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 Gather 'round the campfire, amigos. Close enough so el chupacabra doesn't get you, but far enough away that the afterblast from dinner doesn't kill us all. Welcome to the UFC 188 GDT, airing live 10 p.m. ET Saturday, June 13. It's a PPV, so posting streams will earn you a visit from Poncho Villa. For the Heavyweight Title  [/url]Cain Velasquez vs.  Fabricio Werdum It is said that long ago, in a time when the heavyweight division was a shapeless wasteland that didn't eat brocolli and wore sharp metal belts during coitus, a powerful deity arose to form the boundary between the bottom dregs and the UFC and the limitless sky. That deity is the feather serpent, Cain Velasquez. The old legends say he only rises once every two years and only terrorizes men who do not love their wives and the rival Olmec people, but in this cycle he faces a new foe. From the jungles deep south of Mexico a mischievous forest genie arrives to challenge Velasquez for his kingdom. This ever-grinning trickster, Fabricio Werdum, is known for protecting the forests from great bearded lumberjacks by tricking them into thinking there is something on their shirt and then striking them when they look away. His feet bend in bizarre ways to both confuse his enemies and aid in ensnaring them. He holds a crown of his own, but hopes to unite them both for supreme power. We shall see who prevails tomorrow! Lightweight  Gilbert Melendez vs.  Eddie Alvarez The old ones whisper tales of a fierce, brave warrior, whose veins hold the blood of the Aztecs. That warrior is Gilbert Melendez. He has held many championships and fought for the greatest crown twice, and hopes to one day finally capture the elusive gold that has haunted him. Proud in his work (for he does not possess the necessary traits to have physical vanity,) he will bravely fight like a loving buffoon, allowing lesser warriors to draw blood so he puts on a show. He will also fight wisely, cautiously and perhaps even boringly when he knows a tempered approach is key to victory. His opponent is a warrior whose services were so sought after, his previous king banished him from combat for more than a year. Eddie Alvarez waited in a type of purgatory known as the US appellate court system until he was finally free to be beaten up at range by a drunken vaquero. Melendez possesses a far different skillset, however, so the outcome tomorrow remains to be seen. Middleweight  Kelvin Gastelum vs.  Nate Marquardt Kelvin Gastelum was a once-proud warrior who never knew defeat. There were great feasts his mother prepared when he returned for battle and the whole village would celebrate, children dancing in the streets while they posted on the SomethingAwful forums, “Kelvin owns! Kelvin owns!” But one fateful day, his mother prepared the ceremonial feast before the fight actually happened, and he engorged himself to the point he could not move and was defeated by Tyron Woodley. The Great Dana became enraged at him, and banished him to the Middleweight Division. There he will face another once-great warrior who knows the wrath of banishment: Nate Marquardt. For many moons, Nate The Great has fought, open-hand slapping every Japanese baby who stood in his way. However, after defeat at the hands of a very big Japanese child, a strange greasy man with a mustache emerged from the desert and said “I can give you what you need to become smaller and fight Rick Story, all you must do is pee in this cup.” Marquardt bravely refused, but the man, an emissary of a powerful kingdom called the Nevada Athletic Commission, became enraged and said he could not fight. He was banished to a distant land where he wrested gold out of Tyron Woodley’s hand only to have his leg kicked off by Tarec Saffiedine. After floundering in his UFC return, he hopes to taste middleweight glory once again. Featherweight  Yair Rodriguez vs.  Charles Rosa A faithful servant of the feathered serpent Velasquez, Yair Rodriguez is said to have trained under his tutelage in a reality show tournament. This may be just a myth, for even the most devout elders and guardians of MMA’s legends did not watch it. Charles Rosa is a fighter who has mastered the secret art of grappling. He is known to make men’s throats and arms sore for months. Rosa made his UFC debut on short notice, bravely fighting a German Steroid Bear. Though he was defeated in a fight of the night that fateful day, Rosa’s spirit lived on. It is said lovely fighter with a losing record who faces him will tap, usually within a round. Women's Strawweight  Tecia Torres vs.  Angela Hill Much like Rodriguez, Tecia Torres trained under a person ranking above her on this card, Gilbert Melendez. From her perch near the top of the seeded bracket, this proud warrior bravely talked poo poo on an angry Iraqi-Canadian woman who immediately made her look like an inexperienced child. She then avenged her loss against a garbage Australian woman before an epic battle with the inaugural strawweight champion, Carla Esparza. It is said by onlookers that the battle was so fast, furious and skilled that to their untrained eyes, it appeared nothing even happened and the fight “sucked poo poo.” Angela Hill has a warrior’s haircut and enjoys making videojuegos. Not every story is interesting. OTHER MIERDA TO WATCH FX Prelims, 8 p.m. ET Flyweight Chico Camus vs. Henry Cejudo Lightweight Efrain Escudero vs. Drew Dober Bantamweight Alejandro Pérez vs. Patrick Williams Lightweight Francisco Trevino vs. Johnny Case UFC Fight Pass Early Prelims, 7 p.m. ET Welterweight Augusto Montaño vs. Cathal Pendred (don’t watch this fight) Featherweight Gabriel Benítez vs. Clay Collard Official Weigh-Ins, 7 p.m. ET Today http://www.ufc.com/media/UFC-188-official-weigh-in Official MMA Snack Rating: [url= http://www.number-2-pencil.com/2014/05/22/one-pan-chicken-burrito-bowls/ ]One-pan chicken burrito bowls[/url]  Ingredients 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts, diced into bite sized pieces 3 tablespoon of olive oil 1/4 cup of diced yellow onion 1 cup of uncooked extra-long grain rice 1 14.5 oz can of diced tomatoes, drained 1 15oz can of black beans, drained and rinsed 1/2 teaspoon of garlic powder 1/2 teaspoon of chili powder 1 teaspoon of cumin 2 1/2 cups of low-sodium chicken broth 2 cups of colby jack, monterey jack or cheddar cheese kosher salt and pepper freshly diced tomatoes diced green onions sour cream guacamole Instructions Start by sautéing onions in 2 tablespoon of olive oil until they start to soften. Season diced chicken with 1 teaspoon of kosher salt and 1/2 teaspoon of black pepper. Add chicken to pan and cook over medium high heat until chicken has started to brown. Move chicken to one side of pan, in the other side of the pan add an additional tablespoon of olive oil and sauté uncooked rice for about 2 minutes or just until some grains start to turn golden brown. Stir in black beans, canned tomatoes, chicken broth, garlic powder, chili powder and cumin. Bring to a simmer, cover and reduce heat to low. Cook about 20 minutes or until rice is tender. Season with additional salt and pepper as needed. Sprinkle with cheese, recover and let set for 2-3 off heat to melt cheese. Garnish with fresh tomatoes, green onions, sour cream and guacamole. And don’t forget to make your Goonweight picks! Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 20:38 on Jun 12, 2015 |
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Jun 12, 2015 20:14
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 12:55 |
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I think I'll be pulling for Werdum. I love watching Cain brutalize people, but I'd like the belt to be defended more than once every two years.
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Jun 12, 2015 20:23
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bluedeanie p4p best gdts of all time
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Jun 12, 2015 20:24
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Cain looks super fat in that painting. Talented artist.
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Jun 12, 2015 20:27
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I'm pulling for Werdum but it's going to be sad when Cain beats the stuffing out of him in his guard because jiu jitsu doesn't work.
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Jun 12, 2015 20:30
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Can we ban that guy from making sperging posts about cards because this GDT is way better
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Jun 12, 2015 20:38
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horrible snack rating but otherwise good op.
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Jun 12, 2015 20:39
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Mr. Nice! posted:horrible snack rating but otherwise good op. I have made that meal at home and I can safely say it is perfectly analogous to this card: not even remotely authentic but pretty all right
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Jun 12, 2015 20:43
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Cool OP, 9/10 (its a heavy weight main event and you probably need to mention JT in it to make it perfect)
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Jun 12, 2015 20:53
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Very good op
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Jun 12, 2015 22:41
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I wonder how the altitude will affect Cain's cardio. I know Werdum has been training in DF for the fight, but has Cain been training in Mexico as well? With the altitude, I can see Cain going the same road Mark Hunt did: do well the first couple rounds, Werdum weathers the storm, finishes a gassed Cain .
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Jun 12, 2015 23:38
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i could have sworn i just saw someone compare mark hunt's cardio on a week's notice to caine's
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Jun 12, 2015 23:47
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Forceholy posted:I wonder how the altitude will affect Cain's cardio. I know Werdum has been training in DF for the fight, but has Cain been training in Mexico as well? With the altitude, I can see Cain going the same road Mark Hunt did: do well the first couple rounds, Werdum weathers the storm, finishes a gassed Cain . He got there 2 weeks ahead of schedule, so he spent 3 weeks at altitude i believe.
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Jun 12, 2015 23:57
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Weigh-ins: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH0p9OehA-M
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Jun 12, 2015 23:59
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There's still time for Cain to come in heavy and fulfill the prophecy 
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Jun 13, 2015 00:03
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No incessant boos for Dober despite fighting Escudero. Even the Mexico City crowd knows he inexplicably owns
Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 00:18 on Jun 13, 2015 |
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Jun 13, 2015 00:14
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That's a lot of whistling
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Jun 13, 2015 00:17
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lol at this guy putting on a poncho and bandoliers for the staredown
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Jun 13, 2015 00:20
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That's pretty sweet, actually
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Jun 13, 2015 00:20
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Brock doing his tactical roll all the way across the octagon will never get old.
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Jun 13, 2015 00:45
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The spanish commentary for Cain-Nog is amazing
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Jun 13, 2015 00:56
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I forgot that Mazzagatti basically waited for Brad Morris to die before stopping the fight
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Jun 13, 2015 00:57
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From watching Cain/JDS I, I just learned JDS is two years younger than Cain but he looks like an old rear end man.
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Jun 13, 2015 01:01
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i wonder if it gets to werdum that if he accidentally knocks cain out cain will respond by bashing him up severely for 50 minutes that he'll never be the same again?
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Jun 13, 2015 01:03
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loving amazing op Im sick of Cain but he's gonna win
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Jun 13, 2015 01:10
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Le Saboteur posted:From watching Cain/JDS I, I just learned JDS is two years younger than Cain but he looks like an old rear end man. I thought he looked youthful again in that recent Ariel interview. I think the roughly 2 years off has done him some good.
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Jun 13, 2015 01:11
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Bubba Smith posted:I thought he looked youthful again in that recent Ariel interview. I think the roughly 2 years off has done him some good. Junior's face bugs me because his features have been subtly different since the second Cain fight. Maybe he's just chubby at the moment, but he took so much damage in Cain 2/3 that it could easily be that. He took a lot of damage in the Stipe fight too. It's almost a post-shaved-brow-ridges Wanderlei effect. He barely looks like the same person, almost like a rough caricature of his former self.
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Jun 13, 2015 01:37
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colonel_korn posted:Gilbert Melendez Watching this, I immediately noticed something--what is Melendez's height vs his reach? He's not tall for a LW but his arms look bizarrely stretchy, like he could scratch his kneecaps without stooping. edit: also finishing the video, Rogan's commentary is embarrassing. There's a bunch of exchanges where Diego whiffs several wild hooks, Gilbert slips them and rattles off a sharp combination that bounces Diego's head around, and Joe responds by praising Diego's toughness. Schenck v. U.S. fucked around with this message at 05:49 on Jun 13, 2015 |
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Jun 13, 2015 05:28
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Wise Learned Man posted:Junior's face bugs me because his features have been subtly different since the second Cain fight. Maybe he's just chubby at the moment, but he took so much damage in Cain 2/3 that it could easily be that. He took a lot of damage in the Stipe fight too. It's almost a post-shaved-brow-ridges Wanderlei effect. He barely looks like the same person, almost like a rough caricature of his former self. his brow definitely seems to droop down a lot more these days, I was noticing that myself. Dude's face is 2/3s of the way to being a Nog. Werdum's face, OTOH, looks pretty good considering how far back his career goes. Has he ever really taken a lot of damage in a fight? Nothing comes to mind, but I am admittedly not as familiar with his career as i could be.
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Jun 13, 2015 05:35
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Wise Learned Man posted:Junior's face bugs me because his features have been subtly different since the second Cain fight. Maybe he's just chubby at the moment, but he took so much damage in Cain 2/3 that it could easily be that. He took a lot of damage in the Stipe fight too. It's almost a post-shaved-brow-ridges Wanderlei effect. He barely looks like the same person, almost like a rough caricature of his former self. JDS also ages at hyperspeed
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Jun 13, 2015 05:39
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Pwny_Xpress posted:his brow definitely seems to droop down a lot more these days, I was noticing that myself. Dude's face is 2/3s of the way to being a Nog. Other than the JDS fight, I remember him getting beat up for a while during the Gonzaga and Bigfoot fights. He also got dropped like a million times against Overeem but who knows how many of those were just butt flops?
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Jun 13, 2015 05:41
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MysteryNad posted:Other than the JDS fight, I remember him getting beat up for a while during the Gonzaga and Bigfoot fights. He also got dropped like a million times against Overeem but who knows how many of those were just butt flops? After looking at Werdum's record, its better than I remember it being. Losses to Nog (which he avenged), Arlovski, Sergei, Overeem and JDS really isnt that bad. And the Overeem fight was closer than people give it credit for.
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Jun 13, 2015 05:48
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Pwny_Xpress posted:his brow definitely seems to droop down a lot more these days, I was noticing that myself. Dude's face is 2/3s of the way to being a Nog. His right brow has dropped over his eye.I am watching the third fight and every hit he receives looks like someone took a bat to his face. You could gently cares his cheek (who wouldn't given a chance  ) and it would bruise purple and black.edit:actually the 1st and 2nd round are all for cain junior is in trouble but still fights back.In the third get dropped badly and the murdering begins.Between the fourth and the third he's loving gone man  hump day bitches! fucked around with this message at 06:38 on Jun 13, 2015 |
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Jun 13, 2015 06:25
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I thought JDS looked like 10 years younger in that Ariel interview
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Jun 13, 2015 06:36
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He expended too much energy and got tired
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc5GEdUfl4Q Werdum owns
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Jun 13, 2015 06:37
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Werdum indeed owns but he's going to get grounded into a fine paste by Cain. Also Pettis looks like the biggest douche in the world with those glasses.
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Jun 13, 2015 07:16
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Lamadrid posted:Also Pettis looks like the biggest douche in the world with those glasses.
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Jun 13, 2015 10:00
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werdum absolutely will not stop having fun, which to me is cool. equally cool is being a dour killing machine. this fight is very good
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Jun 13, 2015 12:54
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 12:55 |
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Marquardt is as juiced as his wife is pregnant.
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Jun 13, 2015 15:36
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