!
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Apr 20, 2015 19:27
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would
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Apr 20, 2015 21:07
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isn't this kinda the plot to evangelion? i'm sure it's the plot to some anime
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Apr 20, 2015 21:09
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u bein cucked OP down a caramel macchiatto and eat a egg while tears stream down your face
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Apr 20, 2015 21:10
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I'm not racist or anything, but this black psychic was pretty useless. He just told me I needed help... yeah, why do you think I called you, ding dong? In other news, my momdoll started possessing my wife's brothers and is having them throw stuff through our bay windows and pull me out of my car in traffic and beat the poo poo out of me. I wish I could quit her.
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Apr 21, 2015 16:04
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what the gently caress
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Apr 21, 2015 16:04
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well incest is only wrong if its non-consentual, underage or capable of producing offspring so i say pole that doll
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Apr 21, 2015 16:13
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chaosbreather posted:well incest is only wrong if its non-consentual, underage or capable of producing offspring so i say pole that doll what?
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Apr 21, 2015 16:14
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chaosbreather posted:well incest is only wrong if its non-consentual, underage or capable of producing offspring so i say pole that doll only one of those three actually makes it wrong  see http://reddit.com/r/incest
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Apr 21, 2015 16:14
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dad gay. so what posted:what? well incest is only wrong if its non-consentual, underage or capable of producing offspring so he says pole that doll
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Apr 21, 2015 16:19
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would it be bestiality if the doll got possessed by your dead dog? i say go for it
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Apr 21, 2015 16:19
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THE DOG HOUSE posted:well incest is only wrong if its non-consentual, underage or capable of producing offspring so he says pole that doll huh? pole?
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Apr 21, 2015 16:22
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dad gay. so what posted:huh? pole? yeah thats actually where he lost me too i thought maybe you would know
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Apr 21, 2015 16:24
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dad gay. so what posted:what? its like a fun bit of word play, using the verb 'to pole' as a thinly disguised aphorism to mean sexually penetrate with a penis (since it has a cylindrical or pole-like shape), which rhymes with doll so it's like poetry, or, if you'd prefer, rap lyrics
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Apr 21, 2015 16:25
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chaosbreather posted:its like a fun bit of word play, using the verb 'to pole' as a thinly disguised aphorism to mean sexually penetrate with a penis (since it has a cylindrical or pole-like shape), which rhymes with doll so it's like poetry, or, if you'd prefer, rap lyrics Pole rhymes with DOLE not doll. Unless you speak some kinda razzle dazzle moon language.
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Apr 21, 2015 16:53
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chaosbreather posted:its like a fun bit of word play, using the verb 'to pole' as a thinly disguised aphorism to mean sexually penetrate with a penis (since it has a cylindrical or pole-like shape), which rhymes with doll so it's like poetry, or, if you'd prefer, rap lyrics by who? who says pole? you?
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Apr 21, 2015 16:55
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mysterious frankie posted:I'm honestly equal parts turned on by, and terrified of, this doll which may house my mother's ghost (still not 100% sure on that. going to get second opinion from a second, more ethnic psychic after I figure out how to get back all the money my prank loving doll took out of the joint checking account I share with my wife). does the fear make it sexier? possibly. You may need to go full ethnic for this one
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Apr 21, 2015 16:55
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i guess you should put a pole in that thing, OP 
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Apr 21, 2015 16:56
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sounds like the plot of Swearnet to me
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Apr 21, 2015 16:59
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FormaldehydeSon posted:sounds like the plot of Swearnet to me huh?
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Apr 21, 2015 16:59
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I think it's a troll. I'm being trolled :\
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Apr 21, 2015 17:12
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mysterious frankie posted:I'm not racist or anything, but this black psychic was pretty useless. He just told me I needed help... yeah, why do you think I called you, ding dong? In other news, my momdoll started possessing my wife's brothers and is having them throw stuff through our bay windows and pull me out of my car in traffic and beat the poo poo out of me. I wish I could quit her. Is this how your mom acted before she died? Or do you think this behavior is her dealing with post-death trauma? I think you need to think about whether loving the doll will be a positive experience for her. edit- full disclosure, when my brother passed away a few years ago he ended up reincarnating as a very lovable basset hound. I decided not to neuter him since he hadn't had kids before his death. Big mistake in that I'm now responsible for about a dozen mutts that are still figuring out how to go outside 
Fidel Cuckstro fucked around with this message at 17:29 on Apr 21, 2015 |
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Apr 21, 2015 17:24
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we need pics of doll so we can assess its sexiness and detailed emf readings to ascertain its hauntedness
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Apr 21, 2015 18:07
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You should probably take your dead doll mom to dinner a few times before you have sex with her otherwise she might think you just want her for her hot doll body. She could become so upset that she could leave the doll and then you will be stuck with the doll you no longer want to bone and who knows what attractive household item she will come back as.
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Apr 21, 2015 18:18
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Slime Bro Helpdesk posted:Is this how your mom acted before she died? Or do you think this behavior is her dealing with post-death trauma? My mom was a real jerk to me in life & this sustained campaign of aggression is pretty consistent with that. I think my mom is now just a sexy dead jerk in a doll, and it's really weirding me out.
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Apr 22, 2015 17:48
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mysterious frankie posted:i want to gently caress my mom and a doll and my momdoll and my wife is cuckign me and ruining my stuff im a huge retard babby 
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Apr 22, 2015 17:51
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