quote:

Ehud Delivers the Israelites
12And the children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD: and the LORD strengthened Eglon the king of Moab against Israel, because they had done evil in the sight of the LORD. 13And he gathered unto him the children of Ammon and Amalek, and went and smote Israel, and possessed the city of palm trees. 14So the children of Israel served Eglon the king of Moab eighteen years.

15But when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised them up a deliverer, Ehud the son of Gera, a Benjamite, a man lefthanded: and by him the children of Israel sent a present unto Eglon the king of Moab.

16But Ehud made him a dagger which had two edges, of a cubit length; and he did gird it under his raiment upon his right thigh. 17And he brought the present unto Eglon king of Moab: and Eglon was a very fat man.

18And when he had made an end to offer the present, he sent away the people that bare the present. 19But he himself turned again from the quarries that were by Gilgal, and said, I have a secret errand unto thee, O king: who said, Keep silence. And all that stood by him went out from him.

20And Ehud came unto him; and he was sitting in a summer parlour, which he had for himself alone. And Ehud said, I have a message from God unto thee. And he arose out of his seat. 21And Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly:

22And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out. 23Then Ehud went forth through the porch, and shut the doors of the parlour upon him, and locked them.

24When he was gone out, his servants came; and when they saw that, behold, the doors of the parlour were locked, they said, Surely he covereth his feet in his summer chamber. 25And they tarried till they were ashamed: and, behold, he opened not the doors of the parlour; therefore they took a key, and opened them: and, behold, their lord was fallen down dead on the earth.

26And Ehud escaped while they tarried, and passed beyond the quarries, and escaped unto Seirath. 27And it came to pass, when he was come, that he blew a trumpet in the mountain of Ephraim, and the children of Israel went down with him from the mount, and he before them.
28And he said unto them, Follow after me: for the LORD hath delivered your enemies the Moabites into your hand. And they went down after him, and took the fords of Jordan toward Moab, and suffered not a man to pass over. 29And they slew of Moab at that time about ten thousand men, all lusty, and all men of valour; and there escaped not a man.
30So Moab was subdued that day under the hand of Israel. And the land had rest fourscore years.

Drunkboxer posted:

Remember that time jesus got pissed off that figs were out of season, so he smote a fig tree out of anger?

Drunkboxer posted:

“But she carried her prostitution still further. She saw men portrayed on a wall, figures of Chaldeansa portrayed in red, with belts around their waists and flowing turbans on their heads; all of them looked like Babylonian chariot officers, natives of Chaldea.b As soon as she saw them, she lusted after them and sent messengers to them in Chaldea. Then the Babylonians came to her, to the bed of love, and in their lust they defiled her. After she had been defiled by them, she turned away from them in disgust. When she carried on her prostitution openly and exposed her naked body, I turned away from her in disgust, just as I had turned away from her sister. Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled."

Parallax Scroll posted:

he doesnt look that fat

Dejan Bimble posted:

IN REAL LIFE HE WAS AS FAT AS THE INDONESIAN BABY WHO'S ADDICTED TO SMOKING CIGARETTES

Dejan Bimble posted:

Hector Beerlioz posted:

God hates figs

Drunkboxer posted:

Remember that time jesus got pissed off that figs were out of season, so he smote a fig tr ee

Stick Figure Mafia posted:

the one where that woman is bleeding and jesus is in town and she wants to steal a free miracle from him so she rushes up and touches him and he's all
"who touched my clothes?"
and his disciples are all
"jesus there are hundreds of people here"
and he's still mad and is all
"WHO. TOUCHED. MY. CLOTHES?!"
and finally she is like... "i did it... i tried to get a free miracle"
and plays it off and is all "oh ok... i guess you don't have to bleed anymore"
This is the picture on wikipedia

a bay posted:

I just tried in front of a mirror and It's actually really hard to draw a dagger from your right side with your left hand. People were tough as gently caress back then.

Hector Beerlioz posted:

God hates figs

Drunkboxer posted:

“But she carried her prostitution still further. She saw men portrayed on a wall, figures of Chaldeansa portrayed in red, with belts around their waists and flowing turbans on their heads; all of them looked like Babylonian chariot officers, natives of Chaldea.b As soon as she saw them, she lusted after them and sent messengers to them in Chaldea. Then the Babylonians came to her, to the bed of love, and in their lust they defiled her. After she had been defiled by them, she turned away from them in disgust. When she carried on her prostitution openly and exposed her naked body, I turned away from her in disgust, just as I had turned away from her sister. Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled."

hemophilia posted:

running up and touching a dude dressed in rags hoping for miracles was pretty weird and novel in the age of god kings. that's the point of that.

FreudianSlippers posted:

What kind of scrub bodyguards actually believed the "I, some random dude, have a secret to tell this rather unpopular king."?

Dejan Bimble posted: