Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
jarjarbinksfan621
Mar 4, 2012
It's ironically the one thing that the masses tend to insist being important to not cheap out on. The man on the street couldn't be more wrong. Expensive toilet paper is too thick and soft, you can't get any traction. It might be more comfortable, but it takes forever to clean your rear end, and it's not nearly as clean when you're done. I find that the best TP is the ultra-thin kind that is such "poor" quality that retail stores won't even carry it, and only businesses buy it direct from suppliers. However, I will concede that expensive toilet paper is a lot easier on hemorrhoids.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013
Wretched Harp
lol if recycled TP is too rough for your delicate browneye

jarjarbinksfan621
Mar 4, 2012

Dr Cheeto posted:

lol if recycled TP is too rough for your delicate browneye

literal hardass right here.

Nic Cage dick cage
Jun 23, 2009

Lipstick Apathy
you can never have enough toilet paper. that is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know.

jarjarbinksfan621
Mar 4, 2012

oncearoundaltair posted:

you can never have enough toilet paper. that is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know.

the adequate toilet paper supply thread is that way ----->
this thread is about types of toilet paper.

Node
May 20, 2001

KICKED IN THE COOTER
:dings:
Taco Defender

jarjarbinksfan621 posted:

It's ironically the one thing that the masses tend to insist being important to not cheap out on. The man on the street couldn't be more wrong. Expensive toilet paper is too thick and soft, you can't get any traction. It might be more comfortable, but it takes forever to clean your rear end, and it's not nearly as clean when you're done. I find that the best TP is the ultra-thin kind that is such "poor" quality that retail stores won't even carry it, and only businesses buy it direct from suppliers. However, I will concede that expensive toilet paper is a lot easier on hemorrhoids.

You are literally Hitler.

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013
Wretched Harp
I wish I had a bidet

jarjarbinksfan621
Mar 4, 2012

Node posted:

You are literally Hitler.

I wish, he got way more pussy than I ever will.

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie

I wipe with sandpaper. The blood really helps to clean everything.

jarjarbinksfan621
Mar 4, 2012

Dr Cheeto posted:

I wish I had a bidet

Be careful what you wish for, it might wash you away, since you're a piece of poo poo.

Shasta Orange Soda
Apr 25, 2007
cheaper toilet paper like the scott 1000 rolls is better than that fluffy soft stuff, but there's a limit. i have to wet the tp at work before i use it or else my rear end in a top hat itches for hours afterwards

thank you for reading my thoughts on the wiping of my filthy rear end

satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009

cheap tp is john wayne toilet paper

its white, rough

and it doesnt take poo poo from nobody

jarjarbinksfan621
Mar 4, 2012

Shasta Orange Soda posted:

cheaper toilet paper like the scott 1000 rolls is better than that fluffy soft stuff, but there's a limit. i have to wet the tp at work before i use it or else my rear end in a top hat itches for hours afterwards

thank you for reading my thoughts on the wiping of my filthy rear end

In regards to your itchy rear end in a top hat, do you think that might be something you picked up from your co-workers? I'm all for gay freedom, but you have to be careful and make sure they wear protection in this day and age.

jarjarbinksfan621
Mar 4, 2012

Universe Master posted:

I wipe with sandpaper. The blood really helps to clean everything.

But you have to clean the blood itself. I find the best way to wash your hands of blood is bleach and a patsy.

Shasta Orange Soda
Apr 25, 2007

jarjarbinksfan621 posted:

In regards to your itchy rear end in a top hat, do you think that might be something you picked up from your co-workers? I'm all for gay freedom, but you have to be careful and make sure they wear protection in this day and age.

no, it coincides pretty well with the times i use dry toilet paper, and not at all with the times i have freaky gay sex. i've studied this at length

jarjarbinksfan621
Mar 4, 2012

Shasta Orange Soda posted:

no, it coincides pretty well with the times i use dry toilet paper, and not at all with the times i have freaky gay sex. i've studied this at length

the length of the dick is not the issue, it's what's inside.

Pot Smoke Phoenix
Aug 15, 2007



Smoke 'em if you gottem!
Dinosaur Gum
I use John Wayne toilet paper. It's rough, tough, and don't take poo poo from anyone, pilgrim!

Bloody Hedgehog
Dec 12, 2003

💥💥🤯💥💥
Gotta nuke something
The secret to an extra clean brown-slot is after your main wipe, wrap your finger in TP, and get it up in there. Helps clean the internal poo-bits that could come out later, from gravity, or fear, or whatever.

Pro-Tips from your local Bum Council.

Kibbles n Shits
Apr 8, 2006

burgerpug.png


Fun Shoe
I only wipe with shredded monster truck tires for maximum traction.

BiG TrUcKs !!!
Feb 25, 2007

My life is the most blessed and most cursed in existence (blessed spiritually, cursed physically)

Splatmaster posted:

I use John Wayne toilet paper. It's rough, tough, and don't take poo poo from anyone, pilgrim!



LMAO

BigBoss
Jan 26, 2012

by Lowtax
Charmin ultra. Even the name sounds loving cool. ULTRA toilet paper.

Darf
Jun 6, 2011

You have quite a treasure there...
i don't have time for that poo poo, i just stand up and go

Kibbles n Shits
Apr 8, 2006

burgerpug.png


Fun Shoe
seriously though smdh if you can't afford $10 for like a month's worth of good toilet paper. I bought 9 rolls for Cottonelle for $11 and it came with a free box of moist wipes. I've gotten two for $11 at better places than Wal Mart.

Kibbles n Shits
Apr 8, 2006

burgerpug.png


Fun Shoe
also get a bidet, that way it wont take half a roll to clean up your muddy cornhole afterwards.

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)
Thanks for the advice everyone but im gotta to keep running dirty, im committed now.

Nurge
Feb 4, 2009

by Reene
Fun Shoe
EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A PIECE OF poo poo INTO THE TOILET. ITS GODDAMN DOOKIE TIME AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START WIPING MY rear end FURIOUSLY. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM MY rear end in a top hat WITH STEEL WOOL AND SANDPAPER WITH FLAWLESS TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY EXERCISE GOOD TOILET HYGIENE. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE OUTSIDE THE TOILET AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE OUTSIDE TOILETS ARE REAL IMMATURE JERKS. I'VE LEARNED TO MAKE IT HURT LESS AND MAKE THE TOILET SEEM LESS LONELY BY YELLING REALLY LOUDLY. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNING

Fishy Joe
Apr 19, 2005
Eat at Fishy Joe's

Nurge posted:

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A PIECE OF poo poo INTO THE TOILET. ITS GODDAMN DOOKIE TIME AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START WIPING MY rear end FURIOUSLY. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM MY rear end in a top hat WITH STEEL WOOL AND SANDPAPER WITH FLAWLESS TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY EXERCISE GOOD TOILET HYGIENE. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE OUTSIDE THE TOILET AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE OUTSIDE TOILETS ARE REAL IMMATURE JERKS. I'VE LEARNED TO MAKE IT HURT LESS AND MAKE THE TOILET SEEM LESS LONELY BY YELLING REALLY LOUDLY. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNING

Cyril Sneer
Aug 8, 2004

Life would be simple in the forest except for Cyril Sneer. And his life would be simple except for The Raccoons.
the problem with the cheap stuff is that I find it gets kind of torn up resulting in a blizzard of poo flakes raining down on the bathroom floor.

Fat-Lip-Sum-41.mp3
Nov 15, 2003
the expensive kind gets cotton in my rear end hairs

The Biscuit
Jul 2, 2007
Half of everything is luck.

Cyril Sneer posted:

the problem with the cheap stuff is that I find it gets kind of torn up resulting in a blizzard of poo flakes raining down on the bathroom floor.

best upgrade your squat toilet then

Darf
Jun 6, 2011

You have quite a treasure there...
the real question is do you do like a girl and mummy wrap your hand/up to your elbow in tp???

Nutsngum
Oct 9, 2004

I don't think it's nice, you laughing.
You morons need to buy a pressure cleaner to literally shear those poop particles off your ridge.

Tamerlame
Oct 20, 2012

Whenever I use expensive toilet paper I find it in my asshair days afterwards. Also, it falls apart if it gets wet.

Pot Smoke Phoenix
Aug 15, 2007



Smoke 'em if you gottem!
Dinosaur Gum
Lol at you losers who don't poo poo on your neighbor's lawn and use their newspaper to wipe your rear end! Beta shitters ITT

City of Tampa
May 6, 2007

by zen death robot
Scott 1000 FTW, then finish up with Cottonelle flushable wipes, I don't care if it fucks up the sewer system because my bootie hole needs to be minty fresh at all times.

ghost host
Apr 17, 2010

ain't got no cash
ain't go no style
cheap toilet paper doesn't absorb thick vaginal discharge like name brands. it just smears it around like a light coating of aged cream cheese.

Rascallion
Feb 10, 2014
Buying cheap toilet paper is also admitting to yourself that you are not getting laid anytime soon.

Shasta Orange Soda
Apr 25, 2007

DarthJeebus posted:

seriously though smdh if you can't afford $10 for like a month's worth of good toilet paper. I bought 9 rolls for Cottonelle for $11 and it came with a free box of moist wipes. I've gotten two for $11 at better places than Wal Mart.

you spend $120 a year on toilet paper lmao

Dejan Bimble
Mar 24, 2008

we're all black friends
Plaster Town Cop
A lot of americans wipe with dry paper, that means most americans have poopoo on their batty most of the time. This is also the reason why americans shower like 4 times a day. Very silly behaviors by these persons.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Kibbles n Shits
Apr 8, 2006

burgerpug.png


Fun Shoe

Shasta Orange Soda posted:

you spend $120 a year on toilet paper lmao

walking around with the confidence that a sludge-free rear end in a top hat brings is worth it friend

  • Locked thread