Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
huskarl_marx
Oct 13, 2013

by zen death robot
I live in flyover country so animals are just a fact of life here, so I've trapped and killed lots of pests and I've committed euthanasia on several occasions unto ill animals for whom I cared greatly

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Shirley Crabtree
Aug 8, 2012
stuck a pigeon up my arse

gizmojumpjet
Feb 21, 2006

Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill. Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt.
Grimey Drawer
I was on the freeway a few years ago and the people in the car in front of me had a cat and the cat jumped out of the open window and then bip bip I ran right over that cat.

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
a parrot bit me in the finger once, so i hit it over the head with a TV remote to make it let go. drat parrot squeaks at me every time i pass his cage, little rear end in a top hat

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 2 years!
birds are really bad pets and an instant red flag

kinda like horses

Keg
Sep 22, 2014

Fetus Tree posted:

naw OP made this thread because he is literally autistic and is unable to tell when people are kidding about actually feeding their dog to coyotes.

tis why he also went into a thread i made and proclaimed to it how fetus tree is a poo poo poster that says hosed up things, something that literally only he is surprised about

It was your dad's dog, and I made this thread because a good way to get GBS to admit to embarrassing things is to ask them to admit to embarrassing things. It's very low level trolling, because GBS is the lowest hanging fruit of the entire internet. Also, people will continue to admit to hitting their pets even after reading this post, because every GBS lives under a black cloud and has a sickness of the mind.

Keg fucked around with this message at 18:46 on Jun 24, 2015

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 2 years!

Keg posted:

It was your dad's dog.

actually more accurately it was his dead wife's children's dog. he sent them back to their native country when the wife died, though. kept the dog for whatever reason.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
I never, ever harm animals unless they're a threat to me. I even left the wasps nests that are inside my doorframe because they have not stung me yet.

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 2 years!

Keg posted:

It was your dad's dog, and I made this thread because a good way to get GBS to admit to embarrassing things is to ask them to admit to embarrassing things. It's very low level trolling, because GBS is the lowest hanging fruit of the entire internet. Also, people will continue to admit to hitting their pets even after reading this post, because every GBS lives under a black cloud and has a sickness of the mind.

right, sure, you're trolling GBS real hard.

I think you might consider taking a look at the tone of the thread and reconsidering whatever level of puppet mastery you think you've achieved lol.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
i yelled at a bee once
flew off like a bitch

Keg
Sep 22, 2014

Fetus Tree posted:

right, sure, you're trolling GBS real hard.

I think you might consider taking a look at the tone of the thread and reconsidering whatever level of puppet mastery you think you've achieved lol.

You're not mentally well, please see a doctor.

Infinite Karma
Oct 23, 2004
Good as dead





well i started off just killing animals, it was good practice

JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy
This is a question they ask for compatibility matching on OKCupid:

quote:

Imagine you're on your way home after a very successful first date, when your date suddenly speeds up to try to hit an animal crossing the road. Is a second date in your future?

Matey
Mar 28, 2008

eat food

KEG VS. FETUS TREE

ROUND 2

FIGHT

JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy

Keg posted:

It was your dad's dog, and I made this thread because a good way to get GBS to admit to embarrassing things is to ask them to admit to embarrassing things. It's very low level trolling, because GBS is the lowest hanging fruit of the entire internet. Also, people will continue to admit to hitting their pets even after reading this post, because every GBS lives under a black cloud and has a sickness of the mind.

lol what?

JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy
I need all background information please before I can render my verdict

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 2 years!

JakeP posted:

I need all background information please before I can render my verdict

he literally made a thread bc i said i wanted to feed my dads dog to a coyote

Commie NedFlanders
Mar 8, 2014

I call my dogs rude names sometimes when they are being bad little shitheads

JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy

Fetus Tree posted:

he literally made a thread bc i said i wanted to feed my dads dog to a coyote

hmm interesting interesting. I feel like i need more information.

Was your dog alive/dead at the time

How hungry was the Coyote (would it have died if you did not feed it your dog)?

Follow up to the last question, if the Coyote would have died if it had not eaten your dog, which animal was currently more healthy and had a more important function in life?

I mean if the Coyote is also a doctor at a childrens hospital, and is dying of hunger, and the dog is a child molester, than I say you were in the right to feed your dog to the Coyote.

JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy
Keg what do you have against Coyotes? Animal cruelty is not okay mister

Infinite Karma
Oct 23, 2004
Good as dead





i killed about four hundred crabs one summer afternoon by smashing them with a maglite. i had to stop after the maglite was too covered in crab guts and slipped out of my hand and flew into the bay. boy was that embarrassing to tell my dad about how i lost the flashlight!

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 2 years!

JakeP posted:

hmm interesting interesting. I feel like i need more information.

Was your dog alive/dead at the time

How hungry was the Coyote (would it have died if you did not feed it your dog)?

Follow up to the last question, if the Coyote would have died if it had not eaten your dog, which animal was currently more healthy and had a more important function in life?

I mean if the Coyote is also a doctor at a childrens hospital, and is dying of hunger, and the dog is a child molester, than I say you were in the right to feed your dog to the Coyote.

dog was alive ofc, coyote deserve good meals too imo

Matey
Mar 28, 2008

eat food



KEG VS. FETUS TREE

GET UR TICKETS HERE FOLKS

Commie NedFlanders
Mar 8, 2014

My stupid rear end bad cat bit my finger like a month ago like she chomped down hard because I was trying to move her and she was reluctant. I have 2 excitable dogs too so I didn't want to freak out because the dogs would start barking and the cat would get more agitated. Honestly my survival instinct was to beat the poo poo out of the cat like punch her stupid whisker face because she got my index finger between two long point teeth one tooth was pressing right in the center of my finger print swirl the other was placed firmly at the center of my finger nail and she slowly oh so slowly like it felt like a whole minute she squeezed her jaws down and I felt her teeth pierce my skin and plunge into my flesh then I felt my fingernail give as her tooth shot through the nail .

I didn't actually want to hit her or flail her around because now she was stuck in my finger and I didn't want to get my dogs riled up because they would chase her if they think she's attacking me so I basically stood there and took it like a sad champ and I felt those two needles close into my flesh from the top and the bottom.

When she finally let go I had s wicked gross hole an actual piercing right through the my finger nail and a big splotch of blood under the nail and my fingertip had a regular flesh hole.

Okay so that was like a month ago and the nail has been slowly growing out and the big ugly blood splotch has been slowly pushing it's way to the tip of the nail it's finally at the end

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien
I am going to kill all mosquitoes

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien
I will be the hitler of mosquitoes

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 2 years!

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

I am going to kill all mosquitoes

just start raising bats

E: also lol i dont consider myself to have any particular rivalry with Keg, i do think he might be on the wrong forums tho

Commie NedFlanders
Mar 8, 2014

I don't really like to kill bugs like I did when I was a bad lil boy so these days I norms,lay capture and release bugs or pests when I find them in my house but recently we've had what seems like a population boom of spiders and I don't gently caress wth arachnids so I've been squishing them on sight

Incomplete Fish
Apr 22, 2006

Grimey Drawer
I've always figured that there was a correlation between animal abuse and autism. Thanks thread.

edit: i stomp the poo poo out of spiders. that is more because of an illogical fear of them than anything else. something with that many legs has to be up to no good you know?

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien
I think I may start by getting the male mosquitoes very interested in MRA ideology, specifically Men Going their own way. Then, they will be unable to reproduce, unless the females sperm jack them some how. Haven't thought that far ahead tbh

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien
Or, I could find some way to make all of the female mosquitoes gay, thus causing the male mosquitoes to become what scientists refer to as "incel"

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien

Incomplete Fish posted:

I've always figured that there was a correlation between animal abuse and autism. Thanks thread.

edit: i stomp the poo poo out of spiders. that is more because of an illogical fear of them than anything else. something with that many legs has to be up to no good you know?

If spiders were much larger, they could be great bartenders

Incomplete Fish
Apr 22, 2006

Grimey Drawer

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

If spiders were much larger, they could be great bartenders

That is a good point. I'm not racist but I probably would not frequent an establishment with a spider as a bartender, though.

Infinite Karma
Oct 23, 2004
Good as dead





once my cat caught a grasshopper but didn't kill it. she just batted it around and stopped it from escaping. she caught it by the big legs first, and she pulled them off, then the rest of the legs, one by one. it was amusing to watch the grasshopper try to hop away without the big strong legs - it didn't seem to know they were missing and just twitched up and down without going anywhere. after an hour of toying with the grasshopper, she finally left it there to die with no legs and both wings removed. i tried to give her rewards to train this behavior in the future, but she never did it again.

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 2 years!

Incomplete Fish posted:

That is a good point. I'm not racist but I probably would not frequent an establishment with a spider as a bartender, though.

the world doesnt need more black widows

scuba school sucks
Aug 30, 2012

The brilliance of my posting illuminates the forums like a jar of shining gold when all around is dark
I shoot pigs all the time and about once a month I decapitate a rattlesnake or pygmy rattler with a shovel. That counts, right? I wish I'd had my gun this morning, I saw a dozen hogs while going out to the jobsite and I coulda totally got a couple of them.

Once I punched a horse in the face. I was climbing over a fence with a bucket of feed and the horse bit me in the rear end hard enough to draw blood as well as rip the rear end out of my pants, right in front of the boss's wife too. I got down off that fence and hit that horse full in the mouth with an overhand right haymaker as hard as I could. It probably would have put most men on the ground but the horse just shook his head and backed off a couple of feet. You know, you think of a dude hitting a horse as "animal cruelty" but horses kick each other all the time and a good-sized horse has as much muscle in one leg as you do in your whole body.

Bulls, right? You know, male cows? Well, bulls have to learn respect for you before they'll do what you tell them. You try to move cows from one pasture to another, if the bull doesn't recognize you, he believes that you're a threat to his women so he'll try to kill you. If a bull tosses his head up and down, he's threatening you but probably won't try to kill you. If he tries to push you into an obstacle with his shoulder, that is a serious attempt to hurt you and the proper way to respond to that is to hit the bull with the biggest thing you can find, if you break a 2x4 over his head he'll probably get the point.

Spiders make horrible bartenders because they always short-change you. They just can't help themselves, it's in a spider's nature to pocket your change instead of handing it back. They also cheat at cards and pocket everybody else's tips.

Lawman 0
Aug 17, 2010

JakeP posted:

This is a question they ask for compatibility matching on OKCupid:

I'm gonna go look for this question and use it as my deal-breaker question now.

Virginia Slams
Nov 17, 2012
I snapped a squirrels neck once it was surprisingly tough to do

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
I punched myself in the face once because my cousin had his hand on my face then moved it out of the way

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Falukorv
Jun 23, 2013

A funny little mouse!
I wringed the neck of a jackdaw once, it was badly injured so more like euthanasia, but i felt horrible. Only time i've killed a higher animal.

Otherwise i fish, and kill annoying insects from time to time.

Also i'm not a vegetarian, so indirectly i'm hurting animals.

  • Locked thread