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babypolis
Nov 4, 2009

you can have a fun summer movie without it being a retarded over focus grouped turd of a movie

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ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

ChogsEnhour posted:

lol just turn ur brain off, why would u think when u go to a movie? why wud u want people to be interesting, it just gets in the way of the dinosaurs fighting. film shud have just been 2 hours of explosions and dinosaurs riding biks lol

turn your brain off permanently, shitbrains

not an endorsement
Mar 14, 2008


Personally, I think it's problematic that a sitting Senator has a racial slur for a last name.



Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
i bet $1 that bird's species is dead or dying

not an endorsement
Mar 14, 2008


Personally, I think it's problematic that a sitting Senator has a racial slur for a last name.



Arc Light
Sep 26, 2013



Phobic Nest posted:

It is kind of funny how the movie shits on most of its sponsors. The only product I can think of that seemed unironically portrayed as "good" was the Coke Andy slurped from. Verizon's mocked for sponsoring dinos; Starbucks, Brookstone and all the overpriced shitslingers are hocking JP merch in the promenade because of course they would, but Coke is shown unattached to all that. The fact that it was an old-fashioned glass Coke bottle probably wasn't an accident.

Was Jeep a sponsor? Because Jeeps irl rust like crazy and are useless without regular maintenance, but the movie made the old JP jeeps look rad as gently caress.

Ramsus
Sep 14, 2002

by Hand Knit

Highbrow Slick posted:

Seriously though there were so many great characters in the original - Wayne Knight, Sam Jackson, Jeff Goldblum, even the lawyer, the kids, & the main actors were compelling/funny. Pretty much every role in Jurassic World was a wet fart.

Movies can't have characters anymore because characters are based on stereotypes and stereotypes hurt feelings

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

Ramsus posted:

Movies can't have characters anymore because characters are based on stereotypes and stereotypes hurt feelings

unless the character is fat going so far as to make an entire movie based on "lol the main character is fat"

garfield hentai
Feb 29, 2004
I liked the "parents getting divorced" subplot that had about two minutes of screen time

afeelgoodpoop
Oct 14, 2014

by FactsAreUseless
im not the only one who saw this for free right? i'd never pay for it.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

afeelgoodpoop posted:

im not the only one who saw this for free right? i'd never pay for it.

where do you think you're posting right now lol

Entropic
Feb 21, 2007

patriarchy sucks

babypolis posted:

you can have a fun summer movie without it being a retarded over focus grouped turd of a movie

Everyone should just go see Mad Max for the third time.

Nicomo
Jan 22, 2015
in the super gay hollywood ending they should have just had all the raptors burst in and start ripping everyone apart. Then run the credits. I would hazve been a lot more satisfied at the end

also his raptor-taming powers were so loving retarded. As if it wouldn't have had him for dessert straight after owning that big dinosaur

Justin Godscock
Oct 12, 2004

Listen here, funnyman!
Dude, it's a loving theme park so of course there is going to be a Starbucks in there.

Entropic
Feb 21, 2007

patriarchy sucks
It should have ended with the reveal that Chris Pratt is actually a fat retarded kid and the whole story was just what he made up playing with plastic dinosaurs in his sand box.

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

Entropic posted:

It should have ended with the reveal that Chris Pratt is actually a fat retarded kid and the whole story was just what he made up playing with plastic dinosaurs in his sand box.

The Anime Liker
Aug 8, 2009

by VideoGames

Mr. Pumroy posted:

jurassic hurled

jurassic swirled

[like turds (in a toilet)]

Boinks
Nov 24, 2003



Entropic posted:

It should have ended with the reveal that Chris Pratt is actually a fat retarded kid and the whole story was just what he made up playing with plastic dinosaurs in his sand box.

This but the sandbox clearly has cat turds in it.

HUGE SPACEKABLOOIE
Mar 31, 2010


Show me on the map where the super-raptor destroyed your 7-11

raditts
Feb 21, 2001

The Kwanzaa Bot is here to protect me.


garfield hentai posted:

I liked the "parents getting divorced" subplot that had about two minutes of screen time

Haha, I totally forgot about that until reading this, just a totally irrelevant bit that was never mentioned again

Phobic Nest
Oct 2, 2013

You Are My Sunshine

Kandak Sayaqa posted:

Was Jeep a sponsor? Because Jeeps irl rust like crazy and are useless without regular maintenance, but the movie made the old JP jeeps look rad as gently caress.

Good point, I have no doubt they wanted money from Jeep but I can't imagine they'd pay much to showcase early '90s vehicles. Still, it fits with that Coke and "old=good" mentality.

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry
Unless a bazillion toys, candy and games come out of this, it cannot be compared to the original :colbert:

raditts
Feb 21, 2001

The Kwanzaa Bot is here to protect me.


Wicker Man posted:

Unless a bazillion toys, candy and games come out of this, it cannot be compared to the original :colbert:

Well there's already Jurassic World legos and a Jurassic World lego game, so there's that?
If you want something on the level of Trespasser then I don't know if your wishes will come true though.

Prof. Lurker
Mar 10, 2015

I've got the fire of human liberty!

I'm setting fires everywhere!

And humans are turning on everywhere!
ppl it was intentional on the filmakers parts because the movie is anti consumerism. god!!!!!!!!!

WAR CRIME GIGOLO
Oct 3, 2012

The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Just finished watching it where the gently caress was Jeff goldblum.

WAR CRIME GIGOLO fucked around with this message at 08:35 on Jun 16, 2015

Killed a Girl in 96
Jun 15, 2001

DON'T STOP CAN'T STOP
it was okay.

quakster
Jul 21, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
your rear end sick world

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

of course its crap

no name director and big name sequel

i just watched goodfellas and i tell you THAT is a good movie you fuckin clowns

Snowglobe of Doom
Mar 30, 2012

sucks to be right

LeoMarr posted:

Just finished watching it where the gently caress was Jeff goldblum.

Life didn't find a way

Slightly Absurd
Mar 22, 2004


Jurassic Deus Ex Machinas: All day Every day

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!
Wedge Regret
drat you goons. Now I have to spend 5 bucks to watch it after class today. 5 $ Tuesdays rock.

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.
Was anyone else disturbed by that assistant's really hosed up death? Like, it was really brutal and like lasted like a whole minute, with screams and thrashing.

poo poo man, it should've been used for a villain, cause of how loving scary and cruel it was.

Also, this series taught me to never trust fat people when running a dino park. Bad things happen.

George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010





I watched Jurassic World then immediately walked into the Mad Max theater afterwards. That was a good Saturday of movieing

ZombieJesus
Feb 26, 2005

He died for your sins, he rose for your BRAINS
"Have kids... It's worth it" what the gently caress
edit because of course a woman without children is a worthless oval office, don't want the kids watching this film to think anything else!

garfield hentai
Feb 29, 2004

Wicker Man posted:

Unless a bazillion toys, candy and games come out of this, it cannot be compared to the original :colbert:

they need to make a "dino damage" version of the super t rex which as you may recall was a feature of a children's toy where you could rip off an animals flesh and expose the bones and tissue beneath

EightBit
Jan 7, 2006
I spent money on this line of text just to make the "Stupid Newbie" go away.

Kandak Sayaqa posted:

Was Jeep a sponsor? Because Jeeps irl rust like crazy and are useless without regular maintenance, but the movie made the old JP jeeps look rad as gently caress.

This is the least stupid part of the whole useless subplot of "douche and aspie run from superdino", but it does contribute to the feeling that this was one of the dumbest movies released in the past few years.

rakovsky maybe
Nov 4, 2008

Ramsus posted:

Movies can't have characters anymore because characters are based on stereotypes and stereotypes hurt feelings

Actually its because the global market prefers easily understood action movies to dialogue-heavy films subtitled in Chinese, Korean, etc.

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






They really hosed up the first movie by not making Hammond a total shitlord who actually hated his grandkids like in the book

sincx
Jul 13, 2012

furiously masturbating to anime titties

haljordan posted:

They really hosed up the first movie by not making Hammond a total shitlord who actually hated his grandkids like in the book

You don't do that to the knighted director of Ghandi.

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SweetMercifulCrap!
Jan 28, 2012
Lipstick Apathy

Glasgow Kiss posted:

Was anyone else disturbed by that assistant's really hosed up death? Like, it was really brutal and like lasted like a whole minute, with screams and thrashing.

poo poo man, it should've been used for a villain, cause of how loving scary and cruel it was.

Yes! Well, not terribly disturbed, but I really questioned what exactly she did that was so bad that warranted such a brutal death, especially when the main "villain" gets an off-screen death with blood splattering on glass. Yeah, she wasn't keeping a close eye of the kids she was in charge of, but they also ran away from her.

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