McDonalds has a new Hamburglar, and he's probably going to rape you

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > McDonalds has a new Hamburglar, and he's probably going to rape you

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TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

gary oldmans diary posted:

McRib is back!

# ? May 7, 2015 03:09

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 24, 2024 13:54

Fuck da Mods: Jun 27, 2013; fina get poz'd?

why does he have to b white?

# ? May 7, 2015 03:13

Young Freud: Nov 26, 2006

Retail Slave posted:

So in a nostalgia move, McDonalds has "re-invented" the classic Hamburglar. Instead of a moon-faced petty thief who loves lovely hamburgers, he's now a scruffy man wearing a Lone Ranger mask who could pass for WWE Superstar Christian.

Here is the new Hamburglar in all his creepy goodness:

Dude just wants your food. Give him your hamburger, you monster!

And for those of you unfamiliar with sweaty men in tights inappropriately touching each other, here is WWE Superstar Christian:

Look at that handsome devil.

How wrong you loving are... :bahgawd:

# ? May 7, 2015 03:14

Wicker Man: Sep 5, 2007; Just like Columbus...; Clapping Larry

gently caress da Mods posted:

why does he have to b white?

A black hamburglar?

# ? May 7, 2015 03:14

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

Vastarien posted:

god drat

# ? May 7, 2015 03:15

scuba school sucks: Aug 30, 2012; The brilliance of my posting illuminates the forums like a jar of shining gold when all around is dark

Now do one with the Vietnamese guy about to get shot in the head.

edit: (Robble robble)

# ? May 7, 2015 03:16

BigBallChunkyTime: Nov 25, 2011; Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.; Illegal Hen

Young Freud posted:

How wrong you loving are...

If we had a time machine, yes, but Repo Man has got to be in his 60's by now, at least.

# ? May 7, 2015 03:18

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Vastarien posted:

# ? May 7, 2015 03:18

Vince MechMahon: Jan 1, 2008

He actually looks way more like the original rat face hamburglar.

# ? May 7, 2015 03:19

Android Apocalypse: Apr 28, 2009; The future is
AUTOMATED
and you are
OBSOLETE; Illegal Hen

I thought the Hamburglar is under the employment of McDonald's, stealing all the competition hamburgers so that the public is forced to eat at McD's.
Kind of like a hamburger privateer.

A hamburteer if you will.

# ? May 7, 2015 03:20

BigBallChunkyTime: Nov 25, 2011; Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.; Illegal Hen

Android Bicyclist posted:

I thought the Hamburglar is under the employment of McDonald's, stealing all the competition hamburgers so that the public is forced to eat at McD's.
Kind of like a hamburger privateer.

A hamburteer if you will.

He actually escaped from a mental institution and does wetwork for the company when the cameras are off.

He used to be known as the Hammurderer. Stabble, stabble!

# ? May 7, 2015 03:22

keegles: Aug 24, 2013

Vastarien posted:

# ? May 7, 2015 03:24

porkchop_express: May 27, 2004

will he buy you dinner first?

# ? May 7, 2015 03:28

reagan: Apr 29, 2008; by Lowtax

Vastarien posted:

# ? May 7, 2015 03:29

ballistics statistics: Nov 27, 2003; God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title

Retail Slave posted:

Someone please explain the reference to me because I am old and stupid.

If you mean the pic with the girl holding her hands up that was the last picture taken of her, by her murderer. Presumably she was killed directly after that pic was taken.

# ? May 7, 2015 03:29

Horniest Manticore: Nov 23, 2013; Hello, you!; Lipstick Apathy

Three Olives posted:

I dunno he looks like he might be kind of hot it is hard to tell with the mask.

forget about stealing -- three olives will give him his meat

# ? May 7, 2015 03:29

BigBallChunkyTime: Nov 25, 2011; Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.; Illegal Hen

porkchop_express posted:

will he buy you dinner first?

He'll steal it. He's a burglar. Haven't you been paying attention?

# ? May 7, 2015 03:30

a shiny rock: Nov 13, 2009

Geoff Zahn posted:

# ? May 7, 2015 03:33

Ty1990: Apr 22, 2011

ThaGrandCow posted:

If you mean the pic with the girl holding her hands up that was the last picture taken of her, by her murderer. Presumably she was killed directly after that pic was taken.

Thank you. I was wondering that from the T-Swift photoshop thread myself. And what the hell? she looks more photoshopped into that pic than the hamburgler

# ? May 7, 2015 03:34

jarvis cocker: Dec 16, 2007; by Lowtax

TEAYCHES posted:

this kid rules is he still alive

# ? May 7, 2015 03:35

Eleanor Pwnsevelt: Dec 25, 2003

Retail Slave posted:

Looks like Fandango to me

# ? May 7, 2015 03:35

porkchop_express: May 27, 2004

Geoff Zahn posted:

appears to be the hamcucker

# ? May 7, 2015 03:35

ballistics statistics: Nov 27, 2003; God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title

Ty1990 posted:

Thank you. I was wondering that from the T-Swift photoshop thread myself. And what the hell? she looks more photoshopped into that pic than the hamburgler

It was taken on a lovely early 90's camera.

http://remycarreiro.com/do-not-read-this-regina-kay-walters-final-moments-or-the-photo-that-took-a-part-of-my-soul/ if you want to know more about it, but the entire thing is pretty depressing.

# ? May 7, 2015 03:41

Wild T: Dec 15, 2008; The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.

Vastarien posted:

Slamburglar.

Geoff Zahn posted:

Holy goddamburglar.

# ? May 7, 2015 03:43

Code Jockey: Jan 24, 2006; 69420 basic bytes free

Vastarien posted:

Geoff Zahn posted:

holy loving wow

rebrand this as a photoshop thread

# ? May 7, 2015 03:52

BigBallChunkyTime: Nov 25, 2011; Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.; Illegal Hen

Code Jockey posted:

holy loving wow

rebrand this as a photoshop thread

I would not be against that. A photoshop thread has far more potential than this does. Someone use that source image to make one and I'll close this thread.

# ? May 7, 2015 03:56

Ork of Fiction: Jul 22, 2013

gently caress da Mods posted:

why does he have to b white?

Ethnically, he identifies as latino, if that helps.

# ? May 7, 2015 03:58

BigBallChunkyTime: Nov 25, 2011; Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.; Illegal Hen

gently caress da Mods posted:

why does he have to b white?

You don't like him because he's white?

Racist.

# ? May 7, 2015 03:59

Fojar38: Sep 2, 2011; Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia

also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->

Retail Slave posted:

would let him steal my beef

# ? May 7, 2015 04:00

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

"somebody, gently caress, just ANYBODY under 30, please, for gently caress's sake, buy our food!" -mcdougals

# ? May 7, 2015 04:01

BigBallChunkyTime: Nov 25, 2011; Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.; Illegal Hen

OMGVBFLOL posted:

"somebody, gently caress, just ANYBODY under 30, please, for gently caress's sake, buy our food!" -mcdougals

They've gotta bring back the whole crew. According to McDonald's, Grimace was supposed to be "the embodiment of a milkshake." I shudder to think what they'd do with that today. And the fryguys were creatures from some sort of unspoken hell.

I actually kind of want to see this now.

# ? May 7, 2015 04:06