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So I decided to use a website to find a date in my area, since I don't really know anybody and don't get out much in my immediate area. When I do get out, it's usually to drive an hour or more away. I started talking to this girl who lives close by who had a few dubious pictures up on the site, not-quite myspace angles, but definitely a lot of up-close shots and no full body shots. She had a pretty face, but a few shots where you could see her neck or her shoulders suggested that she might be concealing something big about herself. She said most of her pictures were from more than a year ago, because she just didn't have many pictures of herself, and you know what that means. So I chat with her for a bit, and waffle back and forth over whether or not to go through with it, but it's been seven or eight turbulent months since I went on a date, so I figured worst case, we could have a few drinks, some crazy-person sex on the first date and that would be that. Well, I drive over to the bar, waffling about my decision, chain smoking, and fighting rush hour traffic; which made a relatively short drive take a lot longer, giving me more time to get anxious, and more time to think about what I was getting into. I pulled into the parking lot just in time to get a text from her, that she's there waiting for me. I take a few minutes to compose myself, to brace my face to hide my expression of contempt. See, I've dated fat girls before, usually girls who'd been good looking at some point, but just gave up. One girl I dated had run crosscountry in school, she'd kept her hair long, like to the small of her back long, but somewhere in the space of a year or two in college, she'd put on thirty pounds or so, and chopped all of her hair off, and become a hippy, like shampooing your hair is bad for it, soap is bad for your skin, why would you spend money on nice things for yourself, that kind of thing. She ended up turning very crazy, going off the deep end in drama and trying to get into the BDSM scene and all kinds of experimentation with a gangly goth shut-in girl she knew from work or somewhere, and her boyfriend. This was after I broke up with her, but even when I was with her, she was still pretty wild in bed, so that was fun. Now she wasn't the only one, and after a handful of experiences, one thing I've come to realize, when a fat woman chops her hair off, she's basically saying to the world "I give up, I don't care anymore". This is usually the point where they give up on social conventions, too, and start being loud and obnoxious in public, laughing at stupid goony poo poo, ignoring all the looks from normal people in the place, whose conversations you can't hear where you're sitting. Then there's the sex. They're too fat to move or to get more than one or two positions, and they're certainly not going to get on top, so pretty much it's like loving a wet mattress (with the exception of the aforementioned freaky girl). I mean, yeah, occasionally she'll wiggle and squeal, usually just in time to throw your rhythm off, and possibly even dislodge you. But it's sex, which is better than no sex (most of the time). Anyway, this is all going through my mind, as I'm steeling my resolve. I know she hasn't had a recent picture, and also I'm pretty lonely, so I don't want to open with a look of disgust or shock when I find out she's really packed on the pounds. So I'm walking up to the bar, and I spotted her and she spotted me and we point and ask "yourname?" Goons, I am not kidding here, the pictures were a year and a half and about fifty pounds out of date. I didn't get any sex. I didn't even consider asking her back to her place or mine. I didn't even give her a kiss good night! But I do have another date with her next week! 
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May 30, 2015 13:46
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 15:30 |
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that is a lot of words to read
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May 30, 2015 13:49
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Terrible thread, OP. You should be ashamed of having done this.
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May 30, 2015 13:51
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It's an e/n, what did you expect? I'm Gay?
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May 30, 2015 13:51
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Because I am.
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May 30, 2015 13:52
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Mons Hubris posted:Terrible thread, OP. You should be ashamed of having done this. The thread or humping a hog? You can also say "both" I'm not restricting you to anything here.
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May 30, 2015 13:52
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My Q-Face posted:But I do have another date with her next week! I'm glad you've realized you don't deserve any better.
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May 30, 2015 13:57
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Ripoff posted:The thread or humping a hog? The thread mainly, I think people should hump whoever they want
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May 30, 2015 13:58
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If you can see the edges of their upper arm, and it looks like a soft braughtwurst with no definition, the rest of their body gonna be the same, if not worse.
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May 30, 2015 13:59
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Wicker Man posted:If you can see the edges of their upper arm, and it looks like a soft braughtwurst with no definition, the rest of their body gonna be the same, if not worse. This is the truth.
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May 30, 2015 14:03
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I've gotten pretty good at telling OP, you need practice you loving STUPID loving GOD drat FOOLISH nincomFUCKINGpoop.
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May 30, 2015 14:12
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The weird thing is, I haven't even wanted to jerk off since the date. Like, at all.
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May 30, 2015 14:37
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code:
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May 30, 2015 14:41
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Yeah but in your 30s, when none of this really even matters any more, you will get oven baked potatoes in the morning, and chicken on the BBQ at night, which I honestly believe is way more important to a daily life with someone.
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May 30, 2015 14:41
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just get a gently caress doll op
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May 30, 2015 14:45
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I actually like to use photos that make me look a tiny bit worse than I am  Also I never follow through I just use the likes and messages as a self esteem boost.
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May 30, 2015 14:45
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Partially due to low self esteem and fear but definitely majorly because I dont care enough.
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May 30, 2015 14:46
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THE DOG HOUSE posted:I actually like to use photos that make me look a tiny bit worse than I am Shut the gently caress up dough house you stupid loving cock Also OP. SLAM WHALE HOLY GRAIL
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May 30, 2015 14:47
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if you don't bang the fatty you're a homophobic rape apologist. sorry thats just how it is
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May 30, 2015 14:51
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How long should I wait before I try to kiss her?
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May 30, 2015 14:52
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I have never hosed a wet mattress. Please use a different metaphor - one that your readers will be able to identify with.
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May 30, 2015 14:56
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My Q-Face posted:How long should I wait before I try to kiss her? Women don't like an assertive man because they put out a rapey vibe, so don't initiate anything until she makes it clear that she's ok with it
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May 30, 2015 14:58
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My Q-Face posted:How long should I wait before I try to kiss her? once you've imbibed enough alcohol to keep the shame and rising bile from consuming you
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May 30, 2015 14:59
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kimihia posted:I have never hosed a wet mattress. Like laying belly-down on a bean-bag chair and wiggling a little bit to get comfortable, but knowing if you move too far to one side or the other, that you'll fall off. porkchop_express posted:once you've imbibed enough alcohol to keep the shame and rising bile from consuming you Should I do something romantic?
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May 30, 2015 14:59
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I've actually said "May I?" beforehand sometimes while being real suave (and slightly drunk) and it works amazingly well, they like the gentleman and oldschool vibe and do appreciate the request for consent, not because it's feminist because it typically makes it way less awkward or anxious. Prerequisites - must be attractive, charismatic, have a hot bod, a deep voice, and alluring eyes.
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May 30, 2015 15:00
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JebanyPedal posted:Prerequisites - must be attractive, charismatic, have a hot bod, a deep voice, and alluring eyes. gently caress, I'm out then.
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May 30, 2015 15:00
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Fat chick tried to hit me up. I told her I work nights, then she goes cold. Crises averted.
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May 30, 2015 15:04
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My Q-Face posted:Like laying belly-down on a bean-bag chair and wiggling a little bit to get comfortable, but knowing if you move too far to one side or the other, that you'll fall off. How did you get the mattress wet?
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May 30, 2015 15:19
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My Q-Face posted:
offer to shave her back or just do meth in the bathroom
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May 30, 2015 15:24
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Jimson posted:Shut the gently caress up dough house you stupid loving cock No jimson. No. NO
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May 30, 2015 15:28
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kimihia posted:Thank you for your description. That makes more sense. Fat people sweat a lot.
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May 30, 2015 15:31
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If you do the sexing right the mattress should be wet.
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May 30, 2015 15:32
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OP how much do you weigh?
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May 30, 2015 15:33
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Windows 98 posted:OP how much do you weigh? I'm 5'11, 205 lbs. (18-19% body fat).
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May 30, 2015 15:41
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My Q-Face posted:I'm 5'11, 205 lbs. (18-19% body fat). You should be 1'11, 2000lb.
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May 30, 2015 15:42
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 Po cholere to czytałem?
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May 30, 2015 15:42
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Doctor Schnabel posted:
Quoted for Truth. I think.
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May 30, 2015 15:43
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This is what happens when I meat girls.
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May 30, 2015 15:49
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thanks for the thread about some photos without posting the photos
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May 30, 2015 15:50
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I'm really confused as to why any of you read that loving op
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May 30, 2015 15:51
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