Waroduce posted:

Blow fat lines of coke tech dude, like all the other young successful 20 somethings

quote:

True story time.

I have always had a fetish for really tight clothing. But being a pussy for most of my life (still am) I was too embarrassed to ever buy my own and then hide it. So naturally instead I just went ahead and broke into lockers being to girls and stash their gym clothes or something into a bag and then run off.

Worked pretty well. Never got caught. Ended up making off with 2 pairs of skinny jeans, spandex shorts, this weird shirt and a pair of spandex pants.

Never got caught. Got close a few times though.

Once I decided to be ballsy and wear the spandex pants in the bathroom stalls (the stalls were completely covered by brick walls with a full length door on the front.) and jerked off while wearing them. At this point my nerves were shot and I was all fidgety so I just put them back in the locker I found them. Wasn't an easy task.

She never knew.

H.H posted:

ChlorophileAddict posted:

I pooped myself in front of my boyfriend. I like to be naked indoors and was sitting on the couch next to him... I must've eaten something weird cause suddenly i felt something rumbling in my stomach and before i could run to the bathroom... well lets just say there was a little brown line on the couch.

So we both laughed about it afterwards and cleaned the couch.

poo poo happens, get over it.

BigBadSteve posted:

To the monkey torturer/murderer (p1 post here)

quote:

I'm nearly thirty years old, I'm currently not dating and have no intention of doing so, I'm perfectly happy being single for now (and possibly for the rest of my life, depending on how things turn out).

Only there is SO MUCH SOCIAL PRESSURE for me to "find a nice girl and settle down", especially on my parent's part. Like every time I'm over at my parent's for Sunday lunch or whatever they're all like "When are you going to give us a grandchild?"

Also most of the people in my social circle are all "What you're thirty and you're not married yet" SHUT THE gently caress UP FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Sometimes I think about finding myself a girlfriend just to shut everybody up.

quote:

I like dating cutters. I find their scars so loving sexy it's not even funny. The bigger, the better. Problem is the kind of girls they're on I can't exactly come out and say that because that sounds loving wierd. It's not the blood I like, it's sinking my dick into something so beautiful and so broken that turns me on. I usually just tell them it doesn't bother me, then make a big show out of touching and kissing and showing that I'm here for them. It makes them feel apreciated, like they finally found someone they can open up to and deep down inside I really just feed off of their pain and suffering.

BigBadSteve posted:

To the monkey torturer/murderer (p1 post here): You are one sad, sick, evil gently caress. I hope you take a test for sociopathy (sociopaths are what used to be called psychopaths) since your behaviour towards the innocent animal who committed the 'crime' of not happening to be liked by you is typical of sociopathic serial killers. Many started with animals and progressed to humans. And for gently caress's sake don't try to find a guy on the internet who has sociopathic traits in common with you again, get the help you need instead. Before your disease degenerates, and you pointlessly brutalise and even murder more animals or even people (your family?), become habituated to it, are finally caught, and end up in jail for a very long time.

anonymous posted:

Should I just wean off the meds for the 2 weeks or so it takes to flush out of the system and get back to escaping reality with booze?

quote:

I'm still a virgin

quote:

I see my confession is getting some attention. I am the original poster with the "monkey induced dark place" I think I called it in the previous thread. Not the one who runs the "poor baby monkey" group or whatever. You can find the youtube videos and read the comments if they are still up. I saved the best ones for myself. I also embarrassingly spelled them Monkies. As to the poster calling me a sociopath. I've been evaluated before, re: the whole hating monkeys. Its just a think they told me. I said I would never act on it and have healthy relations and children and pets and all that. Its just some uncanny valley thing. My guess some hold out of ancient human xenophobia just decided to pop back up again. They way their little fingers curl and their face when they make the puckered lip thing. I have a little stuffed monkey I got, after going out in the desert and living the fantasy. I like to hold it and remember the way it twitched and spasmed as its damaged brain tried to work its broken limbs. Gives me a small sense of comfort in the world, like it is good and right that this creature suffer. At least that's what my brain tells me when I think about it. Oddly enough Guinea Pigs do the same to me. That grip and crush urge. I found some new lab videos now where they are doing separation trials on primates. They just got done showing orphaned orangutans clinging together in fear as they try to socialize them. The fear in their eyes. To the posters wishing me death, I can't blame you. I feel the same towards those who harm cats and children. It just makes sense to me. A need. I wish I didn't have it, but like any disability, you get used to it.

quote:

"When are you going to give us a grandchild?"

quote:

I have a date Wednesday and I'm excited. I hope it's a date and not just a friendly outing because the chick is pretty and cool.

*faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart*

BigBadSteve posted:

To the monkey torturer/murderer (p1 post here): You are one sad, sick, evil gently caress. I hope you take a test for sociopathy (sociopaths are what used to be called psychopaths) since your behaviour towards the innocent animal who committed the 'crime' of not happening to be liked by you is typical of sociopathic serial killers. Many started with animals and progressed to humans. And for gently caress's sake don't try to find a guy on the internet who has sociopathic traits in common with you again, get the help you need instead. Before your disease degenerates, and you pointlessly brutalise and even murder more animals or even people (your family?), become habituated to it, are finally caught, and end up in jail for a very long time.

ghlbtsk posted:

incessantly nagging me to "hurry up and breed"

quote:

My wife had an affair with someone whom I thought was my best friend. His wife suggested to my wife that we partner swap; my wife jumped at the idea. I was against the idea because I didn't want to share nor be shared and my wife and I have kids; and I'm smart enough to know that open marriages end horribly almost always. My "best friend" told me he was also uncomfortable with the idea, so I thought that was the end of it. A month later, I found out that he and my wife were having a sexual relationship behind my and his wife's back.

I was heartbroken and enraged. I devised a plot to murder my supposed best friend and his wife. My plan failed due to a single small miscalculation on my part. They were unharmed, but thousands of dollars of damage was caused to their property. There is zero evidence linking me to the crime. I'll never be caught.

Pastry of the Year posted:

I agree with you pretty much wholeheartedly and I hope anyone that actually feels that way (as opposed to the goon who copy-pasted it into an anonymous email service to watch us all scramble and wring our hands) suffers a tiny and painless and lethal aneurysm in their sleep.

Of course, they won't, and they don't, and they generally end up relatively powerful, because it's a pretty short hop from there to indifference to suffering humans. In person, anyway. Sociopathy isn't naturally selected against and I'm sure it's way harder - broadly speaking - for parents to accept that their foundling is a broken, selfish monster than it is for them to hand-wave away the suffering they'll inevitably cause.

quote:

my wife was date raped about half a year before we started dating. he invited himself to her room, forced himself on her despite her wishes with no protection, and came inside her. she told him if she ever saw him again, she'd call the police but never pressed charges. it obviously wasn't a pleasant experience for her, but it wasn't a traumatic one either - she has no ptsd or lasting emotional damage.

i "comforted" her about the situation by pressing for details, but it gets me excited. i think about him forcing himself on her while i gently caress her sometimes. i love her and don't like the idea of her being hurt, but i do like the idea of her making bad decisions and being taken advantage of.

i also like thinking about her with her exes and bring it up during sex sometimes, and i know it gets her excited too. i really wanna see her with another guy, but if she ever actually cheated on me i'd be devastated.

H.H posted:

I'm nearly thirty years old, I'm currently not dating and have no intention of doing so, I'm perfectly happy being single for now (and possibly for the rest of my life, depending on how things turn out).

Only there is SO MUCH SOCIAL PRESSURE for me to "find a nice girl and settle down", especially on my parent's part. Like every time I'm over at my parent's for Sunday lunch or whatever they're all like "When are you going to give us a grandchild?"

Also most of the people in my social circle are all "What you're thirty and you're not married yet" SHUT THE gently caress UP FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Sometimes I think about finding myself a girlfriend just to shut everybody up.

quote:

I'm nearly thirty years old, I'm currently not dating and have no intention of doing so, I'm perfectly happy being single for now (and possibly for the rest of my life, depending on how things turn out).

Only there is SO MUCH SOCIAL PRESSURE for me to "find a nice girl and settle down", especially on my parent's part. Like every time I'm over at my parent's for Sunday lunch or whatever they're all like "When are you going to give us a grandchild?"

Also most of the people in my social circle are all "What you're thirty and you're not married yet" SHUT THE gently caress UP FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Sometimes I think about finding myself a girlfriend just to shut everybody up.

H.H posted:

quote:
am perfectly normal in 99% of daily life, but have one weird obsession that is slowly starting to affect my life. I freaking love anonymous sex. "Okay" you say "That's not THAT weird."

The problem is I am 28 years old, male, recently married, and about to become the general manager of my father's auto dealership. My face will be on TV commercials, I am a pretty big deal in our small community. My wife has no idea about any of this, but she's dumb as hell and I only married her because I have a fetish for ditzy airheads and she fits it to a T.

My anonymous sex is purely for that fetish. I go to the sleaziest, most backwoods bars and dives you can. Hell, sometimes I just drive through trailer parks. I am average looking, but I have a lot of money, and I dress and act the part. I do this at least 3 nights a week, and sometimes call off work just to go do it for an entire day. I'm successful maybe 70% of the time in picking up some skank and doing whatever I want with her.

Here is why I'm worried about what's going to happen. My face WILL be on TV. These women WILL recognize me. And I never use protection. I'm been doing this since I was 23, so that's 5 years of anonymous unprotected sex. I started slow, but even at that, I've slept with a minimum of 250 women by my estimation. Of those, I figure at least 10 got pregnant. Of those 10, at least 1 kept the baby.

My life will be ruined the second a bastard child is revealed. My father is a very religious man and a big part of our car dealership is built on honestly and good Christian values. If I take over, I will destroy our customer base. My wife will leave me (I don't care except that's half my money). I take over the dealership in August. If I make it through January without any children popping up, I know I'm safe. If not, I've devised a way to kill myself and make it look like my wife did it.

H.H posted:

quote:

I see my confession is getting some attention. I am the original poster with the "monkey induced dark place" I think I called it in the previous thread. Not the one who runs the "poor baby monkey" group or whatever. You can find the youtube videos and read the comments if they are still up. I saved the best ones for myself. I also embarrassingly spelled them Monkies. As to the poster calling me a sociopath. I've been evaluated before, re: the whole hating monkeys. {snip} I wish I didn't have it, but like any disability, you get used to it.

BigBadSteve posted:

Sociopaths, and/or card-carrying assholes with sociopathic fantasies, piled high in this thread.

If this confession is fair dinkum, I hope that if you do snuff yourself in the way you describe, some goon reading the details of your death in the papers connects it with your post and outs you. Your fortuitously-bereaved Mrs and all her and your relatives can then piss on your grave. Or you could prostrate yourself now and ask the good Lord, whether or not you believe in Him, to fill you with the true Spirits of Empathy, Repentance, and Positive Change. Or failing that, fuckin' do us all a favour and kill yourself now.

BigBadSteve posted:

OK, you sound much more palatable than the fake-monkey-torturer troll-riffing-on-you I whose post fooled me. I certainly don't wish death on you, based on what you say here. But take a tip, stay off monkey videos!

And you'd better not read that excellent horror short story (I forget the title) where they evil stuffed monkey toy sneers and claps it's cymbals every time a person's gonna die, CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANNNNNGGGGGG!!!!

Better stay clear of the ape cage at the zoo too, in case you decide to teach an ape a lesson and it bites off your nose.

quote:

I'm constantly depressed and I probably think of killing myself every day.  I have a good job, wife, and children, but none of it makes me happy.  I smoke, drink heavily, and don't take care of myself because spending more time alive than I absolutely have too seems intolerable.  I wish I was dead.

H.H posted:

H.H posted:

Kitchner posted:

I'd bet good money that about half of these are fake.

Apart from the Kane/Stone Cold ones obviously.

Soho Joe posted:

hey stop telling us about how wretched your life is and how you wouldn't try very hard to avoid an incoming train

tell us about the time you farted in your grandmother-in-law's face at her 80th birthday on accident and she screamed and fell off the couch and broke her hip or how you purposely sat in the back row in college to stare at this one girl's thong for 50 minutes a day and failed the class

H.H posted:

quote:

I'm constantly depressed and I probably think of killing myself every day. I have a good job, wife, and children, but none of it makes me happy. I smoke, drink heavily, and don't take care of myself because spending more time alive than I absolutely have too seems intolerable. I wish I was dead.

shelley posted:

Here is an actual confession: this one time I poured whiskey into a soda bottle and drank in class.

I failed that class