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LegoPirateNinja posted:here is the original version. i knew it was missing something good catch! i was just trying to recite it from memory.
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Apr 27, 2015 17:11
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27 April 2015 It has been two days since the soy milk incident. I've managed to clean the blood, quinoa and grease from the walls. With any luck, the coconut milk will not devour as many first responders. Still, I've loaded my scattergun with dried pigs blood wax slugs and keep it close at hand. For those of you in the Lake Ontario/Erie area, be prepared to run south at a moments notice. Missing Name fucked around with this message at 17:17 on Apr 27, 2015 |
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Apr 27, 2015 17:15
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i fed my child the Cheerios + ancient grains. last night i was awoken by him standing at the foot of my bed, speaking in latin backwards and holding in his hand a bowl whose depth i could not comprehend
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Apr 27, 2015 17:24
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Are these safe to share with my pets? They all start rattling their cages and howling whenever I pour a bowl and I feel really bad for leaving them out.
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Apr 27, 2015 18:36
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Bismuth posted:Are these safe to share with my pets? They all start rattling their cages and howling whenever I pour a bowl and I feel really bad for leaving them out.
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Apr 27, 2015 18:58
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As I scrambled through the horrid place, with it's angles that went every which way and it's pallid green ambiance, I did happen upon a single bowl of cheerios, placed atop a waist-high pedestal with terrible, frightful creatures carved into it's base. They're alright but I wish there was some sugar to put on them.
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Apr 27, 2015 19:00
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Can someone come over to my place? The cherrios that I buried deep within my flesh are beginning to grow and they will need a new body to take over once they have depleted all of the nutrients I have to offer. I am becoming one with the ancient grains. My only regret is that my wretched body cannot give more to my children.
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Apr 27, 2015 19:03
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Never tried them myself, but I brought along a little baggie full of them for my 1 year old on Sunday because he gets a little fussy during church. As soon as we got to the threshold the priest ran out and physically barred me from entering and was just screaming at me to leave. I could barely understand him, he seemed hysterical. Weird cause he's always been a pretty nice guy.
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Apr 27, 2015 19:20
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Jerry Mumphrey posted:Never tried them myself, but I brought along a little baggie full of them for my 1 year old on Sunday because he gets a little fussy during church. Yeah you're definitely not the only one. I can recommend you some more ancient-grain-friendly churches if you need. Well maybe "churches" isn't the right word, they're more like informal prayer groups. You do have to be flexible on denomination, though; personally I hadn't even heard of most of the prayers, ceremonies, or deities before I started going. Mine meets every Saturday afternoon in this neat little flex-space First Chanter Bill found in the sewers. You have to be careful not to get your robes wet on the way in, and it does get a little rank down there sometimes, but the overpowering odor of the grains is powerful enough that you don't even notice most of the time.
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Apr 27, 2015 19:59
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Spilled a box of these and they ended up in the weirdest shapes! Almost like writing.
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Apr 27, 2015 20:21
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loquacius posted:Yeah you're definitely not the only one. I can recommend you some more ancient-grain-friendly churches if you need. Man, protestants - this has to be the most unique version of the bible I've ever seen. At least, I think it's the bible, the other members of my informal non-denominational prayer group just call it 'the book'. I don't remember the bible having words that seem to twist themselves inside your mind and give you glimpses into unfathomable horrors every time you sleep, as well. Converting for the wife, she says that ancient grains changed her life.
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Apr 27, 2015 20:26
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Thanks but finding a new church is kind of low on my list of priorities right now. Ever since Sunday my son just sits at the kitchen table, holding a spoon in front of an empty bowl, silent and motionless. If I pick him up or move his chair he lets out this bloodcurdling scream. I tried putting him in time-out, but he kept the scream going for about 10 minutes without taking a breath so I brought him back to the table. This is the first baby for the missus and I so I'm not sure if this is just a phase or what.
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Apr 27, 2015 20:26
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Full Battle Rattle posted:Man, protestants - this has to be the most unique version of the bible I've ever seen. At least, I think it's the bible, the other members of my informal non-denominational prayer group just call it 'the book'. I don't remember the bible having words that seem to twist themselves inside your mind and give you glimpses into unfathomable horrors every time you sleep, as well. Converting for the wife, she says that ancient grains changed her life. Wait, I'm not married. Blood pressure's better, though.
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Apr 27, 2015 20:27
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I tried to throw out the box last night but it has appeared in my pantry again today, also my house seems to have many more corners and hallways than before...
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Apr 27, 2015 20:37
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quote:About a year ago, marketers at General Mills started noticing that food made with so-called “ancient grains”—quinoa, millet, spelt, and so on—was selling really well. “We had heard the term,” Alan Cunningham, a marketing manager in the cereal division, told me, but they hadn’t spent a lot of time researching the ingredients. They set out to learn more. Alan Cunningham and his 'associates' have not been heard from since. quote:Ludwig, the Harvard professor, is skeptical of processed foods containing ancient grains. Puffing the ancient grains in Cheerios appears to represent “extensive processing,” he said, though it’s not as bad as some other types of processing, like [redacted] There never was a "Ludwig".
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Apr 27, 2015 20:58
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Aside from the increasing powers of prophesy granted with every heart-healthy spoonful, I think they are fine.
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Apr 27, 2015 20:59
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vaguely posted:Yes. Feed the ancient grains to your animals. Do it as soon as is convenient for you. It is unkind to deny them a balanced breakfast. Good advice, they loved them! I'm a bit worried though, the dog immediately started digging in the back yard and a few feet down shes hit some kind of spongey mass? I cant find the edges of it. I also thought it was so cute when the rats held the Os in their little hands but all the photos came out black, was really looking forward to sharing those.
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Apr 27, 2015 21:06
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After weeks of stonewalling and circles, I finally gave up and drove to Minneapolis, and ambushed Ken Powell outside the bank. I'd been trying to find out who was on the team that developed the cereal I've become afraid to write the name of. And what really happened at the focus group. He seemed relieved when I introduced myself as a journalist, absolutely eager to get back to my car. But it was almost as if he couldn't say anything but pleasantries. He'd start to stutter: bah bah bah bah bah whenever he tried to answer a pointed question. Ken disappeared while I was getting the car started - I have a battery disconnect from living in Detroit. But he did press a funny silver keychain/necklace thing into my hand while we were going up the parking garage stairwell. I'd like to post a picture of it but my phone is freaking out right now.
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Apr 27, 2015 21:10
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2006 called, it wants it's lovely ARG concept back, HEH
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Apr 27, 2015 21:14
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kill the non believr
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Apr 27, 2015 21:14
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THE DOG HOUSE posted:kill the non believr 
CrashCat fucked around with this message at 21:25 on Apr 27, 2015 |
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Apr 27, 2015 21:22
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i've developed these two huge, swollen bumps on my forehead. it feels like there is something really hard underneath 
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Apr 27, 2015 21:25
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thathonkey posted:i've developed these two huge, swollen bumps on my forehead. it feels like there is something really hard underneath fiber
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Apr 27, 2015 22:46
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i awoke this morning hungering for breakfast but i couldn't concentrate due to an unholy chorus of the damned repeatedly chanting "triticum dicocum...triticum aestivum..." think i'm gonna go to dunkin
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Apr 28, 2015 00:13
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all lay quiet. meanwhile, the ancient grains have successfully petitioned to move next to the garbage bags.  i dread to think on these dark auspices
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Apr 30, 2015 23:40
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El Cereal primigenio... Dios mío... Santa María madre de Dios ruega por nosotros pecadores ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte, amén
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May 1, 2015 00:59
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They say tom daschle got a letter in the mail. "We have this ancient grains..." Now he lobbies for general mills
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May 1, 2015 01:04
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CrashCat posted:all lay quiet. you idiot the image is just as powerful as the box itself you've doomed everyone itt (j/k we're all doomed no matter what)
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May 1, 2015 01:12
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It's great to get more fiber haha. Have to watch your heart health! SO much fiber haha. So much. So MUCH fiber haha. Ha. So much FIBER ha. So. So very, much I can't stop pooping haha Guys I, I cNt, I can't stop pooping! Ha ha, I literally CAN NOT stop PPOOPING HAah , eh, so, MUCTTCHSSSOOON WILL EMERGE SHAGGAROTHH, DESTORYER OF WORLDS ha ha, What, is,
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May 1, 2015 01:25
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Infused with honey found in the tombs of the pharaohs of old.
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May 1, 2015 01:38
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