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Turboooooo
Mar 3, 2010
Totally kidding. But, at least they are prepared for when it eventually does happen.
Soon all the western states shall be under Marshmallow law. Giant Stay-Puf men will rule the earth.




AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — Texas Republican Gov. Greg Abbott on Tuesday asked the State Guard to monitor a U.S. military training exercise dubbed "Jade Helm 15" amid Internet-fueled suspicions that the war simulation is really a hostile military takeover.

The request comes a day after more than 200 people packed a meeting in rural Bastrop County and questioned a U.S. Army commander about whether the government was planning to confiscate guns or implement martial law. Bastrop County Judge Paul Pape said "conspiracy theorists" and "fear mongers" had been in a frenzy.

Pape thanked Abbott for the letter to the Texas State Guard, which he believed helped emphasize the benefit of the military training rather than further fuel theorists.

"It's a sad when people's greatest fear is their own government," Pape said. "Think about the ramification of that. If Americans go to sleep at night worrying whether their own government is going to sell them out before morning, it'd be hard to sleep."

Suspicions about Jade Helm intensified on some conservative websites and social media after a map labeled Texas, Utah and parts of California as "hostile" for the purposes of the three-month training exercise that begins in July. Such war simulations aren't unusual, though the Army has acknowledged that the size and scope of Jade Helm makes it unique.

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/texas-governor-abbott-orders-national-guard-military-takeover

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Iseeyouseemeseeyou
Jan 3, 2011
marshallah, brother!

I. M. Gei
Jun 26, 2005

CHIEFS

BITCH



Marshall Law in Texas

I. M. Gei fucked around with this message at 05:22 on Apr 30, 2015

Trochanter
Sep 14, 2007

It ain't no sin
to take off your skin, And dance around in your bones!

Turboooooo posted:


"It's a sad when people's greatest fear is their own government," Pape said. "Think about the ramification of that. If Americans go to sleep at night worrying whether their own government is going to sell them out before morning, it'd be hard to sleep."


Then these people can sleep soundly; the government sold them out years ago.

Pulp Can Move
Oct 4, 2012
Sell Texas to Mexico while everyone is asleep.

Turboooooo
Mar 3, 2010
I'm now wishing I made this a Photoshop thread all about "marshmallow law" And how this will effect all the cities, towns, and Stay-puft

Segata Sanshiro
Sep 10, 2011

we can live for nothing
baby i don't care

lose me like the ocean
feel the motion

:coolfish:

i'd be ok with a hostile military takeover of texas + the south

whatever happened to supporting the troops you dumb rednecks? lmao

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot
FEMA DEATH CAMPS AGENDA 21 MARTIAL LAW CHEMTRAILS ILLUMINATI LIZARD PEOPLE

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!
Wedge Regret
WITH the chaos in BALTIMORE lizard pawn Obama is seizing TEXAN lands and guns. Make sure you BUY fluoride filters.

Ronwayne
Nov 20, 2007

That warm and fuzzy feeling.

mdm posted:

FEMA DEATH CAMPS AGENDA 21 MARTIAL LAW CHEMTRAILS ILLUMINATI LIZARD PEOPLE

But not bodily fluids, the feminist spermjackers took over that years ago.

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

I welcome our new military overlords

Zeroisanumber
Oct 23, 2010

Nap Ghost
The riot in Baltimore is making old white people from the country edgy about the idea of Obama taking over and suspending the Constitution so Abbott sent a bunch of half-trained, heavily-armed, up-jumped civilians out to watch the US Army run around the desert for a while.

So, yeah. It all boils down to sheltered old fucks being scared that the black fella in Washington DC is gonna send the Army to deprive them of their whiskey & incest porn.

FrankenVader
Sep 12, 2004
Polymer Records
Texas would be the WORST place to try that poo poo. This is one heavily armed state.

reignonyourparade
Nov 15, 2012

Turboooooo posted:

I'm now wishing I made this a Photoshop thread all about "marshmallow law" And how this will effect all the cities, towns, and Stay-puft



that wouldve been a nice thread imo

poverty goat
Feb 15, 2004



under martian law doctors and other wizards are forbidden

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien

Pulp Can Move posted:

Sell Texas to Mexico while everyone is asleep.

Zeroisanumber
Oct 23, 2010

Nap Ghost

FrankenVader posted:

Texas would be the WORST place to try that poo poo. This is one heavily armed state.

Your daddy's .308 wouldn't do poo poo to an MRAP. But that aside, it's nothing but your idiot governor playing to the idiots who got him elected.

Yivgev
May 19, 2004

i brought my +1 ak-47

Zeroisanumber posted:

Your daddy's .308 wouldn't do poo poo to an MRAP. But that aside, it's nothing but your idiot governor playing to the idiots who got him elected.

unrelated but it would be cool to see large-scale maneuver warfare in texas on the plains

Young Freud
Nov 26, 2006

Raw Story has an article on a Q&A session citizens had with an Army rep

Some of the choice quotes from that presser...

quote:

Most of the Jade 15 operations will take place on private property with the expressed approval of the landowner, although one participant asked why residents weren’t permitted to vote on it.

“I don’t understand why you would vote on private land use,” Lastoria said.

He said these private landowners were notified of the operation by word of mouth, which prompted chuckles from the crowd, and he said many of them were connected to the military or were veterans.

quote:

One man stood up to ask a series of increasingly specific questions about what would happen to protesters who disrupted Jade Helm exercises and whether the operations would be suspended.

“I would find it bizarre that someone would violate someone’s private property to make a personal statement,” Lastoria said.

The operations are taking place on private land, which the owners, former military or politically connected themselves, who have either donated or being compensated for access to the land. I find the comment about "voting to use private land" particularly funny since most of these bozos are libertardians and the community voting to use or restrict a private individual's land to whom they grant access to, even if it's the government, is pretty tantamount to socialism.

quote:

Most of the role players are also service members or somehow connected to the military, he said, adding that troops should be able to spot them because their clothing might stand out in Texas.

“I said it before and people didn’t believe me,” Lastoria said. “They dress differently in Fort Hill, North Carolina. They just do – it’s bizarre.”

There's speculation that this multi-state exercise is a simulated Mid-East intervention, so it's probably stands to reason that the roleplayers are going to be dressed in clothing that most Americans probably wouldn't normally wear.

Essentially, Texas and Utah are cosplaying as the "hostile states" of Iran and Syria respectively, while New Mexico is standing in for "neutral but sympathetic to hostile" Iraq, the rest playing Jordan, Turkey, and Saudi Arabia, and California is Israel with it's "insurgent pocket" near San Diego roleplaying Gaza.

Also, how can anyone take seriously a logo with a glass slipper in the middle of it...


Yivgev posted:

unrelated but it would be cool to see large-scale maneuver warfare in texas on the plains

You'll be in luck, since Jade Helm is supposed to have a Joint Operational Access Exercise in the middle of it, supposedly a paratrooper drop, I guess to represent seizing oil fields or, more likely, nuclear facilities in Iran.

Young Freud fucked around with this message at 07:08 on Apr 30, 2015

Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers

Young Freud posted:

Also, how can anyone take seriously a logo with a glass slipper in the middle of it...



I refused to believe that clip art logo from '94 was the logo of a rather large military training program but then I googled it and... welp.

Young Freud
Nov 26, 2006

Jesus Christ posted:

I refused to believe that clip art logo from '94 was the logo of a rather large military training program but then I googled it and... welp.

Internal military documents tend to be rather bland. No one really goes into the military to get a liberal arts degree.

Segata Sanshiro
Sep 10, 2011

we can live for nothing
baby i don't care

lose me like the ocean
feel the motion

:coolfish:

for the cost of one f-35 the pentagon could hire like, a dozen graphic designers to work for them until retirement

ISIS has slicker looking poo poo than that ffs

Iseeyouseemeseeyou
Jan 3, 2011

Feranon posted:

for the cost of one f-35 the pentagon could hire like, a dozen graphic designers to work for them until retirement

ISIS has slicker looking poo poo than that ffs

as it should be mashallah

burritolingus
Nov 6, 2007

by Ralp
No, Martial Law took place in LA. You're probably thinking Walker Texas Ranger.

Dandywalken
Feb 11, 2014

Why the slipper though?

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations
martial lol

Ogive
Dec 22, 2002

by Lowtax
The worst part about that is that it implies texas has something worth taking.

Chonchon
Dec 16, 2013

bunch of rednecks with shotguns getting massacred by actual soldiers

win-win all around, what's not to like

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
It's nice to know Dale Gribble is actually a real person who lives in Texas.

Smashurbanipal
Sep 12, 2009
ASK ME ABOUT BEING A SHITTY POSTER

Ogive posted:

The worst part about that is that it implies texas has something worth taking.

Gee buddy, only the 14th largest economy in the world.

Fishy Joe
Apr 19, 2005
Eat at Fishy Joe's

Poor discipline, khaleeshis noball boyz would have taken that pounding like men should

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

Ogive posted:

The worst part about that is that it implies texas has something worth taking.

U dumb

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQZX0nzvMag

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

pape

Genesplicer
Oct 19, 2002

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!

Total Clam

Smashurbanipal posted:

Gee buddy, only the 14th largest economy in the world.

Their largest exports are neck sweat and despondency.

subhuman filth
Nov 1, 2006

oil and military aircraft

cool tree bro
Jul 27, 2010
Texas national guard vs US military

Chinaman7000
Nov 28, 2003

burritolingus posted:

No, Martial Law took place in LA. You're probably thinking Walker Texas Ranger.

they had crossovers

and were both terrible.

Radical and BADical!
Jun 27, 2010

by Lowtax
Fun Shoe

gggiiimmmppp posted:

under martian law doctors and other wizards are forbidden

I dub thee Sir Deimos, Beater of rear end

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circ dick soleil
Sep 27, 2012

by zen death robot
I'm feeling very triggered by the OP... I think I need to lie down :razz:

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