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Is this the best thing ever?
Yes
gently caress yes
It's up there
I'm gay
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Dangersim
Sep 4, 2011

:qq:He expended too much energy and got tired:qq:

I'M NOT SURPRISED MOTHERFUCKERS




let's make some jokes

Dangersim fucked around with this message at 14:08 on Apr 29, 2015

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-Atom-
Sep 13, 2003

Contrarian Dick

Bad At Everything
glad the guy who unintentionally hits women lost his title so the guy who intentionally does it can fight a fat man

Detroit_Dogg
Feb 2, 2008
Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT
He got stripped of his title too.

Dangersim
Sep 4, 2011

:qq:He expended too much energy and got tired:qq:

I'M NOT SURPRISED MOTHERFUCKERS

Detroit_Dogg posted:

He got stripped of his title too.

I"M TOO EXCITED FOR SPELLING

Detroit_Dogg
Feb 2, 2008
Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT
Welcome to the Atom thread of Saltiness

-Atom-
Sep 13, 2003

Contrarian Dick

Bad At Everything
please be mindful of the hypens

Popy
Feb 19, 2008

holy poo poo i live just a few blocks away from the crash. :stare:

handsome only face
Apr 22, 2010

Cockroach went out of the room in anger. And roach's go to empty room...

Cockroache's Anarchist


Dangersim posted:

let's make some jokes

the mma jokes thread is archived, ah crap!

Which all time great fighter was controversially stripped of his belt without being defeated for it? Muhammed Ali

why did Jon Jones cross the road? to get back to his totalled vehicle to retrieve a pile of cash instead of checking on the pregnant woman whose arm was fractured when he plowed his vehicle into her after running past a red light.

Knock knock? Who's there? 4. 4 who? Former light heavyweight champion Jon Jones.

Doctor doctor, my arm is broken.
Doctor: Much like the light heavyweight title reign of Jon 'Bones' Jones.

What is the difference between Jon Jones and Rosemary? One herb may be found in the kitchen but the other is likely to go missing. The Rosemary herb is also unlikely to commit a felony hit and run or fail a drug test for cocaine, or slam a car into a pole and get a DUI.

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.
Jones wanted to re-iterate that he was the first champion to be stopped by a pole since Carla took all the credit.

Keg
Sep 22, 2014

acai moonsault posted:

the mma jokes thread is archived, ah crap!

Which all time great fighter was controversially stripped of his belt without being defeated for it? Muhammed Ali

why did Jon Jones cross the road? to get back to his totalled vehicle to retrieve a pile of cash instead of checking on the pregnant woman whose arm was fractured when he plowed his vehicle into her after running past a red light.

Knock knock? Who's there? 4. 4 who? Former light heavyweight champion Jon Jones.

Doctor doctor, my arm is broken.
Doctor: Much like the light heavyweight title reign of Jon 'Bones' Jones.

What is the difference between Jon Jones and Rosemary? One herb may be found in the kitchen but the other is likely to go missing. The Rosemary herb is also unlikely to commit a felony hit and run or fail a drug test for cocaine, or slam a car into a pole and get a DUI.

lmao

Bubba Smith
Sep 27, 2004

Is tonight the greatest moment in Dominick Cruz's life?

No.

The greatest moment in my life was realizing that I didn't need a belt to be happy.
HOLY poo poo it just hit me the greatest outcome in all of this is now there's no way for Jon Jones to beat Anderson SIlva's title defense record, at least not until he goes on another 10+ title defenses when he gets back. He doesn't even beat GSP's at 9! Meanwhile the next two candidates are Aldo at 7 and Mighty Mouse at 6. Or gently caress it neither guy gets it and Anderson and GSP's legacies are secured for another generation.

Joey McChrist
Aug 8, 2005

i'd like to thank jon "bones" jones for his tireless efforts in legitimizing the sport of mma over the past few days

Tezcatlipoca
Sep 18, 2009

Bubba Smith posted:

HOLY poo poo it just hit me the greatest outcome in all of this is now there's no way for Jon Jones to beat Anderson SIlva's title defense record, at least not until he goes on another 10+ title defenses when he gets back. He doesn't even beat GSP's at 9! Meanwhile the next two candidates are Aldo at 7 and Mighty Mouse at 6. Or gently caress it neither guy gets it and Anderson and GSP's legacies are secured for another generation.

If you count WEC Aldo is at 9.

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

he's still a champion, imo

Dangersim
Sep 4, 2011

:qq:He expended too much energy and got tired:qq:

I'M NOT SURPRISED MOTHERFUCKERS

Bubba Smith posted:

HOLY poo poo it just hit me the greatest outcome in all of this is now there's no way for Jon Jones to beat Anderson SIlva's title defense record

:siren:I'M HARD:siren:

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.
https://vine.co/v/eWTqAUwKVM0

Dangersim
Sep 4, 2011

:qq:He expended too much energy and got tired:qq:

I'M NOT SURPRISED MOTHERFUCKERS

I'm dying

MassRafTer
May 26, 2001

BAEST MODE!!!

Bubba Smith posted:

HOLY poo poo it just hit me the greatest outcome in all of this is now there's no way for Jon Jones to beat Anderson SIlva's title defense record, at least not until he goes on another 10+ title defenses when he gets back. He doesn't even beat GSP's at 9! Meanwhile the next two candidates are Aldo at 7 and Mighty Mouse at 6. Or gently caress it neither guy gets it and Anderson and GSP's legacies are secured for another generation.

Cerrone is gonna have it broken by 2017.

Lonely Rolling Star
Mar 20, 2009

Better than a crowbar.
Thanks, Jon, for all the good times you've given us.

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

I hear you wish to ball, adventurer..

Popy posted:

holy poo poo i live just a few blocks away from the crash. :stare:

You too could have been at the scene of the crash and thought "Oh man, that's Jon Jones!"

eric
Apr 27, 2004
Lipstick Apathy
Nice radio button poll

projecthalaxy
Dec 27, 2008

Yes hello it is I Kurt's Secret Son


Jon Jones should just not drive cars, it doesn't seem to work out. Surely all his wunderkind champ money would pay for a chauffeur.

SquirrelGrip
Jul 4, 2012

projecthalaxy posted:

Jon Jones should just not drive cars, it doesn't seem to work out. Surely all his wunderkind champ money would pay for a chauffeur.

Jon Jones should just not;
- snort coke
- smoke drugs
- be a Christian
- gently caress with Chael

SquirrelGrip
Jul 4, 2012
DC upon hearing the news "I hope he's crying somewhere right now"

Memento
Aug 25, 2009


Bleak Gremlin

projecthalaxy posted:

Jon Jones should just not drive cars, it doesn't seem to work out. Surely all his wunderkind champ money would pay for a chauffeur.

You're getting it all wrong. Jones doesn't drive cars for the reasons us mere mortals drive them. You might hang around with some buddies on a Saturday night and drink a few beers and play some 9-ball for a good time. For Jon Jones, he can only enjoy himself by driving a car while high. Sure, a chauffeur might give him a better chance to snort coke out of a stripper's rear end crack, but that's just not what he wants from life.

I mean, he does want that, but he also wants to be driving while doing it.

Dangersim
Sep 4, 2011

:qq:He expended too much energy and got tired:qq:

I'M NOT SURPRISED MOTHERFUCKERS

eric posted:

Nice radio button poll

I don't know what that means, but thank you, eric.

SquirrelGrip
Jul 4, 2012
holy poo poo chael is a prophet

eric
Apr 27, 2004
Lipstick Apathy

Dangersim posted:

I don't know what that means, but thank you, eric.

Ur supposed to make checkbox polls so we can vote for every option!!!

colonel_korn
May 16, 2003



A history of swagger jacking

Kurohashi
Sep 8, 2005

*waddle waddle*
The Agony and Ecstasy of Jon Jones Crashing a Car

Dancing Peasant
Jul 19, 2003

All this for stealing a piece of bread? :waycool:

SquirrelGrip posted:

holy poo poo chael is a prophet

Pwny_Xpress
Nov 17, 2006

WEC Never Die

http://chaelsonnen.com/products/chael-knows-limited?variant=1401211396

The limited run Chael Knows shirts are too good. I am sorry I missed them.

vulvamancer
Oct 2, 2006

Yes! It all makes sense! We may be freaks, but we're freaks with teeth, and claws, and magic wands! And together, we can stand up to Farquaad!

SquirrelGrip posted:

holy poo poo chael is a prophet

What did Chael predict?

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"

vulvamancer posted:

What did Chael predict?

That Jones vs Rumble wouldn't happen

It was a reddit AMA last month or so

1st AD
Dec 3, 2004

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu: sometimes passing just isn't an option.

Now I understand what Anderson Silva was referring to when he mentioned "the Shael no hespect nothing." "Shael" was not a cutesy Brazilian mangling of the man's name, he was referring to Sonnen in drag, acting in his role as MMA's agent provocateur.

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"
It's a good thing that the judge lifted his travel restrictions. Now Jon can still go to UFC 187 and watch from the stands.

I'm pretty sure he'll be cageside, but he'll still have nosebleed seats.

ninety
Mar 13, 2007

by Nyc_Tattoo

(and can't post for 4 years!)

Prediction: JJ earns a really short jail stint from this, but the stress causes him to murder a fellow inmate with eye gouges and 12-6 elbows, upgrading his sentence to life without parole.

CortezFantastic
Aug 10, 2003

I SEE DEMONS

LobsterMobster posted:

It's a good thing that the judge lifted his travel restrictions. Now Jon can still go to UFC 187 and watch from the stands.

I'm pretty sure he'll be cageside, but he'll still have nosebleed seats.

:golfclap: well done

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005

c-spam cannot afford



:lol: if you think bones will spend more time behind bars than he has already from turning himself in.

Here's what's going to happen. His lawyer is going to negotiate a plea deal most likely with a reduction in the severity of the crime to reckless driving or some such. He'll probably lose his driver's license for 6 months to a year, and he'll have to do a bunch of community service. There is no question about the victims being properly compensated, and JBJ has more than enough money to basically walk away from all of this. Unless he does this again before his probation is up, he won't see the inside of another jail.

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Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005

c-spam cannot afford



In most places a DUI can disappear for about $5k even if your lawyer is Lionel Hutz and NM is the type of place where you can buy a fifth of jack at the gas station while you're filling up your car.

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