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 NEXT? Hey buddy, wait your turn. NEXT? Not you. NEXT? All right sunshine, welcome to the federal Bureau of Consular Affairs, home of the official Gameday Thread for UFC Fight Night 70: Machida vs. Romero, 10 p.m. ET Saturday, June 27 on Fox Sports 1. Yeah, so it's not the card you were expecting. Look buddy, I don't know what else to tell ya. The whole drat computer system's been on the fritz for weeks now and we just couldn't get any visas out. What are you complaining about anyway? Most of those TUF Brazil finale fights were gonna be garbage anyway. “Oh boo hoo I don't get to see Erick Silva vs. Rick Story!” Buddy, they don't even let ME watch Erick Silva vs. Rick Story. “Baww, it's not even in the real Hollywood!” Well if they decide to move a card stateside on short notice where the hell else do they think they're gonna land? Florida's where we send all the unannounced questionable visitors. “Waah, with Fox Sport's pacing and only nine fights on the card this is gonna draaaaaag!” Welcome to federal efficiency, fella. Complaint cards are on the table behind you, please allow 6-8 weeks for processing. Anyway, my boss' boss is furious about this whole thing and she's got my boss on the horn catching hell and now he's taking it out on me and — look, I'm just small fry around here, all right? Anyway, they want me doing the GDT for this shitshow to keep you schmucks happy, so here we go. Middleweight  Lyoto Machida vs.  Yoel Romero Look, we can get into a pissing contest all day about whose fault this system screw-up is, but at the end of the day when one of us shits the bed, we all gotta lie in it. Lyoto Machida's fighting on a quick turnaround and after one of the most devastating losses in his career, so he's thirsty to come out and make a statement. Getting his rear end whooped by Luke Rockhold in April has a lot of folks talking about if maybe the former light heavyweight champion and recent middleweight contender is done for. After all, he's getting beat up a lot lately, he's 37 and his style is reflex-based. Hey, maybe he is, maybe he isn't. That's above my paygrade. All I know is if you're coming at him and you aren't careful, he's gonna be dangerous no matter what. There was a time I didn't have to worry about giving visas to the Cubanos, but el Presidente wants to go and normalize relations now. Look that's well and good, buddy, but you know how much more work that's made for me? I only got so many hours in the day and this pissant federal insurance plan assumes carpal tunnel is a pre-existing condition. You believe this? Anyway, Yoel Romero is on a five-fight win streak which is pretty rare these days at middleweight. That said, his last win smelled to high heaven. (His third UFC win did too, but for different reasons.) The former Olympian's been lookin' real good overall in there, but Machida is his biggest test. That said, Machida got a mouthful of somethin' else last time he fought a big muscular wrestler with aggressive forward movement and a disregard for his own well-being, so let's see what happens. Welterweight  Santiago Ponzinibbio vs.  Lorenz Larkin See, this is why you get your paperwork in on time. You don't get uneccessary delays, you actually get to fight, the Bureau staff loves you for not being yet another pain in our collective rear end during the rush season. Everybody wins. Except for that Buffer fella, he's gonna have a helluva time pronouncing this one. Ponzinibbio is an Argentine but he fought on TUF Brazil 2. They don't even make us actually watch TUF Brazil, so I have no clue how he did. His fights since then have been varying levels of forgettable, minus knocking out Oliveira No. 3. Lorenz Larkin was the last person to beat welterweight champ Robbie Lawler before that actually meant half a drat, and boy didn't it cuz he's looked like poo poo. His own personal welterweight debut snapped a 2-4 skid with a performance of the night TKO over John Howard, so maybe he's pulled it together and is finally at the right weight class. Middleweight  Antônio Carlos Júnior vs.  Eddie Gordon Face Shoe vs. Weidman's special-needs friend. Helluva fight, I can't wait. Middleweight  Thiago Santos vs.  Steve Bossé Nah it's not that Thiago. It's not that Santos either. You know I've filed more work visas for Brazilians than I'd ever care to count but I don't think I've written more than 12 names? I think everyone has that combination of those 12 names too, just in different orders. Anyway, this guy was also on TUF Brazil 2 and has floundered, losing to a man whose toe was literally forming a right angle but also wrecking Andy Enz and Ronny Markes. He's looking to make it two in a row for the first time in his UFC career. Bosse's a Canadian former hockey player who joined the UFC, retired, rejoined the UFC, got removed from his short-notice fight and now rides again, triumphant and cornrowed. He's on a long streak against B-league names including 2005 Heavyweight Prospects Wes Sims and Houston Alexander. It's his UFC debut and his first fight in a few years in a new weight class. Expect great things out of this one, a real guy to watch. Featherweight  Hacran Dias vs.  Levan Makashvili Hacran Dias was almost another Ultimate Fighter Brazil alum but ultimately skipped the show for a midgrade contract, which is probably for the better. He's actually had a shitton of fights but is 2-2 on the big stage, dropping important decisions to Nik Lentz and Ricardo Lamas. Getting wrestled by those guys isn't too shameful though. Levan wears his war wound like a crown. He calls his child Jesús. Sorry about that buddy, you know they get this big expensive satellite radio subscription but all the station ever plays in the waiting lobby is '70s schlock?I hear that goddamn song at least three times a day. Thank god no one on this card is named Tennille or I'd have a fuckin' aneurysm, and you know that poo poo ain't covered. Anyway, this guy hasn't had much of a career and he won his UFC debut in a split decision against Mark Eddiva, enough said. OTHER PISS AND poo poo YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO WATCH BECAUSE IT IS ON A CHANNEL THAT DOES NOT EXIST Prelims, 8 p.m. ET Fox Sports 2 Welterweight Alex Oliveira vs. Joe Merritt Welterweight Leandro Silva vs. Lewis Gonzalez Welterweight Steve Montgomery vs. Tony Sims Bantamweight Danny Martinez vs. Sirwan Kakai Official Weigh-In, 5 p.m. ET Friday, June 26 http://www.ufc.com/media/fight-night-hollywood-official-weigh-in OFFICIAL MMA SNACK RATING:/ FISH CARTUCHO AL GABUSHO, Chef Gabriel of Florida's submission to the letsmove.gov kids cookbook 2014 edition  I swear to god it's all Michelle Obama lets us eat anymore, I've gotta sneak my wife's goddamn meatloaf in the car on my smoke break Ingredients 15-inch sheet of parchment paper ½ lemon, sliced 5 ounces mahimahi fillet ½ tablespoon butter ½ tablespoon olive oil Pinch salt and pepper 1 small Yukon Gold potato, chopped ¼ cup cherry tomatoes, chopped ¼ cup mushrooms, chopped 1 twig parsley 1 twig oregano Steamed brown rice (optional) Preparation Preheat oven to 400°F. Fold the paper in half and trim with scissors to make a heart shape when unfolded. On one half of the parchment heart place half the lemon slices, the fish, butter, and olive oil, and season with salt and pepper. Pile on the remaining lemon, potatoes, tomatoes, mushrooms, parsley, and oregano. Fold the parchment paper over and fold in the ends all around, creating a pouch that lies on its side. Place on a baking sheet and bake for 20 minutes or until the fish is flaky and potatoes are tender. Serve with brown rice, if desired. And don't forget to make your picks in goonweight, if and when they should become available!
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Jun 26, 2015 02:28
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Sadly I'm going to miss this one but at least I can watch it later if Machida wins.
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Jun 26, 2015 02:41
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There are no more pre-existing conditions. Thanks, Obama! Otherwise, solid.
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Jun 26, 2015 02:46
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This card sucks but the main event is delish
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Jun 26, 2015 03:07
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Tiny cage tonight FIGHTNOMICS
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Jun 27, 2015 22:17
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That you have many more finishes even with smaller fighters is very telling.
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Jun 27, 2015 22:21
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Every time I hear about Thiago Santos I get really disappointed that it's not the super fat one who was raised in poverty and didn't know how dieting worked who committed, as well as received, an all time great dick kick.
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Jun 27, 2015 23:04
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Lost For Words posted:Tiny cage tonight the tiny cage is not fightnomically viable
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Jun 27, 2015 23:51
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quote:Nah it's not that Thiago. It's not that Santos either. 
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Jun 28, 2015 00:13
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That one is too busy getting knocked the gently caress out by short-notice no-names in World Series of Fighting to appear on even this, a bad Floridian TV card.
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Jun 28, 2015 00:15
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why dont we make the cage even smaller
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Jun 28, 2015 00:18
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Get your picks in for this wonderful card http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?noseen=0&threadid=3721325&perpage=40&pagenumber=2#post447030164
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Jun 28, 2015 00:18
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lets make it smaller, and instead of a cage, lets make it a pit, with sloped sides
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Jun 28, 2015 00:19
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Why did they decide on the smaller cage?
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Jun 28, 2015 00:25
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Bundt Cake posted:lets make it smaller, and instead of a cage, lets make it a pit, with sloped sides by my calculations this should make the finish rate around 97%
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Jun 28, 2015 00:26
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Bundt Cake posted:lets make it smaller, and instead of a cage, lets make it a pit, with sloped sides Make the pit of polished steel with the walls coated in a slick, viscous oil. If a finish is not completed after three rounds, an escape rope will be dangled over the center of the pit and the oil will be ignited. The escape rope will raise slowly and, should one or more fighters not reach in time, their ashes will be collected into a trough below the pit via trap doors and professionals known as "sweepmen." I have sketches of the troughs, of course.
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Jun 28, 2015 00:35
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"And here comes fan favorite sweepman Scrapes and, oh, he's got his putty knife!" "That's right, Joe, it looks like Dennis Bermudez burnt away clean, but his shorts melted into the grooves of the pit. This might take a few minutes, let's look back at our Fram Cam replay!" "There's Bermudez getting kicked off the rope by Diego Brandao, right into the burning Fram synthetic! I imagine that hurt like nothing else he's ever felt, before not hurting anymore at all, forever."
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Jun 28, 2015 00:42
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Call him Sirwan Sirwan, because this is an assassination. 
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Jun 28, 2015 01:11
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Hell of a round if anyone is actually watching this.
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Jun 28, 2015 01:11
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They both have pretty bad defense, but that was a fun round to watch.
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Jun 28, 2015 01:12
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Devoz posted:They both have pretty bad defense, but that was a fun round to watch. Yeah I'm interested in how their strikes landed % stacked up, because neither guy knows how to move his head at all. Almost everything that is thrown is landing.
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Jun 28, 2015 01:13
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Kurd finds a whey to win
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Jun 28, 2015 01:25
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holy poo poo he punched that dude's soul out of his body
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Jun 28, 2015 01:42
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oh my goodness
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Jun 28, 2015 01:42
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Yeah, thats obviously a good stop
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Jun 28, 2015 01:43
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That was cool.
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Jun 28, 2015 01:43
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That finish looks nice and brutal in slow mo.
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Jun 28, 2015 01:44
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the chasing temple windmill that actually lands is the superman punch of the mini octagon
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Jun 28, 2015 01:44
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So this is my first sighting of freakie steve since his seizure in the TUF house. Ouch.
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Jun 28, 2015 01:46
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Does Fox Sports 1 switch to this halfway through a football match or does the card stay on FS2? Because right now, I see England vs. Canada on FS1
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Jun 28, 2015 01:51
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Edit: ignore me
Tezcatlipoca fucked around with this message at 01:59 on Jun 28, 2015 |
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Jun 28, 2015 01:52
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The FS1 portion of the card is at 10PM EST/7PM PST
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Jun 28, 2015 01:55
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ah yes the clinch hammerfist to the thigh, truly the king of striking techniques
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Jun 28, 2015 02:02
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Belle Isle Tech posted:The FS1 portion of the card is at 10PM EST/7PM PST Right, I somehow had it in my head that the prelims were only an hour and I'd already missed most of them, disregard. How have the fights been so far?
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Jun 28, 2015 02:03
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Gonzalez is slowing down dramatically already, the way he's throwing punches is so lethargic e: hey cool escape there Schenck v. U.S. fucked around with this message at 02:10 on Jun 28, 2015 |
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Jun 28, 2015 02:08
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Gonzalez is really good at taking instruction. He seems too exhausted to capitalize on anything though.
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Jun 28, 2015 02:11
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That was the worst spinning backfist I've ever seen.
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Jun 28, 2015 02:13
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Tezcatlipoca posted:Gonzalez is really good at taking instruction. He's obviously incredibly tired, though. He is in all kinds of trouble now for this third round. e: nm Schenck v. U.S. fucked around with this message at 02:19 on Jun 28, 2015 |
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Jun 28, 2015 02:13
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EvanSchenck posted:He's obviously incredibly tired, though. He is in all kinds of trouble now for this third round. Yeah but Silva is really bad so we got that round instead.
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Jun 28, 2015 02:18
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Tezcatlipoca posted:Yeah but Silva is really bad so we got that round instead. I'm really unimpressed by Leandro Silva. Gonzalez was plainly gassing at the end of the first round, and IMO Silva somehow managed to give up the third. Turd. I have R1 and R3 for Gonzalez. e: the decision... uh? I'm far enough off that I suspect I might be the idiot here. Calls for more drink.
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Jun 28, 2015 02:20
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