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I had five people tell me to "have a nice holiday" as I was leaving work today. "So when did you start hating America?" I retorted. "It's not a 'holiday', it's Independence Day. You know: the reason you're standing here today and not praising Chairman Mao while toiling away in the rice mines of Southern New China. I suppose you're all going to turn your backs on the Founding Fathers by doing something completely unrelated like pool parties, barbecues and fireworks. Every true American knows the proper way to honor the origins of the greatest nation that has ever existed on Earth: First, contract gout, syphilis and dysentery and do whatever necessary to give yourself an excruciating toothache. Next, dress in several layers of the densest, tightest, itchiest wool clothing imaginable and travel several hours by horse-drawn carriage over rough, dusty roads to a building in the noisy, horrible-smelling city where a hundred other miserable and uncomfortable wretches you hate are gathered in a humid, stifling room with no air conditioning on a 95 degree day. Lastly, you must all remain in this room until you come to an agreement by a 2/3 majority on what to order for lunch (or dinner, depending on how long the process drags on). That is how you celebrate this holiday.' They all pretended to be confused as I walked away but I knew their game. To subtly shift the national consciousness toward hot dogs and beer and suntan lotion and new SUVs and away from the "Independence" part of the greatest celebration of the year: Independence Day! POST YOUR FLAGGIEST PICS ghlbtsk fucked around with this message at 04:16 on Jul 4, 2015 |
# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:10 |
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# ? Mar 19, 2024 08:20 |
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gj op show those terrorists who'se boss
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# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:17 |
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Come to think of it, I didn't say any of those things. I think I just muttered "you too" and slinked away.
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# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:24 |
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# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:25 |
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Stay safe Independence Day.
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# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:27 |
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come on op
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# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:32 |
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Even without this guy Independence Day II is going to loving own.
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# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:34 |
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# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:48 |
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# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:49 |
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Immortan posted:Even without this guy Independence Day II is going to loving own. Brent Spiner is back even though his character died in the first one
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 00:23 |
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Thunder Moose posted:Stay safe Independence Day.
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 00:28 |
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 00:45 |
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 04:14 |
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 16:48 |
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 16:49 |
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I have american flag underwear but not because I'm patriotic, I just leave a lot of skid marks and that's what the flag deserves.
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 16:50 |
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"I REFUSE TO BE TAXED TO THE AMOUNT THAT EQUALS A FEW PENNIES IN THE MODERN AGE WITHOUT BEING PRESENT!" (Starts a bloody revolution against ugly people)
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 16:51 |
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 16:58 |
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America is good and cool. Happy 4th y'all!
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 17:01 |
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the war on independence day was the american revolution
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 17:01 |
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m0F188EGJM
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 17:04 |
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<----
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 18:11 |
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Ive got just the pole for that flag!!!
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 18:46 |
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Oh, what a cutie.
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 18:58 |
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Oh wait, fLaggiest? The gently caress does that even mean?
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 22:04 |
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# ? Mar 19, 2024 08:20 |
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fireworks n bbq day
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# ? Jul 4, 2015 22:05 |