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Madcosby
Mar 4, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
Holy poo poo.

Ready Player One may be the worst novel ever published. It's written by a goon or probably that kid who shot up everyone because he was a virgin.

It's about a post-apocalyptic future where Facebook, Amazon World of Warcraft and the Oculus Rift have merged into one big internet. Everyone is online, and you can shop, go up levels grinding boars, equip plasma rifles, vote in elections and play MAME cabinet games. The creator adds an easter egg, and whoever finds this easter egg gets control of the company, a la Willy Wonka. Note, that the company is public, which the author mentions to explain how successful they are because of their stock price, yet control of the company can be obtained by playing the game. Ya, that stock must be soaring.

The author is a video game and 80s film sperglord who thinks reciting lines from Monty Python's Holy Grail is the epitome of hilarity. The story is constantly interrupted by the author's terribly tumblr-inspired opinions on religion, social conditioning, and equality. Descriptions of characters read like medical autopsy reports. He informs us that the female protagonist is 168 pounds. A big shocker in the story is that someone who we think is a male character turns out to be a big black african american woman. I'm pretty sure that's the actual quote from the book.

The vitriol towards religion is pointlessly added and interrupts the story unneccesarily. The easter egg hunters know the creator loved the Indiana Jones movies, yet when one clue towards the treasure also includes three words that appear in a verse from the Bible, they instantly dismiss the Bible reference because "[The Creator] was an athiest, anyone looking for help in the Bible is a MORON".

The author constantly goes into non-sequitors that constantly contradict the story. He mentions that the US government in the future is obsolete, but later points out that he voted for Will Wheaton for US Senate. Also the end of the book has the evil CEO villain arrested by the Feds, about ten pages after the author mentions that the FBI is "organizing deck chairs on the Titanic"

This may be the shittiest book ever written. It's like The Room, but for movies.

Now admit you wrote it

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Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here
It was me.

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

i can't really say tl;dr cause it's not that long but i sure as gently caress didn't read

fuck the ROW
Aug 29, 2008

by zen death robot
goon authors are like assholes: everyone's got one and they write about rape alot even tho no one has ever touched their junk

basement jihadist
Oct 3, 2002

better writing than the OP!

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

the gamefaqs spinoff luelinks "eti"

basement jihadist
Oct 3, 2002

i actually wrote Schindler's List.... this thread did not make it

Ancient Mariner
Jan 14, 2015

by Lowtax

Madcosby posted:

Holy poo poo.

Ready Player One may be the worst novel ever published. It's written by a goon or probably that kid who shot up everyone because he was a virgin.

It's about a post-apocalyptic future where Facebook, Amazon World of Warcraft and the Oculus Rift have merged into one big internet. Everyone is online, and you can shop, go up levels grinding boars, equip plasma rifles, vote in elections and play MAME cabinet games. The creator adds an easter egg, and whoever finds this easter egg gets control of the company, a la Willy Wonka. Note, that the company is public, which the author mentions to explain how successful they are because of their stock price, yet control of the company can be obtained by playing the game. Ya, that stock must be soaring.

The author is a video game and 80s film sperglord who thinks reciting lines from Monty Python's Holy Grail is the epitome of hilarity. The story is constantly interrupted by the author's terribly tumblr-inspired opinions on religion, social conditioning, and equality. Descriptions of characters read like medical autopsy reports. He informs us that the female protagonist is 168 pounds. A big shocker in the story is that someone who we think is a male character turns out to be a big black african american woman. I'm pretty sure that's the actual quote from the book.

The vitriol towards religion is pointlessly added and interrupts the story unneccesarily. The easter egg hunters know the creator loved the Indiana Jones movies, yet when one clue towards the treasure also includes three words that appear in a verse from the Bible, they instantly dismiss the Bible reference because "[The Creator] was an athiest, anyone looking for help in the Bible is a MORON".

The author constantly goes into non-sequitors that constantly contradict the story. He mentions that the US government in the future is obsolete, but later points out that he voted for Will Wheaton for US Senate. Also the end of the book has the evil CEO villain arrested by the Feds, about ten pages after the author mentions that the FBI is "organizing deck chairs on the Titanic"

This may be the shittiest book ever written. It's like The Room, but for movies.

Now admit you wrote it

if you're going to mention my work at least give me credit for it.

Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.





Let me link you to my patreon account.

JimsonTheBetrayer
Oct 13, 2010

Game's over, and fuck you Jimson. It's not my fault that you guys couldn't get your shit together by deadline. No one gets access to docs because I don't fucking care anymore, I hope you all enjoyed ruining my game, and there won't be another.
I wrote it, while cramming my maw with pain killers. I have yet to die, someone please end this life, a life lasting forever, but never truly lived.

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum
i read that too because it was popular on the kindle store

it was definitely written by a goon

ghlbtsk
Apr 19, 2005

these bath mats
are
GORGEOUS
I thought is read like lousy fanfic, but I understood many of the references so it was just entertaining enough to finish.
As soon as I saw an interview with the author though, I decided to ignore everything he does in the future and rename him Irritation Incarnate.

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

oh look, it's the huge wall of bad text i ordered. can't wait to give it my full undivided attention.

Madcosby
Mar 4, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

jackyl posted:

i read that too because it was popular on the kindle store

it was definitely written by a goon

that's why i read it

sometimes, when I dont know what to read, I go to the top books on the kindle store

I've read some terrible things

Ready Player One literally is the worst

Jabronie
Jun 4, 2011

In an investigation, details matter.
i don't know op... that's a lot of words too read.. sorry

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007
now read all of fallout equestria and feign disdain. you are the fucker dumb enough to have read the entire book and now you are complaining that after deliberately shoving giant turds down your throat you can taste poo.

kill yourself, op. im not being ironic, i literally want you to be useful for the first time in your life by feeding worms.

Madcosby
Mar 4, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

ghlbtsk posted:

I thought is read like lousy fanfic, but I understood many of the references so it was just entertaining enough to finish.
As soon as I saw an interview with the author though, I decided to ignore everything he does in the future and rename him Irritation Incarnate.

haha, I never even bothered to look him up, until now

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
I wrote chapters 13, 47, 56, 139, and 202 of fallout: equstria, and also the entirety of Being and Nothingness.

fuck the ROW
Aug 29, 2008

by zen death robot

Madcosby posted:

haha, I never even bothered to look him up, until now


Jesus

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod


no, it was me. i wrote ready player one.

TNG
Jan 4, 2001

by Lowtax
I actually wrote the entirety of Infinite Jest when I was a small child.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Madcosby posted:

haha, I never even bothered to look him up, until now


you.jpg

Madcosby
Mar 4, 2003

by FactsAreUseless


and today




Nice jacket

TNG
Jan 4, 2001

by Lowtax
God, you could probably get cancer from all that nerd concentrated in one place.

Torquemada
Oct 21, 2010

Drei Gläser
I didn't write it but I did read it and got all of the references except the 'Rush' poo poo at the end cos idgaf about Rush

Stick Figure Mafia
Dec 11, 2004

Madcosby posted:

haha, I never even bothered to look him up, until now


lol
him and the guys at boingboing get together at the xkcd house and swap steampunk accessories.

FormerPoster
Aug 5, 2004

Hair Elf

Madcosby posted:



and today




Nice jacket

lmao well at least he got a photo in before martin ate him

Madcosby
Mar 4, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
The "apocalypse" takes place because the world has almost run out of fossil fuels which leads to food scarcity, and the streets aren't safe due to bandits attacking people all the time.

A few chapters later the author tells us how the main character lives off of pizza deliveries and microwave brownies. In a world of food scarcity, he gets delivery.

Bodyholes
Jun 30, 2005

Madcosby posted:

The author is a video game and 80s film sperglord who thinks reciting lines from Monty Python's Holy Grail is the epitome of hilarity.

to be fair, it is the epitome of hilarity--the first time you see it. it is unironically one of the funniest movies ever made. it's just been overexposed because it was so good that now nobody can ever find it funny again and any grown rear end group of men who quote it deserve to be punched in the face

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord

Madcosby posted:

Holy poo poo.

Ready Player One may be the worst novel ever published. It's written by a goon or probably that kid who shot up everyone because he was a virgin.

It's about a post-apocalyptic future where Facebook, Amazon World of Warcraft and the Oculus Rift have merged into one big internet. Everyone is online, and you can shop, go up levels grinding boars, equip plasma rifles, vote in elections and play MAME cabinet games. The creator adds an easter egg, and whoever finds this easter egg gets control of the company, a la Willy Wonka. Note, that the company is public, which the author mentions to explain how successful they are because of their stock price, yet control of the company can be obtained by playing the game. Ya, that stock must be soaring.

The author is a video game and 80s film sperglord who thinks reciting lines from Monty Python's Holy Grail is the epitome of hilarity. The story is constantly interrupted by the author's terribly tumblr-inspired opinions on religion, social conditioning, and equality. Descriptions of characters read like medical autopsy reports. He informs us that the female protagonist is 168 pounds. A big shocker in the story is that someone who we think is a male character turns out to be a big black african american woman. I'm pretty sure that's the actual quote from the book.

The vitriol towards religion is pointlessly added and interrupts the story unneccesarily. The easter egg hunters know the creator loved the Indiana Jones movies, yet when one clue towards the treasure also includes three words that appear in a verse from the Bible, they instantly dismiss the Bible reference because "[The Creator] was an athiest, anyone looking for help in the Bible is a MORON".

The author constantly goes into non-sequitors that constantly contradict the story. He mentions that the US government in the future is obsolete, but later points out that he voted for Will Wheaton for US Senate. Also the end of the book has the evil CEO villain arrested by the Feds, about ten pages after the author mentions that the FBI is "organizing deck chairs on the Titanic"

This may be the shittiest book ever written. It's like The Room, but for movies.

Now admit you wrote it

Wow, Tolstoy, nice first draft of your next novel.

Madcosby
Mar 4, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Mental-Rectangle posted:

to be fair, it is the epitome of hilarity--the first time you see it. it is unironically one of the funniest movies ever made. it's just been overexposed because it was so good that now nobody can ever find it funny again and any grown rear end group of men who quote it deserve to be punched in the face

the climax of the book involves the main character having to recite every line from The Holy Grail, while the evil villain must do the same. The first person to succeed wins the company.

This is literally the climax of the book.

The author seems to forget that the main character gets there first, so has a head start, and therefore the climax has no way of going bad for the protagonist because they both have to recite the movie linearly, while having access to the internet. Also the climax is "broadcast live" so one person can just watch the other person do the same thing then repeat it

the writing is terrible

edit: the author also goes off on a tangent to tell us that the person who patented "recite lines from movies" is now rich because reciting lines from movies is the best video game ever

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
I won't vote to send Will Wheton to the senate, but I might vote for him if he ran to be a house representative

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

posting in a thread

Bodyholes
Jun 30, 2005

Madcosby posted:

the climax of the book involves the main character having to recite every line from The Holy Grail, while the evil villain must do the same. The first person to succeed, wins the company.

This is literally the climax of the book.

The author seems to forget that the main character gets there first, so has a head start, and therefore the climax has no way of going bad for the protagonist because they both have to recite the movie linearly, while having access to the internet. Also the climax is "broadcast live" so one person can just watch the other person do the same thing then repeat it

the writing is terrible

that's a pretty dumb challenge probably anyone on the internet could do that. he should've picked something harder

like reciting all of baron von munchhausen

This Charming Goat
Sep 5, 2012
He was in Atari Game Over and in a documentary full of unbearable people he held his own.

Libelous Slander
May 1, 2009

... you're just creepy ...

Mr. Pumroy posted:

the gamefaqs spinoff luelinks "eti"

ghlbtsk
Apr 19, 2005

these bath mats
are
GORGEOUS

ghlbtsk posted:

I thought is read like lousy fanfic, but I understood many of the references so it was just entertaining enough to finish.
As soon as I saw an interview with the author though, I decided to ignore everything he does in the future and rename him Irritation Incarnate.

This Charming Goat posted:

He was in Atari Game Over and in a documentary full of unbearable people he held his own.
Yes, that's the interview i was referring to.

EL BROMANCE
Jun 10, 2006

COWABUNGA DUDES!
🥷🐢😬



they give it away with one of those garbage loot crate things idiots buy, so that says everything

penus penus penus
Nov 9, 2014

by piss__donald
so did you read this idiotic book OP

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fuck the ROW
Aug 29, 2008

by zen death robot
Title: Ready Plaper One
Genre: Erotica, Self publish

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