*opens gift from grandpa, neon pink borat swimsuit* "I heard this is what you faggots like"
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# ? May 31, 2015 11:58 |
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# ? Apr 23, 2024 09:54 |
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Son of Rodney posted:*opens gift from grandpa, neon pink borat swimsuit* *unwraps gift, finds value-sized tub of Vaseline*
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# ? May 31, 2015 12:54 |
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We are.... so very proud of you, son! *never makes eye contact during entire week home*
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# ? May 31, 2015 13:08 |
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hey these are my boyfriends hal, steve, john, and OMEGACOCK THE LEATHER EMPEROR.
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# ? May 31, 2015 13:39 |
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im omegacock this is a nice house
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# ? May 31, 2015 14:00 |
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Son, it is loving May 31st. Are you high on crack? Christmas? You stupid human being!!>!?!!!
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# ? May 31, 2015 14:11 |
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welcome home son. lets gather round the old family table and have a dainty plunge
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# ? May 31, 2015 14:21 |
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Dad, this is my roommate, Vladimir. He has a serious garlic allergy and I'm sorry we were so late, I know it's already dark, but, uh, there was traffic. (I'm dead and gay)
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# ? May 31, 2015 14:37 |
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"Mom, dad, aunt Mary, he isn't my groundskeeper. I'm... I'm gay." "We know, son." *flips computer monitor around to show my posting history*
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# ? May 31, 2015 21:08 |
*steve accidently walks in on dad peeing* "oh! Um, sorry." *casually glances downwards* "...now I know where gay sons good genes come from, thanks " *dad stares at the wall for the rest of evening, taking slow drips from the 16 year old single malt gay son and steve got him for christmas*
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# ? May 31, 2015 21:14 |
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"Mother, father, I have some news. I am gay" *is immediately beheaded and boyfriend immolated, because we're in ISIS* e. I assume ISIS celebrates christmas
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# ? May 31, 2015 21:20 |
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"Mom, dad, there is something I need to tell you." "I know son, it's time." Dad turns around to pull the lever underneath the kitchen sink, various dials and futuristic looking instruments appear from various hatches around the house. As a radar display, the size of the entire living room wall slides down in front of sis' childhood drawings mom yells from the bathroom "status clear, all green, ready to launch!". Dad pulls another lever and pushes a bunch of flashing buttons. A deafening alarm, and flashing red lights accompany the whole apartment building opening up, displaying the launch vehicle in all it's pride and glory. Outside, a patriotic sense of pride sweeps the nation, from the lowest thug to the highest paid government worker, all are seen as equal, strangers greet on the street, they hug and kiss and dance, and as the former apartment building turn into a pillar of fire and smoke during it's ascent into the air, every citizen stand up, and with tears of joy and pride on their cheeks, with the star spangled banner playing on every station, they all salute. Inside the roaring rocket dad flips a switch and the bomb detaches, it rides in a parabolic arc and hits its target. The moon detonates leaving nothing but dust. "Take that, moon people" he mutters from underneath his breath, and for the first time in his life he looks happy. "I'm gay." "WHAT!"
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# ? May 31, 2015 22:24 |
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im gay
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# ? May 31, 2015 22:25 |
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No gay son of mine is a not-gay!
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# ? May 31, 2015 22:26 |
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son: dad, i am a somethingawful goon dad: nooooooooo
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 07:39 |
im the gay dad of a gay son, and the gay son of a gay dad. 3 generations of gay
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 07:43 |
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Do It Once Right posted:This except for real with my 13 yo nephew.But replace vague flower pressings stuff with pilot lessons. can 13 year olds fly planes that seems kind of young
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 08:24 |
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swampland posted:can 13 year olds fly planes that seems kind of young its a euphemism. hes loving his gay nephew
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 08:32 |
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dad, dad, i have something to tell you..... i'm straight
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 08:36 |
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My mom would probably love me more if I was actually gay
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 08:44 |
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Glasgow Kiss posted:dad, dad, i have something to tell you..... thank jesus, now when you get a girlfriend your father will finally have someone to read that faggy cosmo mag with him
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 08:48 |
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*Desperately tries to keep Mom from unpacking his luggage for him so she doesn't find massive dragon dildo sitting right on top of everything*
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 11:14 |
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must be awkward at 3O reunions because his dad doesn't want to show the loathing and shame he has in his son because he might appear homophobic hmm amkes you thin
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 11:54 |
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*dad sits rocking in old recliner, glass of Jameson in one hand, service revolver in other, staring up at a picture of him and son when they went fishing ages ago*
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 16:49 |
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"Dad, I'm gay." "I know son, now put my cock back your mouth, I'm not finished yet."
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 16:56 |
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wheres the dildoes at?
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 16:59 |
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Mom, Dad, there's something we have to talk about. I've been wanting to tell you this for some time, and I want you to know that while I'm fully aware this might be difficult for you to hear, remember, I am still your son, and I love you very much: Mom, Dad, I'm gay, and so help me God, I am stronger than the both of you, and I won't hesitate to beat you back to the Stone Age if you give me any poo poo about this. I know this must be tough for you. I understand this isn't how you expected your son to turn out, and I know you might be disappointed, but just remember that I go to the gym seven days a week and can bench-press 275 pounds easy. I take excellent care of my body, so while you can be upset, you better be careful and watch how you handle yourselves here, because if you so much as make a sarcastic remark or do anything to take advantage of how vulnerable I am right now, this will end ugly for the both of you. Bottom line: I was born this way. It wasn't a choice. It was, however, a choice to develop huge biceps like this, so take a good long look at them before you think of uttering a hurtful or bigoted remark. Look, I'm not naïve. I know how you feel about homosexuality, because you've been very clear on that subject in the past. That's why it took me so long to tell you. Dad, you've said some very hateful things, not considering for a second that I might be gay, and it hurt. Not nearly as much as it will hurt when I throw you across the room if you ever say any of those lovely things again, but it still stung. I'm a gay man, and I'm proud of it. I'm also super fast and can lift you both over my head and slam you into the ground, no problem. I've recently incorporated kettlebells into my workout routine, and while I don't expect you to understand the physical impact they've had on my body, I can tell you I've put on at least 15 pounds of sheer muscle since the last time you saw me—certainly enough to take out two homophobic parents in their 60s. Mom, what do you weigh? One hundred fifteen pounds soaking wet? Well, it's going to take a lot more than that to bring me down, I'll tell you that much. I'm 2 percent body fat, have washboard abs, and can do 50 pull-ups in a row easy. Just remember that as we continue this conversation. You want me to be happy, right? Because I can assure you, you don't want to see me unhappy. Look, I think both of you have known in your heart of hearts that I was gay. You can deny it all you want, but if you try to do something stupid like convince me that I'm not a homosexual and that this is all somehow in my head, I'll put you in a Jujitsu hold where I can dislocate your shoulder with one little tug. I've been taking mixed martial arts classes at this place in the city, and I'm getting pretty good. I'm actually thinking about competing in a tournament in a few months. The point is, if I can make my opponents submit in less than a minute, imagine what I could do to two arthritic senior citizens. Dad, I love you. I've always craved your approval, but you don't move as fast as you used to. You know it and I know it. You're probably wondering when this all started. Well, I think I've always known I was different, but in college, when I began to get pretty heavy into weight training and sculpting my hulking physique, I also began experimenting with my sexuality. Does this make you uncomfortable? Well, so will your ribs cracking in half and making it impossible to breathe right for three months, so just sit there and listen, because there's more. I have been in a relationship with another man for the past two years. You've met him. His name is Tony, and he's not my roommate, he's my boyfriend. We're in love, and if I so much as see a pained expression cross your faces because you're imagining Tony and I together, or because you thought I would marry Jennifer—which was always a completely ridiculous notion—Mom, Dad, I'll literally take you down and start kneeing you in the stomach. I seriously will. Over and over again. Also, Tony is a little stronger than me so I definitely wouldn't mess with him, either. Tony and I are probably going to get married. Dad? What was that? Were you about to say something? Were you about to open your stupid mouth and say something that could absolutely destroy me emotionally? I didn't think so. That's why I'm going to put you back on the ground now instead of throwing you into the china cabinet. And Mom, stop crying. It's just making me angrier. Tony and I are going to adopt children. We're going to raise a family. You are going to have grandchildren, and you're going to love them. Dad, you're going to teach them all the things you taught me, and Mom, they're going to call you Grandma, and you are going to be so thrilled to be a major part of their lives that my being gay will be the last thing on your mind. So come here right now and give me a hug or I'll knock your loving heads off.
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 17:05 |
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Hi mom and dad! Merry Christmas!
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 17:08 |
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*pulls trigger*
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 17:10 |
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 19:43 |
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ayyyy lmao
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 19:48 |
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Mad Monk posted:Hi mom and dad! Merry Christmas!
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 19:52 |
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Mad Monk posted:Hi mom and dad! Merry Christmas! I'M IN JAIL! I LIKE IT HERE!
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 19:54 |
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*loud argument with parents over why he and steve are dressed in leather daddy gear* NO YOU SHUT THE gently caress UP DAD!
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 19:55 |
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aww gently caress gbsfm is down again
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 19:59 |
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TEAYCHES posted:im gay
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 20:00 |
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For someone allegedly so accepting of homosexuals, she certainly subscribes to quite a few stereotypes. Problematic, IMO.
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 20:02 |
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Ben Has Tiny Weenus posted:Mom, Dad, there's something we have to talk about. I've been wanting to tell you this for some time, and I want you to know that while I'm fully aware this might be difficult for you to hear, remember, I am still your son, and I love you very much: Mom, Dad, I'm gay, and so help me God, I am stronger than the both of you, and I won't hesitate to beat you back to the Stone Age if you give me any poo poo about this. gaaaay
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 20:04 |
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*cant stop suckin dick at the dinner table* SON GET THAT DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH ITS IMPOLITE IN FRONT OF COMPANY!!!!
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 20:04 |
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# ? Apr 23, 2024 09:54 |
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJEwo_gwO9M
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# ? Jun 1, 2015 20:04 |