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TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

if a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. they are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads

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Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
yhwh gay

Ultramega
Jul 9, 2004

a gay man who ironically likes that oft-cited passage from the bible condemning gay sex? stop the loving presses

I always like the one about dashing children's heads against rocks

Not_Rainbow_Horse
Nov 11, 2013
anything in Leviticus

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

blessed are the poor in spirit
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

blessed are those who mourn
for they will be comforted

blessed are the meek
for they will inherit the earth

blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness
for they will be filled

blessed are the merciful
for they will be shown mercy

blessed are the pure in heart
for they will see God

blessed are the peacemakers
for they will be called children of God

blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

Ultramega
Jul 9, 2004

cleave a piece of wood, and you will find me
lift up a stone, and i am there

butt implants
Oct 16, 2004

i'm gay
He committed no sin,
and no deceit was found in his mouth.
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.
Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness;
by his wounds you have been healed.
For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

meaningless! meaningless!
says the teacher
utterly meaningless!
everything is meaningless

what do people gain from all their labors
at which they toil under the sun?
generations come and generations go
but the earth remains forever

the sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
the wind blows to the south
and turns to the north

round and round it goes
ever returning on its course
all streams flow into the sea
yet the sea is never full

to the place the streams come from
there they return again

all things are wearisome
more than one can say

the eye never has enough of seeing
nor the ear its fill of hearing

what has been will be again
what has been done will be done again
there is nothing new under the sun

is there anything of which one can say
“look! This is something new”
it was here already, long ago
it was here before our time

no one remembers the former generations
and even those yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow them

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

unterdude posted:

He committed no sin,
and no deceit was found in his mouth.
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.
Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness;
by his wounds you have been healed.
For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
ur cooked figtree../casts horid wilting

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

and the multitude of them that believed were of one heart and of one soul: neither said any of them that ought of the things which he possessed was his own; but they had all things common. and with great power gave the apostles witness of the resurrection of the jesus: and great grace was upon them all. neither was there any among them that lacked: for as many as were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the prices of the things that were sold, and laid them down at the apostles’ feet:

distribution was made unto every man according as he had need.

butt implants
Oct 16, 2004

i'm gay

Orkin Mang posted:

ur cooked figtree../casts horid wilting

hey guy, here's the teaching wrt the fig tree:

he saw a fig tree in leaf (which means it should have fruit) but it didn't have fruit
so he cursed it, because it had the appearance of bearing fruit but didn't actually do it

so, basically to jesus the inside matters and not just the outside veneer of religiosity

jesus was a cool dude

Ultramega
Jul 9, 2004

for me to poop on

BONE DOG
Jun 7, 2009

by Fluffdaddy
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 21:9

ballass
Jan 16, 2014

by XyloJW
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Phillipians 4:4-

kind of the GBS mantra imho

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

2 Kings 9:20
For he driveth furiously

Doctor J Off
Dec 28, 2005

There Is
For the fate of the sons of men and the fate of beasts is the same. As one dies so dies the other; indeed, they all have the same breath and there is no advantage for man over beast, for all is vanity.

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

Doctor J Off posted:

For the fate of the sons of men and the fate of beasts is the same. As one dies so dies the other; indeed, they all have the same breath and there is no advantage for man over beast, for all is vanity.

Amarcarts
Feb 21, 2007

This looks a lot like suffering.
Boners 6:9
And you shall rise with the cock in the morning
Steely and hard

Doctor J Off
Dec 28, 2005

There Is
the book of ecclesiastes is good and cool

ShaqDiesel
Mar 21, 2013

Ultramega posted:

cleave a piece of wood, and you will find me
lift up a stone, and i am there

Are you a bug?

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009

i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle
Austin 3:16
I just kicked your rear end

Full Metal Jackass
Jan 22, 2001

Rabid bats are welcome in my home

shiksa posted:

Austin 3:16
I just kicked your rear end

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

VOLS BITCH

shiksa posted:

Austin 3:16
I just kicked your rear end

huskarl_marx
Oct 13, 2013

by zen death robot
And Samuel said to Saul, “The Lord sent me to anoint you king over his people Israel; now therefore listen to the words of the Lord. Thus says the Lord of hosts, ‘I have noted what Amalek did to Israel in opposing them on the way when they came up out of Egypt. Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’” (1 Sam 15:1‑3)

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

i denied myself nothing my eyes desired
i refused my heart no pleasure
my heart took delight in all my labor
and this was the reward for all my toil
yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind
nothing was gained under the sun

then I turned my thoughts to consider wisdom
and also madness and folly
what more can the king’s successor do
than what has already been done?
i saw that wisdom is better than folly
just as light is better than darkness

the wise have eyes in their heads
while the fool walks in the darkness
but I came to realize
that the same fate overtakes them both

then I said to myself

the fate of the fool will overtake me also
what then do I gain by being wise?
i said to myself
this too is meaningless
for the wise, like the fool, will not be long remembered
the days have already come when both have been forgotten.
like the fool, the wise too must die!

huskarl_marx
Oct 13, 2013

by zen death robot
looks like samuel was a rich kingmaker who got them to do terrible things

swate

spacemang_spliff
Nov 29, 2014

wide pickle
the one about horse cocks

Hot Bobby
Jun 5, 2015

by zen death robot
everything about job

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

Bean Dip Jamboree posted:

everything about job

BONE DOG
Jun 7, 2009

by Fluffdaddy
I for one hold the 3000 year told writings of a nomadic Semitic tribe above all things

huskarl_marx
Oct 13, 2013

by zen death robot
i really wanna read the bible right now and i do not have a single copy in the house


i bet someone will send me a KJB for free, actually I know of a nonprofit bible factory a couple towns over... i always laugh at it when i drive by

StashAugustine
Mar 24, 2013

Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

Bean Dip Jamboree posted:

everything about job

Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare, if thou hast understanding.

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

moose face posted:

I for one hold the 3000 year told writings of a nomadic Semitic tribe above all things

not above all things, but i dont dismiss it because of its age

Hot Bobby
Jun 5, 2015

by zen death robot
I changed my mind its all about Sodom and Gomorrah.

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

people 3k years ago were just as smart and just as fed up with bullshit and bored. they wrote great poo poo imo

dee eight
Dec 18, 2002

The Spirit
of Maynard

:catdrugs:
matt 5:44-45

But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.


there's also a good bit in acts about some guys that try to cast out a demon without being in the jesus and paul demon outcasting union and the demon is hip to their scam so he kicks their asses and hijacks their laundry:

acts 19:13-16

13But also some of the Jewish exorcists, who went from place to place, attempted to name over those who had the evil spirits the name of the Lord Jesus, saying, "I adjure you by Jesus whom Paul preaches." 14Seven sons of one Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, were doing this. 15And the evil spirit answered and said to them, "I recognize Jesus, and I know about Paul, but who are you? 16And the man, in whom was the evil spirit, leaped on them and subdued all of them and overpowered them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.

huskarl_marx
Oct 13, 2013

by zen death robot
i think the bible is a useful tool in the way that fictional literature and fabled history is useful but these cultists man

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

huskarl_marx posted:

i think the bible is a useful tool in the way that fictional literature and fabled history is useful but these cultists man

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huskarl_marx
Oct 13, 2013

by zen death robot
and then the nondenominational kooks.... the people who kick speed or crack or drink and get addicted to christ and become obnoxiously friendly and cheerful

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