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SHISHKABOB
Nov 30, 2012

Fun Shoe
I mean, at first glance you think "heh, yeah, Trojan, Trojan horse, I get it!" and on a superficial level it's a very fitting name for a condom brand and it's a great marketing decision.

But with even the very slightest critical analysis you find that it is very silly: the Trojan Horse was a large wooden construction built by the ancient Acheans (greeks) who were besieging the city of Troy during a protracted war. The horse was built as a trick to fool the Trojans into accepting it as a kind of "you win, we're leaving, have this horse" thing from the greeks, but in reality it contained a contingent of greek soldiers who, later that night, opened the gates of the city for the awaiting greek army and Troy was sacked.

So I mean, on the first level, the Trojan horse was built to successfully deliver its contents, not hinder them! That's entirely the opposite purpose of a condom, which is to hinder the deliverance of the sperm into the female's reproductive system in order to achieve conception of a human baby. So with just the slightest investigation the name falls apart and you think to yourself "wait poo poo why the gently caress would I buy condoms based on the trojan horse, is this some kind of hosed up joke/trick???"

That's wheere our second level of analytsis comes in. The Trojan horse WAS a trick, it was a ploy used by the greeks to defeat the Trojans. The trojans are women, the greeks are men, this is shown by the fact that Paris was a bitchy manlet who came from Troy and Helen was a b adass woman from Greece (it's an ironic foil you see). The greek devise the trojan horse to get inside the trojans. So bsically a woman seeing a man using trojan condoms should immediately pack up and get the gently caress out of dodge because that guy is trying to trick her and get inside her and basically means tghat he is raping her no matter what kind of psychosomatic consensual bullshit he conceives to derive an "agreement" from her.

So in conclusion "Trojan" is a really bad name for a condom brand for business reasons and also because it is misogynistic and anti-woman. And also anti-men because it paints all men as users of "trojan horses" and thus as greeks and they were a bunch of war hungry dick heads like agamemnon was and achilles and they just raped and hosed and murdered whereas the Trojans were nice peaceful city dwellers.

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Xaris
Jul 25, 2006

Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry
i make sure to throw in a box of magnums with my grocery purchase everytime i go to the grocery store and make sure to go to the line with the a female cashier and wink at people as they ring it up. then i throw it away on the way out because i have a micropenis and cry myself to sleep

CISMALES DID 9-11
Jun 5, 2002

chaotic good STEM major; INTJ
tl dr

coolskull
Nov 11, 2007

did you personally write all those words? cause the joke is right in the title, that would've been a C+ thread at least.

XMNN
Apr 26, 2008
I am incredibly stupid
the trojans held out for years dude they were a manly master race not like those effete greeks

the only way trojans (condoms) can be defeated is by trickery (spermjacking)

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot
SHISHSKABOB is a pretty ironic name for a poster

Calbiyum
May 18, 2015
opening this thread just gave us all trojan viruses on our computer

I. M. Gei
Jun 26, 2005

CHIEFS

BITCH



Durex or gtfo

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009
That's a lot of words to say "Trojan is a really weird name for a condom. When people think Trojan they think of a big ol' wooden stallion that filled a city with a hot steaming load of guys."

jscolon2.0
Jul 9, 2001

With great payroll, comes great disappointment.
It's really only a Trojan if you poke a hole in it with a needle to get your little swimmers inside to ransack her city.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
I'm actually p. sure the name actually referred to the city of Troy, whose legendary impenetrable walls resisted the combined might of the Hellenes for over a decade.

Putty
Mar 21, 2013

HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
penis sock

huskarl_marx
Oct 13, 2013

by zen death robot
shouldnt it be called achean horse if it was full of greeks

rich white faglord
May 13, 2015

by Ralp
I prefer going raw, its a lot more exciting that way

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



because ur dick is hiding in a big horse?

Kempo Yellow Belt
Jan 5, 2012
Fun Shoe

Xaris posted:

i make sure to throw in a box of magnums with my grocery purchase everytime i go to the grocery store and make sure to go to the line with the a female cashier and wink at people as they ring it up. then i throw it away on the way out because i have a micropenis and cry myself to sleep

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HilyOLWzrM

TacticalUrbanHomo
Aug 17, 2011

by Lowtax
the Trojan Horse was Achaean, dumbass, the condoms are called Trojans because the Trojans successfully defended against the Greeks for so long and had such protective, impenetrable walls

Harald
Jul 10, 2009

LINKIN PARK


TacticalUrbanHomo posted:

the Trojan Horse was Achaean, dumbass, the condoms are called Trojans because the Trojans successfully defended against the Greeks for so long and had such protective, impenetrable walls

Harald
Jul 10, 2009

LINKIN PARK


Maginot condoms

Darkman Fanpage
Jul 4, 2012
and yet the aids still got in

BgRdMchne
Oct 31, 2011

Harald posted:

Maginot condoms

I always just go through Belgium.

e: I mean the rear end

Harald
Jul 10, 2009

LINKIN PARK


Harald posted:

Maginot condoms

cause they never get used in action

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice
but it's America's #1 Trustest Condom, right?

Idiot Kicker
Jun 13, 2007
I have to use the special upward-curve magnums ama

Thunder Moose
Mar 7, 2015

S.J.C.

I have said very much the same thing for years; thank you for validating my opinion.

SHISHKABOB
Nov 30, 2012

Fun Shoe

Thunder Moose posted:

I have said very much the same thing for years; thank you for validating my opinion.

no problem

TOOT BOOT
May 25, 2010

TacticalUrbanHomo posted:

the Trojan Horse was Achaean, dumbass, the condoms are called Trojans because the Trojans successfully defended against the Greeks for so long and had such protective, impenetrable walls

is this a metaphor

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

TacticalUrbanHomo posted:

the Trojan Horse was Achaean, dumbass, the condoms are called Trojans because the Trojans successfully defended against the Greeks for so long and had such protective, impenetrable walls

Wow this is a really good point! I wish I'd thought of it.

SHISHKABOB
Nov 30, 2012

Fun Shoe

TacticalUrbanHomo posted:

the Trojan Horse was Achaean, dumbass, the condoms are called Trojans because the Trojans successfully defended against the Greeks for so long and had such protective, impenetrable walls

but they failed

and they all died

they should call them leningrads for a city that withstood a besieging army for a long time

Robbie Fowler
May 31, 2011
i dont buy condoms because anytime i go near a woman they shriek and run in the opposite direction.

the money i save from this can go towards my next warhammer figure.

TacticalUrbanHomo
Aug 17, 2011

by Lowtax

SHISHKABOB posted:

but they failed

and they all died

they should call them leningrads for a city that withstood a besieging army for a long time

good point they should put a warning on the condoms that say "if you deliberately open the condom up to let sperm through, then sperm will get through"

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
i only use leonidas condoms

Super.Jesus
Oct 20, 2011

SHISHKABOB posted:

I mean, at first glance you think "heh, yeah, Trojan, Trojan horse, I get it!" and on a superficial level it's a very fitting name for a condom brand and it's a great marketing decision.

But with even the very slightest critical analysis you find that it is very silly: the Trojan Horse was a large wooden construction built by the ancient Acheans (greeks) who were besieging the city of Troy during a protracted war. The horse was built as a trick to fool the Trojans into accepting it as a kind of "you win, we're leaving, have this horse" thing from the greeks, but in reality it contained a contingent of greek soldiers who, later that night, opened the gates of the city for the awaiting greek army and Troy was sacked.

So I mean, on the first level, the Trojan horse was built to successfully deliver its contents, not hinder them! That's entirely the opposite purpose of a condom, which is to hinder the deliverance of the sperm into the female's reproductive system in order to achieve conception of a human baby. So with just the slightest investigation the name falls apart and you think to yourself "wait poo poo why the gently caress would I buy condoms based on the trojan horse, is this some kind of hosed up joke/trick???"

That's wheere our second level of analytsis comes in. The Trojan horse WAS a trick, it was a ploy used by the greeks to defeat the Trojans. The trojans are women, the greeks are men, this is shown by the fact that Paris was a bitchy manlet who came from Troy and Helen was a b adass woman from Greece (it's an ironic foil you see). The greek devise the trojan horse to get inside the trojans. So bsically a woman seeing a man using trojan condoms should immediately pack up and get the gently caress out of dodge because that guy is trying to trick her and get inside her and basically means tghat he is raping her no matter what kind of psychosomatic consensual bullshit he conceives to derive an "agreement" from her.

So in conclusion "Trojan" is a really bad name for a condom brand for business reasons and also because it is misogynistic and anti-woman. And also anti-men because it paints all men as users of "trojan horses" and thus as greeks and they were a bunch of war hungry dick heads like agamemnon was and achilles and they just raped and hosed and murdered whereas the Trojans were nice peaceful city dwellers.

Source your quotes

Necros
Jul 23, 2003

i use trojan condoms but only ironically

TacticalUrbanHomo
Aug 17, 2011

by Lowtax
I don't use condoms protection is for pussies

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



I fake all of my orgasms to stand up to the feminist agenda, op

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



I order extra icing w my pizza Hut cinnasticks and keep a small amount of it preloaded in a straw in case I need to fake an orgasm in an emergency

porkchop_express
May 27, 2004
i just spill my seed all willy nilly anyway




























sneak my horse in the back door

vyst
Aug 25, 2009



SHISHKABOB posted:

I mean, at first glance you think "heh, yeah, Trojan, Trojan horse, I get it!" and on a superficial level it's a very fitting name for a condom brand and it's a great marketing decision.

But with even the very slightest critical analysis you find that it is very silly: the Trojan Horse was a large wooden construction built by the ancient Acheans (greeks) who were besieging the city of Troy during a protracted war. The horse was built as a trick to fool the Trojans into accepting it as a kind of "you win, we're leaving, have this horse" thing from the greeks, but in reality it contained a contingent of greek soldiers who, later that night, opened the gates of the city for the awaiting greek army and Troy was sacked.

So I mean, on the first level, the Trojan horse was built to successfully deliver its contents, not hinder them! That's entirely the opposite purpose of a condom, which is to hinder the deliverance of the sperm into the female's reproductive system in order to achieve conception of a human baby. So with just the slightest investigation the name falls apart and you think to yourself "wait poo poo why the gently caress would I buy condoms based on the trojan horse, is this some kind of hosed up joke/trick???"

That's wheere our second level of analytsis comes in. The Trojan horse WAS a trick, it was a ploy used by the greeks to defeat the Trojans. The trojans are women, the greeks are men, this is shown by the fact that Paris was a bitchy manlet who came from Troy and Helen was a b adass woman from Greece (it's an ironic foil you see). The greek devise the trojan horse to get inside the trojans. So bsically a woman seeing a man using trojan condoms should immediately pack up and get the gently caress out of dodge because that guy is trying to trick her and get inside her and basically means tghat he is raping her no matter what kind of psychosomatic consensual bullshit he conceives to derive an "agreement" from her.

So in conclusion "Trojan" is a really bad name for a condom brand for business reasons and also because it is misogynistic and anti-woman. And also anti-men because it paints all men as users of "trojan horses" and thus as greeks and they were a bunch of war hungry dick heads like agamemnon was and achilles and they just raped and hosed and murdered whereas the Trojans were nice peaceful city dwellers.



Nigga why you makin us read all this bullshit

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huskarl_marx
Oct 13, 2013

by zen death robot
that tl;dr got n****red

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