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Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?



Welcome to the GDT for UFC Fight Night 68: Boetsch vs. Henderson, airing live 10 p.m. ET Saturday, June 6 on Fox Sports 1.

Don't forget to post your picks in Goonweight!

It's going to be a very special night for a lot of young men, but unfortunately not for Ryan Bader. Here we see him so happy in his prom outfit (they get more revealing every year!) waiting for his big date before he realized he was stood up.


She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart


Bader was all set to have the best night of his life, until that no-good scoundrel Daniel Cormier found out he was a shoe-in for Prom King and ditched Bader for a bigger date. Cormier got the best that one had in under five minutes and now that he's on top, he's forgotten all about Bader, going for that tall blonde thing with the cute accent.

We're so sorry, Ryan. We're sure it's very hard on you. But prom must go on, and we're at the point of the night where they play the schmaltzy superlative video with photos of everyone over the past few years set to that same goddamn song you've heard this time every year since 2000.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foyAOoVagWw


Dan Henderson: Coolest Chaperone

vs.


Tim Boetsch Most Likely to Be Ranked No. 16

I could write a bunch of poo poo here singing the praises of Dan Henderson, talking about how he's a unanimous fan favorite and the threat of the Big Right Hand make him fun to watch, and how he brought Michael Bisping face to face with whatever gap-toothed lockjawed soccer hooligan wood nymph the Brits claim as their chief deity. But it wouldn't matter. We're watching a 44-year-old man who has forgotten how to bend his knees and could never breathe through his nose in the first place saunter into a UFC cage in 2015 to fight a man not named Shogun Rua, so there's kind of a sense of inevitability shrouding this fight. This may well be Dangerous Dan Hollywood Hendo Henderson's swan song, before he is carted off into the sunset but his hot wife who is half his age.

However, if he's got one more in him, it may well come out against the deeply flawed and imminently hitable Tim Boetsch. I love Tim and believe that when he's on, he looks great. You can never truly count him out as we saw against Okami, and anyone who's smaller and frailer than him gets tossed like a sack of moldy potatoes. He's also the guy who needed a gift decision against CB Dollaway and is probably the last person to make Mark Munoz look good. Let's see what happens!


Ben Rothwell: Most Likely to Head to Denny's Immediately After the Fight

vs.


Matt Mitrione: Most Likely to Tell the Ref He's Fine Because He's Too Stupid to Realize He's Not Fine

Ben Rothwell is a simple man with a degree in collision repair from a Wisconsin technical college. His family owned a restaurant before it burned down. He is on the first win streak of his UFC career. He took the soul of the man who took his opponent's soul. He stood up while being knocked out by Cain Velasquez and his balls stopped working when Marty McFly ran him over with the DeLorean. No matter what happens in or immediately after a Ben Rothwell fight, it is guaranteed to be hilarious.

Matt Mitrione is a soft-bodied turd-baby who has had literally every fight of his career in the UFC. He is too dumb for the NFL. He gave a thumbs-up while being choked unconscious by Brendan Schaub, adding to Schaub's delusions that he is a dangerous BJJ player. He's also on the best streak of his career so a knockout is sadly not outside the realm of possibility. I no longer wish to write words about Matt Mitrione.


Dustin Poirier: Most Likely to Cry

vs.

Yancy Medeiros: Most Likely to Lose a Thumb

Dustin Poirier is a high-offense, low-defense kind of fighter who has fun fights, win or lose. Due to said style, he also nearly loses every time he wins. He's returning to lightweight after a long and fairly successful stint at featherweight, where he had a fight of the year against Chan Sung Jung and somehow was not as important of a win for Conor McGregor as Dennis Siver. He is also known as a bit of a headcase, becoming incredibly upset at McGregor's taunting in the lead-up to the fight and being confused that Koch felt he was bad-mouthing him when “all I said was that I was going to go into his hometown and beat him up in front of his family or whatever.“

Yancy Medeiros is surprisingly still in the UFC after coming in undefeated and going 0-2, 1 NC after testing positive against Yves Edwards for marijuana. I guess terribly dislocating his thumb in his debut against Rustam Khabilov caught him a little slack though, and we're better off for it, as his next two submission wins were really cool and both earned him submission of the night honors. Let's see if the former light heavyweight sinks a third as he welcomes Poirier back to the lightweight division.


Thiago Tavares: Most Likely to Run for Office in a Subversive Political Party

vs.


Brian Ortega: Best Hair

Tavares' recent career somewhat mirrors Medeiros', in that he got his poo poo pushed in by a Dagestani, failed a drug test but is now on a two-sub streak. He's been a UFC fighter for a pretty long time, but he's never quite caught greatness, never putting more than two together at a time against decent competition.

Brian Ortega is an undefeated surfer bro and would have an unblemished record had he not used drostanolone leading into his Mike De La Torre fight. Despite this, he has not fought anyone of any real note, so he may be in Tavares' sweet range.


Joe Soto: Most Likely to Do Much Better than Expected but Fail Anyway

vs.


Anthony Birchak: Worst Graphic Designer, Least Likely to Have a Wikipedia Page


Former Bellator and Tachi Palace bantamweight champion and former UFC title contender Joe Soto makes his vaguely anticipated UFC return against some guy. He did a lot better than Barao against TJ Dillashaw overall before losing in the exact same way at pretty close to the exact same time, but whether he is legitimately better than Barao or just had a different enough style that it threw Dillashaw off his game awaits to be seen.

We probably won't know the answer to that after seeing him fight Anthony “El Toro” Birchak, a fighter who was submitted by British Submission Specialist Ian Entwistle.


Francisco Rivera: Most Likely to Need LASIK

vs.


Alex Caceres: Most Likely to Thank the Choom Gang in the Yearbook

A fight between two guys who shouldn't be good enough to make us question Urijah Faber.

OTHER poo poo TO WATCH
Fox Sports 1 Prelims, 8 p.m. ET
Heavyweight: Shawn Jordan vs. Derrick Lewis
Welterweight: Brian Ebersole vs. Omari Akhmedov
Lightweight: Chris Wade vs. Christos Giagos
Lightweight: Joe Proctor vs. Justin Edwards

UFC Fight Pass Early Prelims, 7 p.m. ET
Middleweight: Jake Collier vs. Ricardo Abreu
Bantamweight: Jose Quiñonez vs. Leonardo Morales

Official weigh-ins, 5 p.m. ET Friday, June 5
http://www.ufc.com/media/fight-night-new-orleans-official-weigh-in-2015

Official MMA Snack Rating: “How to spike punch without gettin cAught?” from Yahoo! Answers


1.Get a glass of punch
2. Go to the bathroom and put in whatever you spiking it with
3. When there isnt a lot of people around go back and stealthly pour it back in
4. If any adults asks you say I dont want it or I grabbed an extra

Official best answer from Y!A user Bowlegaliscious: Ask one of the adults to do it for you. You will be surprised as to what they will do next.

Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 04:35 on Jun 5, 2015

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Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?



And don't worry, Ryan Bader got a date after all in famous rock star Axl Rose

The Duck of Death
Nov 19, 2009

If only Hunt had ten more seconds...

MycroftXXX
May 10, 2006

A Liquor Never Brewed
OP you are good

Pwny_Xpress
Nov 17, 2006

WEC Never Die
Yancy's boxing looked crisp in his last fight. He has been working with Richard Perez and the Daiz brothers. I am very excited to see him against Porrier.

This card is a lot better than i remember it being (while still not being especially good)

RacistGuidingLight
Apr 5, 2009

by FactsAreUseless
I'm gonna watch it.

Bubba Smith
Sep 27, 2004

Is tonight the greatest moment in Dominick Cruz's life?

No.

The greatest moment in my life was realizing that I didn't need a belt to be happy.
that's really not that bad of a card and about 3x better than last weekend's, which I watched almost all the way through.

Detroit_Dogg
Feb 2, 2008
Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT
Peace Be Upon Hendo

Josuke Higashikata
Mar 7, 2013


Bluedeanie posted:

whatever gap-toothed lockjawed soccer hooligan wood nymph the Brits claim as their chief deity.

Matt LeTissier

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
baders got ridiculous abs

Fentry
Mar 7, 2003



I hadn't paid any attention to this card and I'm surprised by how not terrible most of those matchups are

colonel_korn
May 16, 2003

DoombatINC
Apr 20, 2003

Here's the thing, I'm a feminist.






"Methamphetamine Enthusiast"

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

I hear you wish to ball, adventurer..
Get hyped for Ben Rothwell to make Matt Mitrione fight the invisible man. http://www.ufc.tv/video/ben-rothwell-vs-brendan-schaub-ufc-145

Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?



Weigh ins are live.

Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?



First guy blew weight by five pounds. A good start.

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

I hear you wish to ball, adventurer..

Bluedeanie posted:

First guy blew weight by five pounds. A good start.

So that fight is probably off then?

Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?



People have accepted catchweights off worse misses before so not necessarily. It's his first time at bantamweight so he could have just botched the cut, not necessarily sick or anything.

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

I hear you wish to ball, adventurer..
Almost another missed weight, had to get nude.

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

I hear you wish to ball, adventurer..
This Dagestani has probably been wrestling bears so Brian Ebersole's chest hair should be no issue in this fight.

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

I hear you wish to ball, adventurer..
Another blown weight for the Poirier fight, his opponent blew by 3 and a half pounds.

Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?



Rothwell simultaneously hit the limit for heavyweight and looked in much better shape than he had in his past several fights. Wonder what that'll reflect in the fight, if anything.

DoombatINC
Apr 20, 2003

Here's the thing, I'm a feminist.





UFC Fight Night 68: Gotta Catchweight 'Em All!

Le Saboteur
Dec 5, 2007

I hear you wish to ball, adventurer..
Tim Boetsch is a guy I look at and wonder how the hell he ever hits 185.

Ty1990
Apr 22, 2011

I feel like Henderson is going to lose badly.

Captain Log
Oct 2, 2006

Captain Log posted:

"I AINT DYING! Choo choo motherfucker!"
:toot::birddrugs::toot:

I adore Boestch and have done so since he patented tossing a bitch to the side. But his most appropriate nickname ever outside of "The Dad Strength" would be "The Gatekeeper." He shouldn't ever get cut but he won't ever challenge the upper tier.

Sadly, this is where Hendo is going to exit stage left after a glorious career. Boestch is currently better at everything Hendo does unless he gets BRHed.

Marching Powder
Mar 8, 2008



stop the fucking fight, cornerman, your dude is fucking done and is about to be killed.
it seems unfair to say he won't challenge the upper tier when he beat yushin and lombard at a time when that meant something.

Pwny_Xpress
Nov 17, 2006

WEC Never Die

Marching Powder posted:

it seems unfair to say he won't challenge the upper tier when he beat yushin and lombard at a time when that meant something.

I was thinking the same thing.

I think if he had continued training with Hume he would have probably had continued success. Ever since he switched his camps solely back to where ever the gently caress to stay close to his family, his performances have been worse.

Fork of Unknown Origins
Oct 21, 2005
Gotta Herd On?

Captain Log posted:

I adore Boestch and have done so since he patented tossing a bitch to the side. But his most appropriate nickname ever outside of "The Dad Strength" would be "The Gatekeeper." He shouldn't ever get cut but he won't ever challenge the upper tier.

Sadly, this is where Hendo is going to exit stage left after a glorious career. Boestch is currently better at everything Hendo does unless he gets BRHed.

That's pretty much Hendo's career in a nutshell though right?

Bubba Smith
Sep 27, 2004

Is tonight the greatest moment in Dominick Cruz's life?

No.

The greatest moment in my life was realizing that I didn't need a belt to be happy.

Marching Powder posted:

it seems unfair to say he won't challenge the upper tier when he beat yushin and lombard at a time when that meant something.

Yep. I do think a combination of Boetsch's age + all those 3 round beatings is gonna come at him real loving soon, but The Barbarian has been a solid fighter in the division for years.

If it were a few years ago this fight would be just as close but way better. Now both guys are on a similar downturn so... yeeesh. Not gonna feel good for the winner or the loser, unless that winner is Dan Henderson by KO of course.

Detroit_Dogg
Feb 2, 2008
Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT

Fork of Unknown Origins posted:

That's pretty much Hendo's career in a nutshell though right?

Not really, but modern Hendo yeah. He's been in head hunter mode for a few years now, inside leg kick and big right hand. Of course he also seems to have given up on the inside leg kick.


Please just win and retire Dan.

Queering Wheel
Jun 18, 2011


Back when Boetsch was winning more often, it really seemed like it was a complete pain in the rear end to fight him. He had this dad strength where he could toss a lot of his opponents around and otherwise stifle them, and was durable and skilled enough that you couldn't finish him easily. I'm hoping Hendo can win this one, but it would be cool to see that Boetsch again.

Ty1990
Apr 22, 2011

Marching Powder posted:

it seems unfair to say he won't challenge the upper tier when he beat yushin and lombard at a time when that meant something.
What upper tier are we talking? Top 5? 10?

Mean Bean Machine
May 9, 2008

Only when I breathe.
well he beat okami but that was after being dominated most of the fight, and beating lombard doesn't mean much since neither guy did anything in that fight and it could have gone eihter way. boetsch isn't very good, but he's very tough and he hits hard and he doesn't quit and that sometimes is enough in a fight.

quote:

That's pretty much Hendo's career in a nutshell though right?

nah. hendo used to be really good. boetsch was never really good.

manyak
Jan 26, 2006
I love hendo which is why i dont want to see him fight and havent wanted to for the past like 4 years. hopefully losing to Boetsch by getting clipped by a really weird weak shot to the top of the head will be the end of it

fatherdog
Feb 16, 2005
I really feel Boetsch could have hung around in the bottom half of the top 10 and knocked off the occasional top 5 guy if he'd moved out to train full time with Hume or at least kept doing his fight camps there. In his last several fights his head cornerman has been Marcus Davis, which is not so much a step down in quality as a plummet.

Seltzer
Oct 11, 2012

Ask me about Game Pass: the Best Deal in Gaming!
Henderson should've retired when he literally threw Shogun into his BRH in a 94 degree 90% humidity arena in Brazil. They actually should've both retired after that. Every time I hear how young Shogun is it's a shock despite me knowing his age. You see him walkout and then the tale of the tape comes up and the "age - 32" just seems like it has to be incorrect.

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002

manyak posted:

I love hendo which is why i dont want to see him fight and havent wanted to for the past like 4 years. hopefully losing to Boetsch by getting clipped by a really weird weak shot to the top of the head will be the end of it

same, and i hope even if he wins he gets extra lucidity with pizza and realises he's 80 years old, walks like a nogueira, and has been knocked down a thousand times and doesn't need to keep fighting

Detroit_Dogg
Feb 2, 2008
Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT
He has a pretty wife and a boat with his initials on the side of it, I don't think life can really get much better tbqh

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Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002
also imo regardless of health concerns if you're arguably the greatest mma fighter of all time and you're fighting tim boetsch, you actually shouldn't be fighting at all

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