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Sizone
Sep 13, 2007

by LadyAmbien
For some of you, it may be aids or jealous spouse following a "casual encounter", for some, respiratory illness after picking up an odd job, still others will be mugged after buying beanie babies in the bad part of town.

For me, it will be an add for a used synth. Probably a second Marion MSR-2 because I think that's about the only synth I would want right now. It'll be a some opulent mansion, all manicured hedges and a gate with a monogram on it and a fountain and poo poo. I'll pull up, ring the door bell, like totally just down to grab my kit and bounce, not even gonna try haggling, I don't think the fucker needs the money that bad. As I enter I'm knocked out cold from behind. I awake tied to a table, the surroundings are like that orgy scene in society. I'm naked on the table and a gaggle of wealthy cougar types are just mesmerized by the huge majesty of my cock. I clear my head a little, look around enough to gather that besides kinky sex, I'm pretty sure they are intending to cook and possibly eat me. I am decidely not cool with that. I try the bonds, but they're pretty well tied considering they were tied by fragile hands that have never experienced manual labor. I'm about to resign myself to a fate of one last good ride on some cougar pussy before being roasted to death when some serious SWAT type dudes bust in and start shooting. An also naked servant girl who was carrying a tray full of mimosas unites me and together we escape naked to my car in the melee.

Years later, I'm recounting this harrowing tale to some dude from craigslist who is buying my MSR-2 when I drop dead of gout.

That will be my craiglist demise. What will be yours?

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monkey
Jan 20, 2004

by zen death robot
Yams Fan

Sizone posted:

For some of you, it may be aids or jealous spouse following a "casual encounter", for some, respiratory illness after picking up an odd job, still others will be mugged after buying beanie babies in the bad part of town.

For me, it will be an add for a used synth. Probably a second Marion MSR-2 because I think that's about the only synth I would want right now. It'll be a some opulent mansion, all manicured hedges and a gate with a monogram on it and a fountain and poo poo. I'll pull up, ring the door bell, like totally just down to grab my kit and bounce, not even gonna try haggling, I don't think the fucker needs the money that bad. As I enter I'm knocked out cold from behind. I awake tied to a table, the surroundings are like that orgy scene in society. I'm naked on the table and a gaggle of wealthy cougar types are just mesmerized by the huge majesty of my cock. I clear my head a little, look around enough to gather that besides kinky sex, I'm pretty sure they are intending to cook and possibly eat me. I am decidely not cool with that. I try the bonds, but they're pretty well tied considering they were tied by fragile hands that have never experienced manual labor. I'm about to resign myself to a fate of one last good ride on some cougar pussy before being roasted to death when some serious SWAT type dudes bust in and start shooting. An also naked servant girl who was carrying a tray full of mimosas unites me and together we escape naked to my car in the melee.

Years later, I'm recounting this harrowing tale to some dude from craigslist who is buying my MSR-2 when I drop dead of gout.

That will be my craiglist demise. What will be yours?

Same

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



i'll be sucking dick just outside the back of the greyhound--not sure where craigslist factors in tho?

Rocket Baby Dolls
Mar 3, 2006

Normally I don't make aesthetic criticisms in other peoples' homes, but that rug looks like a beaver exploded. If meat is murder, then that rug is at least a severe beating.
I'll be answering an advert of a couple who want a cuckold relationship which is very vague on details. We arrange to meet at their house and they seem nice, the conversation is pleasant and she's fairly attractive even in her advancing years. After a few sips of wine I start to feel drowsy and slowly slip into a deep sleep. I wake up drowsy, in pain, my hands tied together and I've been positioned on all fours. I turn my head and see that the woman is pegging me with a lot of enthusiasm and it feels like she hasn't used any lube. It's painful and very uncomfortable but I'm feeling far too drowsy and debilitated to do anything about it. I turn my head a little and see the man thumbing his small cock, when he see's my eyes on him he immediately ejaculates. The woman notices and then decides to stop pegging, she starts to untie me and then helps me to get dressed as I'm still finding it hard to function. It's a little hard to walk so she leads me downstairs, I'm still confused about everything that's going on and as I'm crossing the street I get hit by a car.

frenton
Aug 15, 2005

devil soup

Rocket Baby Dolls posted:

I'll be answering an advert of a couple who want a cuckold relationship which is very vague on details. We arrange to meet at their house and they seem nice, the conversation is pleasant and she's fairly attractive even in her advancing years. After a few sips of wine I start to feel drowsy and slowly slip into a deep sleep. I wake up drowsy, in pain, my hands tied together and I've been positioned on all fours. I turn my head and see that the woman is pegging me with a lot of enthusiasm and it feels like she hasn't used any lube. It's painful and very uncomfortable but I'm feeling far too drowsy and debilitated to do anything about it. I turn my head a little and see the man thumbing his small cock, when he see's my eyes on him he immediately ejaculates. The woman notices and then decides to stop pegging, she starts to untie me and then helps me to get dressed as I'm still finding it hard to function. It's a little hard to walk so she leads me downstairs, I'm still confused about everything that's going on and as I'm crossing the street I get hit by a car.

that's really cute! :-3

Masturbasturd
Sep 1, 2014
drop dead of gay, prolapse-nose

Charles Bukowski
Aug 26, 2003

Taskmaster 2023 Second Place Winner

Grimey Drawer
Fake job listing for the old bean factory.

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

responding to a great deal on a patio set, go to seller's house and get shotgunned through the screen door by a 15 year old who wanted to know what it's like to murder someone

Ein cooler Typ
Nov 26, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
pay a sexy craigslist mistress to kill me

that's my fetish

CISMALES DID 9-11
Jun 5, 2002

chaotic good STEM major; INTJ
op i'm going to be 100% straight with you because you seem like a good guy

i didnt read any of this

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
This is a good thread, easilyworthy of four golden man babies

Tarquinn
Jul 3, 2007

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."



Hell Gem
I will not craigslist die. I refuse to. I will craigslive forever!

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:

CISMALES DID 9-11 posted:

op i'm going to be 100% straight with you because you seem like a good guy

i didnt read any of this

same lol

Windows 98
Nov 13, 2005

HTTP 400: Bad post
Trapped in OPs sex dungeon

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007
once i sold something on craigslist to a fairly attractive black woman. the guy in the next apartment got very upset that i didnt try to creep on her, which was very odd since i had never spoken to him before. so, he will probably hunt me down and murder me.

Shirley Crabtree
Aug 8, 2012
im hoping to be sat on to death by several rubenesque ladies

guidoanselmi
Feb 6, 2008

I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest post. No lies whatsoever.

espresso machine boiler explosion

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012

killed by being electrocuted by a 1000 watt hps growlight falling into my hydroponics reservoir. don't feel sorry for me. i died doing what i love.

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
accidently over charged my JO crystal and burnt down the house

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
fall asleep while browsing personals for the comedy factor, drop cigarette and burn self to death imo

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

Nooner posted:

accidently over charged my JO crystal and burnt down the house

oh no! get well soon

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien

Nooner posted:

accidently over charged my JO crystal and burnt down the house

didnt read this before my post

guidoanselmi
Feb 6, 2008

I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest post. No lies whatsoever.

electrocution by model train set during JO hookup

Dubious
Mar 7, 2006

The Heroes the Vikings Deserve
Lipstick Apathy

les fleurs du mall posted:

fall asleep while browsing personals for the comedy factor, drop cigarette and burn self to death imo

same

guidoanselmi
Feb 6, 2008

I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest post. No lies whatsoever.

sociopath selling a car with brake lines he just put holes in

guidoanselmi
Feb 6, 2008

I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest post. No lies whatsoever.

murdered after trolling someone trying to fraud me on a macbook for the amusement of an online forum

Mr. Merdle
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR

guidoanselmi posted:

murdered after trolling someone trying to fraud me on a macbook for the amusement of an online forum

Fat Lowtax
Nov 9, 2008


"I'm willing to pay up to $1200 for a big anime titty"


Killed by a right wing death squad after buying Panama

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!

Nooner posted:

accidently over charged my JO crystal and burnt down the house

$ Erase Nooner's porn off his computer so friends and family don't find it.

Sir John Feelgood
Nov 18, 2009

Anyone stupid enough to use craigslist why dont we just give em the freakin darwin award right now. Its the award for the stupid dyers.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

On craigslist there's this crazy thing that can happen if u message someone trying to sell a tumble dryer with "i will suck ur dick" then this crazy ghost will come out of your computer and give u 2 wishes, the first wish he grants but the second wish he bans u from the SomethingAwful forums.

big black turnout
Jan 13, 2009



Fallen Rib

JebanyPedal posted:

On craigslist there's this crazy thing that can happen if u message someone trying to sell a tumble dryer with "i will suck ur dick" then this crazy ghost will come out of your computer and give u 2 wishes, the first wish he grants but the second wish he bans u from the SomethingAwful forums.

what if my first wish is to never be banned from the something is awful dot com internet forum message boards? hu?h huh?

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

BIG BOY EXPO 2K posted:

what if my first wish is to never be banned from the something is awful dot com internet forum message boards? hu?h huh?

you get that comedy 99999 hour probation which the admins keep in reserve for special occasions

big black turnout
Jan 13, 2009



Fallen Rib

ANIME IS BLOOD posted:

you get that comedy 99999 hour probation which the admins keep in reserve for special occasions

gently caress

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:

try and play the ghost and get played son, what it is

cthulusnewzulubbq
Jan 26, 2009

I saw something
NASTY
in the woodshed.
craig will cross me off his list as then he has killed me

i will see you in hell craig

ScratchAndSniff
Sep 28, 2008

This game stinks
After I ironically post a pro-ISIS diatribe in the rants and raves section Obama drones me.

naem
May 29, 2011

Sizone posted:

For some of you, it may be aids or jealous spouse following a "casual encounter", for some, respiratory illness after picking up an odd job, still others will be mugged after buying beanie babies in the bad part of town.

For me, it will be an add for a used synth. Probably a second Marion MSR-2 because I think that's about the only synth I would want right now. It'll be a some opulent mansion, all manicured hedges and a gate with a monogram on it and a fountain and poo poo. I'll pull up, ring the door bell, like totally just down to grab my kit and bounce, not even gonna try haggling, I don't think the fucker needs the money that bad. As I enter I'm knocked out cold from behind. I awake tied to a table, the surroundings are like that orgy scene in society. I'm naked on the table and a gaggle of wealthy cougar types are just mesmerized by the huge majesty of my cock. I clear my head a little, look around enough to gather that besides kinky sex, I'm pretty sure they are intending to cook and possibly eat me. I am decidely not cool with that. I try the bonds, but they're pretty well tied considering they were tied by fragile hands that have never experienced manual labor. I'm about to resign myself to a fate of one last good ride on some cougar pussy before being roasted to death when some serious SWAT type dudes bust in and start shooting. An also naked servant girl who was carrying a tray full of mimosas unites me and together we escape naked to my car in the melee.

Years later, I'm recounting this harrowing tale to some dude from craigslist who is buying my MSR-2 when I drop dead of gout.

That will be my craiglist demise. What will be yours?

opposite

guidoanselmi
Feb 6, 2008

I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest post. No lies whatsoever.

Craigslist rideshare passenger was triggered by my posts.

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treasure bear
Dec 10, 2012

Not with a bang but a whimper.

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