- Desert Bus
- May 9, 2004
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Take 1 tablet by mouth daily.
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Firstly, The Bad Thread produced one of the few Goon projects that managed to be finished with A Game of Bones :
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17259252-a-game-of-bones
Secondly, don't recall the authors, but:
quote:
A large office, for a large man. Filled with smoke, the air circles lazily as the ceiling fan whispers away through eternity. I sit at the lone desk, feet up, lights off, blinds closed. The only illumination leaks through the slats of the blinds, cutting solid blades of white fire through the room.
The door opens, the words painted on the frosted glass turning around so I can read them. “Clegane & Co. Licenced Killers”
My name is Gregor Clegane, and this is my office. I’m a murderer for hire, a tough guy, a heavy. People come to me with their problems, and I help out. When I was made a knight a long time ago, I took an oath. To care. To aid. To serve. Just because I don’t wear the armor anymore, doesn’t mean I’m not still a knight.
The woman walks in, legs the length of the Gold Road, and just as gorgeous. Her hair, black and curly, shimmering like a Myreenese swamp, framing her face just so, and she stops within the threshold.
“Are you Clegane?” Her voice murmurs across the air to me, a throaty rush that catches hold of my heart and brings it to a quickness.
“THAT ME” I reply, cool as ice.
“I have a job for you, mister. My old gambling partner ran off to Storm’s End with the haul we earned in King’s Landing. I need you find him and get him.”
“ME CAN KILL GOOD”
She smiles, and the sadness in that smile is enough to break my heart into a thousand pieces. “No, I need him alive. I want to ask him why he did it.”
“ME KNOW GUY, RAFF, HIM GOOD MAKING MEN TALK” I stand up and cross the room to stand within an inch of her. I was right. She smells as good as she looks. Like vanilla blossoming on a warm spring day.
“YOU PAY ME”
She looks startled, as if the thought of compensating me for the work I was to do had just slipped her mind. Women can be funny like that. Especially when they’re gorgeous like that.
“Of course, Clegane. I’ll give you one of every four stags in the haul.”
Firmly, “NO YOU PAY NOW”
I grab her around the waist, pulling her to me, and I’m amazed. She tastes like vanilla, too. Her lips press to mine, her breath turning hot and loud against my cheek. She pulls back and stares at me, questioning.
“OF ALL GIN JOINTS IN LANNISPORT, YOU WALK INTO MINE”
Another question rises to her lips, but I silence them with a violent blow to the face.
“HERE LOOKING AT YOU SWEET HEART”
She starts to scream, but I crush the breath in her throat before more than a squeak gets out. Throwing her to the ground, I grab the filing cabinet, swinging it one-handed above my head. I bring it down, once, twice, a third time. Her ribs snap, blood bursting from her mouth with each impact. I casually toss the cabinet to the side, kicking her bodily onto the couch, leaving her to die.
I grab my tabard and my cap, shrugging into them. Time to go find her guy and their fortune. I open the door, and turn back to her. There’s a small glimmer of conciousness left in her beautiful green eyes, and with a note of sorrow, I have to let her know what this departure means to me.
“AT LEAST WE ALWAYS HAVE PARRIS”
I close the door, and walk away.
quote:
He didn’t remember being captured.
Jaimie struggled against his bonds but found the act fruitless. How did they capture him? He saw his men lying on the ground, dead or dying. His squire Peck was tied to a tree and Sir Payne was tied to his horse. Why kill everyone and us these three? The men who now had control of his camp were everywhere. They wore bright yellow armor and had a signet of a dragon rapped around a tree. Odd. He had never seen armor like this before. What was going on?
Jaimie saw the smallest man walking towards him. At first, for half a second, he believed it too be Tyrion but this man was unbelievably shorter than Tryion he was. His body was covered in the same strange yellow armor and helmet but with a red strip across his chest.
“Hmm hehehe. Kinslayer!” The short yellow man said.
“Do I know you?”
“Oh brotha, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten me already?”
Startled, Jaime gasped. “Impossible. You’re supposed to be dead!” He whispered hoarsely.
“MMmm hmhmhmhmmmm! I’m a lot harder to kill.” The yellow man lifted off his helmet and revealed a face he hadn’t seen in 15 years.
“Winnie the Pooh!” Jaime said disbelieving. “My father destroyed your house 15 years ago.”
A pink armored man came up beside Pooh. He could only be none other than Sir Piglet. “Oh D-d-d-dear-dear! You shut your mouth Kinslayer! The 100 Acre Wood lives on in the hearts of those who still remember!”
“Your house is dead and the memories as well. All I see is a bunch of broken animals.”
“Bastard!” Piglet pulled out his sword.
“No Piglet. Death is too easy. I want to savor my revenge. I’ll have my revenge! Tigger, bend him over!”
“That’s what tiggers do best!”
“Afraid of me even now Pooh? Why don’t you fight me, single combat? Too cowardly to fight a cripple?”
“No…” Pooh pulled down his breeches. His magnificent golden penis stood in the air like a golden statue. “I prefer to make you suffer!”
Jaimie’s breeches were pulled off. “You bastard…”
“You’ll enjoy this as much as I will.”
He remembered what he had told Brienne that day. When it happened, you had to go inside yourself. Endure. All thoughts left his mind when Winnie the Pooh shoved his ten inch penis inside Jaimie Lannister’s rear end. Winnie the Pooh was loving him in the rear end! And too his shame, this was also far, far better than times with Cersei. Winnie the Pooh pumped Jaimie from behind like a wild animal. It was both horrible pain and addictive pleasure. He didn’t know whether he was moaning from his tearing rear end or the pulsing pleasure.
Jaimie gasped. The pressure from his rear end was gone. He was already missing the pleasure. He had time long enough to see Sir Payne getting raped from behind by Piglet before his line of vision was cut off by Winnie the Pooh’s massive member.
“You moan too much…” Before Jaimie had time to reply, his mouth was penetrated. He resisted at first, but found himself not resisting hard. It was so wrong, but felt so, so right.
It was over fast. He felt Pooh shudder and release his seed in Jaimie’s mouth.
“*cough* Dear god… it… cough taste like honey.” It was the most wonderful taste he had ever tasted.
“Kinslayer… you are now my wife.” Pooh announced.
“Yes…” Jaimie wheezed and swallowed.
“You are going to live a long time Kinslayer.” Winnie the Pooh shuddered. “Only you remember my true identity. Only you remember my real name.”
“Winnie the Pooh…” Jaimie said slowly. “Targaryen!”
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May 7, 2015 03:37
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 27, 2024 09:45
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- thathonkey
- Jul 17, 2012
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I dont think there's a funny full on parody just wanted to remind yall game of thrones is actually not a good show.
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May 7, 2015 04:18
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- FedEx Mercury
- Jan 7, 2004
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Me bad posting? That's unpossible!
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Lipstick Apathy
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It is a good show.
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May 7, 2015 04:46
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- thathonkey
- Jul 17, 2012
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Hrmm havey ou watched it?
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May 7, 2015 04:48
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- Kakarot
- Jul 20, 2013
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by zen death robot
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Buglord
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well done for being the first post with this answer
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May 7, 2015 04:48
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- Dyna Soar
- Nov 30, 2006
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I dont think there's a funny full on parody just wanted to remind yall game of thrones is actually not a good show.
high budget xena
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May 7, 2015 11:17
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- FedEx Mercury
- Jan 7, 2004
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Me bad posting? That's unpossible!
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Lipstick Apathy
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Hrmm havey ou watched it?
I haven't seen the newest one
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May 7, 2015 12:49
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- Chef Boyardeez Nuts
- Sep 9, 2011
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The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.
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This is great for the triumphant Northmen and Jorah Hypeman.
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May 7, 2015 12:53
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- King Vidiot
- Feb 17, 2007
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You think you can take me at Satan's Hollow? Go 'head on!
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Exactly, it's so good.
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May 7, 2015 16:05
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- Gaunab
- Feb 13, 2012
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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I'd watch an episode or two of 1995 game of thrones.
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May 8, 2015 04:08
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- thathonkey
- Jul 17, 2012
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May 8, 2015 04:34
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 27, 2024 09:45
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- FedEx Mercury
- Jan 7, 2004
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Me bad posting? That's unpossible!
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Lipstick Apathy
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I haven't seen the newest one
I just saw it, still good.
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May 8, 2015 13:52
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May 7, 2015 03:37
